Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
Undirected Action
Vinyl and Octavia stood in the endless white void, staring up at the message hanging in the – for lack of a better term, given their current location – air above them.
“That’s not very helpful,” Vinyl said.
Octavia nodded. “Agreed.”
“Yo!” Vinyl shouted, turning to face the vaguely defined space that would normally be reserved for the fourth wall. “What are we supposed to be doing?”
While it would have been narratively appropriate for her voice to echo back – emphasizing the vast emptiness around them – the void lacked the acoustics required to do such, leaving only suffocating silence in the wake of her voice.
“Don’t think you’re being clever!” Vinyl yelled, her ears rotating and twitching in anticipation of some sort of dialogue-based answer that would never come. “Bite me. We know you’re there!”
The silence answered her outburst.
“No it didn’t, jackass.”
Again, the endless white yielded nothing. To the casual observer, Vinyl would have seemed quite mad, wasting her time screaming at nothing.
Vinyl glared. “Don’t you start with me, you lazy motherf—”
“That’s enough, Vinyl,” Octavia interrupted, cutting off the rather rude and inappropriate level of profanity. “It seems there’s no story planned. At all.”
The unicorn sat back on her haunches and threw up her hooves. “Then I refer you back to my first question: what’re we supposed to do?”
“Figure it out ourselves, I suppose.”
That certainly sounded like a good idea. After all, wasn’t it a common bit of advice to just let characters to write thems—
“Fuck that!” Vinyl snapped as she leaped back to here hooves, this time successfully indulging what many would consider inappropriate language for a pony. “We are not doing his job for him. If he wants a story, he’s going to have to contribute something!”
Vinyl really was being quite unreasonable and far too loud. If this was how she wanted to act, was it really any surprise that it had become so popular to put her in a non-speaking role?
Octavia put a restraining hoof on the unicorn’s chest. “There is no point in getting worked up, Vinyl. It is quite evident that we are not going to be getting much help.”
“And you don’t think that’s a load of bullshit?”
“Oh, it most definitely is,” Octavia agreed in a most unreasonable fashion. “As is someone who refuses to contribute in a meaningful way, but insists on interjecting opinions that are, frankly, unwanted,” she added, her eyes narrowing in a rather menacing way.
A scary way.
A way that indicated it was definitely time for the narrative to move on.
“Anyhow,” Octavia said, “the fact of the matter is that sitting around a vast, empty, white void is terminally boring. And I’m sure you agree, yes, Vinyl?”
“Well… I mean, yeah, but still,” she muttered, waving her hooves at the void all around them, “I just think it’s bullshit that we’re being forced to deliver when we’ve got nothing to work with.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t say we have nothing to work with.” Octavia smiled. “After all, we have a dialogue, no?”
Octavia really was the smarter of the two ponies.
“I guess we do,” Vinyl said, surprisingly choosing to ignore that.
“That said, I do believe a little action would suit the situation as well. Thankfully there are many things to do with two ponies.” Leaning close to her lover-friend-roommate-rival-occasional sibling, Octavia whispered something. Unfortunately, it was too quiet for Vinyl to hear, forcing Octavia to raise her voice and repeat—
“Bullshit! I heard it just fine! If you wanted to know what we were going to do, maybe you should’ve come up with.” Vinyl beamed. “Anyhow, that sounds rad, Octy. And gets two birds with one stone. Let’s do it!”
“Then it’s settled: we have something to do. Which resolves our admittedly minor conflict, thwarts our antagonist,” Octavia smirked as she finished, “and ends our obligation to be here.”
Which, for better or worse, was true.
TBD
“That’s not very helpful,” Vinyl said.
Octavia nodded. “Agreed.”
“Yo!” Vinyl shouted, turning to face the vaguely defined space that would normally be reserved for the fourth wall. “What are we supposed to be doing?”
While it would have been narratively appropriate for her voice to echo back – emphasizing the vast emptiness around them – the void lacked the acoustics required to do such, leaving only suffocating silence in the wake of her voice.
“Don’t think you’re being clever!” Vinyl yelled, her ears rotating and twitching in anticipation of some sort of dialogue-based answer that would never come. “Bite me. We know you’re there!”
The silence answered her outburst.
“No it didn’t, jackass.”
Again, the endless white yielded nothing. To the casual observer, Vinyl would have seemed quite mad, wasting her time screaming at nothing.
