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Hey!
Grats to the medalists and all entrants alike. Great job, mates! :)
>>Haze
>>Rao
>>Fenton
>>horizon
>>Winston
>>Not_A_Hat
I love you guys! I know this piece had many flaws. It was written on the back of an envelope in a couple of hours, so I wasn’t expecting it to make finals at all, especially given the lukewarm reviews it got. This was a big 'n wonderful surprise! I was, however, convinced from the get-go it would then finish last of the pack (which it did). But I was thrilled to see that short scene being bagged together with the entries of the WriteOff’s greatest writers.
Frankly, the goal here was more to get myself back to writing in English after a long hiatus, because, you know, life has been hectic since my return from the South pole. I‘m super chuffed the English was up to scratch and no one noticed it was written by a non-native guy. That’s awesomely cool.
I can't promise I’ll take part in another event very soon, but at least I’ll do my best to try and rustle up something during an upcoming minific round.
Once again, hail to the winners and ❤️ to all!
Grats to the medalists and all entrants alike. Great job, mates! :)
>>Haze
>>Rao
>>Fenton
>>horizon
>>Winston
>>Not_A_Hat
I love you guys! I know this piece had many flaws. It was written on the back of an envelope in a couple of hours, so I wasn’t expecting it to make finals at all, especially given the lukewarm reviews it got. This was a big 'n wonderful surprise! I was, however, convinced from the get-go it would then finish last of the pack (which it did). But I was thrilled to see that short scene being bagged together with the entries of the WriteOff’s greatest writers.
Frankly, the goal here was more to get myself back to writing in English after a long hiatus, because, you know, life has been hectic since my return from the South pole. I‘m super chuffed the English was up to scratch and no one noticed it was written by a non-native guy. That’s awesomely cool.
I can't promise I’ll take part in another event very soon, but at least I’ll do my best to try and rustle up something during an upcoming minific round.
Once again, hail to the winners and ❤️ to all!
Hey, belated mini-retro. Good luck to all finalists!
The Twilight Show
There’s not much to say about that little story. I had this idea loitering for a while in a corner of my mind, and it was nice to be able to put it down. I gladly hand it to you that it was exposition dumpy, the dialogue was a pretext to stuff as much information as possible. I appreciate you all finding it nicely written (except HatANot, but thanks for nitpicking) — thanks from the bottom of my heart. On the other hand, I was somewhat put off by the many comments that said something along the lines of “it breaks canon”. What of it? It made it sound as if breaking canon meant blasphemy! :P
In any case, I don’t think I’ll have time to tackle the two upcoming short story rounds, so more likely I say until next minific round. Meanwhile, have fun!
The Twilight Show
There’s not much to say about that little story. I had this idea loitering for a while in a corner of my mind, and it was nice to be able to put it down. I gladly hand it to you that it was exposition dumpy, the dialogue was a pretext to stuff as much information as possible. I appreciate you all finding it nicely written (except HatANot, but thanks for nitpicking) — thanks from the bottom of my heart. On the other hand, I was somewhat put off by the many comments that said something along the lines of “it breaks canon”. What of it? It made it sound as if breaking canon meant blasphemy! :P
In any case, I don’t think I’ll have time to tackle the two upcoming short story rounds, so more likely I say until next minific round. Meanwhile, have fun!
>>Trick_Question
Pfff… No need for magic: Pinkie can levitate herself by breathing a sufficient amount of air!
Pfff… No need for magic: Pinkie can levitate herself by breathing a sufficient amount of air!
>>Trick_Question
>>wYvern
Commas cannot be used to separate logically independent clauses: “He woke up, the sun was already shining” is a comma splice: the two parts are unrelated. The comma cannot be used to indicate a logical implication, it’s only used to stake off fragments and clarify the meaning of the sentence (or for rhythmical purposes).
There was a comma splice in one of the stories I reviewed, but I’ve lost it. In the sentence I wrote, the comma should go away and be replaced by a colon or a full stop (in that case).
