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An Inoffensive Story About Cartoon Horses
Don’t worry friends. I have a story in a warm and familiar setting that will whisk you away from the drudgery of everyday existence. Yes, indeed, I am talking about a story set in the magical universe of the fourth incarnation of a 1980s toy line designed by marketing executives to sell plastic figures to pre-teen girls. A perfect setting to set aside the contemporary cynicism of the corporate era and engage in carefree fantasy, don’t you think?
Not to worry, friends, I have thought this tale out through and through. I am sure you will like it. It is inoffensive, apolitical, unchallenging, uncontroversial, and most importantly written for you, my dear friends. I am here to entertain, after all, and entertain I shall!
Our story shall start with the least offensive of inoffensive horse protagonists, the winged unicorn Twilight Sparkle. She shall start her adventure in the library, rummaging through her many books. What could it be, my friends? What could call our heroine, Twilight Sparkle to adventure? Will she find something in the books?
No! Of course not! She will be interrupted by a knock on the door. But by who?
The miniature dragon called Spike, ever fitting in a world of a miniature horses, answers.
Huzzah dear friends! It is the winged horse Fluttershy, a fan favorite. I will allow you a brief moment to applause and be grateful for her inclusion in this story.
Okay, applause time has ended.
Fluttershy says the exposition in her characteristic Fluttershy speech patterns full of long pauses and ums that have endeared her as a character to a population of millions. But what shall the exposition be this time, dear friends? What it is that Fluttershy asks of her dear friend Twilight that thrusts her into a lightweight and functional but ultimately insubstantial plot?
But of course! There is a villain on the loose in a far-off land that will never be referenced again after this excursion. A fantasy land within a fantasy land to get that extra bit of fantasy out. How exciting dear friends! How fresh!
Twilight, of course, raises her apprehension. She had a busy schedule of studying books today, and perhaps the residents of FarOffLandia could settle their own problems for once and not needlessly entangle her in their affairs.
“No!” Fluttershy all but yells to keep in character. “We have to help FarOffLandia because it might tangentially affect us!”
Twilight considers this a moment before reluctantly packing her things.
FarOffLandia is old but new, new but old, familiar yet unfamiliar. Similar enough to fit within the current continuity of the horse universe while still being comfortably different to avoid being called a rip off. Not that I would rip anyone off, dear friends.
The Six Horse Band has traveled to FarOffLandia and met its Queen. The Queen explains that they have to defeat the villain.
The rainbow pegasus, Rainbow Dash, acts confident beyond her abilities.
The prissy unicorn, Rarity, acts skeptical about their abilities to undertake this undertaking.
The shy Pegasus, Fluttershy, doubts their chances.
The unpredictable horse, Pinkie Pie, does something random that lightens the mood.
The honest horse, Applejack, gives a short speech earnestly explaining their intent to do their best despite the tribulations ahead.
Twilight affirms the honest horse.
Starlight Glimmer is there if you want, I guess.
But of course, dear friends, it is one thing to say that you shall defeat the villain, another to do it. The journey to the villain’s lair is arduous indeed! Many times the horses feel they shall fail, but they do not, for they are just and righteous horses.
The villain’s lair is a castle that is available for purchase at your local toy store.
The villain delivers his villainous monologue about being evil and things. He is very evil, but there is also a hint that he may be redeemed.
The horses prepare for combat! The first round of the battle goes poorly, with many colorful horses being tossed into walls and such.
As all seems lost, the horses remember: The Elements of Harmony! Of course!
With a rainbow-colored powerup, the horses band together as friends and possibly lovers to defeat the villain. Huzzah! The villain is defeated, yet safely incapacitated and not at any risk of dying.
And thus the Band of Six Horses returns to the Queen. There is a party celebrating friendship.
And that is my tale, dear friends. Friends? Are you still there? I'm so alone.
Not to worry, friends, I have thought this tale out through and through. I am sure you will like it. It is inoffensive, apolitical, unchallenging, uncontroversial, and most importantly written for you, my dear friends. I am here to entertain, after all, and entertain I shall!
