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Anon Y Mous, how did you organize a writeoff? I don't see any menu options for doing that.
>>Bad Horse
You would start by making a group; look to the 'Groups' tab. IIRC, you need a certain number of other users to support your group; I would be happy to help or perhaps Roger can alter the restriction.
You would start by making a group; look to the 'Groups' tab. IIRC, you need a certain number of other users to support your group; I would be happy to help or perhaps Roger can alter the restriction.
Last two lines have an extra syllable.
I'm not following what happens. The first speaker ends up sounding like he's about to say something else, but he never speaks again. At least I don't think so. It seems like the dunce is the speaker in the second stanza. They're arguing about something, but I can't tell what or why. Maybe if I knew what the title meant it'd give me a clue?
The rhymes all work well, with even a little internal rhyme, plus the alliteration in places. Aside from those last two lines being longer, the structure works out nicely.
I'm not following what happens. The first speaker ends up sounding like he's about to say something else, but he never speaks again. At least I don't think so. It seems like the dunce is the speaker in the second stanza. They're arguing about something, but I can't tell what or why. Maybe if I knew what the title meant it'd give me a clue?
The rhymes all work well, with even a little internal rhyme, plus the alliteration in places. Aside from those last two lines being longer, the structure works out nicely.
This sounds like when I'm in the car or shower or bed or something, and I think of a cool story idea, and knowing my history, it's likely to be gone when I can do something about it. But I think surely I'll remember it. And then I don't.
It probably only speaks to people who have been in the same situation, i.e., authors. To anyone else, it's probably just an "oh, that sounds nice," but I like it. The rhyme and meter have no issues.
It probably only speaks to people who have been in the same situation, i.e., authors. To anyone else, it's probably just an "oh, that sounds nice," but I like it. The rhyme and meter have no issues.
The sentiment is nice, that the speaker wishes he could enjoy the small moments around him rather than get caught up in more mundane demands on his time. Not familiar with the form, but it's somewhat similar to a sonnet. Your 12th line is 2 syllables short. While the overall meaning comes through well enough, some of the individual lines don't. Like I'm not sure what "Heaven's vault" is supposed to be, or why a brown brook would connote a sweet smell. Like if you used "clear" instead of "brown," the image comes across better, so I wonder why you chose brown and I'm missing something by not realizing why. Piercing a page with a hook to mark it is another odd image, but one I can at least understand.
Mostly well-written, but a few of the details went over my head.
Mostly well-written, but a few of the details went over my head.
>>Pascoite
Niddelsens
This was a case where I wrote for the sounds and let the sense take care of itself. I'm not quite sure what I was driving at now, it probably needed a few more stanzas to go anywhere consistent.
Niddelsens
This was a case where I wrote for the sounds and let the sense take care of itself. I'm not quite sure what I was driving at now, it probably needed a few more stanzas to go anywhere consistent.
>>Pascoite
One Small Life
I feel that I keep coming back to this theme, being part of the flood of human storytellers and not knowing if you are making a difference, but continuing regardless as the game itself is worth the candle. I am reawakening a dormant creative project and such thoughts are much on my mind lately. I am very glad that someone is getting it. : )
One Small Life
I feel that I keep coming back to this theme, being part of the flood of human storytellers and not knowing if you are making a difference, but continuing regardless as the game itself is worth the candle. I am reawakening a dormant creative project and such thoughts are much on my mind lately. I am very glad that someone is getting it. : )
>>Pascoite
The Smallest Slice of Life
My largest regret with this one was the initial words I chose, 'took' and 'halt' have a limited number of rhymes and it sharply cramped what I was trying to achieve. I am not saying it would have been much better, but the whole might have been less strained or obscure.
My mental image was of time coming to a pause where one could really look at things and appreciate the detail of being. If only you could just, say, stop the brook from flowing and study a slice of the water as it flows and burbles or stop a bird in flight and appreciate its spreading feathers... But Time Grinds On. This is what happens when you forget about a contest for most of the day and try to squeeze in three entries around 3 AM. Sorry to have inflicted this first draft upon you.
The Smallest Slice of Life
My largest regret with this one was the initial words I chose, 'took' and 'halt' have a limited number of rhymes and it sharply cramped what I was trying to achieve. I am not saying it would have been much better, but the whole might have been less strained or obscure.
My mental image was of time coming to a pause where one could really look at things and appreciate the detail of being. If only you could just, say, stop the brook from flowing and study a slice of the water as it flows and burbles or stop a bird in flight and appreciate its spreading feathers... But Time Grinds On. This is what happens when you forget about a contest for most of the day and try to squeeze in three entries around 3 AM. Sorry to have inflicted this first draft upon you.