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Girl Talk
“How…” Applejack paused, before deciding that simple was probably best. “How long?”
Even then, Twilight cringed at her two words..
“Three weeks,” she said, idly stroking her mane a little faster. “Actually, more like three and a half weeks.”
Applejack took in a deep breath and let it out as one long sigh. Her brain was already firing every which way, and she couldn’t begin to imagine how Twilight was feeling.
“Did’ja tell anyone else?”
Shaking her head, Twilight just barely managed to say, “No, I didn’t. I haven’t even told him.”
“That… that must have been pretty difficult.”
Twilight nodded and kept on nodding until Applejack took a hold of her shoulders and pulled her close. The wings made it a little awkward, because Applejack hadn’t hugged very many pegasi (or alicorns, for that matter), but it was enough to calm Twilight down just a little.
A sound came from downstairs—it was Applebloom coming back from school. Twilight cringed again, and she and Applejack waited until the muffled hoofsteps quieted down.
“Better now?” asked Applejack when Twilight had calmed down.
“Yes.” She smiled, and even though it was weak, it was real.
“Can I ask you why you came to me?” said Applejack. “Fluttershy’s the only one of us with experience with this sorta thing, so I would’ve reckoned that she’d be a good first choice.:
“I don’t know. It felt like the right thing,” said Twilight. She shifted uncomfortably. Underneath her, Applejack’s old bed groaned and sagged, making the two mares settle a little bit closer together. “What… what should I do, Applejack?”
Applejack sighed again and pushed some of her hair out of her eyes. She had never considered thinking a particular strong suit of hers, but Twilight had come to her about this. Applejack trusted that girl’s judgement—often even more than her own. So if Twilight thought that coming to her was the right choice, then it’d be a warm day in Tartarus before she let her down.
“There was a time when I was little,” Applejack said, after a while. “I’ll be direct about it; it was right after Ma and Pa passed. Every day there is always a lot of work to be done around a farm, and back then there were suddenly fewer hooves to share it.”
Twilight’s eyes met Applejack’s, and they were wide and soft and understanding. For a split moment, Applejack had to fight off the odd sensation that she had been the one asking for help, and that Twilight was the one lending a listening ear. It took a little bit of effort to brush the thought aside.
“I know for certain that Mac got the worst of it,” Applejack continued, “but I wasn’t slouching neither. Went straight to bed every night after dinner, every limb sore and every inch of my back sore. And I’d lay in this bed, and I’d imagine myself sinking down into it.”
Applejack gestured with a hoof as she tried to put the next bit into words.
“I’d kind of just see myself like a ghost. Falling down, drifting straight down through the floor, down past the cellar. Was almost like a dream. I’d just slide down, down, down, until I got to the center of the earth. And it would be quiet, down there, and empty, and the dirt and rocks would be cool enough to rest my aching body against.”
“Then what?” asked Twilight.
“Then I ran away to Manehattan,” Applejack smiled, a little sheepish. “The nights there were noisy, and the beds were stiff and hot.”
Applejack could tell Twilight was thinking for a minute. Then something about the alicorn’s posture just clicked.
“You’re saying I can’t run from my problems.”
“Well,” said Applejack, “I think you chose to come to me of all ponies for a reason. I think that deep down, you need to do the honest thing.”
“I need to tell him.” Twilight’s voice was resolute and absolute. “He deserves to know.”
“I reckon he does.” Applejack drew Twilight into another hug, and the two of them silently sat there on her bed for a while.
“Hey Twi.” Applejack broke the silence with a little bit of bashfulness in her voice. “Have you, um, I mean to say, do you know..?”
Twilight smiled, knowing her question before it was even finished.
“I cast a detection spell yesterday,” she said. A happy light began to twinkle in her eye as she spoke.
“It’s going to be a girl.”
Even then, Twilight cringed at her two words..
“Three weeks,” she said, idly stroking her mane a little faster. “Actually, more like three and a half weeks.”
Applejack took in a deep breath and let it out as one long sigh. Her brain was already firing every which way, and she couldn’t begin to imagine how Twilight was feeling.
“Did’ja tell anyone else?”
Shaking her head, Twilight just barely managed to say, “No, I didn’t. I haven’t even told him.”
“That… that must have been pretty difficult.”
Twilight nodded and kept on nodding until Applejack took a hold of her shoulders and pulled her close. The wings made it a little awkward, because Applejack hadn’t hugged very many pegasi (or alicorns, for that matter), but it was enough to calm Twilight down just a little.
