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Uncreatable
In the beginning was the Word. And the Word was “AAARGHNONONOnoNOOOOOahCRAPcrapcrapcrapCRAP!”
For the universe was created. Unfortunately, the Pony had done it wrong, and so Her universe, because of a slight miscalculation of gravitational attraction, ended up… well, ending… in a Big Crunch within a matter of seconds.
So the universe was created again. Due to a mix-up in the nuclear forces, though, it remained an undifferentiated soup of subatomic particles, so nothing interesting happened unless one were seriously starved of entertainment.
The Pony looked at the Examiner, who raised an Eyebrow and wrote Something on His Clipboard.
After They’d waited six million years for the universe’s heat death, the Pony started again. And thus the universe was created, again again, in a magnificent Big Bang. This time, the Pony cheated a little and resorted to inflation when the Examiner wasn’t looking.
As She watched, matter formed into complex atomic particles, fused together into powerful stars, created the higher elements and molecules, and after a mere few billion years was ready for the first stirrings of life. Self-replicating molecules gave way to organic machinery measured in nanometres, which gave way to superlatively designed bacteria, which led to an offshoot involving hypercomplex living things until, finally, they ended up with very spiritual, very loving, very conscious ponies.
The embarrassing thing was that this had all been done materially. For free.
The Pony blushed. That sounded bad for the economy, and anyway the Human claimed to have already done it. She’d lose marks for creativity.
So after this universe had met its end, She started up another one and infused it with a high magical potential. It was generally considered more sensible to get spirituality and the other stuff from magic than from matter, which after all was supposed to be the groundwork, not the main performance.
Alas, due to a failure to appreciate that magic sufficiently indulged in is indistinguishable from randomness, She ended up creating six rubber duckies, a pretzel 6,000 miles long, a rather bewildered and short-lived accountant, and a bad sitcom that refused to die even after the laugh track finally broke down.
The Examiner wrote Something on His Clipboard. He’d pursed His Lips in the universal sign of bad news.
Swallowing, the Pony went for the fifth attempt with gusto. This time, She threw the magic in and policed the universe for any signs of randomness. At least She got ponies faster. Sadly, they were a little too spiritual: prone to staring at nothing, giggling uncontrollably, going around with creepy smiles, and even treating the countless evil invasion forces as cheerful pastime, not mortal peril. Eventually, they deteriorated so much that they found enlightenment in one small fairy cake.
The Examiner tutted.
The Pony rubbed Her Forehead miserably. Five attempts. Five. Even the Spiny Lobster had managed it in three, and He’d had a head cold. At least, She assumed it was a head cold; His Clicking of the Pincers was a little hard to read.
She sighed. Maybe She wasn’t cut out for Creatorship after all. But She’d so wanted the Deism certificate. Deists were good enough to just make a universe and then sit back and let it get on with things. If She got the Theism certificate, She’d have to constantly monitor and intervene in Her universe, and only geeky shut-ins thought that was a good time.
Sniffling, She wiped her eyes and was astonished to see the Great White Handkerchief.
The Examiner was offering Her one. True, He did it while apparently inspecting the Ceiling, but He had extended the white fabric and waited patiently for Her to blow Her Nose damply on it.
He twisted His Divine Lips into something of a small smile. He leaned forwards. He whispered in Her Ear.
Delight rushed through Her, for She saw that it was good.
So She made her sixth and final universe. All matter, to begin with. But this time, She added just a pinch of magic.
She watched the result.
She stared at the result.
She let there be light, because She wasn’t sure She believed what She was seeing.
Bonding. Friendship. Of course! How had She not seen it before? And ponies that managed their own world. And good genuinely struggling—yet triumphing—over evil. Magnificent!
She left the Examiner’s Hall with a pass grade. She finally had her Creator’s License. But She was allowed to keep Her world, and even recorded it at nights so She could watch her favourite bits again.
For the universe was created. Unfortunately, the Pony had done it wrong, and so Her universe, because of a slight miscalculation of gravitational attraction, ended up… well, ending… in a Big Crunch within a matter of seconds.
So the universe was created again. Due to a mix-up in the nuclear forces, though, it remained an undifferentiated soup of subatomic particles, so nothing interesting happened unless one were seriously starved of entertainment.
