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Boned
“How do you always do it?”
Cromarty looked up from adjusting the cobwebs on the barrels in the corridor. “Do what?”
“It’s been a hundred instances since you last got killed,” Grom said, leaning up against the wall with a dry clatter.
“Oh.” Cromarty scratched the back of his skull and looked away. “Um, sorry about that.”
Grom snorted, his rusted armor rattling. “Sorry? I’m not upset or anything. Since when does a rez or twenty matter? I’m impressed is all.”
“Really?” Cromarty looked up, the red glow in his eye sockets brightening. “It’s nothing special.”
“In this zone?” Grom waved his pitted saber around at the old masonry. “You’re too modest. I mean, seriously. Players have trooped through here a hundred times, and you’re still alive. What’s your secret?”
“Uh, I wouldn’t call it a secret. Killing me is more trouble than it’s worth, I guess. Players don’t like high dodge, but mostly because I got a backwater zone.” Cromarty gestured to the far side of the intersection, and its heavy, iron-bound door. “All the good loot is over there, and I'm stuck guarding a dead end.”
“True. Though, to be honest, I’m surprised you don’t come out here more often. I always thought this was a particularly fine corridor.”
Cromarty’s gaze roamed the mildewed stone a moment before he nodded. “You have a point, and I do like how the torches gutter here. I guess I’m just used to lurking in coffins.”
“I suppose you did gut that archer from it that one time. Anyhow, that’s beside the point.” Grom reached into his inventory and produced a brightly wrapped present. “Here, I made you this to mark the occasion.”
“Aww, you shouldn’t have.”
“I wanted to.”
Cromarty’s eye sockets shone brightly as he shredded the paper. “Oh, wow, a hat!”
He turned the fine top hat over in his hands, admiring the deep black gloss that shimmered like rainbows in the flickering torchlight.
“Do you like it?” Grom said, rubbing his hands together.
“It’s… It’s beautiful.” Cromarty raised the hat, perching it on his skull at a jaunty angle before strutting down the hall. “Thank you so much!”
A massive gong echoed through the corridors, followed by a cold wind that whistled through his ribcage, and made the tattered banners flap. Cromarty snatched at his hat to keep it from flying away.
The gust died down and Grom straightened, hefting his sword. “Crap. Players.”
Cromarty nodded and tucked the hat away in his inventory before equipping his dagger.
The two took their positions, standing there in the corridor and moaning occasionally.
There was a distant crashing, and then the door burst open. With blinding speed, two adventurers rushed into the room. Grom was down in seconds, but Cromarty managed to dodge several strikes before the mage finished an incantation and he collapsed into a pile of smoking bones.
With practiced ease, the adventurers rifled through their remains before leaving as quickly as they came.
Empty wind blew through the chamber, bringing the echo of distant battle. Minutes passed.
Then, in the distance, Zn’rgforp the fenestrated’s final bellow of rage echoed throughout the level, and the lights went black.
An unknowable moment later, and everything was back in a puff of logic.
Grom stretched, cricking his skull back into alignment. “Really sorry about that.”
Cromarty slid down the wall until he hunched on the floor. “I– I’ll be okay.”
“No, really I’m sorry. I hate to break the streak.”
“Yeah, I know.” Cromarty’s sockets flickered. “And I believe you. The streak never really mattered.”
Grom cocked his head. “Then what’s bothering you?”
Cromarty looked down at the ground, his voice a whisper. “They took it.”
“What? The hat?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, that sucks.” Grom’s back rattled against the wall as he sat down next to Cromarty. “Don’t worry, the next time I kill a pixie, I’ll make you another.”
Cromarty’s finger traced a line in the dust on the floor. “It wouldn’t be the same. Besides, what if they come back?”
“Why would they?”
“They took the hat.”
Grom shrugged. “Well, yeah, but, players take everything that isn't nailed down, and then break anything left. It's not like the hat had any stats. Nothing they should want it for.”
“You’re sure?”
Grom nodded. “Yeah. You’ll be back up to a hundred in no time.”
The massive gong rang again and the two skeletons braced themselves. As the wind died away, Grom looked over and scratched his head. “Another group? Already?”
Cromarty looked up from adjusting the cobwebs on the barrels in the corridor. “Do what?”
“It’s been a hundred instances since you last got killed,” Grom said, leaning up against the wall with a dry clatter.
