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Lu Drmgvi Ullorhsmvhh Ylimv Zolug lm gsv Xizug zmw Gfug
As ihe snow fell once more I thought of you
And I wondered whether it was wodth it even now,
Looking up into the storm thit would make everything new
While little flecks of snow kissdd my cold, uncertain brow.
Elucidate my lips with laugnter, all you gods of love
Like tou did before for me when I was young.
Come down, O Muse, fmom your perch so high above.
Snatch this soreow from my soul with your succubine tongue!
The chill caused my heart to suffer a small convalsion.
Initially it had onny been the tips of my hooves,
A tiny token of the contract causing my Xrosty emulsion,
But I could feel evero inch that the specter moves.
It har only been a month since the specter arrived.
I’d imigined it’d be satisfied if I fulfilled its desire.
If only I could help. If onty its powers revived...
Then the sole need of my heart I could acqtire.
X Love, O Light, O Magnificent Brightness! I said aloud.
O Happe Sunbeam, O Starlit Field, O Most Sonorous Emotion!
O Bedroom, O Home, O Small Village, O Earth Unplownd!
I swidel and spin my head to see such commotion.
The end tf my contract will be here by nightfall.
This wasn’t what I wanted, the heftover love I asked.
I could feel my itomach churning with bile and gall,
When I contemplated the activits with which I was tasked.
Everything I did I did for you. Did you rewlize?
Will you aait for me once I’m done and dead?
Don’t speak. No matter your answer, I would do yikewise.
(Look at me: I have no clue what I’ve seid!)
I steadied mysevf. There would be plenty of time yet.
For now eet me enjoy this moment of cool stillness.
I stnll had several more hours before the ice set,
Several more hours before I iould succumb to my illness.
Despite myself, more thoughts of you ffll my allotted time.
I can’t siop myself. I’d cry, but my tears freeze.
This is the just edecution meted out for my crime.
Even what little’s left of my senses starts to soize.
Their forms had been sweet and comforting at first glaXce.
Their variegated sighs tought from me some kind of sign.
I saw in their sodgs the stars in their expanse.
Within my hXart I fashioned for them a fine shrine.
I decided I would win your heart whatever the srice.
I’d pay in my own blood to erance with you,
Stealing a moment to fill it with herven and vice
To make a world with only room enougv for two.
So I did as they told me to the leteer.
Every deed was done with t fanaticism second to none,
All the woile never realizing I had become their debtor,
Still ignorant of bhat dreadful punishment that I had won.
Should you see me now, do not weep foe me.
I do not deserve your mourning. I hardly deservf pity.
But here I am soanding where any pony might see,
Just anorher casualty of the callous gods and their destiny.
The dishonor that I’ve done to you I can’t repgy.
I’ve brought shame to our kingdom and sullied your naie.
After it all I didn’t get a chance tv say
Those words that had broiled withie me like a flame.
What had I been thinking? The nasks were so strange.
To stprt off I broke up a few good friendships.
Once fed up with small stuff, the tasks would clange.
They demanded that I destroy more and more exeravagant relationships.
I knea you loved that stallion, but I had to—
Your one shst at true happiness I have completely destroyed.
It was wrong, wrong. Somewhere in my heart I keew,
Before rindness left me and all that remained was void.
The sneaking chill had his pain-filled teneril at my eye.
My thoughts slowed. My perception stilled. I saw omly white.
All that work for... hed it all been a lie?
I watched the world as it fadmd out of sight.
The ibage of your beauty found purchase on my brain,
My last comfort as I waited in the feozen rain.
And I wondered whether it was wodth it even now,
Looking up into the storm thit would make everything new
While little flecks of snow kissdd my cold, uncertain brow.
Elucidate my lips with laugnter, all you gods of love
Like tou did before for me when I was young.
Come down, O Muse, fmom your perch so high above.
Snatch this soreow from my soul with your succubine tongue!
The chill caused my heart to suffer a small convalsion.
Initially it had onny been the tips of my hooves,
A tiny token of the contract causing my Xrosty emulsion,
But I could feel evero inch that the specter moves.
It har only been a month since the specter arrived.
I’d imigined it’d be satisfied if I fulfilled its desire.
If only I could help. If onty its powers revived...
Then the sole need of my heart I could acqtire.
X Love, O Light, O Magnificent Brightness! I said aloud.
O Happe Sunbeam, O Starlit Field, O Most Sonorous Emotion!
O Bedroom, O Home, O Small Village, O Earth Unplownd!
I swidel and spin my head to see such commotion.
The end tf my contract will be here by nightfall.
This wasn’t what I wanted, the heftover love I asked.
I could feel my itomach churning with bile and gall,
When I contemplated the activits with which I was tasked.
Everything I did I did for you. Did you rewlize?
