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How Do Ponies Use a Computer? Just Use Your Imagination, Please
"I just don't get it," Applejack said.
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes so hard that she thought for a second she had sprained them. "It's a computer. A magical metal box that lets you talk to people on… gasp. The Internet."
"Not that, featherbrain." Applejack turned her laptop around to the website she was on. "This Kickstarter thing."
"It's a place for—"
"Again, shut it. I ain't dumb."
"Well, you're asking dumb questions."
Applejack sighed. "I mean I set this whole Kickstarter thing up and no one's giving me any money. What's the deal?"
"Let me see," Rainbow Dash scoffed. "You gotta know what you're doing. You need… oh. Huh."
The page for Buy Sweet Apple Acres a New Barn! actually looked pretty professionally done. Rainbow Dash tapped on the video at the top, only to see Applejack, Big Mac, and Apple Bloom all standing out in the orchard. "Well howdy folks!" a tinny voice played from the computer speakers, and Applejack reached over to click it closed, glaring at Rainbow Dash.
"That's embarrassing," she muttered.
Rainbow raised an eyebrow and scrolled down. "Maybe it's the pledge rewards? Let's see, you have… an apple tier. A bushel of apples tier. Good but not great. Oh, wait. Apple kombucha? Zap apple jam?? A whole barrel of Sweet Apple Acres Cider, special reserve???"
"Don't drool on the keyboard," Applejack said smugly.
"This is awesome! Man, I wish I could pledge."
Applejack glanced at her sharply. "Well, why can't you?"
"Uhhh." Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head. "I, uh, just don't have the money right now."
"Oh yeah?" Applejack's eyes narrowed. "You were spending plenty at Sugarcube Corner last weekend. Where exactly did it all go?"
"I might have, uh. Maybe. Possibly." Rainbow Dash coughed, muttering something under her breath.
"What was that?"
"I spent it all on another Kickstarter," she said, marginally louder. "Last night. How was I supposed to know you had your own?"
Applejack sighed. "Alright. Show me which. Maybe that'll give me some ideas."
Rainbow Dash wordlessly clicked over a few times, then passed the laptop back to Applejack.
"Flim and Flam's Fabulous Fidget Flanges," Applejack slowly read. "You've gotta be kidding, right?"
Rainbow Dash stuck out her tongue. "They're cool, okay? This is what all the kids are into these days! Don't judge!"
Applejack rubbed her chin with one hoof. "Hm. That does give me an idea. A really, really great idea."
Three months later…
"This was a terrible idea," Applejack said, frowning as their brand new barn slowly rotated in a circle.
"Eeyup," Big Mac agreed. Apple Bloom tried to push a cart of apples in and it got stuck in the door, the momentum speeding up the rotation and causing her to scream as she hung onto the cart for dear life.
"Well I don't know about you two, but I'm totally satisfied and not regretting this at all," Rainbow Dash said, "I— ugh. Hmph. Ack. How do I—" She clamped the little plastic thing between both hooves, trying not to drop it. "Do I spin it with my tongue?"
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes so hard that she thought for a second she had sprained them. "It's a computer. A magical metal box that lets you talk to people on… gasp. The Internet."
"Not that, featherbrain." Applejack turned her laptop around to the website she was on. "This Kickstarter thing."
"It's a place for—"
"Again, shut it. I ain't dumb."
"Well, you're asking dumb questions."
Applejack sighed. "I mean I set this whole Kickstarter thing up and no one's giving me any money. What's the deal?"
"Let me see," Rainbow Dash scoffed. "You gotta know what you're doing. You need… oh. Huh."
The page for Buy Sweet Apple Acres a New Barn! actually looked pretty professionally done. Rainbow Dash tapped on the video at the top, only to see Applejack, Big Mac, and Apple Bloom all standing out in the orchard. "Well howdy folks!" a tinny voice played from the computer speakers, and Applejack reached over to click it closed, glaring at Rainbow Dash.
"That's embarrassing," she muttered.
Rainbow raised an eyebrow and scrolled down. "Maybe it's the pledge rewards? Let's see, you have… an apple tier. A bushel of apples tier. Good but not great. Oh, wait. Apple kombucha? Zap apple jam?? A whole barrel of Sweet Apple Acres Cider, special reserve???"
"Don't drool on the keyboard," Applejack said smugly.
"This is awesome! Man, I wish I could pledge."
Applejack glanced at her sharply. "Well, why can't you?"
"Uhhh." Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head. "I, uh, just don't have the money right now."
"Oh yeah?" Applejack's eyes narrowed. "You were spending plenty at Sugarcube Corner last weekend. Where exactly did it all go?"
"I might have, uh. Maybe. Possibly." Rainbow Dash coughed, muttering something under her breath.
"What was that?"
"I spent it all on another Kickstarter," she said, marginally louder. "Last night. How was I supposed to know you had your own?"
Applejack sighed. "Alright. Show me which. Maybe that'll give me some ideas."
Rainbow Dash wordlessly clicked over a few times, then passed the laptop back to Applejack.
"Flim and Flam's Fabulous Fidget Flanges," Applejack slowly read. "You've gotta be kidding, right?"
Rainbow Dash stuck out her tongue. "They're cool, okay? This is what all the kids are into these days! Don't judge!"
Applejack rubbed her chin with one hoof. "Hm. That does give me an idea. A really, really great idea."
