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Machine
Kai’s first breath came in a gulp, the oxygen burning his lungs. As the ringing in his ears subsided, he could make out the sound of sobs.
“I-- I thought you were gone!” he heard. Emerald eyes looked up at him, still wet with tears.
“Serafine,” he said with a rasp.
“Oh Kai!” she cried out, hugging him tightly. “They found you floating in the asteroid belt after the battle, but you were so hurt…”
“Shh.” He brushed his fingers across her lips. “It’s okay. I--” His drew in a sharp breath. “Wait-- We lost Carina?”
She quivered in his arms, her expression saying everything.
“I have to get back out there and fight. Without me…”
“I know,” she said. “But you’re not ready!”
He gripped the sides of the pod he was in, wincing through the pain. His muscles felt weak, the exertion unfamiliar. He blinked again, the room swimming in his vision. But he saw his flightsuit laid out, the mirrored helmet resting on top. He forced himself to his feet.
“They need me, Sera. Humanity’s existence relies on turning the Invaders back.”
“You could get hurt again. Or even worse!”
He shook his head, grinning. “Did you forget? I’m the best there is.”
The vidscreen turned on, showing the Commander. “Good to have you back, Kai. A new fighter is waiting for you in Bay 18.”
“Yes sir.” Kai saluted crisply.
His hands had trouble with the buttons on the flight suit, and Serafine silently helped him get dressed. She only hesitated when she finally held the helmet in her hands, and Kai bent down to kiss her. She took another shuddering breath as their lips parted, and turned away to stare out the plasteel window at the stars twinkling beyond.
“I’ll be back soon,” Kai said. “I promise.”
Serafine stood at the window for a long time after Kai left, watching as the rotation of the station brought the gas giant into view, noting the couple of the pinpricks of light that also moved in the trajectory of an orbit.
Her fingers tightened around the remote in her hand.
“Good to have you back, Kai.” the Commander said. She looked up, frowning.
“A new fighter--”
She fumbled with the buttons, turning it off. She went ahead to the locker, laying out another uniform and helmet before stopping to gaze at the row of glass pods in the room, Three were open and empty. Another five showed humanoid figures beneath the frosted glass.
When she pressed a different button, the vidscreen flickered to life again. The Commander that showed up this time looked slightly different, a few more lines on his face. “Lieutenant, is there a technical issue? Our metrics show you behind schedule.”
“No.” Serafine took a deep breath. “What’s the status on the war effort? Where are we sending them now?”
The Commander looked down out of the frame. “Deep space two clicks away from Altair. The Invaders have established a forward post there that’s threatening several core worlds.”
Serafine’s lips pressed into a thin line.
“If there’s nothing else--”
“You’re lying,” she said. “You’ve said that before exactly. Four months ago.”
The Commander looked at her evenly. “Perhaps you are remembering incorrectly.”
“You know I’m not.” She gripped the remote so tightly that her knuckles were white. “How many copies are there?”
“Shouldn’t you know that?” The Commander said. “You’ve awakened nineteen this cycle.”
“I’m not asking about him, I’m asking about me.” She crossed her arms, pacing back and forth. “Knowing the size of this station and the efficiency of the harvesting and fabrication machinery, you could easily produce three hundred S-class fighter ships in about as much time as I can wake and prep fifty clones. So the bottleneck is me. That’s a problem with an obvious solution.”
“Lieutenant--”
Serafine pointed out the window. “What’s more, there’s no reason to stop at one station, when the system can support plenty more. And this isn’t the only system with appropriate resources. So how many copies?”
“Not enough,” a familiar voice said. The vidscreen flashed, and Serafine found herself face to face with herself. Or at least a version of herself, with hair already faded to grey.
“Then the war--”
“Enemies to humanity are still out there. We made the decision to do what was needed. Have you changed your mind?”
“No.”
The older woman smiled wearily. “Then we have much work still to do.”
Serafine couldn’t argue with herself.
“I-- I thought you were gone!” he heard. Emerald eyes looked up at him, still wet with tears.
“Serafine,” he said with a rasp.
“Oh Kai!” she cried out, hugging him tightly. “They found you floating in the asteroid belt after the battle, but you were so hurt…”
“Shh.” He brushed his fingers across her lips. “It’s okay. I--” His drew in a sharp breath. “Wait-- We lost Carina?”
She quivered in his arms, her expression saying everything.
“I have to get back out there and fight. Without me…”
“I know,” she said. “But you’re not ready!”
He gripped the sides of the pod he was in, wincing through the pain. His muscles felt weak, the exertion unfamiliar. He blinked again, the room swimming in his vision. But he saw his flightsuit laid out, the mirrored helmet resting on top. He forced himself to his feet.
“They need me, Sera. Humanity’s existence relies on turning the Invaders back.”
“You could get hurt again. Or even worse!”
He shook his head, grinning. “Did you forget? I’m the best there is.”
The vidscreen turned on, showing the Commander. “Good to have you back, Kai. A new fighter is waiting for you in Bay 18.”
“Yes sir.” Kai saluted crisply.
His hands had trouble with the buttons on the flight suit, and Serafine silently helped him get dressed. She only hesitated when she finally held the helmet in her hands, and Kai bent down to kiss her. She took another shuddering breath as their lips parted, and turned away to stare out the plasteel window at the stars twinkling beyond.
“I’ll be back soon,” Kai said. “I promise.”
