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Another Lifetime
I run a hoof along cool marble, admiring the stonework that has stood immutable for as long as I have known these walls. A smile crosses my muzzle, though I know it is not happiness that turns my mouth upwards. How long have I known this place? How long has it served me whenever I felt weak?
I turn my gaze to the stained glass images that line the hall. Ponies—friends—of another lifetime adorn the glass, sunlight sending multicolored hues splashing over me as a linger on each one. Adventures of long ago, already forged into legend.
Hoofsteps echo off the walls, heralding the approach of another. My stomach sinks. When I was a filly, those familiar steps would have filled me with joy and made me dance with excitement. Now? Now I steel myself for a conversation long overdue.
“Twilight,” the approaching mare greets me, “I’m glad you found time in your schedule to come see me.” I turn to face her.
Celestia smiles that warm smile. The smile that could make armies take pause and a young filly’s heart melt, in another lifetime.
“Celestia,” my voice carries more happiness than I expected. I suppose some things never change, “it’s been far too long.”
“Indeed it has. What brings you here at this hour? I’d have thought you’d be too busy to come visit an old mare.” She chuckles. I do not.
In all the decades I’ve known her, Celestia is the only mare who could possibly rival the halls of the castle we stand in— the only mare who hasn’t changed in the slightest during my lifetime. I study her face carefully, drinking in every detail. She notices, and her smile fades.
“Nervous?” She asks me. I nod. “Twilight Sparkle, some things never change. Even now, when worry weighs upon you, you always run to your mentor.” She steps closer and wraps a hoof around my shoulders, pulling me into a tight embrace. I return it with all the strength I can muster.
“You’ve grown.” She remarks. Simple redirection of the subject. I know her well enough to know when she doesn’t want to talk about something. I’d be lying to myself if I said I wasn’t at least a little grateful.
She’s right, though. It’s been some years since we’ve had the opportunity to talk. When I was younger, she seemed to tower over me, a figure to look up to and worship. Now she stands a few inches taller than me, at most.
I don’t know what to say, and the silence hangs between us, growing with each passing second. My gaze drops to my hooves, a habit from another lifetime. Celestia see it for what it is. Without a word, she touches my shoulder and begins to walk.
I follow.
“When you first applied to my school for gifted unicorns, I saw something in you— a potential that dwarfed anypony I’d met in almost a thousand years of ruling Equestria alone. There you were, this small filly, trembling at the thought of failing an exam. Can I tell you a secret though?
She doesn’t wait for my answer. “You’d passed the moment you stepped into the test room. Even if you’d failed miserably at hatching little Spike, I’d already chosen you as my pupil. Even then, I knew you were destined for great things.”
She leads me out onto a familiar balcony. Echoes of the past linger here, the scent of candlelight and taste of petals on the wind. Whispers of life and love and naivety and heartbreak live here. Memories of another lifetime. She invites me to join her at the balcony railing.
“Look down. What do you see?” She gestures a hoof out at Equestria below.
In the distance, I see Ponyville. My home.
Where once there was a quaint village nestled beneath the capital of Equestria now stands a bustling infrastructure— a modern marvel of technology and engineering. The crown jewel of my life’s work. Beyond that stands a mechanical monolith, waiting for me to return to it.
“I see Ponyville.” I say simply. My answer isn’t good enough.
“You always were too modest for your own good.” Celestia chuckles, a flighty thing that stirs the echoes of the past. They move in the peripherals of my vision, trying to get my attention. “Do you know what I see?
“I see an achievement that nopony, myself included, could have dreamed of. I see a city that can attribute every success and milestone to one mare. And here you are, on the eve of what may be the most important event in Equestrian history, spending your last few moments here with an old mare like me.”
“I just…” Just what? I paw a hoof at the marble beneath me.
Lists. Those help. What are all the reasons I have that could possibly bring me to Celestia’s doorstep?
I frown, failing to come up with anything to add to my mental checklist.
“You’re looking for something again, aren’t you?” Celestia voices the thoughts that dare not come to the surface of my mind in a single guess. Par for the course for a mare who’s known more lifetimes than I.
“I guess so.” I agree, chewing my lip. I taste copper, a painful reminder of a nervous habit.
Celestia lifts my head with a gentle hoof under my chin so that she may look me in the eye. I glance away.
