Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
Homework
The assignment was easy. Or was it?
“Hey, D.T.” Scootaloo walked up beside her. “Wanna join us at the clubhouse? We’ll do homework and then have some fun.”
“I’m sorry, Scootaloo,” Diamond Tiara said, then dropped her gaze. “I’d rather do this essay on my own.”
“Oh, know what you’re gonna write already? Cause I have no idea!” Scootaloo laughed.
“Uhm, no. No idea.” She still didn’t look up.
“Wow, that’s really getting to you, huh? You always take school so seriously,” Scootaloo said, misreading her completely. The concern and false praise sent a bittersweet shiver down her spine, but turned sour upon closer inspection.
Diamond Tiara said nothing.
“Well, come by later, okay? See ya!” With that, Scootaloo dashed off.
Diamond Tiara continued her way home.
It’s your funeral. Describe the ceremony and what ponies say about you. It was the kind of assignment where there was no right or wrong. Easy, right?
Diamond Tiara opened the door to the mansion as quietly as she could and snuck in. She crept down the hallway, but as she went past the sitting room, a watchful eye poked out from behind a raised newspaper.
She dropped her bag. “Hi, mom.”
Her mom sat in an armchair with a slight angle to the hallway. Without saying a word, she stared for another two seconds, then returned her gaze to the newspaper. Diamond Tiara commenced her way towards her room when a quiet but clear voice cut through the frosty atmosphere.
“I see you’re not with your… friends. How come?” The last sentence rang out in a saccharine sing-song.
“I wanted to do homework alone.”
“They abandoned you, didn’t they.”
“They didn’t!” Diamond Tiara stomped her hoof. “Scootaloo even asked me to come.”
“Oh,” her mom chuckled. “They made the special foal show you some sympathy, huh? She’s that pegasus that can’t even fly, isn’t she.”
Diamond Tiara trembled in anger for a moment, then grabbed her bag and stormed up the stairs to her room. She slammed the door, dropped her bag on her desk, whipped out her copybook and pen, and started writing.
On the day of my funeral, it will be raining.
Even the sky will cry.
My mom will wail and ask me for forgiveness, but I’ll be gone.
Serves her right.
Apple Bloom will build a shrine in my honor, and Scootaloo will offer her scooter as funeral gift. Sweety Bell will sing a hymn to praise my deeds.
They’d do that, right? Because they’re my friends…
Pipsqueak will confess to me, and admit he only ever ran for class president to be my equal.
Although he’s probably better than I was…
The cutie mark crusaders will cry, and say how they didn’t spend enough time with me. How I died to soon.
We’ve only been friends for a few weeks…
They’ll talk of all the things we hadn’t done, and how they wouldn’t be able to enjoy them without me.
It’s so unfair.
Somepony knocked at her door. “Diamond Tiara?”
“Huh?” She looked up from her essay, trying to still her breathing, her dad just a dark, blurry patch on her vision as he stepped into her room.
“What’s that racket you’re making? Why are you crying like that?”
“I—” she hiccuped. “I don’t wanna die.” A fresh, hot batch of tears welled up in her eyes.
“You’re not dying, silly.” His words were strict, but he went up to her and patted her on the head.
She hugged him around the neck. Right, she wasn’t dying. Why was she crying like that? What silliness. She released him. “Right. Thanks, dad.”
When he’d gone, she ripped the page she’d written from her book and trashed it.
When I die, I want everyone to be happy they knew me. To think that no hour spent with me was wasted. To be able to laugh and remember me by the fun we had. It will be a beautiful and sunny day, and if there will be tears, I hope nopony will feel like trying to hide them.
Diamond Tiara thought about more to write, but the words wouldn’t come. Then, she remembered Scootaloo’s words: you always take school so seriously.
She laughed, dropped the pen, and went to the bathroom to wash her face. Then, she set off to the cutie mark crusader’s clubhouse.
“Hey, D.T.” Scootaloo walked up beside her. “Wanna join us at the clubhouse? We’ll do homework and then have some fun.”
“I’m sorry, Scootaloo,” Diamond Tiara said, then dropped her gaze. “I’d rather do this essay on my own.”
“Oh, know what you’re gonna write already? Cause I have no idea!” Scootaloo laughed.
“Uhm, no. No idea.” She still didn’t look up.
“Wow, that’s really getting to you, huh? You always take school so seriously,” Scootaloo said, misreading her completely. The concern and false praise sent a bittersweet shiver down her spine, but turned sour upon closer inspection.
Diamond Tiara said nothing.
“Well, come by later, okay? See ya!” With that, Scootaloo dashed off.
Diamond Tiara continued her way home.
It’s your funeral. Describe the ceremony and what ponies say about you. It was the kind of assignment where there was no right or wrong. Easy, right?
Diamond Tiara opened the door to the mansion as quietly as she could and snuck in. She crept down the hallway, but as she went past the sitting room, a watchful eye poked out from behind a raised newspaper.
She dropped her bag. “Hi, mom.”