Vinyl glared. “Don’t you start with me, you lazy motherf—”
“That’s enough, Vinyl,” Octavia interrupted, cutting off the rather rude and inappropriate level of profanity. “It seems there’s no story planned. At all.”
The unicorn sat back on her haunches and threw up her hooves. “Then I refer you back to my first question: what’re we supposed to do?”
“Figure it out ourselves, I suppose.”
That certainly sounded like a good idea. After all, wasn’t it a common bit of advice to just let characters to write thems—
“Fuck that!” Vinyl snapped as she leaped back to here hooves, this time successfully indulging what many would consider inappropriate language for a pony. “We are not doing his job for him. If he wants a story, he’s going to have to contribute something!”
Vinyl really was being quite unreasonable and far too loud. If this was how she wanted to act, was it really any surprise that it had become so popular to put her in a non-speaking role?
Octavia put a restraining hoof on the unicorn’s chest. “There is no point in getting worked up, Vinyl. It is quite evident that we are not going to be getting much help.”
“And you don’t think that’s a load of bullshit?”
“Oh, it most definitely is,” Octavia agreed in a most unreasonable fashion. “As is someone who refuses to contribute in a meaningful way, but insists on interjecting opinions that are, frankly, unwanted,” she added, her eyes narrowing in a rather menacing way.
A scary way.
A way that indicated it was definitely time for the narrative to move on.
“Anyhow,” Octavia said, “the fact of the matter is that sitting around a vast, empty, white void is terminally boring. And I’m sure you agree, yes, Vinyl?”
“Well… I mean, yeah, but still,” she muttered, waving her hooves at the void all around them, “I just think it’s bullshit that we’re being forced to deliver when we’ve got nothing to work with.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t say we have nothing to work with.” Octavia smiled. “After all, we have a dialogue, no?”
Octavia really was the smarter of the two ponies.
“I guess we do,” Vinyl said, surprisingly choosing to ignore that.
“That said, I do believe a little action would suit the situation as well. Thankfully there are many things to do with two ponies.” Leaning close to her lover-friend-roommate-rival-occasional sibling, Octavia whispered something. Unfortunately, it was too quiet for Vinyl to hear, forcing Octavia to raise her voice and repeat—
“Bullshit! I heard it just fine! If you wanted to know what we were going to do, maybe you should’ve come up with.” Vinyl beamed. “Anyhow, that sounds rad, Octy. And gets two birds with one stone. Let’s do it!”
“Then it’s settled: we have something to do. Which resolves our admittedly minor conflict, thwarts our antagonist,” Octavia smirked as she finished, “and ends our obligation to be here.”
Which, for better or worse, was true.
If only all protest metafiction was like this, I wouldn't mind reading more of them.
This was imaginative, I have to give you that. On the other hand, I'm not quite sure how to criticise this other than saying what I liked an what I didn't. This was very well written, too, I had a good time reading. Didn't care much about the swearing,
Still wished I'd gotten an actual story, though, but thanks for the laughs.
This was imaginative, I have to give you that. On the other hand, I'm not quite sure how to criticise this other than saying what I liked an what I didn't. This was very well written, too, I had a good time reading. Didn't care much about the swearing,
Still wished I'd gotten an actual story, though, but thanks for the laughs.
Genre: As >>Zaid Val'Roa said, it's protest metafiction
Thoughts: This is a well written and fun subversion of what we might expect in a story submitted for this Writeoff. However, this one's really hard for me to put in a tier because it's tough to say exactly what the story is. In that sense, again, I find myself echoing >>Zaid Val'Roa. I think maybe that could've been avoided by giving us a stronger ending. I thought the ending we got was clever and thematically consistent with the rest of it, but it doesn't leave us with much resolution. Still, it feels like the story gets pretty close to working...
Tier: Almost There
Thoughts: This is a well written and fun subversion of what we might expect in a story submitted for this Writeoff. However, this one's really hard for me to put in a tier because it's tough to say exactly what the story is. In that sense, again, I find myself echoing >>Zaid Val'Roa. I think maybe that could've been avoided by giving us a stronger ending. I thought the ending we got was clever and thematically consistent with the rest of it, but it doesn't leave us with much resolution. Still, it feels like the story gets pretty close to working...
Tier: Almost There
That was a complete story. This is your review. It is being typed by an insane werewolf.
