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Here at the end, of all things!
Twilight Sparkle tucked her wings close to her sides. She unevenly made her way along the row of occupied, plush theatre-chairs, trying to be careful about nudging the ponies who were already seated. She mostly managed to keep her business out of the other patrons' faces, but she accidentally stepped on the occasional hoof or tail tip.
Rarity followed behind, gracefully dodging legs and tails. She flashed little smiles at the grumpiest looking ponies that Twilight disturbed in passing. Most of them seemed at least somewhat placated.
They reached an open pair of seats, and Twilight looked down at her tickets.
“No. Farther down,” she said over a shoulder.
“Really?”
Twilight lifted the tickets up for Rarity to see the numbers.
Rarity squinted at them in the subdued light of the auditorium. She mumbled, “Thirty-two?”
Twilight nodded, took the tickets back and continued down the row. She offered quiet ‘Excuse me’s and apologies as she she went. Rarity stared at her tail for a few seconds before she trotted to catch up.
“Twilight–”
“Ah, here we are.” Twilight reached the last pair of seats. “This is us.”
“Twilight. Numbers thirty-two and thirty-three?”
Twilight missed the tone of her voice entirely.
Rarity muttered something like, “Here at the end,” under her breath.
“Yes. I'll take thirty-three; that saves us swapping over.”
Rarity took a second to respond.
“You will.”
“Yeah. Honestly, I think I'd have to teleport to get past you,” she giggled, “This seating wasn't built with wings in mind.”
“I suspect not.”
“Or fancy dresses.”
Neither of them were wearing anything. Nor were any of the – almost exclusively unicorn – attendees they'd worked their way past. Rarity blinked at her friend.
Twilight added, “Which is a little odd. I thought we might be under-dressed for the theatre.” She turned and tried to settle herself down in the final seat. It was a bit too small for her frame. Twilight was the smallest of Equestria's alicorn princesses, and not really considerably larger than the average pony, but she couldn't quite find a comfortable way to sit.
Rarity slid into the neighbouring seat. She fitted, if snugly. “We are,” she said, "we're being decadently casual."
“Uh,” Twilight twisted to look past her. “Nopony else is clothed?”
“We're just in the wrong seats.”
Twilight glanced down at the tickets.
“These are the right–”
Rarity hissed, “That's not what I mean.”
Twilight flinched slightly. The pony next to Rarity glanced at the unicorn briefly.
“Okay,” Twilight lowered her voice, “what's wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Rarity?”
“It's...” Rarity sighed and looked away. “Don't worry about it, darling. Let's just enjoy the show.”
They had to get up during the intermission. Normally Twilight didn't mind being sat in one place (slouched over a book) but no matter how she'd twisted today she always felt somewhat cramped. She was used to being able to flop a wing out to stretch it. Even before the wings she'd liked to shift periodically when reading, and there simply hadn't been room to do so in the auditorium.
Also, as the play had proceeded, Rarity had increasingly looked like she was going to stab somepony. Twilight wanted to find out what was wrong. So she asked, as they left the hall to join the throng of ponies seeking refreshments in the lobby.
Rarity evaded the question, asking one in return, “How are you finding the performance?”
“It's alright.”
“All right?”
“It's not the same as when I read the script.”
Rarity snorted, “Of course not. Plays are meant to be performed. They're – forgive me for saying so – not at-all at their best while they're still on the page.”
Twilight shrugged with her wings. It was nice to be able to move them freely. “I mean, Prince Aragonite just seems so...”
“Angry?”
“Yes! I didn't realise but... He's very angry.”
“That’s why you go to watch a play, dear, and don't read it like a novel. The characters need actors to truly bring them to life.”
Twilight conceded the point. They moved to one side of the room to have a little privacy. Then she remembered what she was trying to ask.
“What about you, Rarity?”
“Oh, I'm... enjoying it well enough I suppose. I don't have the best view, unfortunately,” she said tightly.
“I meant,” Twilight nudged her gently, “why are you angry?”
“Angry?”
“Yes.”
“I'm not–“
“Livid. I can tell. You don't have to be a book for me to read you,” Twilight joked.
Rarity glowered at Twilight.
Twilight stopped smiling.
“Is it me? Have I done something?” Twilight asked, worried.
Rarity drew a breath and slowly exhaled.
“No, Twilight. It’s nothing you’ve done.”
Twilight looked around; swept her gaze across the theatre lobby, over the Canterlot ponies milling about. Most of them were clumped into little groups, chatting amiably, sipping little cold drinks. Over in a corner, by the stairs leading to the balconies and boxes, were the elite – dressed up for the night. Rarity followed the path of Twilight’s gaze to them and she sighed.
“Oh,” Twilight said, unsure what the sigh meant. “Did you, want to be mingling? Networking?”
“No. That’s Foppish Dandy. There on the left, talking at Upper Crust.”
Twilight hazarded a guess, “Do you, uh... Are you envious he’s talking to–”
“No! Good gracious no. Foppish is a boring little snot of a stallion, and his dress sense is terrible besides. Odd really – I’m fairly sure he’s as gay as can be.”
“Rarity, that’s not a nice thing to say...”
“What? Look, mauve lace on vermillion? It’s shocking.”
“I meant the other thing.”
“You haven’t had to speak to him, have you?”
“The other, other thing.”
Rarity blinked innocently.
Twilight suddenly recognised her friend’s ploy, “Aaand, you’re trying to distract me, until the second half. So you don’t have to answer.”
“I’m trying to distract myself, darling. Please don’t spoil it for me.”
“Rarity. Tell me what’s wrong.”
Rarity gave her a faint, pleading look but Twilight prodded her again, saying, “Come on. You’ll feel better if you share.”
“It’s just... You know we’re in the cheap seats, yes?”
Twilight chuckled and rolled a wing in its socket.
“The thought had occurred to me. It’s a good thing we–”
“Not just cheap seats,” Rarity interrupted and waved a hoof at the far side of the lobby, “but rubbish cheap seats too. We’re right there at the end, of all things.”
Twilight pulled a sheepish little grin.
“I suppose I should have–”
“No, darling. No. Do you remember who we are?”
“Uh.” Twilight didn’t quite know how to answer.
“You’re a princess. I’m me. How many times have we saved Equestria? How many… We’re famous.”
“Um.”
“Observe.” Rarity spun and abruptly butted into a hushed conversation between two nearby earth ponies; one was pale-pink and the other was orangish-yellow. “Hello there!”
The pink one replied, “Oh, hello M–Miss Rarity. It’s r-really an honour to meet–”
The other pony interrupted, “Can we have Princess Twilight’s autograph?”
“Shhh,” the first pony hushed their associate, “they’re obviously here for a quiet evening together, let’s not make a fuss.”
“I don’t mind,” Twilight offered.
The second pony beamed, but then her face fell as she glanced about with a vague look of panic, “Oh, I don’t have anything for you to sign!”
The first pony nudged her softly, “Marigold, I told you not to ask.”
“But, Coral… the Princess of Friendship!”
“I’m s-sorry,” Coral said to Rarity. “We don’t want to disturb y-your night out. It’s just... We’re both huge fans.”
“It’s quite alright, dear,” Rarity smiled warmly at them, “I spoke to you, after all. I’m sorry but we don’t have anything with us either, except our tickets.”
“I, ah,” Twilight scrunched her face slightly, “I actually have something for this.”
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “You do?”
Twilight lit her horn and concentrated. A sheaf of paper, quill and ink popped into existence at eye-level in front of her and hovered there in an amaranth aura. Rarity, Coral and Marigold stared for a second and then Twilight explained, “You never know when you’re going to need to write a checklist.”
Rarity tried to be subtle when she raised a hoof to her face.
“Ooh, sign my ticket. Sign our tickets!” Marigold did a little hop. Coral glanced at her friend before adding an enthusiastic if embarrassed nod of the head.
Twilight took the tickets they offered and squiggled a quick signature on each. She handed them back.
Marigold beamed happily and made a little ‘squee’ noise. Coral said, “Thank you,” and began to turn away. Marigold stopped her and said, “Go on, you can ask. She’s a nice pony too.”
Coral flushed a slightly deeper pink and quietly said, “Um. Miss Rarity?”
“Yes, darling?”
“Could I m-maybe have your autograph too?”
Rarity took her hoof away from her face, pretended it had never been there, and smiled warmly, “Of course you may, darling.” She took the quill from Twilight and put her flourish on one of the tickets. Coral gratefully accepted it back and then she and Marigold grinned at each other before excusing themselves to go and find their way safely to their seats with their prizes.
Rarity gave them a friendly wave as they left and Coral returned it with a coy wave of her own.
Twilight zapped her checklist-making implements away and said, “Seems like somepony has a crush on you.”
Rarity frowned slightly, “I think you should leave that sort of comment to those of us who know the rules of gossip better. She was just shy and rather intimidated that I’d choose to speak to her.”
“Oh.”
“Still, I think I have proved my point.”
“Maybe?" Twilight said, "What even was your point?”
“Twilight,” Rarity intoned seriously, “why don’t we have box seats?”
Twilight blinked in confusion.
“I… didn’t think to book ahead.”
“Twilight. We’re famous. You shouldn’t have to remember. To book. To ask for a box. It should just be what happens. I had thought you might have done it intentionally; as some sort of self-effacing gesture. I’m sorry for thinking that, by the way. That’s why I was a little... short with you.”