Her mom sat in an armchair with a slight angle to the hallway. Without saying a word, she stared for another two seconds, then returned her gaze to the newspaper. Diamond Tiara commenced her way towards her room when a quiet but clear voice cut through the frosty atmosphere.
“I see you’re not with your… friends. How come?” The last sentence rang out in a saccharine sing-song.
“I wanted to do homework alone.”
“They abandoned you, didn’t they.”
“They didn’t!” Diamond Tiara stomped her hoof. “Scootaloo even asked me to come.”
“Oh,” her mom chuckled. “They made the special foal show you some sympathy, huh? She’s that pegasus that can’t even fly, isn’t she.”
Diamond Tiara trembled in anger for a moment, then grabbed her bag and stormed up the stairs to her room. She slammed the door, dropped her bag on her desk, whipped out her copybook and pen, and started writing.
On the day of my funeral, it will be raining.
Even the sky will cry.
My mom will wail and ask me for forgiveness, but I’ll be gone.
Serves her right.
Apple Bloom will build a shrine in my honor, and Scootaloo will offer her scooter as funeral gift. Sweety Bell will sing a hymn to praise my deeds.
They’d do that, right? Because they’re my friends…
Pipsqueak will confess to me, and admit he only ever ran for class president to be my equal.
Although he’s probably better than I was…
The cutie mark crusaders will cry, and say how they didn’t spend enough time with me. How I died to soon.
We’ve only been friends for a few weeks…
They’ll talk of all the things we hadn’t done, and how they wouldn’t be able to enjoy them without me.
It’s so unfair.
Somepony knocked at her door. “Diamond Tiara?”
“Huh?” She looked up from her essay, trying to still her breathing, her dad just a dark, blurry patch on her vision as he stepped into her room.
“What’s that racket you’re making? Why are you crying like that?”
“I—” she hiccuped. “I don’t wanna die.” A fresh, hot batch of tears welled up in her eyes.
“You’re not dying, silly.” His words were strict, but he went up to her and patted her on the head.
She hugged him around the neck. Right, she wasn’t dying. Why was she crying like that? What silliness. She released him. “Right. Thanks, dad.”
When he’d gone, she ripped the page she’d written from her book and trashed it.
When I die, I want everyone to be happy they knew me. To think that no hour spent with me was wasted. To be able to laugh and remember me by the fun we had. It will be a beautiful and sunny day, and if there will be tears, I hope nopony will feel like trying to hide them.
Diamond Tiara thought about more to write, but the words wouldn’t come. Then, she remembered Scootaloo’s words: you always take school so seriously.
She laughed, dropped the pen, and went to the bathroom to wash her face. Then, she set off to the cutie mark crusader’s clubhouse.
I like this a lot, mainly because of Diamond Tiara's characterization.
See, Diamond Tiara's first instinct is to go straight for her typical self-aggrandizing facade, and she writes some corny tripe because of it. But, really, she's better than that these days, because there are ponies she cares about, and ponies that she knows care about her. And when she realizes that, she's a lot more sincere with her words.
It's not exactly common to see any sort of character development in a minific, because there just isn't any room. But this one pulls it off.
See, Diamond Tiara's first instinct is to go straight for her typical self-aggrandizing facade, and she writes some corny tripe because of it. But, really, she's better than that these days, because there are ponies she cares about, and ponies that she knows care about her. And when she realizes that, she's a lot more sincere with her words.
It's not exactly common to see any sort of character development in a minific, because there just isn't any room. But this one pulls it off.
Diamond Tiara is upset about the idea of thinking about her funeral and her own death. Her mother makes things worse. Her dad makes them better.
I really would have liked to see more out of Filthy Rich here; he didn’t really get enough space to properly pull the story in his direction, as the story seemed to more gesture vaguely in that direction rather than actually pull it together as well as I would have liked from such an emotional climax.
A good idea, but it needs more meat on its bones.
I really would have liked to see more out of Filthy Rich here; he didn’t really get enough space to properly pull the story in his direction, as the story seemed to more gesture vaguely in that direction rather than actually pull it together as well as I would have liked from such an emotional climax.
A good idea, but it needs more meat on its bones.
First: what the hell, Cheerilee? Felt grumpy today and took it out on your students?
Now to the story. While the inciting incident seems a bit contrived, and her mother is even harsher than in the show, but that are secondary things. It is an interesting look at Diamond Tiara while she is trying to change. The ideas are all there and the narration mostly works, but the final part feels a bit rushed, courtesy of the word limit I suppose.
It needs probably just a bit more room to breath.
Now to the story. While the inciting incident seems a bit contrived, and her mother is even harsher than in the show, but that are secondary things. It is an interesting look at Diamond Tiara while she is trying to change. The ideas are all there and the narration mostly works, but the final part feels a bit rushed, courtesy of the word limit I suppose.
It needs probably just a bit more room to breath.
This is definitely better than the maudlin Diamond Tiara story I pumped out on my Fimfiction account. My only complaint is that I can't see Cheerilee assigning something this ghastly to foals. Nopony would stand for that. It would make more sense if the essay could be about anything, and she wanted to make it about that topic for reasons she didn't fully understand.