“Twilight, what’s bothering you? You can always talk to me, you know.” There it is, that matronly voice. The rock I can cling to even in the most violent of storms, the lighthouse that guides me to safer shores when I fear I am lost.
“Am I making the right choice?” Six simple words that have gnawed at me for the last decade. Six words that I’ve asked myself since I was a foal, in another lifetime.
“Are you?” Celestia asks as she returns to the railing, draping her forehooves over the side casually and staring up at the sky above. Sunlight catches her mane, and it shimmers in the breeze.
“I… don’t know. Since I started this program, I’ve asked asked myself almost every day if I’m making the right choice. What if we were never meant to leave? What if something goes wrong? What if ponies—innocent ponies— get hurt because I make a miscalculation?
“I don’t think I could live with myself if I made that kind of mistake.” I finish lamely. I can feel moisture trailing down my muzzle, tears held back for far too long. Celestia stays silent, somehow coaxing the words out of me.
“I’ve gone over the calculations hundreds of times. I can recite every equation, every calculation, every hypothetical miscalculation involved with this project. I’ve inspected every single part involved during construction, tested every piece of machinery, helped to create things that I wouldn’t have ever dreamed of back when I was just your student.
“And even with all that hard work and effort and attention to detail I can’t help but ask myself, ‘What if?’”
Celestia nods solemnly. “It’s a daunting thing, holding the lives of so many little ponies in your hooves. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t a question that I had asked myself countless times over the centuries I’ve ruled Equestria. Do you know what I do, though?”
I shake my head, failing to follow Celestia’s train of thought.
“I move forward. Twilight, there are times where the tasks you take upon yourself seem insurmountable— times when the weight of the world weighs upon your shoulders and the slightest misstep could lead to catastrophe.
“But when we stop moving, that is when our burdens become too much to bear.
“Do you really want my advice?” Celestia turns to face me, continuing despite my lack of a response. “Keep moving forward, my faithful student. Hold your head high and don’t look back. You’ve accomplished more than I could ever have dreamed of doing myself. You have the strength to carry these burdens, as you have with mine in the past.”
She steps close. At this distance I can see the admiration in her eyes, along with something else I can’t put my hoof on. “You are the most remarkable mare I’ve ever known, Twilight Sparkle. I—” The words catch in her throat, and I find what else lingers in the corners of her eyes.
Regret.
“I…” She takes a breath to steady herself. “I was wrong, Twilight. I won’t do the foolish thing, and tell you to stay. It wouldn’t be fair to you or anypony going with you if I did. But if I could be selfish, for just a few hours, would you allow it?”
She places a gentle hoof against my cheek, wiping away the last tears on my face. I lean my cheek into her hoof, nuzzling it without thinking. She smells of spring, of gentle rain and a sweet earthiness that is wholly unique to her.
Echoes of the past lean closer, coaxing me to listen to the call of two hearts echoing a song from another lifetime. I rest my hoof on Celestia’s as the last vestiges of the wall between us crumble. Our lips meet.
A deluge of memories wash over me, threatening to overwhelm me and wash me away with them. But Celestia is here, and I cling to her and the sweet taste of strawberries that dance on my tongue. She guides me to shore, keeping me safe from the pain that had lingered far longer than either of us had cared to admit.
For a few scant hours we find refuge in each other on that balcony, watched only by the memories of a love once lived. A bittersweet farewell that neither of us wants to end.
Ten.
A mechanical mare announces, making my heart leap and jolting me back to the present. My magic dances over the console above me, the only way to reach the switches now that I’m strapped into my seat in the cockpit.
Nine.
I float a faded photograph from my suit’s pocket. Two mares lean into each other, smiling brightly for the camera. I can feel the closeness between the two alicorns in their frozen smile.
Eight.
“Hey,” A stallion, Star Chaser, reaches over and places a hoof on my shoulder. “you okay?” I can see the concern on his face even through our glass helmets. I hesitate, my thoughts torn between my last moments with Celestia and the countdown.
Seven.
“I’m okay.” The conviction in my voice surprises me, and I find myself believing the words myself. I smile back at Star chaser to reassure him.
Six.
“I’m nervous.” He admits. “When it was just numbers on paper, it always looked so far away... I can’t believe I’m actually here.” His voice trembles.
Five.
