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hungry like the werewolf
after the long day's journey into night
night, on the final day of october
october as the landmark of our love
love that lies still during the daylight hours
hours which see me as a woman of class
class being the reason for our meeting
meeting with an eye for spending money
money matching in color with your eyes
eyes which seem to me as those of a wolf
wolf, the creature you hide within yourself
yourself as a businessman by daylight
daylight as a man and a wolf by night
night, with a full moon and your beastly howl
howl before you prowl and come to take me
me as your prey, smiling, part of the hunt
hunt along the streets, in the dark corners
corners which become as bright as sunlight
sunlight in my eyes as i lie, waiting
waiting for the tense moment when you strike
strike at me with seductive claws and tear
tear at my clothes so my skin you can feel
feel the both of us as like animals
animals which we see as our true selves
selves bleeding together, hair against skin
skin being the only language we know
know that words no longer have a meaning
meaning that words die since they lack
motion
night, on the final day of october
october as the landmark of our love
love that lies still during the daylight hours
hours which see me as a woman of class
class being the reason for our meeting
meeting with an eye for spending money
money matching in color with your eyes
eyes which seem to me as those of a wolf
wolf, the creature you hide within yourself
yourself as a businessman by daylight
daylight as a man and a wolf by night
night, with a full moon and your beastly howl
howl before you prowl and come to take me
me as your prey, smiling, part of the hunt
hunt along the streets, in the dark corners
corners which become as bright as sunlight
sunlight in my eyes as i lie, waiting
waiting for the tense moment when you strike
strike at me with seductive claws and tear
tear at my clothes so my skin you can feel
feel the both of us as like animals
animals which we see as our true selves
selves bleeding together, hair against skin
skin being the only language we know
know that words no longer have a meaning
meaning that words die since they lack
motion
Genre: Wall Street
I’m sorry author, but this rubbed me the wrong way. Taking the last word to the next line doesn’t make it more of a challenge for the author in most of the lines and, in fact, makes it more of a hassle for us to read. You could omit the double word and still have a perfectly comprehensive poem.
I like the imagery in this poem, especially the last couple of lines. It’s filled with that exciting feel of sexuality and lust. 10/10.
Best Line(s): “being the only language we know/know that words no longer have a meaning/meaning that words die since they lack/motion”
^ that is good shit, author.
I’m sorry author, but this rubbed me the wrong way. Taking the last word to the next line doesn’t make it more of a challenge for the author in most of the lines and, in fact, makes it more of a hassle for us to read. You could omit the double word and still have a perfectly comprehensive poem.
I like the imagery in this poem, especially the last couple of lines. It’s filled with that exciting feel of sexuality and lust. 10/10.
Best Line(s): “being the only language we know/know that words no longer have a meaning/meaning that words die since they lack/motion”
^ that is good shit, author.
The trick of repeating words is one that's occasionally used as a prompt for prose minifics, so it didn't bother me. I do think you could have been a little more judicious how you used them, though, since it feels like at times the direction of the story is being dictated by what word you happened to think of ending the previous line on, rather than having a set outline for how the story would go and picking repeated words that fit it well.
This was a rather sensual poem, and I don't know whether I'm to take this guy as a literal werewolf, which isn't a bad thing.
It got better as it went on, but particularly the early expository stuff felt more driven by the word gimmick than the story. You tried an experiment, though, and I'd say it worked.
This was a rather sensual poem, and I don't know whether I'm to take this guy as a literal werewolf, which isn't a bad thing.
It got better as it went on, but particularly the early expository stuff felt more driven by the word gimmick than the story. You tried an experiment, though, and I'd say it worked.
I think I forgot to hit submit on my comments for this one earlier. I'll try reconstructing them.
The word repetition had potential but I don't see it as used well here. The line repetition in the previous contest worked better. This one needs something else to make it work.
My general thoughts on content are
”Words die since they lack motion” is a good line that I think deserves a better introduction.
The word repetition had potential but I don't see it as used well here. The line repetition in the previous contest worked better. This one needs something else to make it work.
My general thoughts on content are
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
”Words die since they lack motion” is a good line that I think deserves a better introduction.
I really like this one. As soon as you figure out the trick, reading the lines becomes easy and rewarding. I think it's a great mechanic to feed stream-of-consciousness style to the reader without feeling overbearing. The progression and links between each individual thought and the ones around it feels intuitive to me, so overall this one did its job for me.
Now, I'll have to point out that this poem doesn't really come alive until the second half. I'm not sure how much of this is my own reading experience (as I got more into the flow of reading) or how much of it comes from the writing itself. What I can note is that even on re-reads, I'm often a little bored by a lot of the lines in the first half. I get the feeling that I'm often waiting for something to happen, as opposed to how in the second half I felt that I was moving from idea to idea and from action to action pretty smoothly.
So while the poem does feel a little lopsided to me in terms of pacing, I think that as a whole it still worked well for me.
Now, I'll have to point out that this poem doesn't really come alive until the second half. I'm not sure how much of this is my own reading experience (as I got more into the flow of reading) or how much of it comes from the writing itself. What I can note is that even on re-reads, I'm often a little bored by a lot of the lines in the first half. I get the feeling that I'm often waiting for something to happen, as opposed to how in the second half I felt that I was moving from idea to idea and from action to action pretty smoothly.
So while the poem does feel a little lopsided to me in terms of pacing, I think that as a whole it still worked well for me.
The repetition of the last word and first word really tripped me up. I ended up just blotting those from my vision and reading the whole thing as one big sentence, which worked at some parts, and not so much at other parts, where the structure is a little different.
Prose choice is nice though. Excluding above, it flows very quickly and simply, so definitely fits the atmosphere of the piece.
Prose choice is nice though. Excluding above, it flows very quickly and simply, so definitely fits the atmosphere of the piece.