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Structurally, I'm not sure what you're going for. There's not a regular meter. The first stanza has an ABAB rhyme scheme which sets up expectations, but the rest are ABCB. That first stanza even had an internal B rhyme in the third line, but then the third stanza has an internal C rhyme.
I suppose the title should have clued me in, but I didn't understand what was going on until the final stanza. I though the "you" in the first line was to some non-specific person, and the two middle stanzas don't really evoke someone screwing up the universe, so it's only at the end I see what the story to it is, and they I have to go back over it all. I think it would have been more coherent if you'd made that clear in the first stanza. Once that understanding dawns, though, it's a fun enough poem.
I suppose the title should have clued me in, but I didn't understand what was going on until the final stanza. I though the "you" in the first line was to some non-specific person, and the two middle stanzas don't really evoke someone screwing up the universe, so it's only at the end I see what the story to it is, and they I have to go back over it all. I think it would have been more coherent if you'd made that clear in the first stanza. Once that understanding dawns, though, it's a fun enough poem.
On structure, it looks like only the 2nd and 4th lines rhyme, and the lines alternate 8 and 10 syllables. That makes for a somewhat irregular read, but there's nothing wrong with it. The second line of the final stanza seems to come up a syllable short, though.
On story, I'm really not sure what's happening here. Is this someone watching a nuclear explosion? But I'm not sure why he's doing that, whether he's the one who caused it (and again why), and that leaves me not knowing what the last line is supposed to mean. Good imagery, but I'm lost as to what point it's making.
On story, I'm really not sure what's happening here. Is this someone watching a nuclear explosion? But I'm not sure why he's doing that, whether he's the one who caused it (and again why), and that leaves me not knowing what the last line is supposed to mean. Good imagery, but I'm lost as to what point it's making.
Off from the rigorous structure of a limerick, which usually has 9, 9, 6, 6, 9 syllables, and the stress pattern is usually anapests or amphibrachs. It's not considered a bad thing for the words to feel forced into their stress pattern, as that's common and sometimes thought of as somewhat essential.
As to story, I really don't know. I don't know why heliocentrism is singled out as something Holmes is trying to forget, and I'd take the poem more from Watson's point of view is accusing Holmes of "trying" to forget it, since it doesn't seem like he'd actually want to. Then in the end, it's really going to hinge on the reader recognizing what's honestly a very obscure name these days. Knowing Holmes, I figured it must be a composer or violinist, and it turns out to be both, but I'm a classical music aficionado, and I had only vaguely heard the name before. Not that it would fit a limerick well, but wasn't Holmes more obsessed with Beethoven's violin concerto? I like the idea, but it's pretty esoteric.
As to story, I really don't know. I don't know why heliocentrism is singled out as something Holmes is trying to forget, and I'd take the poem more from Watson's point of view is accusing Holmes of "trying" to forget it, since it doesn't seem like he'd actually want to. Then in the end, it's really going to hinge on the reader recognizing what's honestly a very obscure name these days. Knowing Holmes, I figured it must be a composer or violinist, and it turns out to be both, but I'm a classical music aficionado, and I had only vaguely heard the name before. Not that it would fit a limerick well, but wasn't Holmes more obsessed with Beethoven's violin concerto? I like the idea, but it's pretty esoteric.
Haiku or... crap, I forget what they're technically supposed to be called when they're not about nature and don't have a specific kind of first line. Anyway, it's fine enough, and maybe I'm reading into it too much, but is this describing a Dyson sphere?