“We’ll be fine.” It’s my turn to place a reassuring hoof on his shoulder. He doesn’t look convinced. I magic the photograph back into my pocket.
Four.
“Somepony very smart once told me that when things seem insurmountable, you have to move forward. Otherwise things seem like too much of a burden to carry on.” Celestia’s smiling face jumps into my mind’s eye, and I can’t help but grin back at it.
Three.
“I need to start hanging out with ponies that smart,” Star Chaser chuckles. The nervousness in his voice is still there, but it’s lessened a bit. “maybe then I’d be able to find a good stallion.” He guffaws at his own joke, and my own laughter joins his.
Two.
“This is it!” He grins and braces himself against the seat beneath him. “You ready, Princess?”
One.
“I’m ready.” My magic reaches out and turns a knob labeled ‘ignition’. The hulking behemoth known as The Harmony shudders beneath us, shaking me to my core. My heart pounds in my chest as I’m forced back into my seat.
Star Chaser lets out a whoop of excitement. He makes a futile effort to wave a victorious hoof in the air, but gravity refuses to relent it’s hold on him. He looks over to me and grins. “We’re doing it!”
The ship rolls as it carries us further from the land we’d once called home. I look through the narrow window at Equestria, already far below me. I can see Canterlot shrinking away from me. I let myself think that I can see Her looking up at me making history. I can see her smile from here.
Maybe someday they’ll talk about what we’re doing here today, making a new home among the stars. I like to think they will, in another lifetime.
I turn my gaze to the stained glass images that line the hall. Ponies—friends—of another lifetime adorn the glass, sunlight sending multicolored hues splashing over me as a linger on each one. Adventures of long ago, already forged into legend.
Hoofsteps echo off the walls, heralding the approach of another. My stomach sinks. When I was a filly, those familiar steps would have filled me with joy and made me dance with excitement. Now? Now I steel myself for a conversation long overdue.
“Twilight,” the approaching mare greets me, “I’m glad you found time in your schedule to come see me.” I turn to face her.
Celestia smiles that warm smile. The smile that could make armies take pause and a young filly’s heart melt, in another lifetime.
“Celestia,” my voice carries more happiness than I expected. I suppose some things never change, “it’s been far too long.”
“Indeed it has. What brings you here at this hour? I’d have thought you’d be too busy to come visit an old mare.” She chuckles. I do not.
In all the decades I’ve known her, Celestia is the only mare who could possibly rival the halls of the castle we stand in— the only mare who hasn’t changed in the slightest during my lifetime. I study her face carefully, drinking in every detail. She notices, and her smile fades.
“Nervous?” She asks me. I nod. “Twilight Sparkle, some things never change. Even now, when worry weighs upon you, you always run to your mentor.” She steps closer and wraps a hoof around my shoulders, pulling me into a tight embrace. I return it with all the strength I can muster.
“You’ve grown.” She remarks. Simple redirection of the subject. I know her well enough to know when she doesn’t want to talk about something. I’d be lying to myself if I said I wasn’t at least a little grateful.
She’s right, though. It’s been some years since we’ve had the opportunity to talk. When I was younger, she seemed to tower over me, a figure to look up to and worship. Now she stands a few inches taller than me, at most.
I don’t know what to say, and the silence hangs between us, growing with each passing second. My gaze drops to my hooves, a habit from another lifetime. Celestia see it for what it is. Without a word, she touches my shoulder and begins to walk.
I follow.
“When you first applied to my school for gifted unicorns, I saw something in you— a potential that dwarfed anypony I’d met in almost a thousand years of ruling Equestria alone. There you were, this small filly, trembling at the thought of failing an exam. Can I tell you a secret though?
She doesn’t wait for my answer. “You’d passed the moment you stepped into the test room. Even if you’d failed miserably at hatching little Spike, I’d already chosen you as my pupil. Even then, I knew you were destined for great things.”
She leads me out onto a familiar balcony. Echoes of the past linger here, the scent of candlelight and taste of petals on the wind. Whispers of life and love and naivety and heartbreak live here. Memories of another lifetime. She invites me to join her at the balcony railing.
“Look down. What do you see?” She gestures a hoof out at Equestria below.
In the distance, I see Ponyville. My home.