“Oh.” Cromarty scratched the back of his skull and looked away. “Um, sorry about that.”
Grom snorted, his rusted armor rattling. “Sorry? I’m not upset or anything. Since when does a rez or twenty matter? I’m impressed is all.”
“Really?” Cromarty looked up, the red glow in his eye sockets brightening. “It’s nothing special.”
“In this zone?” Grom waved his pitted saber around at the old masonry. “You’re too modest. I mean, seriously. Players have trooped through here a hundred times, and you’re still alive. What’s your secret?”
“Uh, I wouldn’t call it a secret. Killing me is more trouble than it’s worth, I guess. Players don’t like high dodge, but mostly because I got a backwater zone.” Cromarty gestured to the far side of the intersection, and its heavy, iron-bound door. “All the good loot is over there, and I'm stuck guarding a dead end.”
“True. Though, to be honest, I’m surprised you don’t come out here more often. I always thought this was a particularly fine corridor.”
Cromarty’s gaze roamed the mildewed stone a moment before he nodded. “You have a point, and I do like how the torches gutter here. I guess I’m just used to lurking in coffins.”
“I suppose you did gut that archer from it that one time. Anyhow, that’s beside the point.” Grom reached into his inventory and produced a brightly wrapped present. “Here, I made you this to mark the occasion.”
“Aww, you shouldn’t have.”
“I wanted to.”
Cromarty’s eye sockets shone brightly as he shredded the paper. “Oh, wow, a hat!”
He turned the fine top hat over in his hands, admiring the deep black gloss that shimmered like rainbows in the flickering torchlight.
“Do you like it?” Grom said, rubbing his hands together.
“It’s… It’s beautiful.” Cromarty raised the hat, perching it on his skull at a jaunty angle before strutting down the hall. “Thank you so much!”
A massive gong echoed through the corridors, followed by a cold wind that whistled through his ribcage, and made the tattered banners flap. Cromarty snatched at his hat to keep it from flying away.
The gust died down and Grom straightened, hefting his sword. “Crap. Players.”
Cromarty nodded and tucked the hat away in his inventory before equipping his dagger.
The two took their positions, standing there in the corridor and moaning occasionally.
There was a distant crashing, and then the door burst open. With blinding speed, two adventurers rushed into the room. Grom was down in seconds, but Cromarty managed to dodge several strikes before the mage finished an incantation and he collapsed into a pile of smoking bones.
With practiced ease, the adventurers rifled through their remains before leaving as quickly as they came.
Empty wind blew through the chamber, bringing the echo of distant battle. Minutes passed.
Then, in the distance, Zn’rgforp the fenestrated’s final bellow of rage echoed throughout the level, and the lights went black.
An unknowable moment later, and everything was back in a puff of logic.
Grom stretched, cricking his skull back into alignment. “Really sorry about that.”
Cromarty slid down the wall until he hunched on the floor. “I– I’ll be okay.”
“No, really I’m sorry. I hate to break the streak.”
“Yeah, I know.” Cromarty’s sockets flickered. “And I believe you. The streak never really mattered.”
Grom cocked his head. “Then what’s bothering you?”
Cromarty looked down at the ground, his voice a whisper. “They took it.”
“What? The hat?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, that sucks.” Grom’s back rattled against the wall as he sat down next to Cromarty. “Don’t worry, the next time I kill a pixie, I’ll make you another.”
Cromarty’s finger traced a line in the dust on the floor. “It wouldn’t be the same. Besides, what if they come back?”
“Why would they?”
“They took the hat.”
Grom shrugged. “Well, yeah, but, players take everything that isn't nailed down, and then break anything left. It's not like the hat had any stats. Nothing they should want it for.”
“You’re sure?”
Grom nodded. “Yeah. You’ll be back up to a hundred in no time.”
The massive gong rang again and the two skeletons braced themselves. As the wind died away, Grom looked over and scratched his head. “Another group? Already?”
The last video game I played:
Was "Tank" sometime in the early 1980s, but I'm not so entirely out of the pop culture loop that I don't get the basic set-up here. And it's a lot of fun.
My only suggestion would be to let us hear the adventurers reacting when they find the hat--just a line or two about how odd it is with maybe a question about whether it might be cursed or not before they end up taking it anyway.
