If a girl’s is fixing

Should be either "girl is fixing" or "girls is fixing", unless I'm missing some subtle nuance of Southern grammar (quite possible, given I live in Warwickshire, England).

Outside of that, I absolutely loved this. If AJ wrote poems in her free time and stuffed them away in some obscure drawer never to be read, this is exactly what it'd look like.

What a great first entry to read. Emotional without being melodramatic, powerful whilst saying so little, and perfectly aligned with Applejack's character. Very well done.

My only complaint is the title. Either this single piece of paper has been torn up and put in several different drawers... or AJ has it stuffed inside her underwear. I recommend losing the 's' at the end.

I haven't had so little detract from an entry before. Literally just a letter. Thanks for submitting and good luck!

Also known as: Sincere Applejack Writes Poetry Accidentally

Running impressions:

Blank verse?

Oh, this is very slice-of-life-y. Streams of consciousness, over time, implying things, with lots of flavorful details.

The gradual revelation of what thoughts this is spiraling inward toward are elegantly twined into the text.

The gradual letting go too. That really hits home, and so does the ending. And the voicing is perfect. That's Applejack's private journal all right. I could just cry.

Overall: Sweet, crisp, and just the right amount of mushy, with a vibrant, deep tang. Slate: 2nd of 13.

I don’t quite know how I feel about peaches.

This describes how I feel about this story if you substitute this story for peaches.

It is a list of diary entries presented as blank verse. Yes, the sum total does tell a story, but not via plot, and in a secret way not intended to be read but by its fictional writer, which has its attraction even if you must intuit it. It has no conflict, unless you count recounted problems.

Your story is very meta. Intentionally. I usually can't judge experimental writing, but I think I can give this a go. Take this crit with that grain of salt.

I like the blank verse format, but think an HR tag between diary entries would make it easier to read.

I like the concept as a whole because it is an effective affective exploration of character—through confession, which further nuances it.

It challenges the reader to fill in a story, even if there isn't one.

I can see no reason to have chosen verse formatting when regular paragraphing would have worked perfectly well and made it easier to read.

It entertained me. I'm a lit-nerd.

It forced me to work, meaning I had to figure out what you were doing. After reading, I had to analyze it. I did both because I felt obligated by entering the contest along side you. This means that I got thrown out of the story in the first paragraph. Depending on what venue it was published in, with what type of introduction, that could mean no one would read it in its entirety. (I'm thinking but not limiting it to FimFiction.) Keep that in mind.

This meta story is very meta as to how it fits the prompt. To me, the diary entries are a reflection of AJ in a non-mirror medium. I'll ignore the brightly clause.

I'll say good job because, in its context, it works.

Genre: Feels

Thoughts: I’m usually a stickler for desiring a story in these contests. Usually. But this is the rare exception that really won me over despite being something different. It’s emotional, heartfelt, and well-voiced. The pacing and structure are good, too. I feel like there’s a progression in AJ’s thoughts/concerns, which build smoothly from the initial head-fake about peaches (because peachfics used to be a thing, and as >>Miller Minus noted, it’s possible to take a different meaning from the phrase “Applejack’s Drawers”) all the way through to AJ showing how she’s gotten to a state of feeling mostly okay. It’s a progression that feels almost story-like even though it’s kind of not.

This strikes me as the sort of high-risk/high-reward piece that deserves acclaim when it’s done well.

Tier: Top Contender

Top shelf; not afraid to say it. I'm not Poetry Guy, normally, but this is the rare exception that I not only get interested in, but that I fall in love with. The voice, personality, concerns, fears, that this character expresses, are so uniquely Applejack that I can almost overlook how unlikely it is that someone who pronounces her apostrophes could write a complete sentence.

Oh, that was mean. I apologize.

In all seriousness... I'm keeping this at the top of my ballot. Best of luck to you, author, and thank you for playing.

Who would have thought that after almost 5 years of Writeoff-ing, I'd win my first minific medal and my first gold with fucking free verse. Seriously, I'm so happy that people liked this as much as I hoped they would!

Retrospective: The Other One About Applejack

Okay, so a few months ago, Cass posted a bit of Charles Bukowski's "Bluebird" in the Discord Chat, and I thought it was really swell. It kind of lodged the idea to do free verse in my head, and since I usually try to do a bit of experimentation in FIM Mini Rounds, I thought I'd just get it out of my system.