A sound came from downstairs—it was Applebloom coming back from school. Twilight cringed again, and she and Applejack waited until the muffled hoofsteps quieted down.
“Better now?” asked Applejack when Twilight had calmed down.
“Yes.” She smiled, and even though it was weak, it was real.
“Can I ask you why you came to me?” said Applejack. “Fluttershy’s the only one of us with experience with this sorta thing, so I would’ve reckoned that she’d be a good first choice.:
“I don’t know. It felt like the right thing,” said Twilight. She shifted uncomfortably. Underneath her, Applejack’s old bed groaned and sagged, making the two mares settle a little bit closer together. “What… what should I do, Applejack?”
Applejack sighed again and pushed some of her hair out of her eyes. She had never considered thinking a particular strong suit of hers, but Twilight had come to her about this. Applejack trusted that girl’s judgement—often even more than her own. So if Twilight thought that coming to her was the right choice, then it’d be a warm day in Tartarus before she let her down.
“There was a time when I was little,” Applejack said, after a while. “I’ll be direct about it; it was right after Ma and Pa passed. Every day there is always a lot of work to be done around a farm, and back then there were suddenly fewer hooves to share it.”
Twilight’s eyes met Applejack’s, and they were wide and soft and understanding. For a split moment, Applejack had to fight off the odd sensation that she had been the one asking for help, and that Twilight was the one lending a listening ear. It took a little bit of effort to brush the thought aside.
“I know for certain that Mac got the worst of it,” Applejack continued, “but I wasn’t slouching neither. Went straight to bed every night after dinner, every limb sore and every inch of my back sore. And I’d lay in this bed, and I’d imagine myself sinking down into it.”
Applejack gestured with a hoof as she tried to put the next bit into words.
“I’d kind of just see myself like a ghost. Falling down, drifting straight down through the floor, down past the cellar. Was almost like a dream. I’d just slide down, down, down, until I got to the center of the earth. And it would be quiet, down there, and empty, and the dirt and rocks would be cool enough to rest my aching body against.”
“Then what?” asked Twilight.
“Then I ran away to Manehattan,” Applejack smiled, a little sheepish. “The nights there were noisy, and the beds were stiff and hot.”
Applejack could tell Twilight was thinking for a minute. Then something about the alicorn’s posture just clicked.
“You’re saying I can’t run from my problems.”
“Well,” said Applejack, “I think you chose to come to me of all ponies for a reason. I think that deep down, you need to do the honest thing.”
“I need to tell him.” Twilight’s voice was resolute and absolute. “He deserves to know.”
“I reckon he does.” Applejack drew Twilight into another hug, and the two of them silently sat there on her bed for a while.
“Hey Twi.” Applejack broke the silence with a little bit of bashfulness in her voice. “Have you, um, I mean to say, do you know..?”
Twilight smiled, knowing her question before it was even finished.
“I cast a detection spell yesterday,” she said. A happy light began to twinkle in her eye as she spoke.
“It’s going to be a girl.”
That's so wrong, Twilight is supposed to be dating my OC!
The writing is good on this one. Not extraordinary but solid for what it has to convey and I haven't much to say about that. My problem is with what the story actually tries to convey.
So girl talk about Twilight's pregnancy. Why did Twilight wait so long before going to talk to Applejack? We don't have the answer and I'm quite sure it isn't hidden in the fic.
Moreover, you settled your story in AJ's POV. That's fine but it didn't help to understand Twilight's feeling towards the incoming baby. I thought at first that it was the main focus of your story but then, you spent many words with Applejack telling her backstory and how she was feeling at the moment. This part was pretty good but I'm afraid you spread yourself too thin for a MiniFic and should have chosen between Twilight's pregnancy or Applejack's feelings. I know that Applejack's story was supposed to be an example for Twilight to help her make the right decision by telling him she was pregnant. Unfortunately, this is a MiniFic round, like I said, and you just got me confused with what the story was suppose to say.
Also,
That definitely does not sound like something Applejack would say. That really looks more like Fluttershy. (At least in my mind)
And one last little thing,
Not clear if it's Aj's hair or Twi's hair
The writing is good on this one. Not extraordinary but solid for what it has to convey and I haven't much to say about that. My problem is with what the story actually tries to convey.
So girl talk about Twilight's pregnancy. Why did Twilight wait so long before going to talk to Applejack? We don't have the answer and I'm quite sure it isn't hidden in the fic.