Mike
Was "Tank" sometime in the early 1980s, but I'm not so entirely out of the pop culture loop that I don't get the basic set-up here. And it's a lot of fun.
My only suggestion would be to let us hear the adventurers reacting when they find the hat--just a line or two about how odd it is with maybe a question about whether it might be cursed or not before they end up taking it anyway.
Mike
This story isn't on my ballot, but >>Baal Bunny's review happened to catch my eye, and then I knew I had to read this one.
This story is great and I love it. The only criticism I can possibly think of is that the connection to the prompt is flimsy to the point that I'm not really sure that it's there. Still, this will end up high on my slate, should it eventually appear there at all.
Poor little skeletons just don't realize that players like grabbing rare items even more than they like grabbing strong and valuable items.
That is hilarious.
This story is great and I love it. The only criticism I can possibly think of is that the connection to the prompt is flimsy to the point that I'm not really sure that it's there. Still, this will end up high on my slate, should it eventually appear there at all.
Poor little skeletons just don't realize that players like grabbing rare items even more than they like grabbing strong and valuable items.
Zn’rgforp the fenestrated’s final bellow of rage echoed throughout the level
fenestrated
adjective
having windows or window-like openings
That is hilarious.
I think even a casual gamer would find this premise fun (I did, and I’m a very casual gamer). Cromarty’s feelings about his hat rather endeared him to me. If a skeleton can love his hat and mourn its loss, he’s a skeleton I’d like to know.
I would have preferred it without the blatant explanation of the setting in the line:
But otherwise there’s nothing I dislike here, and unlike the previous reviewer I think the link to the prompt is reasonable. Solid entry.
I would have preferred it without the blatant explanation of the setting in the line:
“Crap. Players.”
But otherwise there’s nothing I dislike here, and unlike the previous reviewer I think the link to the prompt is reasonable. Solid entry.
Author, your fic is silly, and you should feel silly.
The dialog flowed naturally enough, and the story length felt about right. The descriptions were also basically solid, but they were all visual or aural. You might want to consider working in scent or touch.
>>Astrarian
There were a lot of blatant call outs, Players was mentioned a couple other times, and they were talking about zones and stuff, too. Those didn't really bother me, though, and overall I was amused.
Also, if it gets picked for a reading, Not_A_Hat should be the reader, because irony.
The dialog flowed naturally enough, and the story length felt about right. The descriptions were also basically solid, but they were all visual or aural. You might want to consider working in scent or touch.
>>Astrarian
There were a lot of blatant call outs, Players was mentioned a couple other times, and they were talking about zones and stuff, too. Those didn't really bother me, though, and overall I was amused.
Also, if it gets picked for a reading, Not_A_Hat should be the reader, because irony.
>>Ratlab
Silly Ratlab, skeletons probably don't have a sense of smell. ;P But I suppose that touch could work.
The descriptions were also basically solid, but they were all visual or aural. You might want to consider working in scent or touch.
Silly Ratlab, skeletons probably don't have a sense of smell. ;P But I suppose that touch could work.
This seems like Reboot fanfiction, but it definitely doesn't need knowledge of the series to work so I think it's fine as a standalone either way.
I'd like to have seen a little more insight into the characters' experiences in a slice-of-life manner, but that's asking a lot for a minific.
I'd like to have seen a little more insight into the characters' experiences in a slice-of-life manner, but that's asking a lot for a minific.
I definitely grok all the tropes of the video games (MMORPGs?) you're using as the source here, and the story was an amusing enough read. The story just seems a little … hollow? There's a lot of implication of meaning (the non-kill streak, the death after getting the hat and then the ending presaging a change, Grom apologizing in a way that hints he's aware of being responsible) but I'm not really pulling anything solid out beyond the surface story, and the surface story doesn't have a lot of emotional grab. So it's not that there's anything wrong here, I'm just not finding enough right to push it up my rankings. If there's a deeper meaning here, you probably want to bring it a little closer to the foreground.
Tier: Almost There
Tier: Almost There
>>Trick_Question Yeah, I caught the Reboot vibe from it too. And now that those adventurers have tasted the unique loot of a special hat, they'll be lined up fifty deep to kill the poor guy whenever he spawns.
Boned - A -- Another A level fic. Video game characters live fairly shallow 'lives' and I've always wondered what they do while waiting for the next elf or warrior to come charging down the corridor.