Three months later…
"This was a terrible idea," Applejack said, frowning as their brand new barn slowly rotated in a circle.
"Eeyup," Big Mac agreed. Apple Bloom tried to push a cart of apples in and it got stuck in the door, the momentum speeding up the rotation and causing her to scream as she hung onto the cart for dear life.
"Well I don't know about you two, but I'm totally satisfied and not regretting this at all," Rainbow Dash said, "I— ugh. Hmph. Ack. How do I—" She clamped the little plastic thing between both hooves, trying not to drop it. "Do I spin it with my tongue?"
I enjoyed this far more than I thought I would. Then again, my expectations were rather low for a story about ponies and internet.
I appreciate that it never went into full absurdism, but kept it somewhat grounded. Funny idea, acceptable execution, depressing commentary on the state of consumerism and the intrinsic desire of the masses for aesthetics and novelty rather than objects and services with a purpose.
Dash, don't give me any ideas, this site is PG-13
I appreciate that it never went into full absurdism, but kept it somewhat grounded. Funny idea, acceptable execution, depressing commentary on the state of consumerism and the intrinsic desire of the masses for aesthetics and novelty rather than objects and services with a purpose.
"How do I spin it with my tongue?"
Dash, don't give me any ideas, this site is PG-13
Entertaining fluff comedy. Good stuff.
This is a really strong entry for the format! In only 500 words, it carries out a full narrative arc, includes characterization details for both Dash and AJ, touches on multiple themes and makes some jokes. A++, well done, people finding it difficult to tell a complete story in mini length (or even thinking it's impossible) should read this and take notes. This is how you do it.
Of course there's still room for improvement. The jokes didn't do much for me, content overall could have been a little punchier, and the first act in particular feels like it's wasting some time and taking the reader off tone with its "I don't get it, this is dumb" repetitions.
But still, this is an easy early front-runner for me. I'd be thrilled if everything in the finals or more was up to these standards. High chance this one will get dissected more later. Thanks for writing!
This is a really strong entry for the format! In only 500 words, it carries out a full narrative arc, includes characterization details for both Dash and AJ, touches on multiple themes and makes some jokes. A++, well done, people finding it difficult to tell a complete story in mini length (or even thinking it's impossible) should read this and take notes. This is how you do it.
Of course there's still room for improvement. The jokes didn't do much for me, content overall could have been a little punchier, and the first act in particular feels like it's wasting some time and taking the reader off tone with its "I don't get it, this is dumb" repetitions.
But still, this is an easy early front-runner for me. I'd be thrilled if everything in the finals or more was up to these standards. High chance this one will get dissected more later. Thanks for writing!
My take on the story is pretty much a mix of what >>Zaid Val'Roa and >>Ranmilia said.
The only nitpick I would add is about the 'Three months later' and formating. I'd rather have seen it in italic than separated with two 'hr'.
The only nitpick I would add is about the 'Three months later' and formating. I'd rather have seen it in italic than separated with two 'hr'.
So, despite the title trying to properly prep me for it, I honestly thought this was an Equestria Girls fic for the vast majority of it. I'd recommend, in fic, signaling it isn't a bit earlier.
This is generally amusing, though the final penultimate joke doesn't really land well for me. It is really out of left field (I get what the connecting thread is, it just doesn't connect well IMO). Beyond that, there are a couple other nits that really jump out at me (if you saw her spending a bunch of money at sugarcube corner, that MIGHT BE WHERE HER MONEY WENT APPLEJACK), but still, it is a pleasantly breezy little read.
This is generally amusing, though the final penultimate joke doesn't really land well for me. It is really out of left field (I get what the connecting thread is, it just doesn't connect well IMO). Beyond that, there are a couple other nits that really jump out at me (if you saw her spending a bunch of money at sugarcube corner, that MIGHT BE WHERE HER MONEY WENT APPLEJACK), but still, it is a pleasantly breezy little read.
I was playing with a fidget spinner just prior to reading this. :facehoof:
I think you set out what you wanted to do, and you have a solid minific here. There's not much I could say to improve on it. Maybe some clarification about Flim and Flam's Kickstarter could help, there was kind of a mental void there for me and I'm probably not the only one.
Also, I don't think you need two sections breaks around the cut. Break before and italicize, I'd suggest. But that's me getting picky because I can't find much fault in this story. Nice work.
I think you set out what you wanted to do, and you have a solid minific here. There's not much I could say to improve on it. Maybe some clarification about Flim and Flam's Kickstarter could help, there was kind of a mental void there for me and I'm probably not the only one.
Also, I don't think you need two sections breaks around the cut. Break before and italicize, I'd suggest. But that's me getting picky because I can't find much fault in this story. Nice work.
Light, silly, and funny. Poor Apple Bloom, just trying to load some apples... Anyway, don't have much to add besides that I liked it. Two thumbs up!
This is funny but I have a hard time figuring out what’s the final barn looks like. Does it spin on itself, or is it mounted on a giant fidget spinner?
For the rest, AJ and RD play off each other great. This is a classic, but solid comedy. I also appreciate you not pushing too far on AJ’s southern overtones.
For the rest, AJ and RD play off each other great. This is a classic, but solid comedy. I also appreciate you not pushing too far on AJ’s southern overtones.
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Monokeras
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