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No Turning Back · FiM Short Story ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 2000–8000
Show rules for this event
Crash
Sunset made her way through the dormitory hallways. The scent of weed smoke drifted through the air, heavy music thumped from behind closed doors, and posters covered every inch of exposed door or wall, advertising favorite bands, local events, or just someone’s favorite meme.

It was hard not to smile as she took it all in. For better or worse, this was her home now. There was a certain charm to it that stood out all the more after spending a few days away.

Around the corner found her in the floor lounge, and various students milled about. She caught Vinyl’s eye and gave a little wave. In the chair next to the door, Tree Hugger sat in Sandalwood’s lap as the two made out furiously.

Tree Hugger pulled away from the kiss to look up at Sunset, much to her partner’s disappointment. “Oh, hey, Sunset! Didn’t realize you were back already.” She raised her fist, and Sunset bumped it. “You were off visiting uh… your magical horse world, yeah?”

Sunset nickered. “Yeah, Princess Twilight needed my help with some stuff. Well, she said she did, but it mostly just ended involved me being a sounding board while she worked through all the problems on her own. Still, nice to visit home.”

“Far out.” Tree Hugger nodded several times, then kept nodding, until her expression grew distant and it looked like she wasn’t quite sure why she was nodding anymore. Then she shook her head, her eyes snapping back into focus. “Oh, right! Tell your girlfriend she owes me money.”

The words were a kick to Sunset’s good mood, and she struggled to keep it off of her face. “Just how high is her debt now anyway?”

“Uh…” Tree Hugger counted on her fingers, then shrugged. “I have the exact total written down somewhere, but pretty sure it’s over five hundred now.”

“Of course it is,” Sunset said dryly. “You know she’s not good for it, right? You should probably cut her off.”

Tree Hugger shrugged. “Eh. Guess I’m just too nice for my own good.” She licked her lips, then resumed her makeout with Sandalwood, who had zoned out and seemed surprised to be receiving attention again.

Well, that was the end of that conversation. Sunset adjusted the strap on her backpack, then left the lounge, heading down the hall until she stood in front of the door to her room.

She took a deep breath, and steeled herself for the inevitable confrontation. Then stopped herself. This was Rainbow Dash she was thinking about. Her girlfriend, and her roomate. She loved her. She shouldn’t be looking to pick a fight.

The sound of empty bottles clinking when Sunset pushed open the door barely caused her to grit her teeth at all.

The room looked like the aftermath of a drunken party, which was probably exactly what had happened. Empty beer bottles all over the floor, a half eaten pizza draped over the mini fridge, some bags of chips and empty takeout boxes scattered about haphazardly.

To think, Sunset had everything nice and clean a mere four days ago when she left to visit Equestria.

The offender herself, Rainbow Dash, lay sprawled across the bottom bunk in her underwear, her hair a mess, and snoring loudly.

Sunset picked her way across the detritus, then pulled open the blinds and opened the window to let in some fresh air. She could see the park below her window, where fellow students of NCU tossed a football around, played hacky-sack, and otherwise enjoyed a beautiful Sunday afternoon.

Rainbow Dash groaned, then rolled over and buried her face in her pillow. “What time is it?” she managed to croak, her voice hoarse.

“It’s past three in the afternoon.” Sunset sighed, and rested her hand on her hip. “So were you planning to clean any of this up before I got back, or did you just want me to yell at you first?”

“Oh, fuck off.” Rainbow Dash took a deep breath, then rubbed at her forehead. “My head is killing me, at least give me a minute before you start in on this again.”

Sunset bristled, but she bit back her retort. Deep breaths. She turned around, then took a step over to her desk, one of the few spots in this cramped room that was hers. A few empty bottles had made it up here, but nothing had been spilled, thankfully. After rummaging in her drawers for a bit, she pulled out a trash bag and cleared off the top of her desk.

“Princess Twilight says hi, by the way.” Sunset found a clean disposable red plastic cup, then made her way to the door to the shared bathroom and knocked. When nobody responded, opened the door and filled the cup in the sink before bringing it back to Rainbow Dash. “Here.”

Rainbow Dash sat up, still clutching her forehead, and took the cup. She drank it greedily, down to the last drop, then set the cup aside. “Thanks,” she mumbled.

