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"Point of order, Honorable Chaircreature?" The Cyclopean Goat Head, being a cyclopean goat head, didn't have a hand—or even a hoof—to wave as protocol dictated a committee member should when rising to a point of order. But the guttering nimbus of blood-red fire surrounding the demon did bunch up and wobble between its crooked horns.
Which was close enough, Beselatenth decided. From the podium of charred bison bones around which he'd coiled himself, he crooked an ebon claw at his colleague.
The Cyclopean Goat Head couldn't bow, either, but it did dip itself toward the podium in a respectable-enough fashion. "My colleague, the Right Honorable Prince of Lies, once again seems to be laboring under the false impression that the method of Earth's Armageddon has already been announced as approved."
The Prince of Lies stomped one lizard-skin boot against the speaker's platform. "Well of course I'm laboring under a false impression!" He waved a meticulously manicured hand. "I'm the Prince of Lies, remember?"
With a roll of its solid black eyes, the Cyclopean Goat Head heaved a carrion-scented sigh. "And I'm a ravening, unreasonable despot who craves nothing but the fear of my followers and the ghasty stench of burning human flesh." It fixed its dark gaze upon the Prince of Lies. "Yet I still know how to follow proper procedure!"
"Ha!" The Prince of Lies stomped again. "A beast such as you couldn't possibly understand what it means to—"
Beselatenth let loose the cavern-shaking roar that he'd always felt made him such an effective Chaircreature. He waited till the fine cascade of gravel tumbling down from the shadowy walls and ceiling over the assembled monstrosities had largely subsided, then he rasped, "The point is well-taken." This time when he aimed his claw, he wished he could let it rocket forth to shatter the flimsy external shell of his damnable colleague. "This will be the speaker's final warning against such behavior."
"Fine!" When the Prince of Lies heaved a sigh, it smelled of lavender and magnolia blossoms. "But this committee cannot pretend that the facts don't speak for themselves! Earth is doomed, and all beings who dwell upon it will be engulfed in blood and madness!"
"Point of order, Honorable Chaircreature?" The Cyclopean Goat Head sounded almost bored this time.
"Well-taken." Beselatenth blasted a claw at the speaker, and the Prince of Lies' false body burst in a showering spray of blood and meat. "The speaker is no longer recognized."
Wafting back into the well of the parliament, the flickering darkness that made up the Prince's actual presence managed to look peeved.
Beselatenth let out a sulfur-tinged sigh of his own. "The chair would also like to take this opportunity to remind the younger members of our assembly that the Earth has been teetering on the brink of annihilation in one way or another since before creatures such as myself and my honorable colleague"—he pointed a less-explosive claw at the Cyclopean Goat Head—"first squirmed from the nascent intelligence of the planet's inhabitants. Asteroid collisions, excessive solar activity, earthquakes, volcanoes, famine, and disease continue to be possibilities even as the inhabitants have grown more and more able to cause global catastrophe on their own."
Spreading his reforming arms, the Prince of Lies seemed about to speak, so Beselatenth focused a fraction of a glare upon him. "But never," he went on, raising his voice till he could see the force of it blowing holes in several of his less-substantial colleagues, "never can this assembly assume destruction is imminent! Our mandate remains to prepare for a possible Doomsday whether it be announced to begin in fifteen minutes or if no such announcement ever comes!"
"Point of order, Honorable Chaircreature!" the Prince of Lies called, his words scarcely more audible than dew settling upon grass. "Why should we even bother?"
Which technically wasn't a point of order, but Beselatenth decided to let it slide. "Because it's our duty," he said, slithering himself into a more upright grip on the podium. "Without the darkness, Earth's inhabitants cannot understand their options. And so we lurk and we whisper and we buy their souls for trinkets, ready to leap in if—and again I emphasize the 'if'—they decide they need us."
He waited till the echoes of his speech died down, then he looked back at the agenda. "So, with old business out of the way, the chair now recognizes the representative from the radioactive waste committee."
Which was close enough, Beselatenth decided. From the podium of charred bison bones around which he'd coiled himself, he crooked an ebon claw at his colleague.
The Cyclopean Goat Head couldn't bow, either, but it did dip itself toward the podium in a respectable-enough fashion. "My colleague, the Right Honorable Prince of Lies, once again seems to be laboring under the false impression that the method of Earth's Armageddon has already been announced as approved."