Moreover, you settled your story in AJ's POV. That's fine but it didn't help to understand Twilight's feeling towards the incoming baby. I thought at first that it was the main focus of your story but then, you spent many words with Applejack telling her backstory and how she was feeling at the moment. This part was pretty good but I'm afraid you spread yourself too thin for a MiniFic and should have chosen between Twilight's pregnancy or Applejack's feelings. I know that Applejack's story was supposed to be an example for Twilight to help her make the right decision by telling him she was pregnant. Unfortunately, this is a MiniFic round, like I said, and you just got me confused with what the story was suppose to say.
Also,
“Have you, um, I mean to say, do you know..?”
That definitely does not sound like something Applejack would say. That really looks more like Fluttershy. (At least in my mind)
And one last little thing,
Applejack sighed again and pushed some of her hair out of her eyes.
Not clear if it's Aj's hair or Twi's hair
The base quality of flow and prose is really good. I don't agree with most of what >>Fenton thought were problems here; I love the balance of emotion in this one. If it were on my slate it probably would have been on top. The way Applejack gets almost-sidetracked and then brings it in as an allegory, the way she hasn't hugged many winged ponies before and doesn't quite know what to do with them, the pairing of describing thought and describing speech and action, all the textural touches.
There is some missing context, yes, but I don't think it would have worked to put it in in a minific, and it might be best left to the reader anyway. Waiting to tell Applejack and then being so calm about it in the conversation itself might be a stretch for one of Twilight's anxiety responses, since she tends more to high-intelligence low-wisdom whirlwinds of action when off guard, but I think it's believable, especially if there's delay in the detection in the first place, or if it's an older Twilight who's had more time to settle into alicorn-level responsibilities and is more savvy about keeping quiet about things that might cause scandals.
There is some missing context, yes, but I don't think it would have worked to put it in in a minific, and it might be best left to the reader anyway. Waiting to tell Applejack and then being so calm about it in the conversation itself might be a stretch for one of Twilight's anxiety responses, since she tends more to high-intelligence low-wisdom whirlwinds of action when off guard, but I think it's believable, especially if there's delay in the detection in the first place, or if it's an older Twilight who's had more time to settle into alicorn-level responsibilities and is more savvy about keeping quiet about things that might cause scandals.
Before the second or third read through, I could certainly see the point >>Fenton is making regarding the emotional balance. I think you get away with it, however, because it feels like this is AJ's piece. Twilight's dilemma, whilst an important plot point, is delivered in a way that supports, rather than competes with, AJ's own musings. Perhaps seeing her own discovery of her guiding lesson more overtly would have helped there, and made Twilight's link in to the prompt feel a little less obvious. That's a relatively minor niggle though, in what was a gentle and enjoyable fic. Thanks for sharing your work.
Halfway through, I wondered if the opening meant it was leading up to a GOTCHA ending, where they're not really talking about that but something else sillier. I would be so mad if my fear turned out true, because it was so genuinely lovely and serious, and I cared so much about them within that short span of words. So I was very relieved at the end that it didn't do this for irony.
All the same, the last few lines..... I don't get it? I know what what they refer to, but how does it wrap everything up? I'm not criticizing this as a flaw, I truthfully think I'm missing something, so maybe someone else can explain it to me. Because I loved every bit of this fic, just at the end my frequency gets staticky.
All the same, the last few lines..... I don't get it? I know what what they refer to, but how does it wrap everything up? I'm not criticizing this as a flaw, I truthfully think I'm missing something, so maybe someone else can explain it to me. Because I loved every bit of this fic, just at the end my frequency gets staticky.
You stole the name of one of my Writeoff (and now Fimfiction) stories! :ajbemused:
Ahem. :twilightsheepish: Okay, serious review time.
First off, this story is not currently a story about Twilight. It's a story about Applejack and her unique perspective. Almost all of the story focuses specifically on Applejack's thoughts and feelings. The story even includes a narrated flashback from Applejack's childhood from right after the death of her parents. But the ending has nothing to do with Applejack. You basically put a carrot in front of us but it doesn't lead anywhere, and the story feels incomplete as a result. You need to choose what you want to say with this story: either make the story about Applejack and have the ending support that, or make it about issues related her friendship with Twilight, or make it about Twilight's feelings rather than Applejack's—and currently the story is not about that last one. I expected the story to provide some insight into Applejack's feelings at the end: information about why she feels the way she feels about this particular subject. Is she attracted to Twilight? Has she experienced this thing herself before? Is it related in her mind to her parents because it's a family issue, and how does that play out? And why did Twilight come to her?