Sunset cracked a faint smile, and reached out to gently brush aside some of the hair on Rainbow Dash’s forehead. “Come on, don’t you think you’re overdoing this a bit? There’s more to college than nonstop partying. Don’t you have practice tomorrow?”

“Yeah yeah.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, then stood up, brushing her way past Sunset. She stretched, and scratched herself. “You don’t have to lecture me about it. You’re not my mother.”

“Mmm.” Sunset’s eyeball twitched, and her smile faded. “You’re right, I’m not your mother. I’m not a very motherly person in general. Which is why I’m starting to resent having to act like one. If you were living on your own and wanted to live like this, then sure, whatever. I don’t care. But right now, I have to live here too, and it’s doing neither of us any favors when eighty percent of the available floor space in this tiny room is covered in beer bottles.”

Rainbow Dash scowled, and gestured around them. “I had like, one twelve pack, tops. And I was planning to clean it up, before you decided to get on my case about it ten seconds before saying ‘Hey babe, I missed you!’”

Sunset clenched her fists. She thought back to the recent conversation she’d had with Princess Twilight, where she’d laid out her frustrations and worries with this relationship.

Sadly, Twilight had little to offer beyond generic platitudes. But it wasn’t like Twilight had experience with the subject matter. Or with living in accommodations smaller than a castle. Or with a version of Rainbow Dash both younger and from a completely different culture than the Rainbow Dash she knew.

“I’m not trying to get on your case, Dash.” Sunset stood up, and took another deep breath. “But I had this place spotless before I left, four days ago. And if it was just a one time thing, then sure, whatever. But this is happening constantly.

“Okay, fine!” Rainbow Dash threw her hands into the air. “I’ll clean the stupid room. Wasn’t like I wanted to hang out today or anything. Does that make you happy? Just, give me like two minutes to pee and grab a bite to eat.”


Sunset narrowed her eyes, and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’d be a lot happier if you didn’t take every minor request to tidy up every once in awhile as an excuse to start a fight.”

“Oh for fuck’s—” Rainbow Dash growled, then spun and stomped off towards the shared bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

“Real mature!” Sunset called after her. She couldn’t actually see it, but could somehow feel the middle finger she got in response. She sighed, and ran her fingers through her hair.

A sharp buzzing broke the silence, and Sunset turned to see Rainbow Dash’s phone clattering against the nightstand, from a number that wasn’t in her contacts list. On a whim, she grabbed it. “Hi there!” Sunset said, raising her voice. “You’ve reached Rainbow Dash’s phone. This is Sunset Shimmer. Rainbow Dash would answer it herself, but she’s too busy being a whiny brat right now. Is there anything I can help you with? Can I take a message?”

“Screw you!” Rainbow Dash shouted from inside the bathroom.

A vindictive thrill ran through Sunset, followed by an equal wave of disappointment in herself.

“Um…” a masculine voice said from the phone, then cleared his throat. “Right. This is Doctor Leaf from Canterlot General Hospital. We have ‘Rainbow Dash’ listed as an emergency contact for a Miss Scootaloo. Is there any way I can speak with her?”

Sunset’s blood ran cold. The world seemed to spin around her, and she clenched tightly to the phone, as if afraid she might drop it. “W-what? I… what’s happened? Is she okay?”

“Ma’am, can I please speak to Rainbow Dash?”

The toilet flushed, and Rainbow Dash poked her head out of the door. “Who is…” She trailed off, her eyes going wide when she saw the expression on Sunset’s face.

Sunset bit her lip, trembling, and wordlessly held out the phone towards Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash snatched the phone, and held it up to her ear. “This is Rainbow Dash. Who is this?”

Sunset watched the expression of dawning horror and panic creep across Rainbow Dash’s face.

“What? Is she—Where? How?” Rainbow Dash tugged on her ponytail, her eyes brimming with tears as she managed to stammer her way through the rest of the phone conversation. “Okay, I’ll, uh. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” The call ended, and Rainbow Dash stared at it as if it were some kind of poisonous snake. “Fuck!” she screamed, hurling the phone into a pile of dirty laundry. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

“What happened?” Sunset asked, standing up and taking a step towards Rainbow Dash.

