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Complete Surrender
"Complete surrender?" The general rubbed his chin. Behind him, a nameless agent bent down and started whispered bullshit into his ear. I was so glad I couldn't make anything out.
Three months since the start of the invasion and both worlds were in deep shit—this one more than the other. If I could find whoever came up with the "bright idea" to send the air carriers through, I'd blast him in the head, consequences be damned!
"Why?" The general glanced at the scroll of surrender once more. It was triple-stamped and had the authority of all unicorns, pegasi and earth ponies.
I translated his questions, adding a few explanations of my own. Working under the man for two months had made me aware of the intricacies of his thought process. As most commanders he wanted to be sure that he had come on top. Despite the official propaganda, I knew he had lost far more men than was deemed acceptable and now was searching for a way to save face before his transfer to Earth. The suit next to him, in contrast, didn't give a damn. All that mattered to that guy was keeping our corporate overlords happy.
"They say they are tired of fighting," I translated. "They are willing to hand over control of all major cities, if we agree to treat their citizens—"
"The horses," the suit scoffed. Stars, I hated him so much
"To treat the horses fairly," I continued, earning myself an annoyed glare. "They are not to be imprisoned, dislocated, robbed of their possessions, or physically harmed. In exchange they'll cooperate with all our demands, including as a work force, if needed."
"Could be useful." The suit took out his phone and started texting. "The so-called Sun Princess will be an asset in the energy sector. I'll get head office to send a team to measure her output and—"
"The Princess isn't included in the offer," I interrupted. The suit froze. I found it mildly amusing to watch the features of his face twist in confused as he stared at me.
"Remind them that we have taken their capital,” the general said, dragging out every word. “It would be just as easy for us to take the rest."
I obeyed, knowing full well it was posturing. There was no way he could achieve that, even with the quarter million additional troops scheduled to arrive in Equestria next month. Humanity might have taken Canterlot, but at considerable cost. Even now, as we sat in the throne room of the royal palace, we cannot escape the sight of destruction all around us. The once great city had become a pile of rubble covered in military tents. Not even the Griffins would choose to live here.
"That is their offer," I translated. "To them the Princess is the equivalent of life itself. Take that away and they might as well fight to the death."
The general glanced at the suit. The decision was out of his hands. It was all up to our superiors on Earth. They might agree to the offer, or they could send another million troops. The only thing that mattered to them was the bottom line.
"We still get all mineral deposits?" The general asked. Stalling tactics at their sloppiest. Everyone pretended not to notice the suit move away, typing furiously on his phone. In different circumstances I would laugh.
"Yes, General," I replied calmly.
"And the nuclear waste issue?" He reached for a glass of water.
Nuclear waste? You're scraping the bottom of the barrel with that one, General. "They've already agreed to that, sir," I remind him. "We can transform Canterlot into a nuclear dumping ground for all they care, as long as the other points—"
I didn't finish. The suit had received his instructions and was now back at the table. Putting the phone in his picked he gave the general a slight nod. That sealed it. I knew what would follow now—mindless posturing, hours of useless negotiations, and faux arguments. The fact was that Humanity had just been given Equestria to do as they wish... Princess not included.
"Home Office was impressed," the suit whispered in my ear. "A bright political future awaits you back home. Good work, Luna."
"Thanks..." I levitated a glass of water to my lips and took a sip. Good work indeed.
Three months since the start of the invasion and both worlds were in deep shit—this one more than the other. If I could find whoever came up with the "bright idea" to send the air carriers through, I'd blast him in the head, consequences be damned!
"Why?" The general glanced at the scroll of surrender once more. It was triple-stamped and had the authority of all unicorns, pegasi and earth ponies.
I translated his questions, adding a few explanations of my own. Working under the man for two months had made me aware of the intricacies of his thought process. As most commanders he wanted to be sure that he had come on top. Despite the official propaganda, I knew he had lost far more men than was deemed acceptable and now was searching for a way to save face before his transfer to Earth. The suit next to him, in contrast, didn't give a damn. All that mattered to that guy was keeping our corporate overlords happy.
"They say they are tired of fighting," I translated. "They are willing to hand over control of all major cities, if we agree to treat their citizens—"
"The horses," the suit scoffed. Stars, I hated him so much
"To treat the horses fairly," I continued, earning myself an annoyed glare. "They are not to be imprisoned, dislocated, robbed of their possessions, or physically harmed. In exchange they'll cooperate with all our demands, including as a work force, if needed."