The Pony looked at the Examiner, who raised an Eyebrow and wrote Something on His Clipboard.
After They’d waited six million years for the universe’s heat death, the Pony started again. And thus the universe was created, again again, in a magnificent Big Bang. This time, the Pony cheated a little and resorted to inflation when the Examiner wasn’t looking.
As She watched, matter formed into complex atomic particles, fused together into powerful stars, created the higher elements and molecules, and after a mere few billion years was ready for the first stirrings of life. Self-replicating molecules gave way to organic machinery measured in nanometres, which gave way to superlatively designed bacteria, which led to an offshoot involving hypercomplex living things until, finally, they ended up with very spiritual, very loving, very conscious ponies.
The embarrassing thing was that this had all been done materially. For free.
The Pony blushed. That sounded bad for the economy, and anyway the Human claimed to have already done it. She’d lose marks for creativity.
So after this universe had met its end, She started up another one and infused it with a high magical potential. It was generally considered more sensible to get spirituality and the other stuff from magic than from matter, which after all was supposed to be the groundwork, not the main performance.
Alas, due to a failure to appreciate that magic sufficiently indulged in is indistinguishable from randomness, She ended up creating six rubber duckies, a pretzel 6,000 miles long, a rather bewildered and short-lived accountant, and a bad sitcom that refused to die even after the laugh track finally broke down.
The Examiner wrote Something on His Clipboard. He’d pursed His Lips in the universal sign of bad news.
Swallowing, the Pony went for the fifth attempt with gusto. This time, She threw the magic in and policed the universe for any signs of randomness. At least She got ponies faster. Sadly, they were a little too spiritual: prone to staring at nothing, giggling uncontrollably, going around with creepy smiles, and even treating the countless evil invasion forces as cheerful pastime, not mortal peril. Eventually, they deteriorated so much that they found enlightenment in one small fairy cake.
The Examiner tutted.
The Pony rubbed Her Forehead miserably. Five attempts. Five. Even the Spiny Lobster had managed it in three, and He’d had a head cold. At least, She assumed it was a head cold; His Clicking of the Pincers was a little hard to read.
She sighed. Maybe She wasn’t cut out for Creatorship after all. But She’d so wanted the Deism certificate. Deists were good enough to just make a universe and then sit back and let it get on with things. If She got the Theism certificate, She’d have to constantly monitor and intervene in Her universe, and only geeky shut-ins thought that was a good time.
Sniffling, She wiped her eyes and was astonished to see the Great White Handkerchief.
The Examiner was offering Her one. True, He did it while apparently inspecting the Ceiling, but He had extended the white fabric and waited patiently for Her to blow Her Nose damply on it.
He twisted His Divine Lips into something of a small smile. He leaned forwards. He whispered in Her Ear.
Delight rushed through Her, for She saw that it was good.
So She made her sixth and final universe. All matter, to begin with. But this time, She added just a pinch of magic.
She watched the result.
She stared at the result.
She let there be light, because She wasn’t sure She believed what She was seeing.
Bonding. Friendship. Of course! How had She not seen it before? And ponies that managed their own world. And good genuinely struggling—yet triumphing—over evil. Magnificent!
She left the Examiner’s Hall with a pass grade. She finally had her Creator’s License. But She was allowed to keep Her world, and even recorded it at nights so She could watch her favourite bits again.
Pics
This is creative and fun, but a little confusing.
I'm left wondering what I've missed. Are these references to previous generations of the My Little Pony show? What's the deal with "one small fairy cake"?
I kept feeling like I should know who the protagonist is. You left what seemed like clues.
Why did the Examiner help her with the last world? Or was that what He was doing? I'm genuinely confused by that final exchange.
If She records it only at nights, that seems to imply She's only recording what happens during the nighttime, which is confusing. Keep in mind the time scales match (they all waited six million years, for example).
I'm left wondering what I've missed. Are these references to previous generations of the My Little Pony show? What's the deal with "one small fairy cake"?
I kept feeling like I should know who the protagonist is. You left what seemed like clues.
Why did the Examiner help her with the last world? Or was that what He was doing? I'm genuinely confused by that final exchange.
If She records it only at nights, that seems to imply She's only recording what happens during the nighttime, which is confusing. Keep in mind the time scales match (they all waited six million years, for example).