“I…” Rainbow Dash shuddered violently, her voice catching. “Scoots was in a dirt bike accident. She’s stable right now, but… it’s apparently pretty bad. I…” She squeezed her eyes shut, tears running down her cheeks. “I’ve gotta go see her. I… fuck!” Rainbow Dash looked around, then grabbed a random pair of pants and started trying to tug them on, nearly falling over in the process.

An icy tendril of fear wormed its way into Sunset’s heart. She did her best to ignore it, and closed the distance between them, grabbing Rainbow Dash by the shoulders. “Hey. Deep breaths, okay? Let’s focus on one thing at a time.”

“But she’s—”

Sunset squeezed tighter. “If Scoots is in trouble, we’re the ones who have to keep it together, right?”

Rainbow Dash clenched her teeth, then took a deep, shuddering breath. “Right. I… what do I do?”

With a gentle nudge, Sunset sat Rainbow Dash down on the bed. “Put some pants on. Lucky for us, I haven’t unpacked anything, so my travel bag is still ready to go.” She made her way across the room, and fished Rainbow Dash’s phone out of the laundry, then went and unplugged the extra charger for the wall and stuffed it into her bag. She ran through a quick list in her head: everything they might need for an overnight hospital stay.

Rainbow Dash finished putting her pants on, and numbly threw on a loose t-shirt. “What now?”

“I’ll drive.” Sunset fished her keys out of her pocket, then took Rainbow Dash by the hand.

They stepped outside, and Sunset locked the door behind them.

“Woah,” Tree Hugger said, leaning out from the common room. “Usually when you two have a fight the rest of us get to enjoy the sound of you having makeup sex afterwards. Is today a special occasion or something?’

Sunset grimaced, though she did her best to present a fake smile. She wanted to retort, but her own stomach was churning too much to admit the truth, or snark back, or anything.

Instead, she just squeezed Rainbow Dash’s hand, and dragged her towards the stairs.





Canterlot General Hospital was an easy, fifteen minute drive down the highway on a good day.

Today was not a good day.

There was apparently a football game in town today, and the highway went right past the stadium. By the time she’d realized her mistake, they were already neck deep in bumper to bumper traffic.

An hour later, Sunset pulled into the hospital parking lot, both of their nerves frayed to the breaking point.

Rainbow Dash strained at her seatbelt like a dog against the leash, and as soon as they parked, she tore out of the car, sprinting towards the lobby with no restraint or hesitation.

Sunset took a deep breath, shouldered her bag, locked the car, and slipped the parking ticket carefully into her wallet. Then followed to catch up. She managed not to run.

Once she’d pushed passed the giant revolving doors, she found Rainbow Dash already leaning over the counter, gesticulating wildly at the receptionist. As she got closer, their voices carried over the sterile air.

“Are you Miss Scootaloo’s legal guardian?”

“What? No, I’m like, her sister!” Rainbow Dash slammed her hands down on the counter for emphasis, then mumbled, “Practically.”

The receptionist pursed her lips, then looked between Rainbow Dash and her computer. “I’m afraid practically doesn’t cut it, Miss Dash. I need her legal guardians for this. Do you know how we can contact them?”

“What? That’s bullshit!”

Sunset stepped forward and placed a hand on Rainbow Dash’s shoulder.

Rainbow Dash looked back at her, trembled, then took a deep breath. “Please,” she said, her voice catching. “Scootaloo is like my little sister. She means everything to me. You have to let me see her.”

The receptionist clicked her tongue, and adjusted her glasses. “I’m afraid I’ve been unclear. You’re welcome to see her, Miss Dash. However, there’s paperwork that her legal guardians are required to sign, and we haven’t had any luck in contacting them. Any assistance you can provide in this manner would be greatly appreciated.”

“I…” Rainbow Dash stammered, then nodded. “Oh. Right. Her parents. They’re overseas right now, they got new numbers for the trip “ She fished in her pocket and pulled out her phone, leaving it on the counter, then froze. “Wait, her… parents don’t even know yet?”

“We apparently had outdated contact information, so no, they don’t. Would you like to contact them yourself?”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes went wide, and she stared at her phone in horror.