The Prince of Lies stomped one lizard-skin boot against the speaker's platform. "Well of course I'm laboring under a false impression!" He waved a meticulously manicured hand. "I'm the Prince of Lies, remember?"
With a roll of its solid black eyes, the Cyclopean Goat Head heaved a carrion-scented sigh. "And I'm a ravening, unreasonable despot who craves nothing but the fear of my followers and the ghasty stench of burning human flesh." It fixed its dark gaze upon the Prince of Lies. "Yet I still know how to follow proper procedure!"
"Ha!" The Prince of Lies stomped again. "A beast such as you couldn't possibly understand what it means to—"
Beselatenth let loose the cavern-shaking roar that he'd always felt made him such an effective Chaircreature. He waited till the fine cascade of gravel tumbling down from the shadowy walls and ceiling over the assembled monstrosities had largely subsided, then he rasped, "The point is well-taken." This time when he aimed his claw, he wished he could let it rocket forth to shatter the flimsy external shell of his damnable colleague. "This will be the speaker's final warning against such behavior."
"Fine!" When the Prince of Lies heaved a sigh, it smelled of lavender and magnolia blossoms. "But this committee cannot pretend that the facts don't speak for themselves! Earth is doomed, and all beings who dwell upon it will be engulfed in blood and madness!"
"Point of order, Honorable Chaircreature?" The Cyclopean Goat Head sounded almost bored this time.
"Well-taken." Beselatenth blasted a claw at the speaker, and the Prince of Lies' false body burst in a showering spray of blood and meat. "The speaker is no longer recognized."
Wafting back into the well of the parliament, the flickering darkness that made up the Prince's actual presence managed to look peeved.
Beselatenth let out a sulfur-tinged sigh of his own. "The chair would also like to take this opportunity to remind the younger members of our assembly that the Earth has been teetering on the brink of annihilation in one way or another since before creatures such as myself and my honorable colleague"—he pointed a less-explosive claw at the Cyclopean Goat Head—"first squirmed from the nascent intelligence of the planet's inhabitants. Asteroid collisions, excessive solar activity, earthquakes, volcanoes, famine, and disease continue to be possibilities even as the inhabitants have grown more and more able to cause global catastrophe on their own."
Spreading his reforming arms, the Prince of Lies seemed about to speak, so Beselatenth focused a fraction of a glare upon him. "But never," he went on, raising his voice till he could see the force of it blowing holes in several of his less-substantial colleagues, "never can this assembly assume destruction is imminent! Our mandate remains to prepare for a possible Doomsday whether it be announced to begin in fifteen minutes or if no such announcement ever comes!"
"Point of order, Honorable Chaircreature!" the Prince of Lies called, his words scarcely more audible than dew settling upon grass. "Why should we even bother?"
Which technically wasn't a point of order, but Beselatenth decided to let it slide. "Because it's our duty," he said, slithering himself into a more upright grip on the podium. "Without the darkness, Earth's inhabitants cannot understand their options. And so we lurk and we whisper and we buy their souls for trinkets, ready to leap in if—and again I emphasize the 'if'—they decide they need us."
He waited till the echoes of his speech died down, then he looked back at the agenda. "So, with old business out of the way, the chair now recognizes the representative from the radioactive waste committee."
I was really digging this entry until the end—then it ended. And I wondered exactly what the point was.
You've got good imagery and some vivid details, but they are left as brute facts without building up to a larger point.
It could definitely due with some expanding.
You've got good imagery and some vivid details, but they are left as brute facts without building up to a larger point.
It could definitely due with some expanding.
Purple-prose-a-paloosa! But going for humor... let's see.
I'm kinda with >>Dolfeus Doseux here. There's some great prose, and it's funny enough for an intro, but then there's no payoff. Things just stop, with maybe a half-hearted "moral to the story" info dumped on us by Beselatenth right before the end.
So A+ for style, but D- for overall structure.
I'm kinda with >>Dolfeus Doseux here. There's some great prose, and it's funny enough for an intro, but then there's no payoff. Things just stop, with maybe a half-hearted "moral to the story" info dumped on us by Beselatenth right before the end.