I really like this one, but I'm also really perplexed by it.
As a comedy it works almost purely because of how it sticks to making variations on what is essentially the same joke, and it pulls off most of these variations quite well.
I can feel the satire with this story, and I'm sure there are a lot of references crammed in here that I will never get.
Even so, I enjoyed it quite a bit, and even found myself reading quite slowly (partly due to all the capitalized words) to take in every little crumb of the comedy cookie, which is not something I normally do.
I am, however, left scratching my head over what this all means, or what this is probably referring to. It feels like one big inside joke that just so happens to work, but there's still the sense that the author is having a giggle fit over stuff that he/she gets that the reader in all likeliness won't.
That's really the only thing holding it back for me, but it's kind of a big criticism, so keep that in mind.
I'm feeling a decent to strong 8 on this.
As a comedy it works almost purely because of how it sticks to making variations on what is essentially the same joke, and it pulls off most of these variations quite well.
I can feel the satire with this story, and I'm sure there are a lot of references crammed in here that I will never get.
Even so, I enjoyed it quite a bit, and even found myself reading quite slowly (partly due to all the capitalized words) to take in every little crumb of the comedy cookie, which is not something I normally do.
I am, however, left scratching my head over what this all means, or what this is probably referring to. It feels like one big inside joke that just so happens to work, but there's still the sense that the author is having a giggle fit over stuff that he/she gets that the reader in all likeliness won't.
That's really the only thing holding it back for me, but it's kind of a big criticism, so keep that in mind.
I'm feeling a decent to strong 8 on this.
The embarrassing thing was that this had all been done materially. For free.Really not getting this line. How much is matter supposed to charge for biogenesis?
Sniffling, She wiped her eyes and was astonished to see the Great White Handkerchief.The Examiner is the Great Green Arkleseizure?
In all, a very fun, Adamsian way to unite all four generations of pony, including G2, which never got an animated series (and now we know why!) Lovely stuff, though a few of the jokes do need work for the sake comprehensibility and/or accessibility.
>>Trick_Question
The fairy cake is, like the Great White Handkerchief, a reference to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Apparently G3 ponies invented the Total Perspective Vortex.
Genre: Creative Writing
Thoughts: First off, I have to give the Author props for their gleeful channeling of Terry Pratchett/Douglas Adams. This started on a high note and stayed pretty funny throughout.
With that said, though, as I was reading, I eventually hit the point where it felt less like we were having fun and more like the Author was determined to show off just how hard they could Terry their Pratchett at the audience. It's possibly a consequence of there not being any firm understanding of the creator character or her world, which limits how invested I can get. The time scale is also tricky, with millions and billions of years whizzing past, only to end with the creator recording individual nights? I am confuse.
But just as the creator character was able to refine her creation, so do I think a little tweaking by the Author could make this more fun and satisfying. Consider dialing-down how manic it gets, and giving us more worldbuilding about the creator and her realm. Tying it a bit more strongly to MLP would be great too, as right now ponies get mentioned but there's nothing about this that would require it to be ponies.
Tier: Keep Developing
Thoughts: First off, I have to give the Author props for their gleeful channeling of Terry Pratchett/Douglas Adams. This started on a high note and stayed pretty funny throughout.
With that said, though, as I was reading, I eventually hit the point where it felt less like we were having fun and more like the Author was determined to show off just how hard they could Terry their Pratchett at the audience. It's possibly a consequence of there not being any firm understanding of the creator character or her world, which limits how invested I can get. The time scale is also tricky, with millions and billions of years whizzing past, only to end with the creator recording individual nights? I am confuse.
But just as the creator character was able to refine her creation, so do I think a little tweaking by the Author could make this more fun and satisfying. Consider dialing-down how manic it gets, and giving us more worldbuilding about the creator and her realm. Tying it a bit more strongly to MLP would be great too, as right now ponies get mentioned but there's nothing about this that would require it to be ponies.
Tier: Keep Developing
All right, I'm scaling back my reviews. Making them as long as the fics themselves is almost certainly a bad idea.
As for this one, it is a bloody riot! I love this kind of absurd comedy, and the combination of creator and driving test is golden. While not a deep character by any means (the only real flavour she has is in the opening speech), the Pony is an easy one to root for because of how identifiable that "driving test" scenario is for me.