Sunset wrapped Rainbow Dash’s hand in her own, made eye contact, and shook her head.

“You guys should probably do it.” Rainbow Dash unlocked her phone, then displayed the contact numbers for the receptionist to copy down. “So, you said we could see her? Where is she?”

The receptionist took what seemed like an eternity to enter the new numbers into the system, but she nodded. “Downstairs. Follow the blue line there to the elevator, take it down to G1, then follow the red line to the ICU.”

Rainbow Dash nodded along with the directions, then took off running.

Sunset kept her grip on Rainbow Dash’s hand, planted her feet, and stopped her.

“Come on, let’s go!” Rainbow Dash growled, tugging furiously.

“Stay with me, okay?” Sunset asked. Her voice came out quieter than she’d expected it to.

Rainbow Dash stared, closed her eyes, then nodded.

They made their way through the hospital together, hand in hand, though they at least walked in double time.

A part of Sunset’s brain that wanted to think about anything else marveled at the simplicity of having colored lines on the walls and floor directing them to exactly where they needed to go. She supposed she’d never actually found the occasion to be in a human hospital before. The air smelled oppressively clean.

When they finally reached the ICU, they found another receptionist and another waiting room. They were handed visitor badges, and assured that they’d be notified soon when they could go see Scootaloo. They took seats in the corner, and Rainbow Dash buried her head in her lap, while Sunset draped her arm around her shoulder.

The waiting room was pretty sparsely populated, with only a handful of other people lounging about, some looking just as dejected as Sunset felt. Perhaps Sunday afternoon wasn’t the most popular day for accidents.

Or maybe everyone was busy at the football game currently playing on the lobby TV.

Minutes passed in silence, the perception of each stretching far beyond what was reasonable. The hospital moved around them as Sunset sat, her heart heavy in her chest, trying to avoid an overactive imagination.

After maybe ten minutes, Sunset cleared her throat. “Scootaloo was staying with Applejack, right?”

Rainbow Dash looked up, her eyes red. She nodded, then took a deep, shuddering breath. “Yeah, for the few weeks while her parents were out. And… crap. Nobody’s probably told AJ either.”

Sunset winced, then dug her phone out of her pocket. “Guess we should probably tell all of the girls, huh.” It wasn’t a conversation she particularly wanted to have either, but one look at the pain in Rainbow Dash’s eyes told Sunset she needed to do her best to handle all the difficult stuff. She brought up a group text and typed out her message.

Hey. Scootaloo was in a dirt bike accident. Apparently she’s stable, but it was pretty bad. We don’t know much more than that. Rainbow Dash and I are here in the ICU waiting to see her. Will let you guys know more when we do.”

It didn’t take long for her phone to start buzzing with responses, and Sunset did her best to relay what little information she knew, and give clarification whenever possible.

“Rainbow Dash?”

Both of them started, and looked up to see an older man leaning over them.

Rainbow Dash looked over at Sunset, then nodded. “Y-yeah.”

The man nodded, then held out his hand. “I’m Doctor Leaf, and I’m in charge of taking care of Scootaloo for the moment. We’ve gotten ahold of her parents, and they’ve given authorization for you to sign any paperwork on their behalf, if that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah. Sure, fine, whatever.” Rainbow Dash licked her lips. “Is Scoots okay? Can we see her now?”

Doctor Leaf nodded. “She’s awake, and wants to see you. Come with me.” He turned, and swiped his badge to unlock a nearby set of double doors.

“What happened?” Sunset asked, hurrying to catch up.

“She’s with me,” Rainbow Dash said quickly, at the doctor’s look.

He shrugged, then glanced at his clipboard. “Scootaloo was in a dirt bike accident. She attempted a rather large jump and fell, landing badly and breaking both of her legs in multiple places. She was alone, but managed to call 911 anyway. By the time the paramedics arrived, she’d lost a lot of blood, so it was touch and go for a bit, but we’ve given her a transfusion, and patched her up the best we can for now.”

He stopped outside a door, then turned to them, his face stern. “The damage to her legs was pretty severe, however. I have confidence that she’ll be able to walk again, but it’ll take a lot of hard work and physical therapy, and I doubt it will ever be one hundred percent.”