Apposition would be a word or fragment that complements another word or fragment: “He was tough, though soft in the middle at times, that’s why he didn’t even flinch.” The whole fragment between commas in an apposition to ‘he’. Note that an apposition, much like an adjective, can be taken away without the meaning of the sentence being (much) altered (or at least becoming grammatically wrong).
>>wYvern
Commas cannot be used to separate logically independent clauses: “He woke up, the sun was already shining” is a comma splice: the two parts are unrelated. The comma cannot be used to indicate a logical implication, it’s only used to stake off fragments and clarify the meaning of the sentence (or for rhythmical purposes).
There was a comma splice in one of the stories I reviewed, but I’ve lost it. In the sentence I wrote, the comma should go away and be replaced by a colon or a full stop (in that case).
Apposition would be a word or fragment that complements another word or fragment: “He was tough, though soft in the middle at times, that’s why he didn’t even flinch.” The whole fragment between commas in an apposition to ‘he’. Note that an apposition, much like an adjective, can be taken away without the meaning of the sentence being (much) altered (or at least becoming grammatically wrong).
>>Trick_Question
Well, isn’t a hamburger a burger with ham? ;B
It wouldn't be the first time that Aussies take a word and construe it wrongly. What do you expect of people that walk with their heads down? :P
Well, isn’t a hamburger a burger with ham? ;B
It wouldn't be the first time that Aussies take a word and construe it wrongly. What do you expect of people that walk with their heads down? :P
>>Trick_Question
Yeah, I say Aussie because my dictionary registers the world as ‘Austral’. But okay if it’s American too.
Hammie would be a hamburger then? :B
Yeah, I say Aussie because my dictionary registers the world as ‘Austral’. But okay if it’s American too.
Hammie would be a hamburger then? :B
A tiny organ organ played: that’s a stereorgan? :P
sammies: that’s an Aussie word?
he owed money to a lot of ponies money: one “money for nothing”! :B
but found herself bombarded by ponies the cacophony of their excited chatter — Uh?
I don’t know what I shall deduce of these flubs. Maybe that you edited your story at the last minute?
It’s a pleasant story, well told and competently written, but it does not really stand out. I don’t understand why Spitfire didn’t simply walk out rather than humouring the attendants. At least, that’s what I’d have done if I were her. But I like the way you depicted the rascal that died. That poor guy had really all the sins deeply ingrained under his coat! He must have lived a cheerful life… :P
Oh, and I agree with the others: the last line is a clunker.
sammies: that’s an Aussie word?
he owed money to a lot of ponies money: one “money for nothing”! :B
but found herself bombarded by ponies the cacophony of their excited chatter — Uh?
I don’t know what I shall deduce of these flubs. Maybe that you edited your story at the last minute?
It’s a pleasant story, well told and competently written, but it does not really stand out. I don’t understand why Spitfire didn’t simply walk out rather than humouring the attendants. At least, that’s what I’d have done if I were her. But I like the way you depicted the rascal that died. That poor guy had really all the sins deeply ingrained under his coat! He must have lived a cheerful life… :P
Oh, and I agree with the others: the last line is a clunker.
There’s a deliberate will here to blow smoke and obfuscate the reality, probably the imprisoned creature strives to confuse the coroner or whoever that ‘you’ represents, and it’s a nice part of the story. What’s less nice is that you’re also telling a story that is hardly understandable. How many Lyras are there in town? I got three: the true one, one faked of the changeling species, and the one that speaks here.
You challenged us to unravel a ball of wool that you have deliberately tangled, and it’s a pretty difficult task. As a result, this left me partly unsatisfied. I like the final sentence, though.
You challenged us to unravel a ball of wool that you have deliberately tangled, and it’s a pretty difficult task. As a result, this left me partly unsatisfied. I like the final sentence, though.
I’m not really into shipping and all that stuff, but that one wasn’t bad. ‘Teal’ for me is not properly a shade of blue, since it shares the same quantity of blue and green, and viridian, that comes from the Latin word for green, is really more green than blue. You could’ve chosen turquoise, zaffre or ultramarine instead.