That said, everyone else is right: the chronology is weird. Millions and billions of years pass by, but she can have nights to sit in and watch the show? I guess there's a Narnian time-discrepancy thing going on here, but a definite confirmation would be nice.
The touches of cosmology and religion are what elevate this for me. It starts off with a subversion of a biblical quote, and I chuckled at the "inflation" gag. My favourite bit is the "Deism-Theism" distinction. It felt like the strongest and most fully original gag of the bunch, sort of a sly dig at religious disputes over the nature of God, and also a dig at obsessive shut-in computer geeks. Kudos, mate!
I'll sport the other commenters that there are confusing gags that went over my head (the economy one stands out as a really immersion-breaking example), but honestly a gag-fest like this is like enlightenment to me. Top stuff!
As for this one, it is a bloody riot! I love this kind of absurd comedy, and the combination of creator and driving test is golden. While not a deep character by any means (the only real flavour she has is in the opening speech), the Pony is an easy one to root for because of how identifiable that "driving test" scenario is for me.
That said, everyone else is right: the chronology is weird. Millions and billions of years pass by, but she can have nights to sit in and watch the show? I guess there's a Narnian time-discrepancy thing going on here, but a definite confirmation would be nice.
The touches of cosmology and religion are what elevate this for me. It starts off with a subversion of a biblical quote, and I chuckled at the "inflation" gag. My favourite bit is the "Deism-Theism" distinction. It felt like the strongest and most fully original gag of the bunch, sort of a sly dig at religious disputes over the nature of God, and also a dig at obsessive shut-in computer geeks. Kudos, mate!
I'll sport the other commenters that there are confusing gags that went over my head (the economy one stands out as a really immersion-breaking example), but honestly a gag-fest like this is like enlightenment to me. Top stuff!
Grad-School God gets evaluated by Bigger God.
...I kinda loved this for the set-up alone, and it's stylistically very unique. Probably one of the most unique entries I've read this round. But I think the meta is a little too abstract for a reader to fully grasp the significance. You hooked me with the writing and the premise, but I ended up getting lost at what, exactly, you were trying to say, author.
...I kinda loved this for the set-up alone, and it's stylistically very unique. Probably one of the most unique entries I've read this round. But I think the meta is a little too abstract for a reader to fully grasp the significance. You hooked me with the writing and the premise, but I ended up getting lost at what, exactly, you were trying to say, author.
This is very, very sweet. That last line alone gets this to the top of my slate. I'm going to remember this piece for a long time. Might even be one of the better pieces to ever come out of the Writeoff.
I got lost in the jargon of these three paragraphs:
Some readers above me have commented that this reminds them of Douglas Adams. While I see where they're coming from, I'd actually argue this piece reminds me much more of Aimee Bender. If you've never read it, author, I recommend checking out her short story "Job's Jobs." You might like it.
I got lost in the jargon of these three paragraphs:
The embarrassing thing was that this had all been done materially. For free.
The Pony blushed. That sounded bad for the economy, and anyway the Human claimed to have already done it. She’d lose marks for creativity.
So after this universe had met its end, She started up another one and infused it with a high magical potential. It was generally considered more sensible to get spirituality and the other stuff from magic than from matter, which after all was supposed to be the groundwork, not the main performance.
Some readers above me have commented that this reminds them of Douglas Adams. While I see where they're coming from, I'd actually argue this piece reminds me much more of Aimee Bender. If you've never read it, author, I recommend checking out her short story "Job's Jobs." You might like it.
>>FanOfMostEverything
The danger with making references like these, is that folks who don't get those references will just be confused. I have no knowledge of previous generations of pony, and remember seeing a forgettable movie called The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy that mostly seemed to be a bunch of references to the book(s?) that I've not read.
Well, this solves a whole lot of problems in physics...
I liked this. There were some clever jokes, but it also felt like a reference salad.
The danger with making references like these, is that folks who don't get those references will just be confused. I have no knowledge of previous generations of pony, and remember seeing a forgettable movie called The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy that mostly seemed to be a bunch of references to the book(s?) that I've not read.
This time, the Pony cheated a little and resorted to inflation when the Examiner wasn’t looking.
Well, this solves a whole lot of problems in physics...