About the current ending: that ending line makes it seem like it's an intentional reveal, but the subject is obvious by the fourth paragraph. If you're trying to keep the subject a secret, you need to be way more subtle than this. I'm not sure keeping it a secret matters, though, so the ending line isn't really a good thing to end on anyway. The ending gives us no information about Twilight's predicament (and you should say "filly" instead of "girl" at the end because it's more adorbs that way). Was this not something she wanted? Why did it happen? Who is the pony responsible? You assume the reader knows what you're thinking but it isn't obvious, and the big questions are never broached.
The show/tell here is complex, because this story is from AJ's perspective and in some cases the tell is necessary because the information is vital and there's no way to show it, like Applejack having to "fight off the odd sensation that she had been the one asking for help".
This is pure tell, and in this case it isn't necessary (plus it reveals the plot too much, above). Even though the story is primarily about Applejack's mindset, don't tell us what Applejack's brain is doing or what she can't imagine if there's a way to show us instead. In this case you could show us what's going on upstairs by describing how she looks and acts. Don't abandon showing entirely just because you need to lean on telling in most of the story. The show parts become even more valuable in this case.
I don't believe you. Applejack hugs pegasi mares on the show. I suspect you're writing this to make the hug seem awkward, or perhaps to develop AJ's character by implying that intimacy is foreign to her. A different approach might be to say something like, "hugging other mares sometimes felt awkward to Applejack, and Twilight's large wings made it a challenge". Or better still, focus more on why this specific hug was awkward, because that's what you're trying to say here.
"...warm day in Tartarus" is clever. Initially it felt wrong to me, though, because I could have sworn I'd seen lava in the caverns before. I hadn't, but Tirek's and Cerberus's color schemes and the cavernous terrain both evoke 'hellish'. The dirt and rocks being cool later on reinforces this headcanon, although 'center of the earth' doesn't make a lot of sense even if the world is round. It would be the 'world' center, not the 'earth' center. (Additionally, the show does have volcanoes, which contradict what you're going for a little—but I still like it.)
Finally, a nitpick based solely on my bias: you switch between saidisms styles, writing "said Applejack" in one place, but "Applejack said" or "Applejack continued" in another. Maybe that's okay for some authors, but I try not to do it. I prefer sticking with the former because it helps me prevent saidisms, since most saidisms feel more awkward in that order. The only time I want to use the latter style is when the saidism is part of a complex action or something similar. Also, direct questions seem more natural with 'asked' than 'said' to me; 'said' makes it seem like the question is routine, or unimportant, or rhetorical. That's not the case here. But again, this is just my bias. I offer it to draw your attention to it if you didn't realize you were doing it.
EDIT: It's also out of character for Twilight to be caught by surprise on something like this. I could see pretty much anypony else, but not her.
Ahem. :twilightsheepish: Okay, serious review time.
First off, this story is not currently a story about Twilight. It's a story about Applejack and her unique perspective. Almost all of the story focuses specifically on Applejack's thoughts and feelings. The story even includes a narrated flashback from Applejack's childhood from right after the death of her parents. But the ending has nothing to do with Applejack. You basically put a carrot in front of us but it doesn't lead anywhere, and the story feels incomplete as a result. You need to choose what you want to say with this story: either make the story about Applejack and have the ending support that, or make it about issues related her friendship with Twilight, or make it about Twilight's feelings rather than Applejack's—and currently the story is not about that last one. I expected the story to provide some insight into Applejack's feelings at the end: information about why she feels the way she feels about this particular subject. Is she attracted to Twilight? Has she experienced this thing herself before? Is it related in her mind to her parents because it's a family issue, and how does that play out? And why did Twilight come to her?
About the current ending: that ending line makes it seem like it's an intentional reveal, but the subject is obvious by the fourth paragraph. If you're trying to keep the subject a secret, you need to be way more subtle than this. I'm not sure keeping it a secret matters, though, so the ending line isn't really a good thing to end on anyway. The ending gives us no information about Twilight's predicament (and you should say "filly" instead of "girl" at the end because it's more adorbs that way). Was this not something she wanted? Why did it happen? Who is the pony responsible? You assume the reader knows what you're thinking but it isn't obvious, and the big questions are never broached.