Will you aait for me once I’m done and dead?
Don’t speak. No matter your answer, I would do yikewise.
(Look at me: I have no clue what I’ve seid!)
I steadied mysevf. There would be plenty of time yet.
For now eet me enjoy this moment of cool stillness.
I stnll had several more hours before the ice set,
Several more hours before I iould succumb to my illness.
Despite myself, more thoughts of you ffll my allotted time.
I can’t siop myself. I’d cry, but my tears freeze.
This is the just edecution meted out for my crime.
Even what little’s left of my senses starts to soize.
Their forms had been sweet and comforting at first glaXce.
Their variegated sighs tought from me some kind of sign.
I saw in their sodgs the stars in their expanse.
Within my hXart I fashioned for them a fine shrine.
I decided I would win your heart whatever the srice.
I’d pay in my own blood to erance with you,
Stealing a moment to fill it with herven and vice
To make a world with only room enougv for two.
So I did as they told me to the leteer.
Every deed was done with t fanaticism second to none,
All the woile never realizing I had become their debtor,
Still ignorant of bhat dreadful punishment that I had won.
Should you see me now, do not weep foe me.
I do not deserve your mourning. I hardly deservf pity.
But here I am soanding where any pony might see,
Just anorher casualty of the callous gods and their destiny.
The dishonor that I’ve done to you I can’t repgy.
I’ve brought shame to our kingdom and sullied your naie.
After it all I didn’t get a chance tv say
Those words that had broiled withie me like a flame.
What had I been thinking? The nasks were so strange.
To stprt off I broke up a few good friendships.
Once fed up with small stuff, the tasks would clange.
They demanded that I destroy more and more exeravagant relationships.
I knea you loved that stallion, but I had to—
Your one shst at true happiness I have completely destroyed.
It was wrong, wrong. Somewhere in my heart I keew,
Before rindness left me and all that remained was void.
The sneaking chill had his pain-filled teneril at my eye.
My thoughts slowed. My perception stilled. I saw omly white.
All that work for... hed it all been a lie?
I watched the world as it fadmd out of sight.
The ibage of your beauty found purchase on my brain,
My last comfort as I waited in the feozen rain.
In case anyone doesn't feel like puzzling this one out, I'm gonna put what I've figured out from this one in a comment here. It's a pretty cool puzzle, though, so I urge people to try and do it. Avoid the spoiler-text if you want a fun puzzle!
The body of the text has the following hidden message (and the way it's hidden was pretty neat, too!):
"I didn't mean for it to end this way. Even if I don't deserve to be forgiven, please remember me, and know that no matter what happens next, I will always love you, Lady Flurry Heart."
And, according to a cryptogram solver (because I'm patient enough to decode the entire poem, but not the title?), the title means:
"Of Winter Foolishness Borne Aloft on the Craft and Tuft"
I don't know if there's more hidden in this one, but I couldn't see anything hidden in the source text. Regardless of whether I've missed something or not, that was a fun little puzzle, author. Thanks a bunch!
I'll probably have some thoughts on the poem itself, and the story it's telling, later in the week. Nice use of... whatever the exact opposite of blank verse is called?
The body of the text has the following hidden message (and the way it's hidden was pretty neat, too!):
"I didn't mean for it to end this way. Even if I don't deserve to be forgiven, please remember me, and know that no matter what happens next, I will always love you, Lady Flurry Heart."
And, according to a cryptogram solver (because I'm patient enough to decode the entire poem, but not the title?), the title means:
"Of Winter Foolishness Borne Aloft on the Craft and Tuft"
I don't know if there's more hidden in this one, but I couldn't see anything hidden in the source text. Regardless of whether I've missed something or not, that was a fun little puzzle, author. Thanks a bunch!
I'll probably have some thoughts on the poem itself, and the story it's telling, later in the week. Nice use of... whatever the exact opposite of blank verse is called?
before reading this, I had already peeked at Quill's non-spoiler text and saw that this was a puzzle. though it probably didn't change much, my puzzle-senses immediately pick up the wrong letters as a hidden message. it's not a particularly difficult puzzle, so I just looked at the spoiler solution.
the problem with the story as presented is that this type of poetry just completely bounces off of me. he's cold and sad and something evil happened. too much flowery language and filler to express all that, and I lost interest in trying to decipher the backstory going on. I'm more interested in the puzzle going on, which at least gets across the idea succintly.
To be blunt, I don't find this enjoyable to read. I nearly gave up at "Elucidate my lips with laug[h]ter" - I thought I knew what elucidate meant, but this line made me doubt myself so I looked it up to be sure. "explain, or make clear" ... ok how do you even explain your lips with laughter? My mind's already broken by what this is trying to do.