Where once there was a quaint village nestled beneath the capital of Equestria now stands a bustling infrastructure— a modern marvel of technology and engineering. The crown jewel of my life’s work. Beyond that stands a mechanical monolith, waiting for me to return to it.
“I see Ponyville.” I say simply. My answer isn’t good enough.
“You always were too modest for your own good.” Celestia chuckles, a flighty thing that stirs the echoes of the past. They move in the peripherals of my vision, trying to get my attention. “Do you know what I see?
“I see an achievement that nopony, myself included, could have dreamed of. I see a city that can attribute every success and milestone to one mare. And here you are, on the eve of what may be the most important event in Equestrian history, spending your last few moments here with an old mare like me.”
“I just…” Just what? I paw a hoof at the marble beneath me.
Lists. Those help. What are all the reasons I have that could possibly bring me to Celestia’s doorstep?
I frown, failing to come up with anything to add to my mental checklist.
“You’re looking for something again, aren’t you?” Celestia voices the thoughts that dare not come to the surface of my mind in a single guess. Par for the course for a mare who’s known more lifetimes than I.
“I guess so.” I agree, chewing my lip. I taste copper, a painful reminder of a nervous habit.
Celestia lifts my head with a gentle hoof under my chin so that she may look me in the eye. I glance away.
“Twilight, what’s bothering you? You can always talk to me, you know.” There it is, that matronly voice. The rock I can cling to even in the most violent of storms, the lighthouse that guides me to safer shores when I fear I am lost.
“Am I making the right choice?” Six simple words that have gnawed at me for the last decade. Six words that I’ve asked myself since I was a foal, in another lifetime.
“Are you?” Celestia asks as she returns to the railing, draping her forehooves over the side casually and staring up at the sky above. Sunlight catches her mane, and it shimmers in the breeze.
“I… don’t know. Since I started this program, I’ve asked asked myself almost every day if I’m making the right choice. What if we were never meant to leave? What if something goes wrong? What if ponies—innocent ponies— get hurt because I make a miscalculation?
“I don’t think I could live with myself if I made that kind of mistake.” I finish lamely. I can feel moisture trailing down my muzzle, tears held back for far too long. Celestia stays silent, somehow coaxing the words out of me.
“I’ve gone over the calculations hundreds of times. I can recite every equation, every calculation, every hypothetical miscalculation involved with this project. I’ve inspected every single part involved during construction, tested every piece of machinery, helped to create things that I wouldn’t have ever dreamed of back when I was just your student.
“And even with all that hard work and effort and attention to detail I can’t help but ask myself, ‘What if?’”
Celestia nods solemnly. “It’s a daunting thing, holding the lives of so many little ponies in your hooves. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t a question that I had asked myself countless times over the centuries I’ve ruled Equestria. Do you know what I do, though?”
I shake my head, failing to follow Celestia’s train of thought.
“I move forward. Twilight, there are times where the tasks you take upon yourself seem insurmountable— times when the weight of the world weighs upon your shoulders and the slightest misstep could lead to catastrophe.
“But when we stop moving, that is when our burdens become too much to bear.
“Do you really want my advice?” Celestia turns to face me, continuing despite my lack of a response. “Keep moving forward, my faithful student. Hold your head high and don’t look back. You’ve accomplished more than I could ever have dreamed of doing myself. You have the strength to carry these burdens, as you have with mine in the past.”
She steps close. At this distance I can see the admiration in her eyes, along with something else I can’t put my hoof on. “You are the most remarkable mare I’ve ever known, Twilight Sparkle. I—” The words catch in her throat, and I find what else lingers in the corners of her eyes.
Regret.
“I…” She takes a breath to steady herself. “I was wrong, Twilight. I won’t do the foolish thing, and tell you to stay. It wouldn’t be fair to you or anypony going with you if I did. But if I could be selfish, for just a few hours, would you allow it?”
She places a gentle hoof against my cheek, wiping away the last tears on my face. I lean my cheek into her hoof, nuzzling it without thinking. She smells of spring, of gentle rain and a sweet earthiness that is wholly unique to her.
Echoes of the past lean closer, coaxing me to listen to the call of two hearts echoing a song from another lifetime. I rest my hoof on Celestia’s as the last vestiges of the wall between us crumble. Our lips meet.