“Oh. So, are you not angry anymore?”
“Well, I just had a pretty young mare make goo-goo eyes at me. It soothes the nerves somewhat to know I can turn heads – and more – without even batting my eyelids.” She demonstrated with a flutter.
Twilight held up a hoof and moved her open mouth about, trying to pick the right word to start with. “I thought you said she didn’t–”
“A crush? Hardly. She doesn’t even know me. But she isn’t blind.”
“Won’t her marefriend be jealous?”
“They weren’t together. Not like that. Really, Twilight, you have Princess Cadance as a friend. How are you so bad at this?”
Twilight made a ‘humpf’ noise.
“So,” Rarity continued, “we arrived, and you went and bought tickets while I chatted to the production manager. And then?”
Twilight waited, assuming the question was rhetorical.
“Twilight.”
“Oh, you wanted an answer?”
“I did. Why are we in the worst seats in the house?”
“I don’t know. I just asked for seats. Maybe all the boxes are booked? You saw how busy the floor was. It’s a popular play.” She considered for a second. “It’s a well-known play, anyway. Actually, we’ll need to get moving soon if we want to reach our seats in time for the second half.”
“One: you can teleport, we could be back in an instant. Without accosting every pony in row 'F'. Two: don’t you dare! Do you want to go back to those breadboxes masquerading as chairs? Because I rather don’t.”
“But… the play?”
“Is a miserable thing. The main character is a terrible pony upon whom I wish all the worst in life. The noble princess is dead of grief and I fear her daughters will not survive the fourth act.
“I wouldn’t mind quite so much but: the seats are cramped, the ponies behind us seem to have the 'flu, I can hardly tell what’s happening on the far side of the stage and the pony to my right keeps crunching popcorn or something – as though this were a movie and not a high-class theatrical production!”
Rarity clamped a hoof over her mouth.
Twilight paused for a few seconds and then said with a cheeky wink, “No, tell me how you really feel.”
Rarity slowly put her hoof back on the floor.
“I… I didn’t realise I was having so little fun.”
“Well, I did: You were grinding your teeth. Feel better now? So, shall we just go someplace else? Maybe get something to eat?”
Rarity looked at the floor, shamefaced.
“I, didn’t mean all that. I simply… Why don’t we have a box, Twilight? We deserve it.”
Twilight just said, “Um.”
“It’s not about bits, is it? I would gladly have paid the asking price, you know. I’m not struggling, financially.”
“I don’t… think so?”
“They weren’t fully booked upstairs were they? I didn’t see that many ponies in the toffy swirl today.”
“The what?”
“The, oh– that’s just a little in-joke between me and Fancy Pants. Could you, uhm?”
Rarity cast a pained look at the group of noble-ponies, now starting to make their ways back to their – substantially fancier – seats.
“Use some discretion?” Twilight said, “I think so.”
“Please, darling. That would be appreciated. Anyway. Do you want to see how the play turns out?”
“I’ve read ahead, actually,” Twilight chuckled softly.
“Well, I think that finding a nice restaurant instead might be an excellent idea, darling.”
Twilight agreed and they began to make their way towards the exit when Twilight looked over at the stairs to the balconies.
“Hang on a minute, Rarity. I think I have an idea...”
The usher gave them a very apologetic look as he closed the door behind them, leaving them on the streets of Canterlot.
Twilight tried to avoid making eye-contact with Rarity.
“How,” Rarity slowly asked, “Is this possible?”
She trotted, angrily, up and down in front of the theatre.
“What,” she continued, “is wrong with this town today?”
“It’s not so–”
“Yes! It is! Thrown out!”
“We were leaving anyw–”
“We were thrown out. Like common sneaks! Oooh, it’s an affront, that’s what it is.”
“Rarity.”
“Twilight, please,” Rarity stomped about, “let me have this.”
“Okay... ”
Rarity stamped her hooves. She put a pastern to her mouth and screamed into it. She flounced. She sighed, fixed her hair and said, “Right. That’s probably enough for now. Shall we get going?”
“Uh. I…” Twilight gave up, “Where to?”
“Well Pinkie and I found this lovely little place, actually. Do you like spicy food?”
“Sure?”
“Darling. You simply must try their paneer. It’s a delight. This way!”
“This day,” Rarity, in a carefully controlled voice, said, “keeps getting worse. And I don’t know why.”
The Tasty Treat was closed. A little sign in the window read: ‘Sorry! We’ll be back Friday’
Twilight peered in through a window. “Interesting decor.”
“Don’t you start,” warned Rarity.
“What? No, I wasn’t being sarcastic. I meant… I don’t recognise the style.”
“I think they’re from Dhakart.”
Twilight hummed in thought, “That’s a long way from Canterlot.”
They loitered in front of the locked restaurant for a time. Rarity paced back and forth, tail flicking in frustration, and muttered to herself while Twilight watched. Eventually Twilight said, “I’m sorry about the theatre.”
Rarity paused to look at her friend.
“It wasn’t your fault, Twilight.”
“I think it sort-of was. We just sauntered into a VIP box as though we belonged there–”
“Which we do.”
“...Without asking or paying or anything. I shouldn’t have expected the rules to apply differently to us.”
“Whyever not, darling? Do you think Princess Celestia ever has to book a table?”
“Well, no, but I think that Raven does that sort of thing for her.”
“Pish. You know what I meant.”
Twilight nodded slightly. Rarity kept speaking:
“I would wager that she does not. And for all that I love our Princess of the Sun, I’m not entirely sure she’s more important than you are, Twilight.”
Twilight hastily tried to deny it but Rarity shushed her and forcibly changed the subject.
“So, where shall we go for dinner? I’ve heard good things about Fillyways. How about you?”
“I’ve heard that it’s exorbitantly expensive,” Twilight responded.
“Ah, we’ve heard the same thing then!” Rarity smirked, “Shall we give it a shot?”
Twilight smiled back at Rarity and said “Sure, Rarity. Why not?”
“I guess this is why not,” Rarity said.
Twilight looked at her from across the cell. Rarity had flung herself onto a cot, set up against the far wall, when they were first incarcerated and had proceeded to roll over to face the stonework.
Canterlot’s holding cells were warm and surprisingly cozy. Or perhaps that was just the alcohol in Twilight’s blood. She and Rarity had enjoyed a bottle of very nice – quite expensive – merlot over dinner. And then they’d enjoyed a second one for dessert. But it was probably the after-dinner liqueurs that led them to attempt to climb out of a toilet window and run off without paying the bill.
Twilight didn’t drink heavily, or often, and had been counting on Rarity’s judgement to keep them from imbibing too much. She had found she’d underestimated Rarity’s propensity for, and tolerance for, alcohol quite considerably.
“R’rity,” she said.
“Yes, Twi?”
“I think we’re in trouble.”
Rarity giggled.
“I mean it. I’m… This is bad.”
Rarity snorted. Twilight looked down at her hooves. She wasn’t wobbling so much anymore; she wasn’t sure she liked that. It had been funny when a couple of thestrals had guided them into the watch-house and proceeded to lock them in the small gaol. It didn't seem so funny now.
Twilight had teleported out, then back in again, chuckling while they scowled at her. They’d asked her, politely, to stay put and Twilight had – in a fit of giggles – Pinkie-promised not to escape until they came back.
That had been a mistake. She really didn’t want Pinkie to learn about this little episode. Pinkie didn’t need to know of more ways to encourage her to wild behaviour.
Rarity sighed and said, “Twi.”
“Yes?”
“Twiliiight.”
“Mm here, Rarity. What’s wrong? Do I need to find a bucket?”
“Eugh, no. Twilight Sparkle, when will I be famous enough?”
“Huh?”
“To walk into a place and have the ponies there all jump up to attend me.”
“You go to the spa all the time,” Twilight snarked, without really meaning to.
“Twi, that’s not… I meant...” she sighed, “I don’t really expect you to understand, darling.”
“Understand what?”
“Fame. You seem perfectly happy just… being you.”
Twilight felt her wings bristle slightly.
“What does that mean?”
Rarity rolled over to look at her, to give her a soft smile.
“Nothing bad, Twilight. Just that you haven’t really changed that much. You’re still the wonderfully-neurotic little unicorn I had to ‘lend some assistance to’ and fix her Rainbow-destroyed mane, one summer day.”
Twilight frowned in concentration.
“When was that?”
Rarity blinked a few times, then laughed and lazily waved a hoof, “Oh, you kidder.”
“No, I mean it. Rainbow has wrecked my hair more than once. Which time are we talking about?”
Rarity gasped.
“Twilight. That’s how we met.”
“Uh, no?”
“Yes! You don’t remember?”
“I remember you trying to squeeze me into a size eight saddle.”
“Don’t be silly, you’re obviously a twelve.”
Twilight stared at Rarity flatly.
“Oh dear,” Rarity gulped, “I really have had too much to drink, haven’t I?”
“Yes.”
“I’m not saying that you’re fat.”
“Rarity.”
“I just meant–”
“Rarity. Stop talking.”
“Yes, dear.”
Rarity tried. She failed.
“Twilight, you know that I–”
“I know. Change the subject.”
Rarity nervously laughed and said, “You know, the decor in here is terribly bland. Would it kill anypony to hang some curtains? Maybe add a splash of colour – a feature wall perhaps?”
Twilight looked to her left. The ‘wall’ there was a set of galvanised steel bars. They could certainly be described as ‘a feature’.