The third, unnamed pony could be Rainbow Dash, but I’d more likely plump for Luna, as she’s the one who’s blue in every respect.
Otherwise, I’ll just agree with most other commenters, in that choosing Fluttershy seems rather odd here, unless you initially wanted to finish by a twist (like: the third pony is Fluttershy, and Rarity has lied to her so she wouldn’t suss anything). It’s a sweet piece, though.
The third, unnamed pony could be Rainbow Dash, but I’d more likely plump for Luna, as she’s the one who’s blue in every respect.
Otherwise, I’ll just agree with most other commenters, in that choosing Fluttershy seems rather odd here, unless you initially wanted to finish by a twist (like: the third pony is Fluttershy, and Rarity has lied to her so she wouldn’t suss anything). It’s a sweet piece, though.
The idea is pleasant, but I share the same qualms as the others: I don’t envision Celestia faking her own death just to cut herself some slack in a remote getaway. At a pinch (In a pinch, for you Americans), I’d see them summon a clone or build a machine at her semblance to fake her presence.
Luna’s stance during the first part was acceptable. The discourse, well… I have mixed feelings. Though I found it amusing, Luna using ‘ass’ does not fit her at all. ‘Royal Butt’ would’ve been more suitable, maybe. I expect Luna’s exasperation to show up through deliberate wry humour rather than F-kinda words. But that’s a personal opinion you don’t have to share.
The punchline was fine, through.
Luna’s stance during the first part was acceptable. The discourse, well… I have mixed feelings. Though I found it amusing, Luna using ‘ass’ does not fit her at all. ‘Royal Butt’ would’ve been more suitable, maybe. I expect Luna’s exasperation to show up through deliberate wry humour rather than F-kinda words. But that’s a personal opinion you don’t have to share.
The punchline was fine, through.
It’s a nice story, but it suffers from a major flaw: no teacher would ever give such a subject as an assignment to his/her pupils. Unless feeling him/herself suicidal: I think he/she would be fired the next day at dawn (or even the same day at dusk).
Otherwise, D.T. is competently portrayed, though the transition from her kinda exalted state to her cries is sudden and unexpected (while I certainly admit that’s the kind of reaction to expect from a girl to such a subject, therefore my initial rant). And her final words are way too adult.
In other words, slightly misaimed.
Otherwise, D.T. is competently portrayed, though the transition from her kinda exalted state to her cries is sudden and unexpected (while I certainly admit that’s the kind of reaction to expect from a girl to such a subject, therefore my initial rant). And her final words are way too adult.
In other words, slightly misaimed.
Your Sirens look much more like the three Gorgons, except they do not petrify their visitor.
Anyways, I must admit I failed to be grasped by this story. There’s a big clash between ponies and mythology, and the cocktail you deliver here failed to gel for me. The Gorgons turn their vests a bit too easily for me, and I have no idea why they don't just attack the pony and steal the crown he's presenting to them.
I found the song a bit bland. Reading the other reviews, it's fabulous how not two of us agree on even a single point!
Anyways, I must admit I failed to be grasped by this story. There’s a big clash between ponies and mythology, and the cocktail you deliver here failed to gel for me. The Gorgons turn their vests a bit too easily for me, and I have no idea why they don't just attack the pony and steal the crown he's presenting to them.
I found the song a bit bland. Reading the other reviews, it's fabulous how not two of us agree on even a single point!
This one was fun. The Flimflam brothers are slightly off—we now expect them to burst into a song or at least a kind of poem at the first opportunity, and I missed that here—but the rip-off, although predictable, is nice. I really don't have much to say beyond this, i.e. a solid entry, with no great ambition, but which scores pretty well. So no Nutella for Granny Smith, eh? Too bad.
And finally, lesson here is that you should watch out your grub.
And finally, lesson here is that you should watch out your grub.
“Squirming within the confines of her black suit”? First, that sentence is really awkward, and I don't envision Applejack in a black suit, whatever the circumstances be. Some typos (“turned to Pinkie, stood…” there's a ‘who’ missing here).