A deluge of memories wash over me, threatening to overwhelm me and wash me away with them. But Celestia is here, and I cling to her and the sweet taste of strawberries that dance on my tongue. She guides me to shore, keeping me safe from the pain that had lingered far longer than either of us had cared to admit.
For a few scant hours we find refuge in each other on that balcony, watched only by the memories of a love once lived. A bittersweet farewell that neither of us wants to end.
Ten.
A mechanical mare announces, making my heart leap and jolting me back to the present. My magic dances over the console above me, the only way to reach the switches now that I’m strapped into my seat in the cockpit.
Nine.
I float a faded photograph from my suit’s pocket. Two mares lean into each other, smiling brightly for the camera. I can feel the closeness between the two alicorns in their frozen smile.
Eight.
“Hey,” A stallion, Star Chaser, reaches over and places a hoof on my shoulder. “you okay?” I can see the concern on his face even through our glass helmets. I hesitate, my thoughts torn between my last moments with Celestia and the countdown.
Seven.
“I’m okay.” The conviction in my voice surprises me, and I find myself believing the words myself. I smile back at Star chaser to reassure him.
Six.
“I’m nervous.” He admits. “When it was just numbers on paper, it always looked so far away... I can’t believe I’m actually here.” His voice trembles.
Five.
“We’ll be fine.” It’s my turn to place a reassuring hoof on his shoulder. He doesn’t look convinced. I magic the photograph back into my pocket.
Four.
“Somepony very smart once told me that when things seem insurmountable, you have to move forward. Otherwise things seem like too much of a burden to carry on.” Celestia’s smiling face jumps into my mind’s eye, and I can’t help but grin back at it.
Three.
“I need to start hanging out with ponies that smart,” Star Chaser chuckles. The nervousness in his voice is still there, but it’s lessened a bit. “maybe then I’d be able to find a good stallion.” He guffaws at his own joke, and my own laughter joins his.
Two.
“This is it!” He grins and braces himself against the seat beneath him. “You ready, Princess?”
One.
“I’m ready.” My magic reaches out and turns a knob labeled ‘ignition’. The hulking behemoth known as The Harmony shudders beneath us, shaking me to my core. My heart pounds in my chest as I’m forced back into my seat.
Star Chaser lets out a whoop of excitement. He makes a futile effort to wave a victorious hoof in the air, but gravity refuses to relent it’s hold on him. He looks over to me and grins. “We’re doing it!”
The ship rolls as it carries us further from the land we’d once called home. I look through the narrow window at Equestria, already far below me. I can see Canterlot shrinking away from me. I let myself think that I can see Her looking up at me making history. I can see her smile from here.
Maybe someday they’ll talk about what we’re doing here today, making a new home among the stars. I like to think they will, in another lifetime.
Part of me feels disappointed that Twilight didn't name the spaceship Harmony I. You've got to think ahead Twiggles. Also, that is one slow count-down.
This was entertaining. Though I don't think Twilight's fears come across that clearly in the opening scene. I mean, for a moment I thought she was getting ready for something bad happening, so once it finally became clear, I was left a bit confused.
I would've liked to see a bit more of Twilight's thoughts regarding the space program. Seeing how its success is Twilight's main source of conflict. I want to know how hard it was for Twilight to make this a reality, what sacrifices she made, what this means for Equestria, then I can be as invested as she is into it.
Oh, well. I liked the story, but I would've preferred a more fleshed out motivation.
This was entertaining. Though I don't think Twilight's fears come across that clearly in the opening scene. I mean, for a moment I thought she was getting ready for something bad happening, so once it finally became clear, I was left a bit confused.
I would've liked to see a bit more of Twilight's thoughts regarding the space program. Seeing how its success is Twilight's main source of conflict. I want to know how hard it was for Twilight to make this a reality, what sacrifices she made, what this means for Equestria, then I can be as invested as she is into it.
Oh, well. I liked the story, but I would've preferred a more fleshed out motivation.
I'm trying to put my finger on what threw me with this story. It might be that Twilight and Celestia are acting unlike I've ever seen them before—the former very mopey in an abstract way, and the latter remarkably casual considering the circumstances—but this is clearly set a long time from the show, so it's not unbelievable. Maybe it was just the few typos here and there, but they can be forgiven for such a tight turnaround. Maybe it's the fact that Twilight and Celestia both independently acknowledged their relationship when they were child and adult, before swooping into a kiss. But I am pretty biased against romance, so it may just be me.
