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Structured like a set of haiku, but that depends on people pronouncing "orange" as 2 syllables, which is hit or miss. Though "yellowed" also doesn't fit, since it's only 1 syllable unless you put the proper accent mark on it.
The first "the road" feels grammatically out of place. There's nothing around it that goes with it, so it feels interjected for no purpose other than to be able to refer back to it later. What does "they" refer to? It's plural, and the only plural thing mentioned so far is leaves, which wouldn't be treading on stones. Are you just using a non-gendered pronoun for the donkey? It's confusing. And I'm not sure about the plot. What about the road is making the donkey slip? If you had some background for what was going on, it'd make me more feel invested in what happens to find this sympathetic or funny, but it's more like a feghoot, where the only point is springing the joke at the end. I do like the pattern of going through the rainbow colors, and it took me a minute to notice that was given away in the title.
The first "the road" feels grammatically out of place. There's nothing around it that goes with it, so it feels interjected for no purpose other than to be able to refer back to it later. What does "they" refer to? It's plural, and the only plural thing mentioned so far is leaves, which wouldn't be treading on stones. Are you just using a non-gendered pronoun for the donkey? It's confusing. And I'm not sure about the plot. What about the road is making the donkey slip? If you had some background for what was going on, it'd make me more feel invested in what happens to find this sympathetic or funny, but it's more like a feghoot, where the only point is springing the joke at the end. I do like the pattern of going through the rainbow colors, and it took me a minute to notice that was given away in the title.
This looks like it's supposed to be a limerick, but it uses the wrong meter, and rock/shocked is a weak rhyme. Like the first one I read, the lack of background hampers my investment in what happens, but it's amusing enough.
I have no idea what made you come up with the premise behind this, but it's so ridiculous that it's funny. Free verse, so no rhyme or meter to talk about. The plot is amusing, visualizing this person riding around a bike with lemon tires, and the only thing making him outlandish is that most other people use limes. I don't know what would make the lime people ill from being bumped around, as it seems like lemon guy is getting bumped just as much. Maybe he is getting sick too and just doesn't comment on it? The parting joke is also funny. This was a cute read.
>>Pascoite
Unseated
I am way out of the habit of retrospecting, let me break the silence of my shame.
This was my first attempt to get something in before the deadline, which I thought of as a placeholder, but I actually finished it after the other poem was done. Perhaps knowing that the pressure is off may help in some circumstances, but the deadline is still needed...
Unseated
I am way out of the habit of retrospecting, let me break the silence of my shame.
This was my first attempt to get something in before the deadline, which I thought of as a placeholder, but I actually finished it after the other poem was done. Perhaps knowing that the pressure is off may help in some circumstances, but the deadline is still needed...
>>Pascoite
Lemoncycle
Thank you for the kind words! I was playing with ideas for the prompt and wondered what sorts of objects would make the most objectional ride possible on a bicycle, then a lemon popped into my head and I ran with it. When you are presented with lemons, etc.
Lemoncycle
Thank you for the kind words! I was playing with ideas for the prompt and wondered what sorts of objects would make the most objectional ride possible on a bicycle, then a lemon popped into my head and I ran with it. When you are presented with lemons, etc.