The show/tell here is complex, because this story is from AJ's perspective and in some cases the tell is necessary because the information is vital and there's no way to show it, like Applejack having to "fight off the odd sensation that she had been the one asking for help".
Her brain was already firing every which way, and she couldn’t begin to imagine how Twilight was feeling.
This is pure tell, and in this case it isn't necessary (plus it reveals the plot too much, above). Even though the story is primarily about Applejack's mindset, don't tell us what Applejack's brain is doing or what she can't imagine if there's a way to show us instead. In this case you could show us what's going on upstairs by describing how she looks and acts. Don't abandon showing entirely just because you need to lean on telling in most of the story. The show parts become even more valuable in this case.
Applejack hadn't hugged very many pegasi
I don't believe you. Applejack hugs pegasi mares on the show. I suspect you're writing this to make the hug seem awkward, or perhaps to develop AJ's character by implying that intimacy is foreign to her. A different approach might be to say something like, "hugging other mares sometimes felt awkward to Applejack, and Twilight's large wings made it a challenge". Or better still, focus more on why this specific hug was awkward, because that's what you're trying to say here.
"...warm day in Tartarus" is clever. Initially it felt wrong to me, though, because I could have sworn I'd seen lava in the caverns before. I hadn't, but Tirek's and Cerberus's color schemes and the cavernous terrain both evoke 'hellish'. The dirt and rocks being cool later on reinforces this headcanon, although 'center of the earth' doesn't make a lot of sense even if the world is round. It would be the 'world' center, not the 'earth' center. (Additionally, the show does have volcanoes, which contradict what you're going for a little—but I still like it.)
Finally, a nitpick based solely on my bias: you switch between saidisms styles, writing "said Applejack" in one place, but "Applejack said" or "Applejack continued" in another. Maybe that's okay for some authors, but I try not to do it. I prefer sticking with the former because it helps me prevent saidisms, since most saidisms feel more awkward in that order. The only time I want to use the latter style is when the saidism is part of a complex action or something similar. Also, direct questions seem more natural with 'asked' than 'said' to me; 'said' makes it seem like the question is routine, or unimportant, or rhetorical. That's not the case here. But again, this is just my bias. I offer it to draw your attention to it if you didn't realize you were doing it.
EDIT: It's also out of character for Twilight to be caught by surprise on something like this. I could see pretty much anypony else, but not her.
This is an enjoyable and greatly adorable story, but unfortunately the ending is weak and makes the fic feel a tad aimless. I take it that the pregnancy was supposed to be a surprising reveal, but it is obvious since the very beginning. In fact the ending threw me for a bit of a loop: "Wait, you mean I wasn't supposed to guess that right away?" I expected we'd instead get a reveal of the father's identity, or something like that.
I can't say too much more than what others have. My take is that this is a well written piece, but doesn't do much. The ending "reveal" is too obvious, so that's a letdown. Then again, it was so obvious that had it been some real twist, I probably would've felt tricked. Bottom line, I'm not sure what you want me to take away from this after reading it, and that means it only makes mid tier.
Well, congrats to our finalists! I'll keep things short for my retro, cause everyone's got busy lives, and also I just woke up.
Retrospective: Girl Talk
I have to admit that I'm a tad disappointed this one didn't make it, since this was the fic that broke my Writeoff dry spell while also being one of my favorite minifics to write. But that's life for you; gotta roll with the hits sometimes. :P
The thing that pretty much everyone and their mothers didn't like was the ending, so I guess I'll try to explain. While I never really meant for it to be a twist, I did specifically make sure not to explicitly state that Twilight was pregnant because I wanted the ending to come off as a bit of a relief to the reader. The idea was to simultaneously confirm any competent reader's assumptions while at the same time, Twilight accepts and even begins to like the idea of having a child. I envisioned sort of a cathartic thing, but I guess it didn't pan out for anyone. Closest thing I got to the response I wanted was from >>Haze, but even then I can tell it was off-putting. So I'm definitely doing something wrong, and I'll be trying to figure out why exactly people thought the ending was redundant.