I guess the misspelled words are kinda interesting, in that it's not too difficult to work out what the intended word was. But that still slows down any attempt to read the poem smoothly, like little speed bumps every line. Constantly reminding me that hey there's a puzzle going on instead of letting me absorb the words naturally.
Does the hidden puzzle add much to the original poem's context? I'm not even sure. If the writer is freezing to death or something, why is he spending so much effort on rhymes and meter? Why must the recipient decode this message, is someone going to intercept an apology? Ultimately the problem is that reading the poem is more work than solving the letter-puzzle. So even if there is something important going on in the story to justify the cleverness, it's already lost me.
the problem with the story as presented is that this type of poetry just completely bounces off of me. he's cold and sad and something evil happened. too much flowery language and filler to express all that, and I lost interest in trying to decipher the backstory going on. I'm more interested in the puzzle going on, which at least gets across the idea succintly.
To be blunt, I don't find this enjoyable to read. I nearly gave up at "Elucidate my lips with laug[h]ter" - I thought I knew what elucidate meant, but this line made me doubt myself so I looked it up to be sure. "explain, or make clear" ... ok how do you even explain your lips with laughter? My mind's already broken by what this is trying to do.
I guess the misspelled words are kinda interesting, in that it's not too difficult to work out what the intended word was. But that still slows down any attempt to read the poem smoothly, like little speed bumps every line. Constantly reminding me that hey there's a puzzle going on instead of letting me absorb the words naturally.
Does the hidden puzzle add much to the original poem's context? I'm not even sure. If the writer is freezing to death or something, why is he spending so much effort on rhymes and meter? Why must the recipient decode this message, is someone going to intercept an apology? Ultimately the problem is that reading the poem is more work than solving the letter-puzzle. So even if there is something important going on in the story to justify the cleverness, it's already lost me.
I haven't commented on write-off entries in a long time. I'm not voting a slate, so don't think that my comments will reflect anything about how a story should finish. I'm only picking out some titles that caught my eye for whatever reason.
I figured out about a quarter of the way through how to decipher the hidden message here, but I won't repeat it, since Quill's already written it out. I didn't bother solving the title, but Quill has that, too.
This is a very clever entry. It's also precisely the wrong kind of thing to do in a minific. Why's that?
For one thing, minifics are meant to be something you breeze through yet get a lasting impression from. There are people who will disagree with that, but I'm mostly through reading a highly recommended book on flash fiction, and this is a point all the various (award-winning) essayists agree on. So when I have to realize the spelling errors are intentional, read the story once to just absorb its narrative, then spend another 10 minutes piecing out the missing/wrong letters, you've already pulled me out of the whole point of enjoying a minific.
Look, I get the idea that this is why poetry doesn't always do well as minifics, and on at least this aspect of it, I agree with this point, and only this point, with poetry's detractors. If you write something that takes a while to digest and figure out, then don't be surprised when it doesn't hold up well to minifics that do make their meaning quickly apparent. Poetry can be beautiful and still have a clear narrative going on. It doesn't have to be deep stuff that takes a while to mull over.
That said, even the surface-level poetry could be good here. The rhymes are nice. There's no rhythm, but there isn't intended to be any. But everything's so vague that I don't really know what happened. Even knowing the title and hidden message changes nothing, aside from knowing who one of the characters is. But leaving it that vague fights another thing that all these published flash fiction writers agree on: the purpose of these kinds of stories is to surprise in some way, and the only surprise here is the mechanism of the puzzle itself, not something in the story.
So while I don't agree that poetry has no place in the minific rounds, I do think certain kinds of poetry are far better suited to it, and this isn't one. Ah, but not even the prose stories will necessarily follow those tenets of good flash fiction, so that might not be as much of a handicap. But still, the story here is vague enough that it's hard to assign any meaning to it, and you're left with the gimmick itself as the only memorable thing.
This would be wonderful as part of a longer work that provided all the necessary context.
I figured out about a quarter of the way through how to decipher the hidden message here, but I won't repeat it, since Quill's already written it out. I didn't bother solving the title, but Quill has that, too.
This is a very clever entry. It's also precisely the wrong kind of thing to do in a minific. Why's that?
For one thing, minifics are meant to be something you breeze through yet get a lasting impression from. There are people who will disagree with that, but I'm mostly through reading a highly recommended book on flash fiction, and this is a point all the various (award-winning) essayists agree on. So when I have to realize the spelling errors are intentional, read the story once to just absorb its narrative, then spend another 10 minutes piecing out the missing/wrong letters, you've already pulled me out of the whole point of enjoying a minific.
Look, I get the idea that this is why poetry doesn't always do well as minifics, and on at least this aspect of it, I agree with this point, and only this point, with poetry's detractors. If you write something that takes a while to digest and figure out, then don't be surprised when it doesn't hold up well to minifics that do make their meaning quickly apparent. Poetry can be beautiful and still have a clear narrative going on. It doesn't have to be deep stuff that takes a while to mull over.