Boned - A -- Another A level fic. Video game characters live fairly shallow 'lives' and I've always wondered what they do while waiting for the next elf or warrior to come charging down the corridor.
This is silly, but I felt like it was slightly lacking. That being said, the skeleton, with his deathless streak and being killed for his hat, amused me, as did the implication that the players would now come back to try and farm more hats from him because now he had some item players would want, even though it was totally useless, because everyone knows players love hats.
Congratulations to Lisa Eclaire, Flutterpriest and horizon for their medal denying skillfully crafted entries.
As far as Boned goes, >>Baal Bunny, >>The_Letter_J, >>Astrarian, >>Trick_Question, >>horizon, >>georg and >>TitaniumDragon, thank you all for your thoughtful reviews. I didn't have many ideas for the prompt, but I did have one that various other bits started glomming on to and it ended up being fun to write.
I'm glad that you (and the other voters) seem to have enjoyed it. As several reviews noted, it's not a terribly convoluted or metaphorical plot, but I don't mind achieving amusing and easy to follow. Some of my goals in the minific rounds are to tell a complete story and actually have some characterization, and I believe I met with some success in both this time.
>>Baal Bunny, I'm glad you liked it and didn't have any trouble getting the reference.
>>The_Letter_J, Glad you liked it as well. The idea wasn't prepared before hand; it was one I came up with brainstorming from the prompt. If I had to tie it together, I'd say it's something like 'respawns heal your wounds, but don't give you your stuff back.' I'm glad you got the implications of the player behavior going forward, though.
>>Astrarian, Thanks and I'm glad you liked what characterization I could fit in.
>>Ratlab, Silly review is silly (but there were no guesses!).
>>Trick_Question, It wasn't intended as a crossover, though it would easily work in that universe, and I have seen reboot (and wreck it Ralph), so I can't claim to have come up with the idea. In my head, Grom and Cromarty are just ye olde random trash mobs in some generic MMORPG dungeon. Glad it worked for you regardless.
>>horizon, I tried for a few layers of humor; the absurdity of the situation, dark humor on how the hat was made, the ironic implications going forward, but yeah, there was no deep profound meaning or weighty topics, just some chuckles.
>>georg, Glad I made the grade, and that you caught the gist of the setup there at the end.
>>TitaniumDragon, I am pleased to see a reader who can appreciate the irrational love of players for hats, and I happy to have amused.
Thanks to all, fellow readers, voters, writers, and reviewers. Until next time!
As far as Boned goes, >>Baal Bunny, >>The_Letter_J, >>Astrarian, >>Trick_Question, >>horizon, >>georg and >>TitaniumDragon, thank you all for your thoughtful reviews. I didn't have many ideas for the prompt, but I did have one that various other bits started glomming on to and it ended up being fun to write.
I'm glad that you (and the other voters) seem to have enjoyed it. As several reviews noted, it's not a terribly convoluted or metaphorical plot, but I don't mind achieving amusing and easy to follow. Some of my goals in the minific rounds are to tell a complete story and actually have some characterization, and I believe I met with some success in both this time.
>>Baal Bunny, I'm glad you liked it and didn't have any trouble getting the reference.
>>The_Letter_J, Glad you liked it as well. The idea wasn't prepared before hand; it was one I came up with brainstorming from the prompt. If I had to tie it together, I'd say it's something like 'respawns heal your wounds, but don't give you your stuff back.' I'm glad you got the implications of the player behavior going forward, though.
>>Astrarian, Thanks and I'm glad you liked what characterization I could fit in.
>>Ratlab, Silly review is silly (but there were no guesses!).
>>Trick_Question, It wasn't intended as a crossover, though it would easily work in that universe, and I have seen reboot (and wreck it Ralph), so I can't claim to have come up with the idea. In my head, Grom and Cromarty are just ye olde random trash mobs in some generic MMORPG dungeon. Glad it worked for you regardless.
>>horizon, I tried for a few layers of humor; the absurdity of the situation, dark humor on how the hat was made, the ironic implications going forward, but yeah, there was no deep profound meaning or weighty topics, just some chuckles.
>>georg, Glad I made the grade, and that you caught the gist of the setup there at the end.
>>TitaniumDragon, I am pleased to see a reader who can appreciate the irrational love of players for hats, and I happy to have amused.
Thanks to all, fellow readers, voters, writers, and reviewers. Until next time!