Rainbow Dash swallowed, her face pale. “Okay. Uh… Thanks. She’s in here?”

Doctor Leaf nodded, then held the door open for them.

For all of her fourteen years, Scootaloo looked tiny and frail laying there in a hospital bed, hooked up to an IV, her legs hidden under blankets. She looked up as they entered, her eyes somewhat distant, but smiled broadly. “Hey,” she said, her voice raspy.

Rainbow Dash teared up, trembling, then collapsed onto the chair next to the bed. She took Scootaloo’s hand in her own. “H-hey, kid. How are you feeling?”

Scootaloo grinned. “Super great, actually. Whatever they’ve got me on is dope as hell. Like, if this is what drugs are like then you should feel ashamed for ever telling me to stay away from them.”

Sunset blinked, then looked towards Rainbow Dash, and made eye contact. They both stared for a moment, then burst out laughing. It felt like a weight lifted from their shoulders in that moment. Sunset took a deep breath, then pulled up a second chair and sat next to Rainbow Dash.

“Hey, Sunset.” Scootaloo turned her attention towards her. “Why the long face?” She waited a moment before snorting with laughter. “Get it? Because you’re a horse?”

“The pinnacle of comedy right there.” Sunset rolled her eyes, then reached over and gently flicked Scootaloo in the forehead. “And to think you had us worried half to death, you cheeky little shit.”

Scootaloo shrugged, and bit her lip. “I’m sorry. I guess I kind of messed up big time.”

“Ya  think?” Rainbow Dash grit her teeth, but gently stroked the backside of Scootaloo’s hand with her thumb. She took a deep breath, then lifted Scootaloo’s blanket, wincing at whatever she saw underneath. “I know dirtbikes are fun and all, but you can’t just go do crazy shit like that all by yourself.”

“You should’ve seen the air I got though!” Scootaloo flashed her teeth, pride dancing in her eyes. “Managed to do a full backflip! I uh, just didn’t stick the landing, that’s all.”

Sunset drummed her fingers on the side of the bed. “That’s a pretty big part of the trick, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Scootaloo’s eyes turned downwards, and she sighed. “How bad is it, anyway? The doctor is being like, super vague.”

Rainbow Dash grimaced, then looked up. The doctor hadn’t actually followed them in. “I don’t really know the details myself, but it sounds bad. Going to take a lot of pain, sweat, and tears to get you back to normal.”

“I kind of figured as much when I saw what they looked like after the crash. Man, that one’s going straight to the nightmare bank.” Scootaloo tried to grin, but her own apprehension bled through. “You’ll help me, right?”

“Every step of the way,” Rainbow Dash whispered. She squeezed Scootaloo’s hand, and shuddered.

“Don’t count me out either,” Sunset said, smiling. “Or any of the girls, really. Which reminds me, I should send them some more texts.”

“Good! With the best people in the world on my side, I don’t have anything to worry about.” Scootaloo gave a more genuine smile, then yawned. “How’s college going, anyway?”

For the next thirty minutes or so, they sat and talked with Scootaloo, about their lives, about her life, about the football game, and about nothing in particular. Scootaloo started to get sleepier and sleepier, and eventually Doctor Leaf came in and asked them to let her rest.

There was a ton of paperwork that needed to be signed, and Rainbow Dash started the arduous task of scribbling across document after document, though Sunset slowed the process down by reading them all first.

They wanted to keep Scootaloo in the ICU overnight for observation ‘just in case’, so they made plans to camp out in the lobby, so they could be close. Judging by the number of large couches available, this wasn’t exactly an uncommon occurrence.

Sunset took care of contacting all of their teachers, letting them know they wouldn’t be able to make class for awhile, and letting the girls know they might all be able to come visit tomorrow if the doctor allowed it.

Once that was all settled, she went and retrieved her bag from the car, then stopped by the cafeteria to pick up a surprisingly good meal, which Rainbow Dash devoured with rabid enthusiasm. To be expected, since she hadn’t eaten anything at all yet.

Once every possible responsibility that anyone could think of had been taken care of, they settled in, and Rainbow Dash snuggled in close to her on one of the larger couches.

“Thank you,” Rainbow Dash murmured, her face buried in Sunset’s shoulder.