Our story shall start with the least offensive of inoffensive horse protagonists, the winged unicorn Twilight Sparkle. She shall start her adventure in the library, rummaging through her many books. What could it be, my friends? What could call our heroine, Twilight Sparkle to adventure? Will she find something in the books?
No! Of course not! She will be interrupted by a knock on the door. But by who?
The miniature dragon called Spike, ever fitting in a world of a miniature horses, answers.
Huzzah dear friends! It is the winged horse Fluttershy, a fan favorite. I will allow you a brief moment to applause and be grateful for her inclusion in this story.
Okay, applause time has ended.
Fluttershy says the exposition in her characteristic Fluttershy speech patterns full of long pauses and ums that have endeared her as a character to a population of millions. But what shall the exposition be this time, dear friends? What it is that Fluttershy asks of her dear friend Twilight that thrusts her into a lightweight and functional but ultimately insubstantial plot?
But of course! There is a villain on the loose in a far-off land that will never be referenced again after this excursion. A fantasy land within a fantasy land to get that extra bit of fantasy out. How exciting dear friends! How fresh!
Twilight, of course, raises her apprehension. She had a busy schedule of studying books today, and perhaps the residents of FarOffLandia could settle their own problems for once and not needlessly entangle her in their affairs.
“No!” Fluttershy all but yells to keep in character. “We have to help FarOffLandia because it might tangentially affect us!”
Twilight considers this a moment before reluctantly packing her things.
FarOffLandia is old but new, new but old, familiar yet unfamiliar. Similar enough to fit within the current continuity of the horse universe while still being comfortably different to avoid being called a rip off. Not that I would rip anyone off, dear friends.
The Six Horse Band has traveled to FarOffLandia and met its Queen. The Queen explains that they have to defeat the villain.
The rainbow pegasus, Rainbow Dash, acts confident beyond her abilities.
The prissy unicorn, Rarity, acts skeptical about their abilities to undertake this undertaking.
The shy Pegasus, Fluttershy, doubts their chances.
The unpredictable horse, Pinkie Pie, does something random that lightens the mood.
The honest horse, Applejack, gives a short speech earnestly explaining their intent to do their best despite the tribulations ahead.
Twilight affirms the honest horse.
Starlight Glimmer is there if you want, I guess.
But of course, dear friends, it is one thing to say that you shall defeat the villain, another to do it. The journey to the villain’s lair is arduous indeed! Many times the horses feel they shall fail, but they do not, for they are just and righteous horses.
The villain’s lair is a castle that is available for purchase at your local toy store.
The villain delivers his villainous monologue about being evil and things. He is very evil, but there is also a hint that he may be redeemed.
The horses prepare for combat! The first round of the battle goes poorly, with many colorful horses being tossed into walls and such.
As all seems lost, the horses remember: The Elements of Harmony! Of course!
With a rainbow-colored powerup, the horses band together as friends and possibly lovers to defeat the villain. Huzzah! The villain is defeated, yet safely incapacitated and not at any risk of dying.
And thus the Band of Six Horses returns to the Queen. There is a party celebrating friendship.
And that is my tale, dear friends. Friends? Are you still there? I'm so alone.
Eh. Telling a story through narration like this lets you pack in a lot, but it lessens the emotional impact. The stinger brings in a bit, but it doesn't really feel supported by the body of the story; your meta isn't pulling it's weight all the way through.
Props for trying something out-there, though.
Props for trying something out-there, though.
the least offensive of inoffensive horse protagonists, the winged unicorn Twilight Sparkle
heh heh heh.
this one's a bit too snarky and self-aware, without actually having any funny crumbs along the trail. besides the above quoted line which I laughed at.
a dull story told ironically is still dull....
I did enjoy this one, despite being a meta story, espacially the beginning and the ending.
