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Pouring
Fluttershy stood at the door, watching the rain through the window. It came in great sheets, thrushing against her foliated cottage. She opened the door, and took a hearty breath of the humidity, wetness mixing with earthen, tickling her nose. Water from the raingutter sputtered against the walk, misting lightly against her hooves. She sighed and closed the door, savoring the smell.
She had the lights off, the cabin colored lightly in gray-scale through the windows. The normally colorful interior was shaded with light blue, the faintest of shadows tracing around the room. Walking to the kitchen, she dried her hooves on the living room carpet.
The window gave a gentle light that outlined the room, not that Fluttershy would have needed it. A sense of familiarity guided her, of everything having a proper place and always being put away properly. A wing nudged the Flanklin open and she uncovered the morning’s embers with a gentle breath. With careful mouth-work she made a pile of tinder and kindling to sit on top of him. A more forceful huff saw the glow brighten, traveling along the finer parts to make his home anew. Another breath saw him settled in, glowing a cherry smile. A wing nudged the door shut so that he wouldn’t catch a cold.
She grabbed a pot from the rack and hooked it on the spigot, flicking open the tap with a pointed pinion. The pot filled with crystal clear rainwater from the cistern as Fluttershy set about the rest of her tasks.
A jar of pasta was nudged from on high in the pantry, falling from the shelf to slide into a hooked wing, a small bag of flour following close behind, both finding new positions on the counter.
The icebox stood resolute in the corner, but a solid hoof laid it open. Gently with her mouth, Fluttershy moved the milk, cheese, and the butter to join their companions on the countertop.
She moved to the sink and shut the water off, taking a long draught of the biting water that filled the pot, before lifting it to the summering stovetop. She opened the door to her friend’s house and found him happily blazing. She gave him a few pieces of wood to keep him company, then moved her cushion close to the stove, sitting down to appreciate the growing heat.
Relaxing against the side, it was scant moments before the pinging-tinkle of the pot announced that he was more than comfortably warm and that the water was getting restless. Rising, she took the jar of pasta and opened it, filling the pot with a good portion. She shut the lid then set it to rest back in the pantry. A small saucepan slid onto the stove, and found itself filled with the butter, flour, milk and cheese, a wooden spoon lumping them together in the pan as the stove’s heat helped them become better friends.
The spoon scraped and the pot roiled, as Fluttershy set in her rhythm. Then the pan moved to the counter as the pot moved to the sink, finding itself gently tipped sideways to divulge the delicately tender pasta hidden beneath. The pan went sideways above the pot, the wooden spoon now pushing the sauce to reach out and make friends with the pasta. Most went immediately, but the spoon had to help some out. The pan settled into the sink, a modest amount of water covering it to make a later cleanup all the easier.
The spoon went into the pot, spreading, mixing, and coating. A few moments of work found the pasta and sauce thoroughly inseparable, forever in friendship. A cabinet above opened, bringing a small bowl down. The spoon-cum-ladle meted out a meal’s worth from the pot.
A wing grabbed the now filled bowl, a hoof the cushion and brought both to the window. For a moment she sat, feeling the view and appreciating the rain. The patter of raindrops against the glass was a faint tinkle, a musical melody at the edge of the senses. She gave a contented sigh, slipped her spoon into her meal then brought it to her lips. Tepid.
She had the lights off, the cabin colored lightly in gray-scale through the windows. The normally colorful interior was shaded with light blue, the faintest of shadows tracing around the room. Walking to the kitchen, she dried her hooves on the living room carpet.
The window gave a gentle light that outlined the room, not that Fluttershy would have needed it. A sense of familiarity guided her, of everything having a proper place and always being put away properly. A wing nudged the Flanklin open and she uncovered the morning’s embers with a gentle breath. With careful mouth-work she made a pile of tinder and kindling to sit on top of him. A more forceful huff saw the glow brighten, traveling along the finer parts to make his home anew. Another breath saw him settled in, glowing a cherry smile. A wing nudged the door shut so that he wouldn’t catch a cold.
She grabbed a pot from the rack and hooked it on the spigot, flicking open the tap with a pointed pinion. The pot filled with crystal clear rainwater from the cistern as Fluttershy set about the rest of her tasks.
A jar of pasta was nudged from on high in the pantry, falling from the shelf to slide into a hooked wing, a small bag of flour following close behind, both finding new positions on the counter.
The icebox stood resolute in the corner, but a solid hoof laid it open. Gently with her mouth, Fluttershy moved the milk, cheese, and the butter to join their companions on the countertop.
She moved to the sink and shut the water off, taking a long draught of the biting water that filled the pot, before lifting it to the summering stovetop. She opened the door to her friend’s house and found him happily blazing. She gave him a few pieces of wood to keep him company, then moved her cushion close to the stove, sitting down to appreciate the growing heat.
Relaxing against the side, it was scant moments before the pinging-tinkle of the pot announced that he was more than comfortably warm and that the water was getting restless. Rising, she took the jar of pasta and opened it, filling the pot with a good portion. She shut the lid then set it to rest back in the pantry. A small saucepan slid onto the stove, and found itself filled with the butter, flour, milk and cheese, a wooden spoon lumping them together in the pan as the stove’s heat helped them become better friends.