"Could be useful." The suit took out his phone and started texting. "The so-called Sun Princess will be an asset in the energy sector. I'll get head office to send a team to measure her output and—"
"The Princess isn't included in the offer," I interrupted. The suit froze. I found it mildly amusing to watch the features of his face twist in confused as he stared at me.
"Remind them that we have taken their capital,” the general said, dragging out every word. “It would be just as easy for us to take the rest."
I obeyed, knowing full well it was posturing. There was no way he could achieve that, even with the quarter million additional troops scheduled to arrive in Equestria next month. Humanity might have taken Canterlot, but at considerable cost. Even now, as we sat in the throne room of the royal palace, we cannot escape the sight of destruction all around us. The once great city had become a pile of rubble covered in military tents. Not even the Griffins would choose to live here.
"That is their offer," I translated. "To them the Princess is the equivalent of life itself. Take that away and they might as well fight to the death."
The general glanced at the suit. The decision was out of his hands. It was all up to our superiors on Earth. They might agree to the offer, or they could send another million troops. The only thing that mattered to them was the bottom line.
"We still get all mineral deposits?" The general asked. Stalling tactics at their sloppiest. Everyone pretended not to notice the suit move away, typing furiously on his phone. In different circumstances I would laugh.
"Yes, General," I replied calmly.
"And the nuclear waste issue?" He reached for a glass of water.
Nuclear waste? You're scraping the bottom of the barrel with that one, General. "They've already agreed to that, sir," I remind him. "We can transform Canterlot into a nuclear dumping ground for all they care, as long as the other points—"
I didn't finish. The suit had received his instructions and was now back at the table. Putting the phone in his picked he gave the general a slight nod. That sealed it. I knew what would follow now—mindless posturing, hours of useless negotiations, and faux arguments. The fact was that Humanity had just been given Equestria to do as they wish... Princess not included.
"Home Office was impressed," the suit whispered in my ear. "A bright political future awaits you back home. Good work, Luna."
"Thanks..." I levitated a glass of water to my lips and took a sip. Good work indeed.
I feel physically ill after reading this. The good news is that that’s because of the content of the story and not any errors in its crafting. This really doesn’t sit well with me, but only because of the subject matter. I can find nothing wrong here, no matter how much my stomach wants me to.
I'm unclear about the ending. The twist at the end makes it seem like Luna is lying as a translator and is betraying her own kind, but if that were true, why would she be protecting Celestia? And how would they not know that she's an alicorn princess herself, which seems clear they don't because they're only using her as a translator?
This could be a great short story with more detail. It could also be a great minific, but you'd need to choose one interpretation and make it less murky than this. As is, it's too unclear to be self-contained, and I'm left with more questions than feelings.
This could be a great short story with more detail. It could also be a great minific, but you'd need to choose one interpretation and make it less murky than this. As is, it's too unclear to be self-contained, and I'm left with more questions than feelings.
>>Trick_Question
Hmm, I can't exactly see what you are seeing. If it was the case you mention, I would say that despite betraying her kind, Luna still feels guilty enough to try to protect Celestia, but I hardly think that's the case; In my opinion it was clear that Luna wasn't used simply or only as a translator but rather as an advissor or even a diplomat, prescisely because she was a princess.
It would be hardly unheard, conqueror armies in history will usually do something like this.
Look at this:
I doesn't seem to me that Luna is protecting Celestia but rather than Luna knows that it's strategically not good to ask for her summision, and that the humans are taking her advice in consideration. Still, the story shows that she is doing this with disgust, she hate the general and the situation, but some kind of decision made her choise it's side. The reasons of that decision (maybe she though that less lives could be lost surrending to the humans rather than fighting?) it's left implied, but I think that's a good choice. It's not really important, the escence of the tragedy it's the decision itself.
It made me remember a lot to the classic and tragic story of La Malinch, the aztec noble woman that was the personal interpreter and adviser of Cortez in his conquest of the Aztec empire and was later seen as the encarnation of betrayal.
This was also one of my favourites (if not the best) stories I've read so far.