“You have a point. How long do you think before the guards will come check on us? You might have time to work something out using the bedding.”
“Oh, darling, I’m afraid that I rather think they took your promise literally.”
“Hmm?”
“'No escape attempts until they return', you said? I shouldn't expect to see those particular guards again.”
“What?” Twilight spluttered. “But, they can’t just leave us here!”
“Of course not. The morning shift will let us out.”
Twilight sat down heavily on her cot.
“Morning… Wait, how do you know that? Have you been here before?” she asked suspiciously, almost incredulously.
“Me? Oh, heaven’s no. Rainbow, however.”
“Ah.”
“Loathe as I am to take her advice on most matters, I think I’ll defer to her expertise.” Rarity winked. “Just this once.”
Twilight started to laugh. Rarity soon joined in. When the guffaws subsided, Twilight said, “I think I’m sobering up, a bit, at least.”
“Really? Must be an alicorn thing. I am still quite tipsy. And you drank more than me.”
“I didn’t.”
“You certainly did. How many sherries do you think you drank?”
“Tw– Three.”
“Try five.”
“No.”
“I watched you. I wasn’t so far gone that I’d forgotten how to count.”
Twilight huffed and looked up at the bare ceiling.
“You were supposed to stop me, you know?”
“I do.” Rarity drew the word out slightly; she sounded contrite. And then, sounding less so, she said, “But where would the fun have been in that?”
“Rarity!” Twilight gasped in an exaggerated fashion, “Are you saying you plied me with drink?”
“I wouldn’t say ‘plied’.”
“Why not?”
“I prefer ‘lavished’.”
“Hah!” Twilight burst out. When she stopped laughing she said, “I should have realised you couldn’t be trusted.” But she said it in a friendly, teasing way.
“Trusted to what, darling?” Rarity responded in kind.
“Okay, I know you've had a pretty terrible evening–”
“I wouldn’t–”
“So I forgive you for being kind-of a bitch. Are we good?”
Rarity didn’t reply straight away, so Twilight rolled to look at her. Rarity was blushing.
“Rarity?”
Rarity smiled faintly, “Oh, that’s most generous of you, Twilight.”
“Rarity," Twilight rushed to apologise, "I’m sorry if that was too much–”
“No, dear, I’ve been a nag and I know it. Thankyou for putting up with me.”
“I… any time, Rarity.”
“Actually, I was going to say that I’ve had a fairly enjoyable day.”
Twilight shook her head. “Come on. The play was a disaster.”
“The food was excellent, and the company was better.”
Twilight blushed now.
Rarity continued, waving a hoof lazily, “If only I had been a little less self-important, we wouldn’t even be in here. I just want a taste of that life, you understand? The one where ponies look at you and try to guess what you want so they can give it to you.
“I’m quite envious of you, at times, for not being like that. That you would rather just be… a friend. That’s why you’re the princess, I suppose.”
They fell into a quiet moment. It let them hear the approaching ponies with plenty of forewarning, so they both turned to look at the opening that led from the gaol out into the guardhouse proper.
A guard – a unicorn, not one of the thestrals from earlier – led Princess Luna into the gaol.
Rarity lept to her hooves and dipped a quick curtsy, then blanched and looked as though she might throw up. Twilight stared at her fellow alicorn for a while before offering her an embarrassed little hoof-wave.
“Ah,” Luna said, “Twilight Sparkle. ‘Tis pleasant to see that thou’rt not ‘standing on ceremony’ in our presence.”
“Twilight,” Rarity looked sideways at her and hissed, “You could get up. Also, I might need that bucket soon.”
“Nay, there are facilities here,” Luna said, “If thou require them, I’m certain–” she looked at the guard pony, “Patrol Route, isn’t it?” he nodded, “I’m sure he won’t mind escorting you.”
“Once I’ve done my duty, Princess,” he said, with a resigned sigh.
He opened up the second of the two cells in the gaol, and Princess Luna trotted in and spun around to face him. He shut the door behind her.
“And lock it. There’s a good pony.”
He did so, with a sour look on his face the entire time.
Luna grinned. “There. Nice and secure. If thou couldst take lady Rarity where she wishes to go?”
Twilight and Rarity stared at her.
The guard looked at Rarity. He said, “Miss Rarity?”
“No thanks,” she mumbled, “I can wait.”
“I’ll be in the office. If you need me, just call.” He sketched three little bows, turned and left.
Twilight closed her gaping mouth.
Luna smiled at her, “Tis much appreciated, Twilight Sparkle. I hadn’t realised thou wert aware of my efforts in this matter.”
“Your…” Twilight trailed off.
“Yes.”
Rarity asked the room, “Do you mind if I faint?”
“Uhm,” Twilight said, “That’s probably not a good idea, if you’re really drunk. Can you hold it?”
“I shall try.”
Luna blinked, “Drunk?”
“We’re… both quite inebriated,” Twilight admitted, “I thought… that was why you were here?”
Luna took her time to say, “Nay.”
“Oh.”
“I am here because I ‘did not pay for my breakfast’.”
Twilight and Rarity stared in confusion at each other.
“That… makes no sense?”
“Insooth! The treasury will – unhappily, because they are the treasury – recompense for any small debts I might incur during the course of my worknight. Since I can’t very well be expected to work without breakfast, it goes without saying that anypony supplying my repast will be reimbursed without issue.”
Luna trotted over to the cot in her cell and spread out across it. Her hooves dangled over the edges where she was too big for it.
“You’re suggesting,” Rarity said, “That a Princess of Equestria can be thrown in prison, for stealing a sandwich?”
“Pfft,” Luna replied, “It’s not even stealing. I simply wasn’t carrying the currency required for the transaction at hoof. It’s not as though I’m not, as I’ve heard it described, ‘good for the money’.”
Rarity stared. First at Luna, and then at Twilight.
Luna examined a hoof and casually asked, “What are you in for? I had thought you might be joining me in a show of princessly solidarity. Alas.”
“The same,” Twilight managed to mutter, incredulously.
Luna blinked in confusion.
“We,” Twilight said, “had dinner and then attempted to leave without settling. I was going to pay tomorrow. It was Rarity's idea!”
“Forsooth? By fate we are convicted of the same?”
Silence reigned until Rarity broke it.
“Well, I feel better about myself now, at least.”
“Rarity... ” Twilight chided then addressed Luna, “You don’t get… special treatment? For being a princess?”
“By law! Canst thou believe!?”
“I… Maybe? What?”
“Our dear sister apparently once had it decreed that ‘it would not be good for the Princess’ big, pointy head for the citizenry to offer her favours of credit, lest she grow even more brazen’ et cetera.”
“Brazen? That… Princess Celestia, you mean? You don’t have some... Other sister?”
“One is quite sufficient.”
“But...” Twilight faltered.
“That doesn’t sound like the Princess Celestia we know,” Rarity said, softly.
“Nor I.” Luna settled down to regale them with the story. “Twas six hundred years-or-so ago, as she describes it. Her love of confections blinded her and only the work of her ‘majordomo’ saved the country from cake-related ruin. So she says. She has concealed many of the relevant histories, probably in embarrassment, but the statute still stands.
“It would not trouble me so, but it is written such that it affects all princesses. You included, so it would seem. Or so the public believe. Why they hold dear to their conviction I cannot say. Tradition, perhaps? Pride? That Equestria is a land where having your face on the money doesn’t mean you can spend it as though it were all your own?
“Anyway, it is not technically a royal decree, so changes must be effected through the parliament. My efforts to convince them to repeal the law progress slowly, and so I find myself making an example. Or trying to.”
“Let me get this straight,” Twilight said, deeply troubled. “Celestia once bought so many cakes the government banned her from writing ‘IOU’s?”
“That sounds more like Celestia,” Rarity admitted. Twilight gave her a severe look but Rarity persisted, “It does!”
Rarity followed behind, gracefully dodging legs and tails. She flashed little smiles at the grumpiest looking ponies that Twilight disturbed in passing. Most of them seemed at least somewhat placated.
They reached an open pair of seats, and Twilight looked down at her tickets.
“No. Farther down,” she said over a shoulder.
“Really?”
Twilight lifted the tickets up for Rarity to see the numbers.
Rarity squinted at them in the subdued light of the auditorium. She mumbled, “Thirty-two?”
Twilight nodded, took the tickets back and continued down the row. She offered quiet ‘Excuse me’s and apologies as she she went. Rarity stared at her tail for a few seconds before she trotted to catch up.
“Twilight–”
“Ah, here we are.” Twilight reached the last pair of seats. “This is us.”
“Twilight. Numbers thirty-two and thirty-three?”
Twilight missed the tone of her voice entirely.
Rarity muttered something like, “Here at the end,” under her breath.
“Yes. I'll take thirty-three; that saves us swapping over.”
Rarity took a second to respond.
“You will.”
“Yeah. Honestly, I think I'd have to teleport to get past you,” she giggled, “This seating wasn't built with wings in mind.”
“I suspect not.”
“Or fancy dresses.”
Neither of them were wearing anything. Nor were any of the – almost exclusively unicorn – attendees they'd worked their way past. Rarity blinked at her friend.
Twilight added, “Which is a little odd. I thought we might be under-dressed for the theatre.” She turned and tried to settle herself down in the final seat. It was a bit too small for her frame. Twilight was the smallest of Equestria's alicorn princesses, and not really considerably larger than the average pony, but she couldn't quite find a comfortable way to sit.