The spoon scraped and the pot roiled, as Fluttershy set in her rhythm. Then the pan moved to the counter as the pot moved to the sink, finding itself gently tipped sideways to divulge the delicately tender pasta hidden beneath. The pan went sideways above the pot, the wooden spoon now pushing the sauce to reach out and make friends with the pasta. Most went immediately, but the spoon had to help some out. The pan settled into the sink, a modest amount of water covering it to make a later cleanup all the easier.
The spoon went into the pot, spreading, mixing, and coating. A few moments of work found the pasta and sauce thoroughly inseparable, forever in friendship. A cabinet above opened, bringing a small bowl down. The spoon-cum-ladle meted out a meal’s worth from the pot.
A wing grabbed the now filled bowl, a hoof the cushion and brought both to the window. For a moment she sat, feeling the view and appreciating the rain. The patter of raindrops against the glass was a faint tinkle, a musical melody at the edge of the senses. She gave a contented sigh, slipped her spoon into her meal then brought it to her lips. Tepid.
Oh man, the atmosphere of this story was so comfy. The story itself really doesn't have the most substance, but this is an arcless SoL that doesn't need to have any more substance than the atmosphere. I've got a little bit of a soft spot for these, so I ended up enjoying this story regardless.
Agreed with regidar that atmosphere is a strong point, here.
There were some stylistic points that threw me, though. For one, there was an unusual level of personification - I had to read the stove section twice, because I thought at first that a phoenix might be convalescing there.
More passive voice than I'd prefer. Taking the text at face value, the things were basically cooking themselves. Obviously that wasn't the case, and it's a valid writing style, but it was hard not to notice.
Still the quiet and peace were very true to Fluttershy, and it was a pleasant and relaxing read.
There were some stylistic points that threw me, though. For one, there was an unusual level of personification - I had to read the stove section twice, because I thought at first that a phoenix might be convalescing there.
More passive voice than I'd prefer. Taking the text at face value, the things were basically cooking themselves. Obviously that wasn't the case, and it's a valid writing style, but it was hard not to notice.
Still the quiet and peace were very true to Fluttershy, and it was a pleasant and relaxing read.
Another ultra-low-stakes story on my slate. I love the prose, the imagery, and the little "friendship" metaphors scattered throughout. This fic is like a good cup of tea--it calms you right down and puts you into that mood that makes you want to do nothing but think about life all day.
Still, the mood is about all there is, here. You're playing it very, very safe here, and I really wouldn't mind some more emotional depth to make the mood of serenity feel more poignant. I'm almost certain that this is an experimental piece, with the whole lack of dialogue, conflict, or any other characters. I'd say that it was a resounding success in setting a mood, but it doesn't quite do anything with the atmosphere it creates. As with "Impending Hug", I'm still rating this pretty highly, but if all else is equal, I would probably put a more ambitious fic above this story, should I run into one.
Still, the mood is about all there is, here. You're playing it very, very safe here, and I really wouldn't mind some more emotional depth to make the mood of serenity feel more poignant. I'm almost certain that this is an experimental piece, with the whole lack of dialogue, conflict, or any other characters. I'd say that it was a resounding success in setting a mood, but it doesn't quite do anything with the atmosphere it creates. As with "Impending Hug", I'm still rating this pretty highly, but if all else is equal, I would probably put a more ambitious fic above this story, should I run into one.
Gah. Sorry I couldn’t finish that. :( I can't palate the prose. It seems to be only structured as “A, B”. While this may convey a sort of monotony, it’s also boring as hell. What’s a Flanklin? Why “he/him”, what does that refer to?
Really, the chanting prose combined with what Bachi rightly calls ultra-low stake made me quit. Sorry, author.
Really, the chanting prose combined with what Bachi rightly calls ultra-low stake made me quit. Sorry, author.
This is a story that belongs in my What Lies in a Moment collection. It's all about taking a non-important, simple time, without the noise and action and drama of a typical story, and turning the scene itself into a project. And for that, I highly approve. I think people should write scenes like these on occasion, just for the sake of practicing prose.
That being said, I agree with others that the low-stakes nature of the story will probably keep it from garnering a high rank for this writeoff in the long run.
That being said, I agree with others that the low-stakes nature of the story will probably keep it from garnering a high rank for this writeoff in the long run.
It's so... cozy. I love it. I don't think there's anything to change about it.
Also, if this makes it to Fimfic, I know one guy I'm rec-ing it to.
Tier: Top Contender.
Also, if this makes it to Fimfic, I know one guy I'm rec-ing it to.
Tier: Top Contender.
...In which Fluttershy makes pasta. And that's about it.
I love slice of life, but I prefer slice of life stories that have some substance or meaning underneath the everyday minutiae of pony routine. This is just... Fluttershy making pasta. It's lovely, but it doesn't feel like it signifies anything.
Eight broken, fragmented strands of uncooked angel hair pasta out of ten.
I love slice of life, but I prefer slice of life stories that have some substance or meaning underneath the everyday minutiae of pony routine. This is just... Fluttershy making pasta. It's lovely, but it doesn't feel like it signifies anything.
Eight broken, fragmented strands of uncooked angel hair pasta out of ten.