I liked this. There were some clever jokes, but it also felt like a reference salad.
Dagnabbit. I was really counting on this one. Not only was it my favourite, not only was it the most pleasant to write, and not only was it the one I took the most time over, but - with the exception of the Trixie fic - I felt it was the most ambitious and different of the bunch. I was expecting it to make the top ten, though not really convinced it would nab a medal at all.
Getting 12th? Eight places after the other fic of mine (I'll get to that one soon enough)? Le sigh. Que sera sera, I guess, but... le disappointed sigh.
>>Trick_Question
>>No_Raisin
>>FanOfMostEverything
>>CoffeeMinion
>>Posh
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
>>Hap
Since the biggest criticism was the confusion and the references... a moment while I crack my knuckles, please... here we go:
The obvious overriding theme is taking creation mythology and then playing around. Most of the comedy derives, therefore, from cosmology and religion and philosophy. For instance, and since it covers the three examples >>Dubs_Rewatcher
quoted:
- the "materially for free" gag was a reference to the mind-body problem, specifically the materialist interpretation that mind is just a subset of matter, not a distinct entity. Lots of people oppose that perspective, so the gag here was that A) the Pony God did it anyway by accident, B) Creators are supposed to put something "more" in their universes to make it happen, hence the "groundwork" comment and the Pony's use of magic thereafter, and C) the Human God already did it, an idea that many would object to (it was meant as a sly dig).
I make no excuses for the economy comment. That was something I threw in after already mentioning that material matter did it "for free", so it likely scrambled the joke.
There was also the Inflation Theory gag (one for the physicists out there), but basically: the Big Bang Theory is not considered enough to get a universe like ours, so Inflation Theory was proposed to explain some of those problems. The "too spiritual" ponies were based on the observation that many religious experiences are similar to - indeed, can be generated by - the effects of certain drugs, so I basically had them act like they were high as a kite. Which also happily crosses over with the general saccharine unbearability of a certain generation of My Little Pony, so that's a two-for-one right there.
And yes, well done to the peeps who noted the Adams references - especially >>FanOfMostEverything, who even got the Great Green Arkleseizure one! - as Adams was a big inspiration here, though I like to think the random comedy does fine on its own and the references are just bonuses for the smartasses out there.
Apparently not. I guess I assumed too much here. :/
Most of the rest of the comedy is basically "panicky student really sucks at their test" jokes. The Spiny Lobster was just another random god; I picked a species likely to be considered "lowly" at random, to make the Pony look even more pathetic.
>>Trick_Question
>>FanOfMostEverything
I have to plead less creative on this front, but the references to other pony generations only really applied to the fifth and sixth universes. The rest were progressions from utter failures of universes to ones more amenable to life, and since the Pony was making it, the endpoint of those universes would themselves be ponies. The show references were pretty light by comparison to the other refs.
>>CoffeeMinion
I didn't really feel the need for some worldbuilding here. It was enough to know this was a Creator Exam. Apart from the time discrepancy thing, a Narnian deal which was something I should have clarified (after all, Creators make space-time, don't they? Time isn't the same for them), I otherwise felt it'd just clutter up the comedy to go any deeper than that.
Sorry, man. I sort of get where you're coming from. I just don't feel it's that big a problem, cost me a higher position though it did. I love me some Adams/Pratchett. I don't give it up easy.
>>Posh
If you mean a moral or a message of some kind: I wasn't really trying to say anything. I was just playing with the concepts. Unless you mean something else?
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
Thanks a ton for the reference. Aimee Bender has some books in the local library. And I'm always on the lookout for the unconventional, so this was a great boon! You have set me on the path of righteousness. Thanks again!
Also, super-glad someone had this response. It was, without doubt, the most encouraging thing I've read in a long time. Is it too much if I thank you a third time?
>>Hap
I figured random comedy could stand on its own and the references are just icing on the cake for the people who get them. I even gave an in-universe reason for it: too much magic basically turns into randomness. You don't need to know about the Total Perspective Vortex, for instance, to see how absurd it is to find enlightenment in a goshdarned fairy cake.
Although if it had been a carrot cake, now that's something else...