I think it may be the title. It's used seven times in the story, but I don't understand why you're drawing so much attention to it. This feels like a story about the hardship of letting go, about the terrible weight that leaders face, and about the daunting yet thrilling task of designing the future. So where do the words "another lifetime" fit in? Here, they're used to dwell on a past that's barely pertinent to the mission at hand, or to mention that Twilight has habits from who she used to be. But these threads seem unimportant to the main plot line, at least to me. These two words definitely fit into the themes of the story—take the last titledrop as an example—but I think it needs more thought as to how it fits. Because when it's the title of your story, the reader's going to notice it, and they should notice it for a reason, right?
But the more I think on it, the more this story is growing on me. I like how the prompt has been inverted, from the end of all things to the start of everything yet to come. I like the pacing. It didn't overstay its welcome or disappear before I got to know it, and the information trickled out at a good rate. I like the characterization of Star Chaser, too.
Overall, it's something worth reading; I just think it could be more impactful with a little bit more of a solid theme/framework. Thanks for submitting and good luck!
I think it may be the title. It's used seven times in the story, but I don't understand why you're drawing so much attention to it. This feels like a story about the hardship of letting go, about the terrible weight that leaders face, and about the daunting yet thrilling task of designing the future. So where do the words "another lifetime" fit in? Here, they're used to dwell on a past that's barely pertinent to the mission at hand, or to mention that Twilight has habits from who she used to be. But these threads seem unimportant to the main plot line, at least to me. These two words definitely fit into the themes of the story—take the last titledrop as an example—but I think it needs more thought as to how it fits. Because when it's the title of your story, the reader's going to notice it, and they should notice it for a reason, right?
But the more I think on it, the more this story is growing on me. I like how the prompt has been inverted, from the end of all things to the start of everything yet to come. I like the pacing. It didn't overstay its welcome or disappear before I got to know it, and the information trickled out at a good rate. I like the characterization of Star Chaser, too.
Overall, it's something worth reading; I just think it could be more impactful with a little bit more of a solid theme/framework. Thanks for submitting and good luck!
I generally agree with the other critics, but just to summarise; the second half felt like a different story to the first half, with the two ideas mashed together. I was expecting something more in the way of a magical ascension, in accordance with the show. Perhaps having a better established sci-fi theme in the first half would help join the two concepts together.
This was an emotional ride which absolutely got me invested. It's just the ending feeling like it came out of left field!
This was an emotional ride which absolutely got me invested. It's just the ending feeling like it came out of left field!
My mother worked for NASA for twenty-five years, so I've got a soft spot for stories about space programs.
Unfortunately, that also means I had a "hold on a minute, that's not how that works..." moment towards the end, when Twilight twists the ignition knob herself at roughly T-0 seconds. I recognize that a fictional space program doesn't necessarily have to work the same way as Earth space programs, and I recognize that most people don't know the timing of a launch — but on the other hand, that's publicly available information, and it's a sign that the author hasn't quite done their research and/or thought through all the things that need to happen. Honestly, it's a minor point, but it's irritating.
(If anyone is curious, here's NASA's official page detailing the Space Shuttle countdown sequence. The relevant entry is that the auto-launch sequencer kicks in at T-31 seconds, after which time the crew doesn't have to do anything — presumably, they can call for a halt if they see something that worries them, but there is nothing else they're required to do to make the launch happen.)
Now that that's out of the way:
The first part of the story was some good Twilestia — the setup of "they used to be in a relationship, then that stopped, and now Twilight's come back to see Celestia for the first time in a long time" reminded me of The Lessons of Eternity, which is a solid story, but not one I'd want to see you just rewrite. But you took it in a different direction, which was good to see.
The second part is also decent, but more as a start to something. I agree with >>Zaid Val'Roa that that countdown is very slow; one trick for writing scenes like that, where you've got events happening around other events, is to actually act out the scene yourself and see if the things you have happening actually fit into the time you've given them. Step away from the keyboard if you have to. Still, that and the ignition thing above are relatively minor details, and I liked Star Chaser's characterization.
The connection between them is... tenuous. Like, I can easily see how they could occur on consecutive days, but it doesn't feel as if either of them needs the other. You've got two good scenes that aren't necessarily part of the same story.