That opener really does not impress. The attempt at intriguing the reader is far too transparent.
What the hell, Cheerilee? Who asks schoolchildren to contemplate their own mortality?
Okay, Spoiled is a bitch, we know that, but Filthy telling his little girl to stop making a racket because she’s crying feels wrong on every conceivable level.
In all, this is a good attempt at further exploring post-“Lost Mark” Tiara, but the premise is flawed, the pathos runs too high in her first draft, and her father is almost unrecognizable. There is an interesting idea here, but it’s going to take some work to get the most out of it.
What the hell, Cheerilee? Who asks schoolchildren to contemplate their own mortality?
Okay, Spoiled is a bitch, we know that, but Filthy telling his little girl to stop making a racket because she’s crying feels wrong on every conceivable level.
In all, this is a good attempt at further exploring post-“Lost Mark” Tiara, but the premise is flawed, the pathos runs too high in her first draft, and her father is almost unrecognizable. There is an interesting idea here, but it’s going to take some work to get the most out of it.
I'll echo most of what others have said; there's good character development despite the short length, but Filthy's scene is a little too short to completely convince me.
I think the assignment could be reasonable in the right context. Heck, I think I might've had that assignment at some point.
I think the assignment could be reasonable in the right context. Heck, I think I might've had that assignment at some point.
And interesting character piece. The bit with Filthy rich could use a bit of polish and expansion. What exactly was Diamond doing when she was writing that caused a "racket?" And his response to a crying filly saying she doesn't want to die is "You're not dying, silly." and a pat on the head? It's clearly an artifact of the word limit, but it's still a bit jarring.
I like the characterization though. Pretty well done, all in all.
I like the characterization though. Pretty well done, all in all.
It’s a nice story, but it suffers from a major flaw: no teacher would ever give such a subject as an assignment to his/her pupils. Unless feeling him/herself suicidal: I think he/she would be fired the next day at dawn (or even the same day at dusk).
Otherwise, D.T. is competently portrayed, though the transition from her kinda exalted state to her cries is sudden and unexpected (while I certainly admit that’s the kind of reaction to expect from a girl to such a subject, therefore my initial rant). And her final words are way too adult.
In other words, slightly misaimed.
Otherwise, D.T. is competently portrayed, though the transition from her kinda exalted state to her cries is sudden and unexpected (while I certainly admit that’s the kind of reaction to expect from a girl to such a subject, therefore my initial rant). And her final words are way too adult.
In other words, slightly misaimed.
Thank you all for your feedback, both the praise and the critique. I knew I was going to run into trouble with the word limit while writing the back and forth between what DT writes and what she thinks, and the emotional arc and the interaction with her father suffered for it. Also, I agree that her final draft is quite a bit too mature.
I usually abandon my minifics after the competition, but I'm thinking about polishing this up for fimfiction. I know pretty much what to do, but for one thing:
How do I make readers buy the premise?
Many of you found issue with the assignment. I've had that very same assignment, to write about how one would wish to see one's own funeral play out, in middle school (age 13, I think).
I don't really see how to patch this up, but to ditch the assignment and make her bring these thoughts to paper for a different reason. Right now, I'm thinking about expanding the argument with her mom, and have Spoiled Rich throw in something like "Your so-called friends probably wouldn't even come to your funeral!"... or something like that. I'm open for suggestions, though.
I usually abandon my minifics after the competition, but I'm thinking about polishing this up for fimfiction. I know pretty much what to do, but for one thing:
How do I make readers buy the premise?
Many of you found issue with the assignment. I've had that very same assignment, to write about how one would wish to see one's own funeral play out, in middle school (age 13, I think).
I don't really see how to patch this up, but to ditch the assignment and make her bring these thoughts to paper for a different reason. Right now, I'm thinking about expanding the argument with her mom, and have Spoiled Rich throw in something like "Your so-called friends probably wouldn't even come to your funeral!"... or something like that. I'm open for suggestions, though.
>>wYvern
Hmm. I'm not sure off the top of my head (I'm kinda spacey on meds at the moment), but you might get better response from the Chat, since most of us probably aren't watching this thread as closely now.
Hmm. I'm not sure off the top of my head (I'm kinda spacey on meds at the moment), but you might get better response from the Chat, since most of us probably aren't watching this thread as closely now.
>>wYvern
I think maybe having some ponies question the assignment would give a chance for the readers to have their own uncertainty about it be addressed.
FWIW, I don't see the big deal; I was pretty sure I had an assignment like this at some point, too. But evidently not everyone's in the same boat.
I think maybe having some ponies question the assignment would give a chance for the readers to have their own uncertainty about it be addressed.
FWIW, I don't see the big deal; I was pretty sure I had an assignment like this at some point, too. But evidently not everyone's in the same boat.
>>wYvern
Maybe it's an assignment she's doing for therapy rather than school.
Just another idea, not necessarily a good one.
Maybe it's an assignment she's doing for therapy rather than school.
Just another idea, not necessarily a good one.