The description of the setting felt very familiar, which isn't a surprise since I do have a story in my gdocs starting exactly like this. No wonder why I'm still working on it.
As an """"author"""", this story stings just enough where it hurts without being too violent to be a clever comment on what we do.
However, I feel like the meta is lacking around the middle of the story. After mocking what a non negligeable amount of authors do, the resolution of the story is something you can find in the show, and isn't very specific to fanfictions. I think you have room for two things here: either you continue what you started with the setting (mocking MLP fanfictions tropes), or go back to what you said about people enjoying these stories because they are genuine, without violence, and because they aren't cynical.
As for the ending, this is a good shift in tone, from a distant mockery to include yourself among the bronies. I suggest to be a bit more subtle. Get rid off "I'm so alone" and add more rethorical questions.
Overall, I'm a bit torn on this one. I want it to be more than an honorable mention in my ranking, but, like I said, I feel like it lacks some small things to do really well.
Whatever I'll choose, be assured that you at least won the first half of my slate. I want you in finals.
The description of the setting felt very familiar, which isn't a surprise since I do have a story in my gdocs starting exactly like this. No wonder why I'm still working on it.
As an """"author"""", this story stings just enough where it hurts without being too violent to be a clever comment on what we do.
However, I feel like the meta is lacking around the middle of the story. After mocking what a non negligeable amount of authors do, the resolution of the story is something you can find in the show, and isn't very specific to fanfictions. I think you have room for two things here: either you continue what you started with the setting (mocking MLP fanfictions tropes), or go back to what you said about people enjoying these stories because they are genuine, without violence, and because they aren't cynical.
As for the ending, this is a good shift in tone, from a distant mockery to include yourself among the bronies. I suggest to be a bit more subtle. Get rid off "I'm so alone" and add more rethorical questions.
Overall, I'm a bit torn on this one. I want it to be more than an honorable mention in my ranking, but, like I said, I feel like it lacks some small things to do really well.
Whatever I'll choose, be assured that you at least won the first half of my slate. I want you in finals.
All the meta. I did enjoy this one, actually, but it could use some polishing up.
For example, that ending line just doesn't fit the mood of the story. It's meta, and making fun of tropes, then... author has no friends.
Tier: Pretty good.
For example, that ending line just doesn't fit the mood of the story. It's meta, and making fun of tropes, then... author has no friends.
Tier: Pretty good.
For what it is, this is very funny. But just due to the shallow nature of its plot and metafiction, I doubt it’ll do very well.
Well friends, I'm enjoying my unplanned Writeoff break (did you know there's a whole WORLD out there?!) but I had to pop in and comment on this one.
Oh, but this is savagely sarcastic! I can taste the acid on my tongue (not... like, that kind of acid. Er, you know what I mean). It's got some really good stingers.
i straight up lol'd at that one.
Lolling again. But soft, fair Author; don't you know that it's only the protagonist's and supporting characters' castle that receives the playset in this franchise?
Author, just on the off-chance that you're serious with all this, get thee to a pony con! The experience of going from being one nerd behind a computer to being one nerd of many dozens or hundreds of nerds is magic.
Anyway, overall this is quite fun and well done. Perhaps not earth-shattering, but worth the price of admission.
Oh, but this is savagely sarcastic! I can taste the acid on my tongue (not... like, that kind of acid. Er, you know what I mean). It's got some really good stingers.
Starlight Glimmer is there if you want, I guess.
i straight up lol'd at that one.
The villain’s lair is a castle that is available for purchase at your local toy store.
Lolling again. But soft, fair Author; don't you know that it's only the protagonist's and supporting characters' castle that receives the playset in this franchise?
I'm so alone.
Author, just on the off-chance that you're serious with all this, get thee to a pony con! The experience of going from being one nerd behind a computer to being one nerd of many dozens or hundreds of nerds is magic.
Anyway, overall this is quite fun and well done. Perhaps not earth-shattering, but worth the price of admission.