Still, I'd be interested to see where this goes after the writeoff is done.
Unfortunately, that also means I had a "hold on a minute, that's not how that works..." moment towards the end, when Twilight twists the ignition knob herself at roughly T-0 seconds. I recognize that a fictional space program doesn't necessarily have to work the same way as Earth space programs, and I recognize that most people don't know the timing of a launch — but on the other hand, that's publicly available information, and it's a sign that the author hasn't quite done their research and/or thought through all the things that need to happen. Honestly, it's a minor point, but it's irritating.
(If anyone is curious, here's NASA's official page detailing the Space Shuttle countdown sequence. The relevant entry is that the auto-launch sequencer kicks in at T-31 seconds, after which time the crew doesn't have to do anything — presumably, they can call for a halt if they see something that worries them, but there is nothing else they're required to do to make the launch happen.)
Now that that's out of the way:
The first part of the story was some good Twilestia — the setup of "they used to be in a relationship, then that stopped, and now Twilight's come back to see Celestia for the first time in a long time" reminded me of The Lessons of Eternity, which is a solid story, but not one I'd want to see you just rewrite. But you took it in a different direction, which was good to see.
The second part is also decent, but more as a start to something. I agree with >>Zaid Val'Roa that that countdown is very slow; one trick for writing scenes like that, where you've got events happening around other events, is to actually act out the scene yourself and see if the things you have happening actually fit into the time you've given them. Step away from the keyboard if you have to. Still, that and the ignition thing above are relatively minor details, and I liked Star Chaser's characterization.
The connection between them is... tenuous. Like, I can easily see how they could occur on consecutive days, but it doesn't feel as if either of them needs the other. You've got two good scenes that aren't necessarily part of the same story.
Still, I'd be interested to see where this goes after the writeoff is done.
I got a somewhat hung up on the first sentence - the stones (that make up the walls) have been there as long as the walls?
Generally, though, the descriptions were solid, and I don't recall any issues with the mechanics.
This had a slower pacing, but it was effective at establishing the reflective, uncertain atmosphere that Twilight was working through.
The characterization seemed true enough, though the relationship blooming with Celestia caught me off guard. It wasn't bad per-se, but I didn't catch any foreshadowing. And, although I know these sort of things aren't exactly planned, that doesn't really seem like such a great time to start something.
The slow countdown really jumped out at me as well. Also turning a knob labeled ignition? Heathen! Clearly that should be a big, red button.
So, not so much conflict, but it was an enjoyable character piece.
Generally, though, the descriptions were solid, and I don't recall any issues with the mechanics.
This had a slower pacing, but it was effective at establishing the reflective, uncertain atmosphere that Twilight was working through.
The characterization seemed true enough, though the relationship blooming with Celestia caught me off guard. It wasn't bad per-se, but I didn't catch any foreshadowing. And, although I know these sort of things aren't exactly planned, that doesn't really seem like such a great time to start something.
The slow countdown really jumped out at me as well. Also turning a knob labeled ignition? Heathen! Clearly that should be a big, red button.
So, not so much conflict, but it was an enjoyable character piece.
I like it. I find the characterizations spot-on and believable.
I realize you're doing this for dramatic effect, but I dare you to say and do all of that in the space of one second.
Better approach: count down from twenty, and skip one or two seconds for the longer in-betweens.
“Somepony very smart once told me that when things seem insurmountable, you have to move forward. Otherwise things seem like too much of a burden to carry on.” Celestia’s smiling face jumps into my mind’s eye, and I can’t help but grin back at it.
I realize you're doing this for dramatic effect, but I dare you to say and do all of that in the space of one second.
Better approach: count down from twenty, and skip one or two seconds for the longer in-betweens.
It just didn't land for me. Sorry. Twilight's weird mopeyness had me think she was there to see Celestia and get a dressing-down, or something, and then the romance was not at all what I was expecting. I think I got the spaceship idea before some people, but I know I saw the word "spaceship" in the general discussion thread, even if I had no idea what story that was from (deliberately not paying that much attention so I don't spoil things too badly). It was interesting to have Twilight heading off into space but the almost dreamy, melancholy tone didn't really match up for me. I'm an oddball, though, so I don't know if this feedback is useful when so many other people liked it.