Rarity slid into the neighbouring seat. She fitted, if snugly. “We are,” she said, "we're being decadently casual."
“Uh,” Twilight twisted to look past her. “Nopony else is clothed?”
“We're just in the wrong seats.”
Twilight glanced down at the tickets.
“These are the right–”
Rarity hissed, “That's not what I mean.”
Twilight flinched slightly. The pony next to Rarity glanced at the unicorn briefly.
“Okay,” Twilight lowered her voice, “what's wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Rarity?”
“It's...” Rarity sighed and looked away. “Don't worry about it, darling. Let's just enjoy the show.”
They had to get up during the intermission. Normally Twilight didn't mind being sat in one place (slouched over a book) but no matter how she'd twisted today she always felt somewhat cramped. She was used to being able to flop a wing out to stretch it. Even before the wings she'd liked to shift periodically when reading, and there simply hadn't been room to do so in the auditorium.
Also, as the play had proceeded, Rarity had increasingly looked like she was going to stab somepony. Twilight wanted to find out what was wrong. So she asked, as they left the hall to join the throng of ponies seeking refreshments in the lobby.
Rarity evaded the question, asking one in return, “How are you finding the performance?”
“It's alright.”
“All right?”
“It's not the same as when I read the script.”
Rarity snorted, “Of course not. Plays are meant to be performed. They're – forgive me for saying so – not at-all at their best while they're still on the page.”
Twilight shrugged with her wings. It was nice to be able to move them freely. “I mean, Prince Aragonite just seems so...”
“Angry?”
“Yes! I didn't realise but... He's very angry.”
“That’s why you go to watch a play, dear, and don't read it like a novel. The characters need actors to truly bring them to life.”
Twilight conceded the point. They moved to one side of the room to have a little privacy. Then she remembered what she was trying to ask.
“What about you, Rarity?”
“Oh, I'm... enjoying it well enough I suppose. I don't have the best view, unfortunately,” she said tightly.
“I meant,” Twilight nudged her gently, “why are you angry?”
“Angry?”
“Yes.”
“I'm not–“
“Livid. I can tell. You don't have to be a book for me to read you,” Twilight joked.
Rarity glowered at Twilight.
Twilight stopped smiling.
“Is it me? Have I done something?” Twilight asked, worried.
Rarity drew a breath and slowly exhaled.
“No, Twilight. It’s nothing you’ve done.”
Twilight looked around; swept her gaze across the theatre lobby, over the Canterlot ponies milling about. Most of them were clumped into little groups, chatting amiably, sipping little cold drinks. Over in a corner, by the stairs leading to the balconies and boxes, were the elite – dressed up for the night. Rarity followed the path of Twilight’s gaze to them and she sighed.
“Oh,” Twilight said, unsure what the sigh meant. “Did you, want to be mingling? Networking?”
“No. That’s Foppish Dandy. There on the left, talking at Upper Crust.”
Twilight hazarded a guess, “Do you, uh... Are you envious he’s talking to–”
“No! Good gracious no. Foppish is a boring little snot of a stallion, and his dress sense is terrible besides. Odd really – I’m fairly sure he’s as gay as can be.”
“Rarity, that’s not a nice thing to say...”
“What? Look, mauve lace on vermillion? It’s shocking.”
“I meant the other thing.”
“You haven’t had to speak to him, have you?”
“The other, other thing.”
Rarity blinked innocently.
Twilight suddenly recognised her friend’s ploy, “Aaand, you’re trying to distract me, until the second half. So you don’t have to answer.”
“I’m trying to distract myself, darling. Please don’t spoil it for me.”
“Rarity. Tell me what’s wrong.”
Rarity gave her a faint, pleading look but Twilight prodded her again, saying, “Come on. You’ll feel better if you share.”
“It’s just... You know we’re in the cheap seats, yes?”
Twilight chuckled and rolled a wing in its socket.
“The thought had occurred to me. It’s a good thing we–”
“Not just cheap seats,” Rarity interrupted and waved a hoof at the far side of the lobby, “but rubbish cheap seats too. We’re right there at the end, of all things.”
Twilight pulled a sheepish little grin.
“I suppose I should have–”
“No, darling. No. Do you remember who we are?”
“Uh.” Twilight didn’t quite know how to answer.
“You’re a princess. I’m me. How many times have we saved Equestria? How many… We’re famous.”
“Um.”
“Observe.” Rarity spun and abruptly butted into a hushed conversation between two nearby earth ponies; one was pale-pink and the other was orangish-yellow. “Hello there!”
The pink one replied, “Oh, hello M–Miss Rarity. It’s r-really an honour to meet–”
The other pony interrupted, “Can we have Princess Twilight’s autograph?”
“Shhh,” the first pony hushed their associate, “they’re obviously here for a quiet evening together, let’s not make a fuss.”
“I don’t mind,” Twilight offered.
The second pony beamed, but then her face fell as she glanced about with a vague look of panic, “Oh, I don’t have anything for you to sign!”
The first pony nudged her softly, “Marigold, I told you not to ask.”
“But, Coral… the Princess of Friendship!”
“I’m s-sorry,” Coral said to Rarity. “We don’t want to disturb y-your night out. It’s just... We’re both huge fans.”
“It’s quite alright, dear,” Rarity smiled warmly at them, “I spoke to you, after all. I’m sorry but we don’t have anything with us either, except our tickets.”
“I, ah,” Twilight scrunched her face slightly, “I actually have something for this.”
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “You do?”
Twilight lit her horn and concentrated. A sheaf of paper, quill and ink popped into existence at eye-level in front of her and hovered there in an amaranth aura. Rarity, Coral and Marigold stared for a second and then Twilight explained, “You never know when you’re going to need to write a checklist.”
Rarity tried to be subtle when she raised a hoof to her face.
“Ooh, sign my ticket. Sign our tickets!” Marigold did a little hop. Coral glanced at her friend before adding an enthusiastic if embarrassed nod of the head.
Twilight took the tickets they offered and squiggled a quick signature on each. She handed them back.
Marigold beamed happily and made a little ‘squee’ noise. Coral said, “Thank you,” and began to turn away. Marigold stopped her and said, “Go on, you can ask. She’s a nice pony too.”
Coral flushed a slightly deeper pink and quietly said, “Um. Miss Rarity?”
“Yes, darling?”
“Could I m-maybe have your autograph too?”
Rarity took her hoof away from her face, pretended it had never been there, and smiled warmly, “Of course you may, darling.” She took the quill from Twilight and put her flourish on one of the tickets. Coral gratefully accepted it back and then she and Marigold grinned at each other before excusing themselves to go and find their way safely to their seats with their prizes.
Rarity gave them a friendly wave as they left and Coral returned it with a coy wave of her own.
Twilight zapped her checklist-making implements away and said, “Seems like somepony has a crush on you.”
Rarity frowned slightly, “I think you should leave that sort of comment to those of us who know the rules of gossip better. She was just shy and rather intimidated that I’d choose to speak to her.”
“Oh.”
“Still, I think I have proved my point.”
“Maybe?" Twilight said, "What even was your point?”
“Twilight,” Rarity intoned seriously, “why don’t we have box seats?”
Twilight blinked in confusion.
“I… didn’t think to book ahead.”
“Twilight. We’re famous. You shouldn’t have to remember. To book. To ask for a box. It should just be what happens. I had thought you might have done it intentionally; as some sort of self-effacing gesture. I’m sorry for thinking that, by the way. That’s why I was a little... short with you.”
“Oh. So, are you not angry anymore?”
“Well, I just had a pretty young mare make goo-goo eyes at me. It soothes the nerves somewhat to know I can turn heads – and more – without even batting my eyelids.” She demonstrated with a flutter.
Twilight held up a hoof and moved her open mouth about, trying to pick the right word to start with. “I thought you said she didn’t–”
“A crush? Hardly. She doesn’t even know me. But she isn’t blind.”
“Won’t her marefriend be jealous?”
“They weren’t together. Not like that. Really, Twilight, you have Princess Cadance as a friend. How are you so bad at this?”
Twilight made a ‘humpf’ noise.
“So,” Rarity continued, “we arrived, and you went and bought tickets while I chatted to the production manager. And then?”
Twilight waited, assuming the question was rhetorical.
“Twilight.”
“Oh, you wanted an answer?”
“I did. Why are we in the worst seats in the house?”
“I don’t know. I just asked for seats. Maybe all the boxes are booked? You saw how busy the floor was. It’s a popular play.” She considered for a second. “It’s a well-known play, anyway. Actually, we’ll need to get moving soon if we want to reach our seats in time for the second half.”
“One: you can teleport, we could be back in an instant. Without accosting every pony in row 'F'. Two: don’t you dare! Do you want to go back to those breadboxes masquerading as chairs? Because I rather don’t.”
“But… the play?”
“Is a miserable thing. The main character is a terrible pony upon whom I wish all the worst in life. The noble princess is dead of grief and I fear her daughters will not survive the fourth act.
“I wouldn’t mind quite so much but: the seats are cramped, the ponies behind us seem to have the 'flu, I can hardly tell what’s happening on the far side of the stage and the pony to my right keeps crunching popcorn or something – as though this were a movie and not a high-class theatrical production!”
Rarity clamped a hoof over her mouth.
Twilight paused for a few seconds and then said with a cheeky wink, “No, tell me how you really feel.”