Sunset ran her fingers through Rainbow Dash’s hair. For all that she was one of the top athletes in the school, Rainbow Dash felt small and frail in her arms right then.

She also still stunk like booze and stale weed and BO, but Sunset didn’t let it bother her.

“What for?” Sunset asked.

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. “For being so… you. For taking control, being in charge. Keeping your cool, and being awesome, and handling everything. When I got that phone call… it felt like I was going to suffocate. I would’ve fallen to pieces without you.”

“I was scared too,” Sunset whispered. Just thinking about earlier caused her heart to start racing again, and she let out a long sigh. “I love Scootaloo too.”

“I know that,” Rainbow Dash mumbled. “I’m sorry, okay? For being such a fuckup. For making your life such a pain in the ass, and being a ‘whiny brat’, and everything. I’m sorry.”

Their fight earlier that afternoon already seemed like it was a lifetime ago, and Sunset had a hard time even remembering her anger. “I’m sorry too. I guess maybe I can be a little patronizing sometimes. I went in ready to start a fight, and I was treating you like a child, and that wasn’t fair.”

“Mmm.” Rainbow Dash looked up, meeting Sunset’s eyes. “It… doesn’t take much more than one mistake to screw everything up..” She glanced over towards the ICU doors, and shivered. “I don’t want us to screw up. I love you, okay?”

Sunset leaned forward, and placed a gentle kiss on Rainbow Dash’s lips. “I love you too.”

Rainbow Dash smiled, then sunk back down into their embrace, and stayed silent for several minutes, before speaking up with, “I wish we could spend more time together.”

“Uh…” Sunset raised an eyebrow. “Dash, we live together. We share a room practically 24/7. That’s kind of part of the problem, isn’t it? Too small of a space leads to getting a little bit stir crazy sometimes.”

“It’s not like that.” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “Sure, we live together, but when was the last time we like… actually hung out? Specifically did something together. You’re always busy with studying, I’ve got practice, but even when we got free time… we’re not doing anything. You don’t want to party with me, we haven’t just sat around playing video games, we haven’t gone anywhere or done anything. Sure, we bang a bunch still and that’s great, but…” She sighed, and looked away. “I don’t know. I like spending time with you.”

Sunset thought back, and with a growing realization realized that Rainbow Dash was right. Living together was one thing, but being in a relationship… maybe that required something more. “I’m sorry.” She stroked Rainbow Dash’s hair a bit more, then smirked. “Well, we have a daredevil of a teenager with broken legs to help take care of for the next couple months. Could pencil that into our calendar, call it a date.”

Rainbow Dash snorted with laughter, then looked up, eyes wide. “That is way too soon!” she said, playfully punching Sunset in the chest, and still giggling.

Sunset kissed her again, and held her close. They stayed like that, the din of the hospital waiting room diminished by their embrace.
« Prev   6   Next »
#1 · 1
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Bit of a generic intro, but "Sunset - The College Years" is ripe for speculation, so let's do this.

Minor technical problems here and there, but nothing distracting.

Okay, "Emergency Contact" and this takes a quick turn. NOW I'm engaged.

The "funny" comment from Tree Hugger as they leave the room to go to the hospital really breaks the mood/scene, IMHO. (EDIT: This is the one "pain point" that stands out at the end.)

I say this as a note, not a criticism, but... Here comes the Scootabuse. (And I just finished reading another entry with major Derpabuse.)

Okay, seriously, laugh out loud (but with tears of joy) at Scoot's opening line about drugs. That is perfect relief and balance to the tension that'd been set up!

Very glad this turned happier.

"Stopped by the cafeteria to pick up a surprisingly good meal..." You know, all my friends keep trying to convince me to go eat at the local hospital cafeteria for some reason. Maybe they're NOT crazy?

The ending is... sweet, but predictable.

Okay, overall this was a pretty well done slice of life, with a tad more tension thrown in. I'm very glad it didn't go dark, as the balance it found was perfect. Normal stress, then high tension, then relief to set things in perspective. Just slightly formulaic, but does the formula well with few complaints; Only the "tree hugger" bit (in edit above) and the fact that it feels only weakly on-prompt.
#2 · 3
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For a second there, I thought Scootaloo's accident would in some way parallel Dash's lifestyle of neglect and laziness, and this would make Dash face how she's been living her life and how it affected others around her and whatnot.