Anyways, best of luck to everyone still in, and see you all the next time I manage to enter one of these things. :B
>>Trick_Question
... It seems that I have. I plead guilty to all charges. Do you know what kind of jail time I'm looking at? Is title-theft still considered afillyony felony? :derpysmile:
Retrospective: Girl Talk
I have to admit that I'm a tad disappointed this one didn't make it, since this was the fic that broke my Writeoff dry spell while also being one of my favorite minifics to write. But that's life for you; gotta roll with the hits sometimes. :P
The thing that pretty much everyone and their mothers didn't like was the ending, so I guess I'll try to explain. While I never really meant for it to be a twist, I did specifically make sure not to explicitly state that Twilight was pregnant because I wanted the ending to come off as a bit of a relief to the reader. The idea was to simultaneously confirm any competent reader's assumptions while at the same time, Twilight accepts and even begins to like the idea of having a child. I envisioned sort of a cathartic thing, but I guess it didn't pan out for anyone. Closest thing I got to the response I wanted was from >>Haze, but even then I can tell it was off-putting. So I'm definitely doing something wrong, and I'll be trying to figure out why exactly people thought the ending was redundant.
Anyways, best of luck to everyone still in, and see you all the next time I manage to enter one of these things. :B
>>Trick_Question
You stole the name of one of my Writeoff (and now Fimfiction) stories! :ajbemused:
... It seems that I have. I plead guilty to all charges. Do you know what kind of jail time I'm looking at? Is title-theft still considered a
>>Bachiavellian
I like this idea, now that I know what it was intending to do. Just needs some more space to show that Twilight is in denial or something, unsure about facing reality. You can drop more hints that it's a baby, without actually saying it, and this would reinforce both the reader's assumption and Twilight's emotional state. Then at the "reveal", we can feel catharsis along with Twilight, seeing how she's changed.
Currently it doesn't come across for three reasons: (1) we don't know what they said before the first line, so we fill it in with our own version. (2) Applejack's POV, she gets to talk the most, and it does feel more like her story. (3) the reveal at the end that Twilight already did her spell, which gave me the opposite impression of her learning to accept the child just now.
I think (2) is this story's greatest strength, so I wouldn't want that changed at all (AJ cares about Twilight, so we will too). It just needed more than 750 words to show us Twilight's side, even though her story is indirectly told through her inaction.
also
am I the only one who can see Twilight being much more specific than that, down to the exact day and hour? heh heh.
The idea was to simultaneously confirm any competent reader's assumptions while at the same time, Twilight accepts and even begins to like the idea of having a child. I envisioned sort of a cathartic thing, but I guess it didn't pan out for anyone.
I like this idea, now that I know what it was intending to do. Just needs some more space to show that Twilight is in denial or something, unsure about facing reality. You can drop more hints that it's a baby, without actually saying it, and this would reinforce both the reader's assumption and Twilight's emotional state. Then at the "reveal", we can feel catharsis along with Twilight, seeing how she's changed.
Currently it doesn't come across for three reasons: (1) we don't know what they said before the first line, so we fill it in with our own version. (2) Applejack's POV, she gets to talk the most, and it does feel more like her story. (3) the reveal at the end that Twilight already did her spell, which gave me the opposite impression of her learning to accept the child just now.
I think (2) is this story's greatest strength, so I wouldn't want that changed at all (AJ cares about Twilight, so we will too). It just needed more than 750 words to show us Twilight's side, even though her story is indirectly told through her inaction.
also
“Three weeks,” she said, idly stroking her mane a little faster. “Actually, more like three and a half weeks.”
am I the only one who can see Twilight being much more specific than that, down to the exact day and hour? heh heh.
... It seems that I have. I plead guilty to all charges. Do you know what kind of jail time I'm looking at? Is title-theft still considered afillyonyfelony? :derpysmile:
I hereby sentence you to read the Fimfic version.
:trollestia:
>>Haze
Thank you, that's very insightful! I guess I just kinda thought that the prompt would be enough to fill people in on Twilight's side of things. Amazing the sorts of things that'll seem obvious to the reader, but go over your head when you're writing. (1) was kinda intentional, because I didn't want to waste words on something I wanted the readers to figure out anyway, and (3) was a line that I came up with very early in brainstorming, so I really didn't think much of the implications. (2) is 100% on point.
Not sure if I'll do an expansion, but if I do, definitely keeping these in mind. Thanks! :)
Thank you, that's very insightful! I guess I just kinda thought that the prompt would be enough to fill people in on Twilight's side of things. Amazing the sorts of things that'll seem obvious to the reader, but go over your head when you're writing. (1) was kinda intentional, because I didn't want to waste words on something I wanted the readers to figure out anyway, and (3) was a line that I came up with very early in brainstorming, so I really didn't think much of the implications. (2) is 100% on point.
Not sure if I'll do an expansion, but if I do, definitely keeping these in mind. Thanks! :)