Rarity slowly put her hoof back on the floor.
“I… I didn’t realise I was having so little fun.”
“Well, I did: You were grinding your teeth. Feel better now? So, shall we just go someplace else? Maybe get something to eat?”
Rarity looked at the floor, shamefaced.
“I, didn’t mean all that. I simply… Why don’t we have a box, Twilight? We deserve it.”
Twilight just said, “Um.”
“It’s not about bits, is it? I would gladly have paid the asking price, you know. I’m not struggling, financially.”
“I don’t… think so?”
“They weren’t fully booked upstairs were they? I didn’t see that many ponies in the toffy swirl today.”
“The what?”
“The, oh– that’s just a little in-joke between me and Fancy Pants. Could you, uhm?”
Rarity cast a pained look at the group of noble-ponies, now starting to make their ways back to their – substantially fancier – seats.
“Use some discretion?” Twilight said, “I think so.”
“Please, darling. That would be appreciated. Anyway. Do you want to see how the play turns out?”
“I’ve read ahead, actually,” Twilight chuckled softly.
“Well, I think that finding a nice restaurant instead might be an excellent idea, darling.”
Twilight agreed and they began to make their way towards the exit when Twilight looked over at the stairs to the balconies.
“Hang on a minute, Rarity. I think I have an idea...”
The usher gave them a very apologetic look as he closed the door behind them, leaving them on the streets of Canterlot.
Twilight tried to avoid making eye-contact with Rarity.
“How,” Rarity slowly asked, “Is this possible?”
She trotted, angrily, up and down in front of the theatre.
“What,” she continued, “is wrong with this town today?”
“It’s not so–”
“Yes! It is! Thrown out!”
“We were leaving anyw–”
“We were thrown out. Like common sneaks! Oooh, it’s an affront, that’s what it is.”
“Rarity.”
“Twilight, please,” Rarity stomped about, “let me have this.”
“Okay... ”
Rarity stamped her hooves. She put a pastern to her mouth and screamed into it. She flounced. She sighed, fixed her hair and said, “Right. That’s probably enough for now. Shall we get going?”
“Uh. I…” Twilight gave up, “Where to?”
“Well Pinkie and I found this lovely little place, actually. Do you like spicy food?”
“Sure?”
“Darling. You simply must try their paneer. It’s a delight. This way!”
“This day,” Rarity, in a carefully controlled voice, said, “keeps getting worse. And I don’t know why.”
The Tasty Treat was closed. A little sign in the window read: ‘Sorry! We’ll be back Friday’
Twilight peered in through a window. “Interesting decor.”
“Don’t you start,” warned Rarity.
“What? No, I wasn’t being sarcastic. I meant… I don’t recognise the style.”
“I think they’re from Dhakart.”
Twilight hummed in thought, “That’s a long way from Canterlot.”
They loitered in front of the locked restaurant for a time. Rarity paced back and forth, tail flicking in frustration, and muttered to herself while Twilight watched. Eventually Twilight said, “I’m sorry about the theatre.”
Rarity paused to look at her friend.
“It wasn’t your fault, Twilight.”
“I think it sort-of was. We just sauntered into a VIP box as though we belonged there–”
“Which we do.”
“...Without asking or paying or anything. I shouldn’t have expected the rules to apply differently to us.”
“Whyever not, darling? Do you think Princess Celestia ever has to book a table?”
“Well, no, but I think that Raven does that sort of thing for her.”
“Pish. You know what I meant.”
Twilight nodded slightly. Rarity kept speaking:
“I would wager that she does not. And for all that I love our Princess of the Sun, I’m not entirely sure she’s more important than you are, Twilight.”
Twilight hastily tried to deny it but Rarity shushed her and forcibly changed the subject.
“So, where shall we go for dinner? I’ve heard good things about Fillyways. How about you?”
“I’ve heard that it’s exorbitantly expensive,” Twilight responded.
“Ah, we’ve heard the same thing then!” Rarity smirked, “Shall we give it a shot?”
Twilight smiled back at Rarity and said “Sure, Rarity. Why not?”
“I guess this is why not,” Rarity said.
Twilight looked at her from across the cell. Rarity had flung herself onto a cot, set up against the far wall, when they were first incarcerated and had proceeded to roll over to face the stonework.
Canterlot’s holding cells were warm and surprisingly cozy. Or perhaps that was just the alcohol in Twilight’s blood. She and Rarity had enjoyed a bottle of very nice – quite expensive – merlot over dinner. And then they’d enjoyed a second one for dessert. But it was probably the after-dinner liqueurs that led them to attempt to climb out of a toilet window and run off without paying the bill.
Twilight didn’t drink heavily, or often, and had been counting on Rarity’s judgement to keep them from imbibing too much. She had found she’d underestimated Rarity’s propensity for, and tolerance for, alcohol quite considerably.
“R’rity,” she said.
“Yes, Twi?”
“I think we’re in trouble.”
Rarity giggled.
“I mean it. I’m… This is bad.”
Rarity snorted. Twilight looked down at her hooves. She wasn’t wobbling so much anymore; she wasn’t sure she liked that. It had been funny when a couple of thestrals had guided them into the watch-house and proceeded to lock them in the small gaol. It didn't seem so funny now.
Twilight had teleported out, then back in again, chuckling while they scowled at her. They’d asked her, politely, to stay put and Twilight had – in a fit of giggles – Pinkie-promised not to escape until they came back.
That had been a mistake. She really didn’t want Pinkie to learn about this little episode. Pinkie didn’t need to know of more ways to encourage her to wild behaviour.
Rarity sighed and said, “Twi.”
“Yes?”
“Twiliiight.”
“Mm here, Rarity. What’s wrong? Do I need to find a bucket?”
“Eugh, no. Twilight Sparkle, when will I be famous enough?”
“Huh?”
“To walk into a place and have the ponies there all jump up to attend me.”
“You go to the spa all the time,” Twilight snarked, without really meaning to.
“Twi, that’s not… I meant...” she sighed, “I don’t really expect you to understand, darling.”
“Understand what?”
“Fame. You seem perfectly happy just… being you.”
Twilight felt her wings bristle slightly.
“What does that mean?”
Rarity rolled over to look at her, to give her a soft smile.
“Nothing bad, Twilight. Just that you haven’t really changed that much. You’re still the wonderfully-neurotic little unicorn I had to ‘lend some assistance to’ and fix her Rainbow-destroyed mane, one summer day.”
Twilight frowned in concentration.
“When was that?”
Rarity blinked a few times, then laughed and lazily waved a hoof, “Oh, you kidder.”
“No, I mean it. Rainbow has wrecked my hair more than once. Which time are we talking about?”
Rarity gasped.
“Twilight. That’s how we met.”
“Uh, no?”
“Yes! You don’t remember?”
“I remember you trying to squeeze me into a size eight saddle.”
“Don’t be silly, you’re obviously a twelve.”
Twilight stared at Rarity flatly.
“Oh dear,” Rarity gulped, “I really have had too much to drink, haven’t I?”
“Yes.”
“I’m not saying that you’re fat.”
“Rarity.”
“I just meant–”
“Rarity. Stop talking.”
“Yes, dear.”
Rarity tried. She failed.
“Twilight, you know that I–”
“I know. Change the subject.”
Rarity nervously laughed and said, “You know, the decor in here is terribly bland. Would it kill anypony to hang some curtains? Maybe add a splash of colour – a feature wall perhaps?”
Twilight looked to her left. The ‘wall’ there was a set of galvanised steel bars. They could certainly be described as ‘a feature’.
“You have a point. How long do you think before the guards will come check on us? You might have time to work something out using the bedding.”
“Oh, darling, I’m afraid that I rather think they took your promise literally.”
“Hmm?”
“'No escape attempts until they return', you said? I shouldn't expect to see those particular guards again.”
“What?” Twilight spluttered. “But, they can’t just leave us here!”
“Of course not. The morning shift will let us out.”
Twilight sat down heavily on her cot.
“Morning… Wait, how do you know that? Have you been here before?” she asked suspiciously, almost incredulously.
“Me? Oh, heaven’s no. Rainbow, however.”
“Ah.”
“Loathe as I am to take her advice on most matters, I think I’ll defer to her expertise.” Rarity winked. “Just this once.”
Twilight started to laugh. Rarity soon joined in. When the guffaws subsided, Twilight said, “I think I’m sobering up, a bit, at least.”
“Really? Must be an alicorn thing. I am still quite tipsy. And you drank more than me.”
“I didn’t.”
“You certainly did. How many sherries do you think you drank?”
“Tw– Three.”
“Try five.”
“No.”
“I watched you. I wasn’t so far gone that I’d forgotten how to count.”
Twilight huffed and looked up at the bare ceiling.
“You were supposed to stop me, you know?”
“I do.” Rarity drew the word out slightly; she sounded contrite. And then, sounding less so, she said, “But where would the fun have been in that?”
“Rarity!” Twilight gasped in an exaggerated fashion, “Are you saying you plied me with drink?”
“I wouldn’t say ‘plied’.”
“Why not?”
“I prefer ‘lavished’.”
“Hah!” Twilight burst out. When she stopped laughing she said, “I should have realised you couldn’t be trusted.” But she said it in a friendly, teasing way.
“Trusted to what, darling?” Rarity responded in kind.
“Okay, I know you've had a pretty terrible evening–”
“I wouldn’t–”
“So I forgive you for being kind-of a bitch. Are we good?”