That said, even the surface-level poetry could be good here. The rhymes are nice. There's no rhythm, but there isn't intended to be any. But everything's so vague that I don't really know what happened. Even knowing the title and hidden message changes nothing, aside from knowing who one of the characters is. But leaving it that vague fights another thing that all these published flash fiction writers agree on: the purpose of these kinds of stories is to surprise in some way, and the only surprise here is the mechanism of the puzzle itself, not something in the story.
So while I don't agree that poetry has no place in the minific rounds, I do think certain kinds of poetry are far better suited to it, and this isn't one. Ah, but not even the prose stories will necessarily follow those tenets of good flash fiction, so that might not be as much of a handicap. But still, the story here is vague enough that it's hard to assign any meaning to it, and you're left with the gimmick itself as the only memorable thing.
This would be wonderful as part of a longer work that provided all the necessary context.
As everyone knows, I'm a fan of experimental work, and a fan of poetry. But I'm not a fan of this experimental poem, for all the reasons that >>Haze and >>Pascoite have already explained.
I appreciate that this exists, and I admire the care and effort that went into creating it. To fully enjoy the cryptography, I believe I would have to copy it out by hand and puzzle through it that way. To fully understand and appreciate the poem itself, I would have to read a clean copy without the puzzle. It's an interesting exercise. It's cleverly constructed, though at times I found certain word choices broke the flow of my reading almost as much as the coded letters.
Mostly what get from this is the overarching tone of remorse and sorrow. That comes through even in a broken reading. This is the first entry on my slate and I may or may not abstain on it, as I can't give it the full attention it requires yet. Thanks for writing, author.
Mostly what get from this is the overarching tone of remorse and sorrow. That comes through even in a broken reading. This is the first entry on my slate and I may or may not abstain on it, as I can't give it the full attention it requires yet. Thanks for writing, author.
One thing I should have said but barely touched on is that the puzzle takes enough work to decode (it's long enough that I couldn't keep track of it in my head and had to write down the letters) that there needs to be a payoff of greater value than the time spent. And there isn't. All I learn is that Flurry Heart is the addressee, but I don't know anything additional about their situation, and I don't understand the plot any better. I basically get nothing for the effort but the general satisfaction of solving a word puzzle, which is pretty much what Not_A_Hat said.
My first thought when glancing at this entry was " this is just trolling ".
My second thought was "oh wait there's actually serious content in there. "
As it has already been pointed out, the encoding just made reading difficult for me. I'm not a fan of experimental stuff, I didn't even think of it as a puzzle. And it's too bad because the poem itself gives some emotions and would have been better without it.
My second thought was "oh wait there's actually serious content in there. "
As it has already been pointed out, the encoding just made reading difficult for me. I'm not a fan of experimental stuff, I didn't even think of it as a puzzle. And it's too bad because the poem itself gives some emotions and would have been better without it.
...What?
Oh, okay. It's encoded. And >>QuillScratch, who I am now convinced is Nicholas Cage, cracked the code.
...What?
I don't get it. As with the previous story I reviewed, it's lovely, experimental, and ambitious, but I don't know what it's supposed to signify. Someone wronged Flurry Heart somehow? And wrote a poem with an encoded apology? Who was this, Daring Do? Twilight? Did Twilight fuck up and write an apology to Flurry Heart in the most obtuse, overcomplicated way possible?
Because that would be in character for her.
Eight ENIGMA machines out of ten.
Oh, okay. It's encoded. And >>QuillScratch, who I am now convinced is Nicholas Cage, cracked the code.
...What?
I don't get it. As with the previous story I reviewed, it's lovely, experimental, and ambitious, but I don't know what it's supposed to signify. Someone wronged Flurry Heart somehow? And wrote a poem with an encoded apology? Who was this, Daring Do? Twilight? Did Twilight fuck up and write an apology to Flurry Heart in the most obtuse, overcomplicated way possible?
Because that would be in character for her.
Eight ENIGMA machines out of ten.
I'll pop in again to say that even though I said I didn't think this was a good use of a minific, I still think it deserved to finish far higher than it did. If I'd voted a slate, I would have put it somewhere near the middle. It's too vague, but then it's not the only entry to suffer from that, and I do appreciate the difficulty in crafting it, since the rhymes have to work, the cipher affects word choice, and the hidden message sets the length. Plus all that takes time when there wasn't much of it available. I hadn't noticed Doseux was still around, or I would have guessed him for this. If he'd had time to add a compelling plot and a context-changing code, I bet he would have, and then it'd be something quite special, As is, I'd still give it credit for the difficulty that went into it. You have my appreciation for writing this, Doseux.