Serafine stood at the window for a long time after Kai left, watching as the rotation of the station brought the gas giant into view, noting the couple of the pinpricks of light that also moved in the trajectory of an orbit.
Her fingers tightened around the remote in her hand.
“Good to have you back, Kai.” the Commander said. She looked up, frowning.
“A new fighter--”
She fumbled with the buttons, turning it off. She went ahead to the locker, laying out another uniform and helmet before stopping to gaze at the row of glass pods in the room, Three were open and empty. Another five showed humanoid figures beneath the frosted glass.
When she pressed a different button, the vidscreen flickered to life again. The Commander that showed up this time looked slightly different, a few more lines on his face. “Lieutenant, is there a technical issue? Our metrics show you behind schedule.”
“No.” Serafine took a deep breath. “What’s the status on the war effort? Where are we sending them now?”
The Commander looked down out of the frame. “Deep space two clicks away from Altair. The Invaders have established a forward post there that’s threatening several core worlds.”
Serafine’s lips pressed into a thin line.
“If there’s nothing else--”
“You’re lying,” she said. “You’ve said that before exactly. Four months ago.”
The Commander looked at her evenly. “Perhaps you are remembering incorrectly.”
“You know I’m not.” She gripped the remote so tightly that her knuckles were white. “How many copies are there?”
“Shouldn’t you know that?” The Commander said. “You’ve awakened nineteen this cycle.”
“I’m not asking about him, I’m asking about me.” She crossed her arms, pacing back and forth. “Knowing the size of this station and the efficiency of the harvesting and fabrication machinery, you could easily produce three hundred S-class fighter ships in about as much time as I can wake and prep fifty clones. So the bottleneck is me. That’s a problem with an obvious solution.”
“Lieutenant--”
Serafine pointed out the window. “What’s more, there’s no reason to stop at one station, when the system can support plenty more. And this isn’t the only system with appropriate resources. So how many copies?”
“Not enough,” a familiar voice said. The vidscreen flashed, and Serafine found herself face to face with herself. Or at least a version of herself, with hair already faded to grey.
“Then the war--”
“Enemies to humanity are still out there. We made the decision to do what was needed. Have you changed your mind?”
“No.”
The older woman smiled wearily. “Then we have much work still to do.”
Serafine couldn’t argue with herself.
A little disorienting because it has to move so quickly. I mostly followed it though.
I think everything here is in the reveals. It gives a feeling of "Hey, that's pretty cool, I wouldn't have thought of that." Beyond that, I'm looking for something else to like but I'm finding it a bit thin. It impresses at first but then the flash fades and it's just kind of meh. Like, "okay, whatever, I'm not really feeling any strong emotions about the characters, but that was a neat trick."
I think everything here is in the reveals. It gives a feeling of "Hey, that's pretty cool, I wouldn't have thought of that." Beyond that, I'm looking for something else to like but I'm finding it a bit thin. It impresses at first but then the flash fades and it's just kind of meh. Like, "okay, whatever, I'm not really feeling any strong emotions about the characters, but that was a neat trick."
>>RawCringe
I'm with him. Cute idea, but the story didn't really have the space to really breathe life into the situation.
I'm with him. Cute idea, but the story didn't really have the space to really breathe life into the situation.
I thhhhink I get the idea. But yeah, it's disorienting in the beginning and I feel like I never really got a chance to catch up to the events happening. The situation is really only given in pieces and I'm just a bit lost. I agree with RawCringe that I don't really feel any emotions for the characters.
I'm going to echo the statements already made here. This is a neat core for a story, but it moves as such a lightning pace that it really doesn't manage to achieve anything.
That said, there are some structural problems here I think: mostly the logic of the situation escapes me. Is there a particular reason why, apparently, the whole of the army consists of two people?
That said, there are some structural problems here I think: mostly the logic of the situation escapes me. Is there a particular reason why, apparently, the whole of the army consists of two people?
I think I might have engaged more with the story on my first read if the first part was also from Serafine's perspective, rather than feeling like I'd barely met her before it was over. I don't think Kai's perspective adds much because it doesn't contribute to the revelations at the end (unless Serafine was putting on an act by crying etc, but I never got a sense of why she was crying. Does she love him, did she only love him in the past, is she just stressed by waking up a clone for the nineteenth time in one day?), so you're reducing the already-limited number of words you have available to tell your story. And it's an interesting story! I'd like to know more about this universe.
Strong entry, in my opinion.
Strong entry, in my opinion.
“That’s the puppet’s dream, being human.” (Solaris)
I was somewhat befogged. Admittedly I don't get it. There are clones fighting an army of invaders, but the rest is pretty obscure to me. The girl is a clone herself? That's what I got but I don't see the point besides the reveal.
In my eyes, there's hardly any plot, just a core concept around which you knit some words. Besides, after Star Wars, one can't really say that the idea of cloning people to fill an army's rank is really original.
I was somewhat befogged. Admittedly I don't get it. There are clones fighting an army of invaders, but the rest is pretty obscure to me. The girl is a clone herself? That's what I got but I don't see the point besides the reveal.
In my eyes, there's hardly any plot, just a core concept around which you knit some words. Besides, after Star Wars, one can't really say that the idea of cloning people to fill an army's rank is really original.
>>Monokeras
I suspect the idea is that the entire military complex is based on clones of these individuals, meaning these "people" are trapped ina more or less eternal war.
I suspect the idea is that the entire military complex is based on clones of these individuals, meaning these "people" are trapped ina more or less eternal war.