So A+ for style, but D- for overall structure.
So, this struck me as really good in a lot of ways. It hooked me! It developed rapidly and glibly, despite being complex and strange! It had more than two characters, and I got a good grasp on each of them! there was worldbuilding and stuff!
Well, I was kinda annoyed by this:
because the 'supernatural stuff is created by belief' trope is something I've seen often enough that it feels stale in a way that this fic otherwise avoids. That being said, the ending adds a hint of candor that lampshaded the idea hard enough it almost ended up working for me.
Er, and the last line feels like it should be a stinger, but I'm not sure I get the joke.
Anyways, I liked a lot of what's going on here, even if it didn't quite land perfectly. Up the slate it gooooooes.....
Well, I was kinda annoyed by this:
first squirmed from the nascent intelligence of the planet's inhabitants.
because the 'supernatural stuff is created by belief' trope is something I've seen often enough that it feels stale in a way that this fic otherwise avoids. That being said, the ending adds a hint of candor that lampshaded the idea hard enough it almost ended up working for me.
Er, and the last line feels like it should be a stinger, but I'm not sure I get the joke.
Anyways, I liked a lot of what's going on here, even if it didn't quite land perfectly. Up the slate it gooooooes.....
Another story that takes a bureaucratic approach to the mythological (namely The Woes of a Second Year Associate Reaper), which is certainly not something I'm going to complain about. In a similar fashion to the other one though, such a subject and all of its inherent intricacies feels like too large of a bite to fit into such a small wordcount. Agreeable enough read, although the humour lacked real bite for me, unfortunately.
The prose was one of the best parts of this story. A lot of the humor comes from the idea that the bureaucracy behind the end of the world is taken so seriously, and the prose reflects that rather admirably. I also enjoyed how these demons, despite their natures, are trying to be orderly about the destruction that may come to Earth. It’s certainly amusing to see normally chaotic beings trying to be so diligent about their duties, even to the point of infighting.
That being said, the story doesn’t really work. The Prince of Lies is the only character who really shows shades of a personality (a goofy trickster), and that makes the events that occur rather uninteresting. After all, why care about demons who aren’t really affected by anything and find the Earth’s destruction more of a formality than a threat? I also thought the humor itself didn’t always work. Other than some of the word choices and the Prince of Lies exploding, none of the dialogue or descriptions really made me chuckle that much. I know a large part of that is my personal taste, but since the story’s goal was humor, I have to look at it critically when it doesn’t meet that goal.
An interesting situation muddled by a one-joke premise and bland characters.
That being said, the story doesn’t really work. The Prince of Lies is the only character who really shows shades of a personality (a goofy trickster), and that makes the events that occur rather uninteresting. After all, why care about demons who aren’t really affected by anything and find the Earth’s destruction more of a formality than a threat? I also thought the humor itself didn’t always work. Other than some of the word choices and the Prince of Lies exploding, none of the dialogue or descriptions really made me chuckle that much. I know a large part of that is my personal taste, but since the story’s goal was humor, I have to look at it critically when it doesn’t meet that goal.
An interesting situation muddled by a one-joke premise and bland characters.
You like heave a sigh, right?
It’s a nice portrayal, if not entirely original, but entertaining. The characters play well off each other, and I found their respective ego interesting. I also like the idea that the demons lurk around just to remember people what a total Armageddon would mean.
All in all, I found that very solid. I wasn’t expecting anything more than the story bringing a closure to the point being discussed, so I couldn’t say I was disappointed by the end.
Top slater.
It’s a nice portrayal, if not entirely original, but entertaining. The characters play well off each other, and I found their respective ego interesting. I also like the idea that the demons lurk around just to remember people what a total Armageddon would mean.
All in all, I found that very solid. I wasn’t expecting anything more than the story bringing a closure to the point being discussed, so I couldn’t say I was disappointed by the end.
Top slater.
Generally amusing, but I kinda feel like I want this to have really gone a step forward on the comedic elements. Like, see that "Duh, I'm the lord of lies thing." I kinda feel there could be more done with that, given he's otherwise pretty straightforward and honest. Much like Goldfish, I find myself generally amused, but not really satisfied with the ending, which lacks a really solid punch to close it out.