DIsappointed that this child of mine didn't do as well as I'd dared to hope, and the overwhelmingly perplexed response was a tad disheartening. Still, I should count my roses over my thorns here, and at least a fair number of people got the pleasure out of it that I felt while writing it. Even as a disappointment, that has to be reckoned as a good thing, all right.
Getting 12th? Eight places after the other fic of mine (I'll get to that one soon enough)? Le sigh. Que sera sera, I guess, but... le disappointed sigh.
>>Trick_Question
>>No_Raisin
>>FanOfMostEverything
>>CoffeeMinion
>>Posh
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
>>Hap
Since the biggest criticism was the confusion and the references... a moment while I crack my knuckles, please... here we go:
The obvious overriding theme is taking creation mythology and then playing around. Most of the comedy derives, therefore, from cosmology and religion and philosophy. For instance, and since it covers the three examples >>Dubs_Rewatcher
quoted:
- the "materially for free" gag was a reference to the mind-body problem, specifically the materialist interpretation that mind is just a subset of matter, not a distinct entity. Lots of people oppose that perspective, so the gag here was that A) the Pony God did it anyway by accident, B) Creators are supposed to put something "more" in their universes to make it happen, hence the "groundwork" comment and the Pony's use of magic thereafter, and C) the Human God already did it, an idea that many would object to (it was meant as a sly dig).
I make no excuses for the economy comment. That was something I threw in after already mentioning that material matter did it "for free", so it likely scrambled the joke.
There was also the Inflation Theory gag (one for the physicists out there), but basically: the Big Bang Theory is not considered enough to get a universe like ours, so Inflation Theory was proposed to explain some of those problems. The "too spiritual" ponies were based on the observation that many religious experiences are similar to - indeed, can be generated by - the effects of certain drugs, so I basically had them act like they were high as a kite. Which also happily crosses over with the general saccharine unbearability of a certain generation of My Little Pony, so that's a two-for-one right there.
And yes, well done to the peeps who noted the Adams references - especially >>FanOfMostEverything, who even got the Great Green Arkleseizure one! - as Adams was a big inspiration here, though I like to think the random comedy does fine on its own and the references are just bonuses for the smartasses out there.
Apparently not. I guess I assumed too much here. :/
Most of the rest of the comedy is basically "panicky student really sucks at their test" jokes. The Spiny Lobster was just another random god; I picked a species likely to be considered "lowly" at random, to make the Pony look even more pathetic.
>>Trick_Question
>>FanOfMostEverything
I have to plead less creative on this front, but the references to other pony generations only really applied to the fifth and sixth universes. The rest were progressions from utter failures of universes to ones more amenable to life, and since the Pony was making it, the endpoint of those universes would themselves be ponies. The show references were pretty light by comparison to the other refs.
>>CoffeeMinion
I didn't really feel the need for some worldbuilding here. It was enough to know this was a Creator Exam. Apart from the time discrepancy thing, a Narnian deal which was something I should have clarified (after all, Creators make space-time, don't they? Time isn't the same for them), I otherwise felt it'd just clutter up the comedy to go any deeper than that.
Sorry, man. I sort of get where you're coming from. I just don't feel it's that big a problem, cost me a higher position though it did. I love me some Adams/Pratchett. I don't give it up easy.
>>Posh
If you mean a moral or a message of some kind: I wasn't really trying to say anything. I was just playing with the concepts. Unless you mean something else?
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
Thanks a ton for the reference. Aimee Bender has some books in the local library. And I'm always on the lookout for the unconventional, so this was a great boon! You have set me on the path of righteousness. Thanks again!
Also, super-glad someone had this response. It was, without doubt, the most encouraging thing I've read in a long time. Is it too much if I thank you a third time?
>>Hap
I figured random comedy could stand on its own and the references are just icing on the cake for the people who get them. I even gave an in-universe reason for it: too much magic basically turns into randomness. You don't need to know about the Total Perspective Vortex, for instance, to see how absurd it is to find enlightenment in a goshdarned fairy cake.
Although if it had been a carrot cake, now that's something else...
DIsappointed that this child of mine didn't do as well as I'd dared to hope, and the overwhelmingly perplexed response was a tad disheartening. Still, I should count my roses over my thorns here, and at least a fair number of people got the pleasure out of it that I felt while writing it. Even as a disappointment, that has to be reckoned as a good thing, all right.