This is, believe it or not, actually well-trodden territory for comedy. It's not hard to drag it out this long for a minific, but I'd like to feel a little more than I'm getting here. The characters need to be more well-developed beyond simple stereotypes. Something has to change the characters, to make them interesting, so that I can identify with them on some front other than 'gee I hate the author/narrator'. You're not quite there yet. Keep pushing!
This is, believe it or not, actually well-trodden territory for comedy. It's not hard to drag it out this long for a minific, but I'd like to feel a little more than I'm getting here. The characters need to be more well-developed beyond simple stereotypes. Something has to change the characters, to make them interesting, so that I can identify with them on some front other than 'gee I hate the author/narrator'. You're not quite there yet. Keep pushing!
Stanley nodded along as he finished the piece, and decided to begin his review by citing an agreement with >>Trick_Question. He had seen this basic setup many times before, and could not find much of a unique twist in this particular piece to keep it interesting.
Although Stanley did have to admit that the prose was fine, and the piece flowed well on the page, it was undoubtedly lacking something. A certain spark, a motif, a heart to the comedy? A ribald ending sc- hey, wait, no, no no no, Stanley, come back, come back! I was only joking!
Oh dear.
Author, I'm afraid you'll have to excuse me - Stanley no, stop crouching and jumping, you'll break the world - ahem. Remember your audience, and that you are trying to please them, or at least engage them, and you can't just obtain that or assume it for free or you'll end in these midtier doldrums! Thank you for writing, and best of luck!
Although Stanley did have to admit that the prose was fine, and the piece flowed well on the page, it was undoubtedly lacking something. A certain spark, a motif, a heart to the comedy? A ribald ending sc- hey, wait, no, no no no, Stanley, come back, come back! I was only joking!
Oh dear.
Author, I'm afraid you'll have to excuse me - Stanley no, stop crouching and jumping, you'll break the world - ahem. Remember your audience, and that you are trying to please them, or at least engage them, and you can't just obtain that or assume it for free or you'll end in these midtier doldrums! Thank you for writing, and best of luck!
I'm generally a bit wary toward meta-fiction (Fenton will hunt me down if I got the definition wrong, but I'm pretty sure I use the term correctly here), because despite the potential for deep statements or cutting comedy when it fails it tends to go down the deep end.
I think it avoided the bad path here. It wasn't incredibly insightful or ambitious, nor was it, as >>Trick_Question said, a completely original concept, but it was solidly executed and I was smirking quite a lot while reading it. That's enough for a minfic to place in the upper half of my slate, considering the constraints under which we work.
Could it be more profound while staying as funny? I don't know, probably, but I'm a bit lost about how it could be done. Maybe by hinting at some kind of connection between the characters aside from what the reader's headcanon will fill in.
To summarize, the story made the legitimate choice of being a fun and well-written piece without too much meat on it. It was an entertaining read the first time and kept being very good when I went through it a second time for the review.
So, thank you for your submission.
I think it avoided the bad path here. It wasn't incredibly insightful or ambitious, nor was it, as >>Trick_Question said, a completely original concept, but it was solidly executed and I was smirking quite a lot while reading it. That's enough for a minfic to place in the upper half of my slate, considering the constraints under which we work.
Could it be more profound while staying as funny? I don't know, probably, but I'm a bit lost about how it could be done. Maybe by hinting at some kind of connection between the characters aside from what the reader's headcanon will fill in.
To summarize, the story made the legitimate choice of being a fun and well-written piece without too much meat on it. It was an entertaining read the first time and kept being very good when I went through it a second time for the review.
So, thank you for your submission.
>>Zaid Val'Roa
>>CoffeeMinion
>>Trick_Question
>>Ranmilia
>>Orbiting_kettle
Good advice all around. I got nothing much in the way of actual commentary on this one. Just seemed like a decent tact to take with the prompt. I briefly considered that I really should arbitrarily make this about -any other two characters because I'm p. sure you are all gettin' real sick of me doing this- but it just didn't feel right to do given the nature of this story.
>>CoffeeMinion
>>Trick_Question
>>Ranmilia
>>Orbiting_kettle
Good advice all around. I got nothing much in the way of actual commentary on this one. Just seemed like a decent tact to take with the prompt. I briefly considered that I really should arbitrarily make this about -any other two characters because I'm p. sure you are all gettin' real sick of me doing this- but it just didn't feel right to do given the nature of this story.