Okay. I see why this one made it into the finals. You watched Pulp fiction before writing it, didn't you? Well, it's mildly funny, but it's a bit gross at the same time. While the suggested scene is crazy enough, the way you introduce it and the whole ceremony feel contrived and setup only to shoehorn into the prompt.
And then, well, I'm not into those sorts of fantasies, but what you suggest looks more like a scene between two stallions.
Anyway. Your story aims at being stupid, which it is, but I wish you raised the stupidity higher; here, as I say, I failed to understand the logic connecting the two events. I suggest you rewrite the ceremony in such a way that Rainbow is unaware she's the one being mourned, and PP tells the whole story instead.
Okay. I see why this one made it into the finals. You watched Pulp fiction before writing it, didn't you? Well, it's mildly funny, but it's a bit gross at the same time. While the suggested scene is crazy enough, the way you introduce it and the whole ceremony feel contrived and setup only to shoehorn into the prompt.
And then, well, I'm not into those sorts of fantasies, but what you suggest looks more like a scene between two stallions.
Anyway. Your story aims at being stupid, which it is, but I wish you raised the stupidity higher; here, as I say, I failed to understand the logic connecting the two events. I suggest you rewrite the ceremony in such a way that Rainbow is unaware she's the one being mourned, and PP tells the whole story instead.
Okay, I've never been in music critics and such. I just don't care, and DJ Pon3 is one of the characters of the show that leaves me 100% indifferent (much like Discord) so I found this story meh. I don't know if you're trying to genuinely copy what a newspaper article about a new record would look like or if it's a joke to point out how hollow most critics sound. I agree the take on the prompt is original and creative, but for me that's about all I have to say. Sorry for that.
I'm not writing reviews directly in the WriteOff site so I don't have access to what others said, but I faintly remember someone mentioning you tackle here a surprisingly serious subject. I’ll add this one touches me personally, as I was bound to make the same choice you describe here for my father ten years ago when he was dying of cancer (except on this occasion both me and the medic were in tune). But enough with the personal drama. The name of the Doctor seems ridiculous and does not fit into what you present as a dramatic scene. And yeah, your depiction of opioids is quite correct.
It’s very difficult for me to rank this story properly, because I’m of two minds: is that a true pony story, or is that a general fic that you varnished with a pony lustre just to be able to sneak it in this round? I would tend towards the latter. There's hardly any pony thing here: both your characters are OC, no world interaction nor canon character. So, apart from the ludicrous and ad hoc name of the medic, this is basically a conversation between two humans in an office.
So, to sum up, a dramatic, if classical, conundrum. I will abstain, though: off topic.
It’s very difficult for me to rank this story properly, because I’m of two minds: is that a true pony story, or is that a general fic that you varnished with a pony lustre just to be able to sneak it in this round? I would tend towards the latter. There's hardly any pony thing here: both your characters are OC, no world interaction nor canon character. So, apart from the ludicrous and ad hoc name of the medic, this is basically a conversation between two humans in an office.
So, to sum up, a dramatic, if classical, conundrum. I will abstain, though: off topic.
>>QuillScratch
Oh yes, you're right, I completely forgot this detail. You're right Quill, it's cute and I encourage you to use it again!
Fireplaces in libraries sound perilous. A single ember sputtered out of the fireplace and the whole place risks being set ablaze. Unless, of course, Twilight has protected them with a spell.
Oh yes, you're right, I completely forgot this detail. You're right Quill, it's cute and I encourage you to use it again!
Fireplaces in libraries sound perilous. A single ember sputtered out of the fireplace and the whole place risks being set ablaze. Unless, of course, Twilight has protected them with a spell.
>>Trick_Question
I was referring to this Trick:
I was referring to this Trick:
Turn up the difficulty level, and we'll be here to help.
>>TitaniumDragon
There's no need to apologise since there's no obligation, eh!
I just found funny you missed both of my entries, that's all!
Good night!
There's no need to apologise since there's no obligation, eh!
I just found funny you missed both of my entries, that's all!
Good night!
Paging WIP