Rarity didn’t reply straight away, so Twilight rolled to look at her. Rarity was blushing.
“Rarity?”
Rarity smiled faintly, “Oh, that’s most generous of you, Twilight.”
“Rarity," Twilight rushed to apologise, "I’m sorry if that was too much–”
“No, dear, I’ve been a nag and I know it. Thankyou for putting up with me.”
“I… any time, Rarity.”
“Actually, I was going to say that I’ve had a fairly enjoyable day.”
Twilight shook her head. “Come on. The play was a disaster.”
“The food was excellent, and the company was better.”
Twilight blushed now.
Rarity continued, waving a hoof lazily, “If only I had been a little less self-important, we wouldn’t even be in here. I just want a taste of that life, you understand? The one where ponies look at you and try to guess what you want so they can give it to you.
“I’m quite envious of you, at times, for not being like that. That you would rather just be… a friend. That’s why you’re the princess, I suppose.”
They fell into a quiet moment. It let them hear the approaching ponies with plenty of forewarning, so they both turned to look at the opening that led from the gaol out into the guardhouse proper.
A guard – a unicorn, not one of the thestrals from earlier – led Princess Luna into the gaol.
Rarity lept to her hooves and dipped a quick curtsy, then blanched and looked as though she might throw up. Twilight stared at her fellow alicorn for a while before offering her an embarrassed little hoof-wave.
“Ah,” Luna said, “Twilight Sparkle. ‘Tis pleasant to see that thou’rt not ‘standing on ceremony’ in our presence.”
“Twilight,” Rarity looked sideways at her and hissed, “You could get up. Also, I might need that bucket soon.”
“Nay, there are facilities here,” Luna said, “If thou require them, I’m certain–” she looked at the guard pony, “Patrol Route, isn’t it?” he nodded, “I’m sure he won’t mind escorting you.”
“Once I’ve done my duty, Princess,” he said, with a resigned sigh.
He opened up the second of the two cells in the gaol, and Princess Luna trotted in and spun around to face him. He shut the door behind her.
“And lock it. There’s a good pony.”
He did so, with a sour look on his face the entire time.
Luna grinned. “There. Nice and secure. If thou couldst take lady Rarity where she wishes to go?”
Twilight and Rarity stared at her.
The guard looked at Rarity. He said, “Miss Rarity?”
“No thanks,” she mumbled, “I can wait.”
“I’ll be in the office. If you need me, just call.” He sketched three little bows, turned and left.
Twilight closed her gaping mouth.
Luna smiled at her, “Tis much appreciated, Twilight Sparkle. I hadn’t realised thou wert aware of my efforts in this matter.”
“Your…” Twilight trailed off.
“Yes.”
Rarity asked the room, “Do you mind if I faint?”
“Uhm,” Twilight said, “That’s probably not a good idea, if you’re really drunk. Can you hold it?”
“I shall try.”
Luna blinked, “Drunk?”
“We’re… both quite inebriated,” Twilight admitted, “I thought… that was why you were here?”
Luna took her time to say, “Nay.”
“Oh.”
“I am here because I ‘did not pay for my breakfast’.”
Twilight and Rarity stared in confusion at each other.
“That… makes no sense?”
“Insooth! The treasury will – unhappily, because they are the treasury – recompense for any small debts I might incur during the course of my worknight. Since I can’t very well be expected to work without breakfast, it goes without saying that anypony supplying my repast will be reimbursed without issue.”
Luna trotted over to the cot in her cell and spread out across it. Her hooves dangled over the edges where she was too big for it.
“You’re suggesting,” Rarity said, “That a Princess of Equestria can be thrown in prison, for stealing a sandwich?”
“Pfft,” Luna replied, “It’s not even stealing. I simply wasn’t carrying the currency required for the transaction at hoof. It’s not as though I’m not, as I’ve heard it described, ‘good for the money’.”
Rarity stared. First at Luna, and then at Twilight.
Luna examined a hoof and casually asked, “What are you in for? I had thought you might be joining me in a show of princessly solidarity. Alas.”
“The same,” Twilight managed to mutter, incredulously.
Luna blinked in confusion.
“We,” Twilight said, “had dinner and then attempted to leave without settling. I was going to pay tomorrow. It was Rarity's idea!”
“Forsooth? By fate we are convicted of the same?”
Silence reigned until Rarity broke it.
“Well, I feel better about myself now, at least.”
“Rarity... ” Twilight chided then addressed Luna, “You don’t get… special treatment? For being a princess?”
“By law! Canst thou believe!?”
“I… Maybe? What?”
“Our dear sister apparently once had it decreed that ‘it would not be good for the Princess’ big, pointy head for the citizenry to offer her favours of credit, lest she grow even more brazen’ et cetera.”
“Brazen? That… Princess Celestia, you mean? You don’t have some... Other sister?”
“One is quite sufficient.”
“But...” Twilight faltered.
“That doesn’t sound like the Princess Celestia we know,” Rarity said, softly.
“Nor I.” Luna settled down to regale them with the story. “Twas six hundred years-or-so ago, as she describes it. Her love of confections blinded her and only the work of her ‘majordomo’ saved the country from cake-related ruin. So she says. She has concealed many of the relevant histories, probably in embarrassment, but the statute still stands.
“It would not trouble me so, but it is written such that it affects all princesses. You included, so it would seem. Or so the public believe. Why they hold dear to their conviction I cannot say. Tradition, perhaps? Pride? That Equestria is a land where having your face on the money doesn’t mean you can spend it as though it were all your own?
“Anyway, it is not technically a royal decree, so changes must be effected through the parliament. My efforts to convince them to repeal the law progress slowly, and so I find myself making an example. Or trying to.”
“Let me get this straight,” Twilight said, deeply troubled. “Celestia once bought so many cakes the government banned her from writing ‘IOU’s?”
“That sounds more like Celestia,” Rarity admitted. Twilight gave her a severe look but Rarity persisted, “It does!”
Pics
I agree with Twilight, Rarity is kind of a bitch for most of the story. Where does that come from? I can understand wanting to get a taste of finer things, but she comes of as entitled for the first half of the story. It got better as the story went on, but that was a jarring first impression.
I liked seeing their night out, and the little scenes were fun, right up until the end. Luna comes in, they talk for a while, and then the story stops. There's no real resolution here, no closure, no end realisation. Twilight and Rarity patch things up, yes, but that comes almost one thousand words before the end.
I'd suggest tightening the narrative here, focus on the story you want to tell and build your scenes around that. Right now it just reads as a series of barely connected--yet definitely entertaining--vignettes.
I liked seeing their night out, and the little scenes were fun, right up until the end. Luna comes in, they talk for a while, and then the story stops. There's no real resolution here, no closure, no end realisation. Twilight and Rarity patch things up, yes, but that comes almost one thousand words before the end.
I'd suggest tightening the narrative here, focus on the story you want to tell and build your scenes around that. Right now it just reads as a series of barely connected--yet definitely entertaining--vignettes.
I see what you did with the title. +10 points for prompt interpretation.
And what a wonderful direction to take this! It fleshes that sideways prompt out into an insightful, rich, and occasionally funny look at Rarity (and, to a lesser extent, Twilight and Luna). Her passive-aggressiveness in the early scenes is a thing of beauty; with little more than slightly snipey dialogue you've managed to communicate the multiple layers of emotion running through her, and watching the story unearth her core frustration piece by piece kept me highly engaged.
Maybe it's just that I've been reading through Monochromatic's The Enchanted Library lately (a piece of fantastic longform Raritwi), and you kind of caught me at peak favorability for the ship, but I also felt like this did a fantastic job of selling Rarity and Twilight as being in an existing relationship. They've got that blend of banter and insight and genuinely-being-good-to-each-other-through-their-frustrations that just rings true to me.
I could cite a number of beautifully done individual scenes, but I think what tops the list is everything in the lobby leading up to Rarity's attempt to swap tickets with their fans being unintentionally wrecked by Twilight's preparedness. There are so many golden lines of dialogue throughout that, and the fact that she never even realizes Rarity's plan and Rarity just bites it back and moves on is *kisses fingers* mwah.
Elephant in the room: Yeah, this is incomplete. Those are the Writeoff breaks. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I really look forward to seeing the entirety of the story on FIMFic so I can insta-fave it. For here, I'll have to score accordingly, but what is here does so much right that I have a feeling it's gonna land near the top of my prelim slate regardless.
(If I had to try to steer this to an ending myself, I think I'd try returning to that core theme of Rarity's discontent:
They're sorta talking about that to Luna, but what would be really glorious to see would be Rarity getting some princessly perspective on that note that hits her between the eyes, crystallizing that longing into some decision that closes out her character arc. And/or possibly her having one of those tastes and setting it aside for Twilight? This is hitting enough rom-com beats that it wants to close out with a heartwarming ending in the same style.)
A few nitpicks to help refine the last few impurities out:
– I was initially very confused why they were pushing through the row of patrons if they had end seats. Nearly every theater I've ever been in has far-left and far-right aisles.
– I think you'd be better off here deleting the suspect line and having Rarity deliver the dresses line as a p-a rejoinder — because it seems far more likely she'd be focused on it than Twilight, and it fits with her simmering resentment throughout the scene.
– I'm not sure what the "discretion" thing after Rarity's toffy-swirl line is about. (Or what the toffy-swirl in-joke is.)