Hmm, I can't exactly see what you are seeing. If it was the case you mention, I would say that despite betraying her kind, Luna still feels guilty enough to try to protect Celestia, but I hardly think that's the case; In my opinion it was clear that Luna wasn't used simply or only as a translator but rather as an advissor or even a diplomat, prescisely because she was a princess.
It would be hardly unheard, conqueror armies in history will usually do something like this.
Look at this:
I obeyed, knowing full well it was posturing. There was no way he could achieve that, even with the quarter million additional troops scheduled to arrive in Equestria next month.
"That is their offer," I translated. "To them the Princess is the equivalent of life itself. Take that away and they might as well fight to the death."
"Home Office was impressed," the suit whispered in my ear. "A bright political future awaits you back home. Good work, Luna."
I doesn't seem to me that Luna is protecting Celestia but rather than Luna knows that it's strategically not good to ask for her summision, and that the humans are taking her advice in consideration. Still, the story shows that she is doing this with disgust, she hate the general and the situation, but some kind of decision made her choise it's side. The reasons of that decision (maybe she though that less lives could be lost surrending to the humans rather than fighting?) it's left implied, but I think that's a good choice. It's not really important, the escence of the tragedy it's the decision itself.
It made me remember a lot to the classic and tragic story of La Malinch, the aztec noble woman that was the personal interpreter and adviser of Cortez in his conquest of the Aztec empire and was later seen as the encarnation of betrayal.
This was also one of my favourites (if not the best) stories I've read so far.
I don't see anything mechanically wrong with this story.
I still loathe it. 'Humans conquer Equestria' is a plotline I've always loathed, and this one is asking far too much of me. Why are they invading? How is the asymmetry so great? So on and so on, but most of all, again : Why?!
I mean, it's a Shadowrun society with no establishment as to why. Especially nowadays that's harder to sell because the ingredients usually used - resource scarcity, increasing corporate power, so forth - are all things that are diminishing as issues nowadays, at least insofar as the USA is concerned and I'd be shocked if this is a non-American author.
Then we have Luna. Why is Luna on the opposite side?
Everything in this is just grim and misanthropic and yea. Ick.
I still loathe it. 'Humans conquer Equestria' is a plotline I've always loathed, and this one is asking far too much of me. Why are they invading? How is the asymmetry so great? So on and so on, but most of all, again : Why?!
I mean, it's a Shadowrun society with no establishment as to why. Especially nowadays that's harder to sell because the ingredients usually used - resource scarcity, increasing corporate power, so forth - are all things that are diminishing as issues nowadays, at least insofar as the USA is concerned and I'd be shocked if this is a non-American author.
Then we have Luna. Why is Luna on the opposite side?
Everything in this is just grim and misanthropic and yea. Ick.
>>TIAS_A1927
I'm left with too many questions to be bullish on this story. Is Luna words words words betraying Equestria? If so, why? If not, what's going on?
It's fine to use characters in a non-canon way, but there needs to be explanation if you do. This is totally out of character with not enough of a clue provided.
I'm left with too many questions to be bullish on this story. Is Luna words words words betraying Equestria? If so, why? If not, what's going on?
It's fine to use characters in a non-canon way, but there needs to be explanation if you do. This is totally out of character with not enough of a clue provided.
Everything the three say ("They're tired" / "The horses?" / "back home") points me towards them all being from earth.
The name drop points towards her being from Equestria.
If I read this as her being from earth, the story would have made much more sense to me, and leave basically no questions, if that was any other name (e.g. Jack) instead.
If I believe the one piece of additional information that I can get from the name drop (her being an Equestrian) then the conversation those three had sounds wrong to me.
That is to say: even more wrong than it sounds to me already. Like FanOfMostEverything the subject matter of this piece made me want to think extra hard for some specific point I can dislike about it - which really was no easy task.
The name drop points towards her being from Equestria.
If I read this as her being from earth, the story would have made much more sense to me, and leave basically no questions, if that was any other name (e.g. Jack) instead.
If I believe the one piece of additional information that I can get from the name drop (her being an Equestrian) then the conversation those three had sounds wrong to me.
That is to say: even more wrong than it sounds to me already. Like FanOfMostEverything the subject matter of this piece made me want to think extra hard for some specific point I can dislike about it - which really was no easy task.