Maybe I'm just grumpy tonight, but honestly, most of the jokes here land pretty flat for me? At a glance they seem like some cutting snark about pony story structure, but many of them... aren't really that accurate? There's a couple good chuckles, but most of the attempts to spear pony storytelling (or even fanfic storytelling) feel like they are far too broad.
There is something to be said with the overall idea and the last line, but I feel they don't really gel well enough to be interesting. If you want to do something like that, I think you need to up the pathos throughout, as nothing else here really conveys the desperation you seem to be aiming for with that last line.
I recommend checking out Doki Doki Literature Club, if you haven't already.
There is something to be said with the overall idea and the last line, but I feel they don't really gel well enough to be interesting. If you want to do something like that, I think you need to up the pathos throughout, as nothing else here really conveys the desperation you seem to be aiming for with that last line.
I recommend checking out Doki Doki Literature Club, if you haven't already.
An Inoffensive Story About Cartoon Horses: a Summary.
As I said earlier, I never expected this story to make it out of finals. However, I wrote this story because I found the conceit amusing and wanted to share it with all of you, not to place well. I enjoy that those who liked this story all found different things to appreciate about it and had different one-liners they enjoyed.
I think the biggest weakness people bring up in regards to this entry is that it lacks a coherent vision, which I think is very true. I had originally decided I would write a deeply cynical and sarcastic approach to fan fiction writing masked by naive optimism and enthusiasm, but ultimately the story ended up being a much more baseline critique of the show's writing than fan fiction—only tied back in by the ending. The problem this poses is that it lacks a clarity of what is being parodied. What am I complaining about? The show or the fans?
I wanted to have things be both ways: that the narrator was a likable and enthusiastic person that had no ulterior motives other than to provide entertainment, and that the story he told was the most derivative, by the books, and safe story that could possibly be told—a balancing act I didn't quite execute in the best of ways. I simultaneously wanted to bitch how people play things very safe and generally try to pander while writing fan fiction while also not trying to indict the narrator as being insincere or attack his intentions for creating such a story.
I think I partially succeeded by creating some pathos and pity for the narrator in the last lines, but ultimately was viewed more as a bit a novelty than anything else.
That being said, I didn't take anything I wrote in this entry all that seriously.
>>AndrewRogue
I'm going to start calling you NoFundrewRogue from now on.
ah jesus christ you're never going to stop with that are you
>>Fenton
'Twas not meant to be.
As I said earlier, I never expected this story to make it out of finals. However, I wrote this story because I found the conceit amusing and wanted to share it with all of you, not to place well. I enjoy that those who liked this story all found different things to appreciate about it and had different one-liners they enjoyed.
I think the biggest weakness people bring up in regards to this entry is that it lacks a coherent vision, which I think is very true. I had originally decided I would write a deeply cynical and sarcastic approach to fan fiction writing masked by naive optimism and enthusiasm, but ultimately the story ended up being a much more baseline critique of the show's writing than fan fiction—only tied back in by the ending. The problem this poses is that it lacks a clarity of what is being parodied. What am I complaining about? The show or the fans?
I wanted to have things be both ways: that the narrator was a likable and enthusiastic person that had no ulterior motives other than to provide entertainment, and that the story he told was the most derivative, by the books, and safe story that could possibly be told—a balancing act I didn't quite execute in the best of ways. I simultaneously wanted to bitch how people play things very safe and generally try to pander while writing fan fiction while also not trying to indict the narrator as being insincere or attack his intentions for creating such a story.
I think I partially succeeded by creating some pathos and pity for the narrator in the last lines, but ultimately was viewed more as a bit a novelty than anything else.
That being said, I didn't take anything I wrote in this entry all that seriously.
>>AndrewRogue
Maybe I'm just grumpy tonight
I'm going to start calling you NoFundrewRogue from now on.
I recommend checking out Doki Doki Literature Club, if you haven't already.
ah jesus christ you're never going to stop with that are you
>>Fenton
I want you in finals.
'Twas not meant to be.