One of the first things that I wanted to address when doing a poetry entry was the hook. From past Writeoffs, I realized that at least for me, it was really difficult to start reading a poetry entry, even if I knew that the reception for it was already really good. Because poetry demands high-effort reading, and it's sometimes hard to figure out what the point of a poem is, especially early on. So, after a lot of thought, I decided that the hook would be the title, and I think that a lot of this piece's success comes from it. It's my attempt to simultaneously intrigue the reader and give the piece of a bit of a "story". It was, like every other part of this entry, a bit of a gamble, but I'm happy it seemed to pay off!

I've always thought that the well-read farmer trope is great (I've wanted to write an introspective Big Mac piece for forever) so getting to express a bit of that was also really fun.

Okay, onward to review responses!

>>Meridian_Prime
As a resident of the Deep South, I can confirm that that's a typo. In the second flipping line of my poem. Why do I even bother proof reading at this point?

Seriously, though, glad you liked it! Thanks for your thoughts!

>>Miller Minus

My only complaint is the title. Either this single piece of paper has been torn up and put in several different drawers... or AJ has it stuffed inside her underwear. I recommend losing the 's' at the end.

Okay, this might be a symptom of growing up in an ESL household, but I grew up my entire life calling pieces of furniture with many drawers in them as a singular "drawers", kinda like "pants". Have I been doing it wrong my entire life.....?

Still, happy you liked it, Miller-san!

>>Light_Striker
Really glad you liked it!! I actually had a tough time for a little while with how I wanted to order the stanzas. At first, the "death" stanza was the first one of the poem, but I eventually moved things around to try to pace out the "reveal" and tension. I'm glad it seemed to have worked!

>>scifipony

It is a list of diary entries presented as blank verse. Yes, the sum total does tell a story, but not via plot, and in a secret way not intended to be read but by its fictional writer, which has its attraction even if you must intuit it. It has no conflict, unless you count recounted problems.

TBH, it was actually supposed to read as a single poem that Applejack wrote in one sitting. But yeah, I can see why I'd come off like separate entries, and I can definitely see what you mean by it having no conflict. That was actually one of my bigger concerns, submitting it.

Depending on what venue it was published in, with what type of introduction, that could mean no one would read it in its entirety. (I'm thinking but not limiting it to FimFiction.) Keep that in mind.

Yep, I wrote this just for the Writeoff community, because I knew that people who usually don't like poetry would still "have to" read it all. (I'm an awful person who takes advantage of people's reading obligations :P. ) I've got no plans to publish it elsewhere at the moment.

I can see no reason to have chosen verse formatting when regular paragraphing would have worked perfectly well and made it easier to read.

That's a spot where we're gonna have to disagree, I think. But I still really appreciate you saying so! It's always good to hear how/why an Writeoff entry doesn't work for somebody.

This meta story is very meta as to how it fits the prompt. To me, the diary entries are a reflection of AJ in a non-mirror medium. I'll ignore the brightly clause.

This is a really cool way to interpret the story. To my embarrassment, I have to admit that I didn't even put half of that kind of thought into the prompt. I actually mainly took inspiration from 1 Corinthians 13:12, the Bible verse from which the prompt comes from. "Now we see as through a mirror, darkly; then we will see face to face." It's about how death changes one's spiritual relationship, and this poem is about how death has changed Applejack's relationship with her parents.

Thank you so much for your detailed thoughts!

>>CoffeeMinion
I actually completely forgot that Peach-fics were a thing. Originally, the fruit I used was a pear, then I remembered that at this point, AJ knows that her mom was a Pear. So, it became an orange, but then I remembered that AJ has an "Auntie Orange" all the way back in Season 1. I think peaches were just about the only stereotypically American fruit left at that point.

For an explanation about "drawers", please sees my response to Miller. :P

I'm very happy it won you over! Thank you for your thoughts.

>>Posh
"Someone who pronounces their apostrophes" is my new favorite insult.

Thank you so much for your review, and I'm glad that you liked it!!

>>Bachiavellian
Congrats! This was a treat. If you can get it to FimFiction, please do so; it deserves more attention!

This hit me harder than I was expecting. Some really good line breaks in here.

>>CoffeeMinion
...Well, maybe as a blog post or a part of an anthology. I don't think artificially lengthening it is a good idea.

>>Dubs_Rewatcher
Thank you! I'm glad it worked for you. :)