– Similarly, I was thrown a little by the segue from trust to the "kind-of a bitch" bit, which didn't feel like it followed.
Overall, though, this was clever and a joy to read.
Tier: Strong
And what a wonderful direction to take this! It fleshes that sideways prompt out into an insightful, rich, and occasionally funny look at Rarity (and, to a lesser extent, Twilight and Luna). Her passive-aggressiveness in the early scenes is a thing of beauty; with little more than slightly snipey dialogue you've managed to communicate the multiple layers of emotion running through her, and watching the story unearth her core frustration piece by piece kept me highly engaged.
Maybe it's just that I've been reading through Monochromatic's The Enchanted Library lately (a piece of fantastic longform Raritwi), and you kind of caught me at peak favorability for the ship, but I also felt like this did a fantastic job of selling Rarity and Twilight as being in an existing relationship. They've got that blend of banter and insight and genuinely-being-good-to-each-other-through-their-frustrations that just rings true to me.
I could cite a number of beautifully done individual scenes, but I think what tops the list is everything in the lobby leading up to Rarity's attempt to swap tickets with their fans being unintentionally wrecked by Twilight's preparedness. There are so many golden lines of dialogue throughout that, and the fact that she never even realizes Rarity's plan and Rarity just bites it back and moves on is *kisses fingers* mwah.
Elephant in the room: Yeah, this is incomplete. Those are the Writeoff breaks. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I really look forward to seeing the entirety of the story on FIMFic so I can insta-fave it. For here, I'll have to score accordingly, but what is here does so much right that I have a feeling it's gonna land near the top of my prelim slate regardless.
(If I had to try to steer this to an ending myself, I think I'd try returning to that core theme of Rarity's discontent:
I just want a taste of that life, you understand? The one where ponies look at you and try to guess what you want so they can give it to you.
They're sorta talking about that to Luna, but what would be really glorious to see would be Rarity getting some princessly perspective on that note that hits her between the eyes, crystallizing that longing into some decision that closes out her character arc. And/or possibly her having one of those tastes and setting it aside for Twilight? This is hitting enough rom-com beats that it wants to close out with a heartwarming ending in the same style.)
A few nitpicks to help refine the last few impurities out:
– I was initially very confused why they were pushing through the row of patrons if they had end seats. Nearly every theater I've ever been in has far-left and far-right aisles.
[T] “This seating wasn't built with wings in mind.”
[R] “I suspect not.”
[T] “Or fancy dresses.”
– I think you'd be better off here deleting the suspect line and having Rarity deliver the dresses line as a p-a rejoinder — because it seems far more likely she'd be focused on it than Twilight, and it fits with her simmering resentment throughout the scene.
– I'm not sure what the "discretion" thing after Rarity's toffy-swirl line is about. (Or what the toffy-swirl in-joke is.)
– Similarly, I was thrown a little by the segue from trust to the "kind-of a bitch" bit, which didn't feel like it followed.
Overall, though, this was clever and a joy to read.
Tier: Strong
My favorite:
Of the stories I've read so far. Friendly banter overlaying a slight crisis of character is pretty much all I want from fiction--add a dollop of light adventure, and it'd be exactly right. >>horizon's got a lot of good advice for making the piece stronger, but I'm too busy grinning.
Mike
Of the stories I've read so far. Friendly banter overlaying a slight crisis of character is pretty much all I want from fiction--add a dollop of light adventure, and it'd be exactly right. >>horizon's got a lot of good advice for making the piece stronger, but I'm too busy grinning.
Mike
This was, perhaps the funniest thing I've read during this competition. It perfectly encapsulate the idea of a night out on the town. Two friends having fun, getting a little sauced, and ending up in the drunk tank.
I like the little touches, like how Twilight giggles as she drunkenly teleports in and out of the cell.
This story plays with the idea of Fame and popularity. A common idea pointed out by fans of the show. The question of why the main six, Twilight especially, aren't famous. Or more famous than thay're portrayed.
I think a lot of that is Justified in The Narrative of the show, by trying to avoid being obnoxious. As I'm sure if the show is nothing but the main six being hounded by Paparazzi, many would lose interest very quickly. Although this was touched upon in that one episode recently.
But the fun thing about this story is that it completely subverts that entire idea with Luna's revelation of the law at the end. Very well done.
I like the little touches, like how Twilight giggles as she drunkenly teleports in and out of the cell.
This story plays with the idea of Fame and popularity. A common idea pointed out by fans of the show. The question of why the main six, Twilight especially, aren't famous. Or more famous than thay're portrayed.
I think a lot of that is Justified in The Narrative of the show, by trying to avoid being obnoxious. As I'm sure if the show is nothing but the main six being hounded by Paparazzi, many would lose interest very quickly. Although this was touched upon in that one episode recently.
But the fun thing about this story is that it completely subverts that entire idea with Luna's revelation of the law at the end. Very well done.
This is a nice story, though it's a stretch for me to believe Rarity would act this way. Rainbow Dash, maybe. And it's quite unlike Twilight to be unprepared. It would make more sense for them to be doing these things for the thrill than because they don't have the money on them.
I was disappointed in the mixed messages early in the story. There were several moments where it seemed certain you were intentionally shipping RariTwi, especially when the discussion of gay characters and the same-sex flirting happened. I thought that was the source of the tension for the first half of the story. I think you're sending signals you don't intend to be sending. If you are intending it, you don't return to the topic which is a mistake.
I was disappointed in the mixed messages early in the story. There were several moments where it seemed certain you were intentionally shipping RariTwi, especially when the discussion of gay characters and the same-sex flirting happened. I thought that was the source of the tension for the first half of the story. I think you're sending signals you don't intend to be sending. If you are intending it, you don't return to the topic which is a mistake.
I'm writing this really shorthand, because the comments above cover most of it.
I liked this story[1], but it needs an edit.
Obviously unfinished, as Horizon says. The characters are... misaligned? Not enough to be unreasonable to the canon, but enough to be jarring and abrasive to read. The start/introduction needs to be refined and made more interesting; when the story got into swing, it was a series of fantastic one-liners and ideas, but everything before "Prince Aragonite" needs to be tightened with a spanner.
General notes; Rarity needs to complain about Twilight's fame -- and her own -- less. It needs to be a punctuating remark, not a constant source of lament. If you say it once, you understand where the character's coming from. If you keep repeating it as you do, it reads as an unhealthy obsession. That would be fine if you weren't also playing up Rarity's "bitchiness" for the story. As a one-two punch, it makes her too unlikable to be sympathetic, which you kind of need her to be.
[1] Actually, it's the best I've read so far.
I liked this story[1], but it needs an edit.
Obviously unfinished, as Horizon says. The characters are... misaligned? Not enough to be unreasonable to the canon, but enough to be jarring and abrasive to read. The start/introduction needs to be refined and made more interesting; when the story got into swing, it was a series of fantastic one-liners and ideas, but everything before "Prince Aragonite" needs to be tightened with a spanner.
General notes; Rarity needs to complain about Twilight's fame -- and her own -- less. It needs to be a punctuating remark, not a constant source of lament. If you say it once, you understand where the character's coming from. If you keep repeating it as you do, it reads as an unhealthy obsession. That would be fine if you weren't also playing up Rarity's "bitchiness" for the story. As a one-two punch, it makes her too unlikable to be sympathetic, which you kind of need her to be.
[1] Actually, it's the best I've read so far.
I've been in those seats: aisle at one end, wall at the other, and a conveniently placed pillar in front of my seat, obscuring 1/3 of the stage. That's a thing.
My first impression here was that things took a while to get started. Agree with others above that this could use some judicious trimming, especially in the beginning. You could cut a few of the hints at Rarity's annoyance and I think readers would still get it. As it is, I felt like Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, wouldn't take quite so long to pick up on her friend's anger and ask about it directly. I do like the realistic tension in the first scene: characters trying (badly) to communicate and still maintain some public decorum while navigating to their seats.
There are a few bits that felt out of place, or I didn't quite understand them. Rarity's remark about Foppish Dandy's sexuality was one. The remark and Twilight's reaction both seemed very--well, human. I wasn't sure if Twilight meant it's not nice to call someone gay, or to gossip about their sexuality, or to use it for jokes about their sense of fashion. If this is important to the story, it could use a little more in-world context, I think. If it's an offhand joke moment, it's throwing me off as written. The other line I didn't get was the "discretion" thing.
Anyway: that escalated quickly. I didn't expect their night to turn out this way--I'm sure they didn't either--and the escalation was presented in an amusing fashion. Drunk!Twi and Rarity are fun, and Luna's arrival is a brilliant and funny way to wrap things up.
This is an interesting premise and a good set-up for some character exploration, and I think with some of the suggestions here, author, you could tighten it up into something pretty great.
My first impression here was that things took a while to get started. Agree with others above that this could use some judicious trimming, especially in the beginning. You could cut a few of the hints at Rarity's annoyance and I think readers would still get it. As it is, I felt like Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, wouldn't take quite so long to pick up on her friend's anger and ask about it directly. I do like the realistic tension in the first scene: characters trying (badly) to communicate and still maintain some public decorum while navigating to their seats.
There are a few bits that felt out of place, or I didn't quite understand them. Rarity's remark about Foppish Dandy's sexuality was one. The remark and Twilight's reaction both seemed very--well, human. I wasn't sure if Twilight meant it's not nice to call someone gay, or to gossip about their sexuality, or to use it for jokes about their sense of fashion. If this is important to the story, it could use a little more in-world context, I think. If it's an offhand joke moment, it's throwing me off as written. The other line I didn't get was the "discretion" thing.