I'm glad you took it in a different direction, but now I'm left wondering why we spent so much time developing that side of Dash's character if it doesn't really come up in the rest of the story. It sort of ties in right at the end but, then again, it's right at the end. Take this as just my opinion, but what if instead of playing up Dash's unkemptness, you had focused on her being a risk-taker? Maybe letting some beer pool near an electric cord, or leaving a still lit blunt on top of a pile of textbooks. You can have the rest of the story play out more or less the same, but now there's a chance to explore Dash's character, which I feel is a bit flat here. She starts as her usual lazy self, then goes on full big sis mode for the rest of the story until the very end.

It's a good story, and I was engaged, but I find it shallow.
#3 ·
· · >>Zaid Val'Roa
It was a nice story, and I'm glad it had a happy-ish ending, but I couldn't help but feel it was plugged up with filler. Things like Tree Hugger's involvement both before and after the dorm scene (I was also unimpressed with the sexual joke's timing), and Sunset's trip back to Equestria just felt like a distraction because they added nothing to the scootaloo plot or to Dash's development. Sunset even thinks about her discussion with pony Twilight as being entirely unhelpful—so why are we hearing about it? It makes sense, but what does it add? Plus, the information surrounding who her emergency contact is, where her parents are, all this feels superfluous, I don't know. Some focusing would be worthwhile, I think.

Also, I couldn't really connect the two plot threads together at the end like you attempted. Zaid above has a good suggestion for a way to make it feel like the problems relate to each other.

And yeah... I don't see the prompt at all here. Perhaps it's gone over my head.
#4 ·
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Genre: Rainbow Blaze

Thoughts: Man, feels like everybody's shipping EqG RD this time around. Or maybe it just feels that way based on the run of 3 consecutive fics with RD ships in the middle of the bunch. Of those, I felt like this has the greatest overall strength; it's simple but complete, it's got a coherent emotional center, and the sprinkles of humor largely work to enhance the story. Kudos for putting that all together!

I think, if anything, that the story's scope of ambition (or lack thereof) holds this back a bit for me. Invoking Scootabuse is fine to help drive the story forward, but sometimes it's tricky to use a well-worn trope like that without having it feel a bit cliche. Sadly, I don't think this quite dodges that bullet; I felt my eyes roll a little at the Scootabuse rather than feeling it raise the stakes. But at the end of the day, this still manages to be a strong little tale of Sunset helping Dash keep it together through a crisis, which then shows how that brings them together.

The “random pair of pants” moment was gold.

Tier: Strong
#5 · 1
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Scootaloo grinned. “Super great, actually. Whatever they’ve got me on is dope as hell. Like, if this is what drugs are like then you should feel ashamed for ever telling me to stay away from them.”

I feel like this is the most Rainbow Dash thing Scootaloo could ever possibly say.

That said, there's a good lead up here to some self improvement and bonding over recovery, and without looking at the word count specifically, it seems like some of the available overhead went under utilized in fleshing out any of the opening threads. Enjoyable, but snack-sized when it should be more like brunch.

I also disagree that this was Scootabuse, as she inflicted the damage on herself entirely by accident and not by virtue of just being Scoots and freezing to death or something.
#6 · 1
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>>Miller Minus
And yeah... I don't see the prompt at all here. Perhaps it's gone over my head.

If Scootaloo could've turned back, she wouldn't have crashed.
#7 · 1
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I love that it’s Rainbow Dash who tries to steer their relationship in a healthier direction at the end. Cohabitation plus banging does not equate a relationship (unless, of course, both parties are fully aware that’s what the deal is, but it’s obvious this realization has snuck up on them), and it shows some emotional growth on Rainbow Dash’s part that she’s the one to recognize that they’ve fallen into a pattern that neither of them are happy with.

This story is a little rough around the edges, and I think you use too many words to get your point across sometimes, but there’s a lot to love with this story, Writer. Reading it gave me a sort of wistful, hopeful feeling, and I thank you for writing this.

Side note: NCU = Northern Canterlot University? Good job on creating a believable enough acronym that I had to Google to see if it was a real school.