Anyway: that escalated quickly. I didn't expect their night to turn out this way--I'm sure they didn't either--and the escalation was presented in an amusing fashion. Drunk!Twi and Rarity are fun, and Luna's arrival is a brilliant and funny way to wrap things up.
This is an interesting premise and a good set-up for some character exploration, and I think with some of the suggestions here, author, you could tighten it up into something pretty great.
“Livid. I can tell. You don't have to be a book for me to read you,” Twilight joked.
Popping down mid-read to say that I love this line with all my poor scribbler's heart.
And we're back. Witty, drunken dialogue, and a surprise—but not twist!—at the end. While fun, I feel like the Luna gag takes away from the more thoughtful (if inebriated) tone the rest of the fic gives off. I'm a huge fan of princess jail, though (I've done it myself, once), so only minor casualties on the score sheet for the tonal dissonance.
Hmm, a lot of time spent squeezing through to seats.
Prose is flowing very well, so a breeze to read up through the "cheap seats" remark. I was about to comment on how the story is dragging out the hook, but... it's apparently intentional, as Rarity herself is trying to avoid something. Let's see if this works, since just because a character is in the dark, doesn't always mean it works for the reader to be as well.
Okay, it's revealed quickly afterwards, so a character-based excuse for dragging it out mostly works.
Some great banter here between Rarity and Twilight. Both sound spot-on in their voices so far.
Kicked out of the theater was starting to stretch it. The restaurant being closed... okay. But now we cut to a jail cell? I confess, you've lost me. I don't know what this story is about at all by this point.
The jail conversation... Rarity's desire for fame/power is kind of dark and OOC to me. Wanting to be known for what she does, yes, that kind of fame, sure. But not wanting fame so she can get away without paying, so she can have ponies "jump to her every whim." That doesn't feel right.
A lot of the jail discussion is kind of amusing. Once Luna shows up though, and it's back to skipping out on the check... Again, "not having the money on you" is different than sneaking out through the window. The latter is clearly a crime, so I don't think this really works as a comparison.
And that ending... okay, it works. Made me smile at least, though I think the way it's given (through Luna's speech) is a little too much telling, and is an awkward fit.
Overall, a relatively pleasant read, for, even when it wasn't advancing the story, the banter between Twilight and Rarity is pretty great. The rough patches for me are Rarity's desire for the wrong kind of fame (as previously mentioned) and Twilight being willing to skip out on the check. Both of those just feel too out of character. The last problem is the overly convenient coincidence of Luna. She shows up, accused of the same thing, and wanting the same power/gifts-from-fame as Rarity, and really just serves as an infodump source for the final punchline. "Haha, you're being treated like peasants BECAUSE it's the law!"
Avoid outright lawbreaking, have Rarity want nice things/favors/etc. because she wants Twilight to have them (not herself), and find some better way to explain the ancient law than a Luna infodump... then this story would really be great!
Oh, and really weak prompt connection, but ha-ha. :-)
Prose is flowing very well, so a breeze to read up through the "cheap seats" remark. I was about to comment on how the story is dragging out the hook, but... it's apparently intentional, as Rarity herself is trying to avoid something. Let's see if this works, since just because a character is in the dark, doesn't always mean it works for the reader to be as well.
Okay, it's revealed quickly afterwards, so a character-based excuse for dragging it out mostly works.
Some great banter here between Rarity and Twilight. Both sound spot-on in their voices so far.
Kicked out of the theater was starting to stretch it. The restaurant being closed... okay. But now we cut to a jail cell? I confess, you've lost me. I don't know what this story is about at all by this point.
The jail conversation... Rarity's desire for fame/power is kind of dark and OOC to me. Wanting to be known for what she does, yes, that kind of fame, sure. But not wanting fame so she can get away without paying, so she can have ponies "jump to her every whim." That doesn't feel right.
A lot of the jail discussion is kind of amusing. Once Luna shows up though, and it's back to skipping out on the check... Again, "not having the money on you" is different than sneaking out through the window. The latter is clearly a crime, so I don't think this really works as a comparison.
And that ending... okay, it works. Made me smile at least, though I think the way it's given (through Luna's speech) is a little too much telling, and is an awkward fit.
Overall, a relatively pleasant read, for, even when it wasn't advancing the story, the banter between Twilight and Rarity is pretty great. The rough patches for me are Rarity's desire for the wrong kind of fame (as previously mentioned) and Twilight being willing to skip out on the check. Both of those just feel too out of character. The last problem is the overly convenient coincidence of Luna. She shows up, accused of the same thing, and wanting the same power/gifts-from-fame as Rarity, and really just serves as an infodump source for the final punchline. "Haha, you're being treated like peasants BECAUSE it's the law!"
Avoid outright lawbreaking, have Rarity want nice things/favors/etc. because she wants Twilight to have them (not herself), and find some better way to explain the ancient law than a Luna infodump... then this story would really be great!
Oh, and really weak prompt connection, but ha-ha. :-)
Firstly, thanks for reading; thanks even more for commenting!
I'm glad you generally seemed to like bits of this, even though different people liked different bits. I think I can explain...
My 'plan' for this basicly runs out just before Luna shows up.
I had just wrenched myself back awake to finish writing with about five hours to go and realised I couldn't fit a proper character driven ending. So I made a joke. I think of this as two stories welded together: I think the seam looks okay but it's not ideal.
I'm going to let it sit for a while longer then I'll take another crack at getting it right.
>>Zaid Val'Roa
Basically spot on.
>>horizon
I enjoyed subverting the prompt.
I'm afraid you've partly imagined your favourite bit :( I had no plans for Rarity to swap tickets with anyone. I like to let the reader infer things though so I can't say I'm unhappy.
I also like to skirt the boundary of 'shipping' so I'm not sure if Twi and Rarity are a couple or just good friends here; I like to believe it doesn't matter.
Toffy-swirl is just an aimless British pun. A toff is a member of the upper class, a toffee swirl is a sweet.
Thanks – I hope I can bring this up to where I want it.
>>Baal Bunny
Meringue? ;)
>>Lamplighter
I'm glad the jokes landed well with you.
>>Trick_Question
A fair concern. I'm pretty gender-blind in ponyfic these days, I wasn't really going anywhere specific with the f/f flirting. I need to work a bit harder laying out motivations towards the end.
>>MrNumbers
I don't have a spanner to hand but I'll see what I can do with a keyboard.
I meant for Rarity to start a little unsympathetic and then have Twi reign her in, and I never really got to the second part.
>>WillowWren
Foppish was just an offhand joke. I take the shotgun approach – I pile them in and hope enough of them are on target. I see I'm going to have to find a way to salvage something from Luna, even if I just have to split her off into a separate fic.
>>Rao
My dialogue is a crutch but it's nice to know it's not unappreciated.
>>Xepher
I think I've covered that I hardly knew what to do with the story myself.
Luna Ex Machina is regretably all I had time for.
Rarity is supposed to be intentionally over-selling the 'fame and power' thing a bit, I think I can fix that to be more obvious.
Again, thanks all who read. I look forward to participating in more writeoffs.
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I'm glad you generally seemed to like bits of this, even though different people liked different bits. I think I can explain...
My 'plan' for this basicly runs out just before Luna shows up.
I had just wrenched myself back awake to finish writing with about five hours to go and realised I couldn't fit a proper character driven ending. So I made a joke. I think of this as two stories welded together: I think the seam looks okay but it's not ideal.
I'm going to let it sit for a while longer then I'll take another crack at getting it right.
>>Zaid Val'Roa
Basically spot on.
>>horizon
I enjoyed subverting the prompt.
I'm afraid you've partly imagined your favourite bit :( I had no plans for Rarity to swap tickets with anyone. I like to let the reader infer things though so I can't say I'm unhappy.
I also like to skirt the boundary of 'shipping' so I'm not sure if Twi and Rarity are a couple or just good friends here; I like to believe it doesn't matter.
Toffy-swirl is just an aimless British pun. A toff is a member of the upper class, a toffee swirl is a sweet.
Thanks – I hope I can bring this up to where I want it.
>>Baal Bunny
Meringue? ;)
>>Lamplighter
I'm glad the jokes landed well with you.
>>Trick_Question
A fair concern. I'm pretty gender-blind in ponyfic these days, I wasn't really going anywhere specific with the f/f flirting. I need to work a bit harder laying out motivations towards the end.
>>MrNumbers
I don't have a spanner to hand but I'll see what I can do with a keyboard.
I meant for Rarity to start a little unsympathetic and then have Twi reign her in, and I never really got to the second part.
>>WillowWren
Foppish was just an offhand joke. I take the shotgun approach – I pile them in and hope enough of them are on target. I see I'm going to have to find a way to salvage something from Luna, even if I just have to split her off into a separate fic.
>>Rao
My dialogue is a crutch but it's nice to know it's not unappreciated.
>>Xepher
I think I've covered that I hardly knew what to do with the story myself.
Luna Ex Machina is regretably all I had time for.
Rarity is supposed to be intentionally over-selling the 'fame and power' thing a bit, I think I can fix that to be more obvious.
Again, thanks all who read. I look forward to participating in more writeoffs.
Like and Subscribe!