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Everybody's Fool: Chapter 47 PLS NO FLAMES
Chapter 47
AN: OMS! (getit? Cause im a stanist) STOP FLAMIN U PREPS! Sahdow isnt a mari su, she’s GOFFIK. U r al such trols. If i dont get at least intu the finals of dis DUBM CONTEST im not evn goin 2 write a respons. HA!
I woke up in the evening and opened my coffin. I was thinking about all the great sex Knuckles and me had yesterday (AN: rodger says i cant write sex scenes 4 dis contest so ur nvr gonna find out how TOTALLY HOT that was.) It was totally hot. But I was so distracted thinking about Knuckles that I tripped over something on the floor! It made me fall over and hit my face. My nose was bleeding. I liked the blood up. Then I looked at what I had tripped over. It was a small christmas present. It said:
[quote]To: Shadow
Merry Christmas!
Love from: Tails xx[quote]
The wrapping paper was bright and colorful so I threw the present out of the window. Tails was such a prep! Evryone knew he had a crush on me, but he wasn’t goffik so I could never date him. Also he wasn’t totally hot like Vampire and Knuckles.
Then I got dressed. It was christmas day so I decided to wear extra black. I put on black fishnet tights and black boots, a black leather jacket over a dark black shirt, and a small black choker. I put on white foundation and black eyeliner and used black lipstick. I wanted to put on my black badge so I could wear even more black but I was off-duty today.
Just as I was finishing putting on my lipstick, someone knocked at my door. I walked over to open it. It was…………. Knuckles! He was wearing really tight black jeans and black boots with silver chains. He was topless which showed off his seven-pack (AN: dat’s BETTER than a six-pack!) He was totally hot.
“Hi Sahdow.” he greeted shyly.
“Hi Knuckles.” I answered blushing. (I was thinking of all the totally hot sex we had yesterday.)
“I brought you a present.” he whispered sexily. Then I looked down and saw that he had tied a black ribbon bow on his belt buckle! I pulled him into my bedroom and he kissed me.
AN: FUK U RODGER!!!! I wzs gonna write about al the totaly hot sex they were havin to end the chatpr but now I have 2 end it ther cause of ur DUMB RULEZ. Anyway, if u read this u should leave a revew! And if u don’t say ALL NICE THINGS about my story u r a PREP!
Chapter 48
AN: SO APPARENTLY this stupd contest has a MINIMUM WORD COUNT. I was gonna enter 1 of my chapters 4 it so I could get some revews from ppl NOT TROLS cause i want 2 get bettr. But 2000 words is just 2 MANY 4 a chaptr! So I hav 2 write MORE until I hit that limit!! SCREW U RODGER!!!!!!!! From hear on it is still a WIP and my editor (XXXbloodyrists666XXX, she is such a good friend! U should all go read her stories) hasnt lookd at it yet so pls be nice or i WONT ENTER UR DUMB CONTST AGAIN.
It was snowing in Zootopia. Knuckles and I went outside to go for a walk in the snow. It was cold, but I’m cold and distant so I liked it. It was late at night so there was nobody around to stare at us.
“Hey Shadow.” Knuckles said quietly.
“What is it?” I queried.
“Merry Christmas.” he replied smiling.
“OH! MY! SATAN!” I exclaimed. “Knuckles, I thought you were a goth! Being merry is, like, the LEAST goffik thing there is! I trusted you and you were just a PREP!”
I ran away from him down an alley. I was crying so much. Knuckles was so hot, but he was just a prep all along! It was the worst moment of my life. I sat down against a wall in the alley and pulled out my phone. I started playing some MCR. I was listening to I’m Not Okay but it reminded me of Knuckles. I tried to sing along but my voice kept cracking.
“Hello Sahdow.”
I looked up to see who had spoken. It was…….. DOCTOR EGGMAN!!
“GO AWAY EGGMAN U SUCK.” I shouted angrily.
“Sahdow, I need you to do something for me.” Eggman intoned. “I need you to……. KILL SONIC!”
“NO!” I yelled. “Vampire is TOO HOT! I already lost Knuckles today I can’t loose Vampire to!!”
“You foolish little traffic cop!” Eggman chuckled evilly. “I will destroy everything you love if you do not kill Sonic. You will have no city left to be a traffic cop in! All of Zootopia will be in ruins! I will make you watch as I destroy Sonic AND Knuckles! And I will even destroy….. Good Charlotte!!!”
Then Eggman disappeared. He left a gun behind where he was standing. It had a little skull-shaped note stuck to it that said “for sonic”. I threw it in the trash.
Then I realised: Eggman was going to try to destroy the whole of Zootopolis! I didn’t care too much about the preps like Tails who lived there, but if Zootopolis was destroyed I wouldn’t be able to go and see any more concerts without going for, like, an hour’s drive! I decided to run back to try to find Vampire. He’d know what to do.
AN: OMS THIS ISN’T EVEN 1000 WORDS!! This contest is so dunb! Anyway Im gonna try to keep writing so I can get ur stupid feedback even tho u r probably all trols or preps. Sahdow is REALLY ANGRY at Knuckles rite now thats why she didnt go to him to help wiv eggman, so thats NOT A PLOT HOLE. Ppl say that ALL THE TIME about my story n its NOT OKAY.
FUK U RODGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chapter 49
AN: I was looking thru ur site, Rodger, n I saw that sum of ur contst had shorter stories? WHY DIDNT U TELL ME? 400 WORDS IS JUST THE RITE LENGTH 4 1 OF MY CHAPTERS!!! Anyway, apparently I have too stick 2 the prompt or something so this chatpr is all about that wintr feelig only SAHDOW IS DEEP SO HER FEELINZ ARE 5000000000 TIMES MORE THAN URS. pls r&r.
I never liked the winter. It was nice that the world was all cold like me, but I didn’t like how christmas and snow would make all the preps so happy. Even though it was late at night there were still a few preppy foxes and badgers out on the streets. One of them smiled at me.
“Shadow!” he called. It was………………………. Tails!!!!!
“Tails I can’t talk right now you stupid little prep, Doctor Eggman is going to destroy all of Zootopolis or something and I need to find Vampire!” I exclaimed. I pushed Tails out of the way and kept walking down the street.
“Wait!” Tails called, running after me. “Maybe we should go and find Sonic! He’d know what to do to stop Eggman!”
“That’s what I said you STUPID PREP!” I shouted. Wait! Maybe Tails could help me find Vampire! They were friends before Vampire became cool and a goth, after all. “Do you know where he is?”
“I’m not sure.” Tails frowned. “I think I last saw him with Knuckles?”
“Knuckles?!” I cried. Hearing his name was like an icicle stabbed through my heart (AN: because it is WINTER). I missed him so much but he was just another prep who would never understand what it is like to be a true goth. He would never understand my pain. I fell to the floor clutching at my chest.
“Sahdow? Are you alright?” Tails questioned.
“NO I’M NOT FUKING ALRIGHT!” I screamed. “I LOVED HIM BUT HE WAS LYING TO ME. AND NOW HE’S PROBABLY CORRUPTING VAMPIRE WITH HIS PREPPY WAYS!!!!!!”
“But… I mean… Surely…” Tails floundered. His mouth was flapping uselessly for a while. “They can still help save the city, right?”
“THERE IS NO CITY WITHOUT VAMPIRE!” The realisation was so strong that I curled up even tighter into a ball to try to contain my pain. Some of the preps around us were staring at me. I glared at them until they left us alone and then I sobbed some more.
My heart was breaking a thousand times a minute (AN: sahdow is SUPER FAST like sonic so her feelinz are also VERY FAST). How had I only just realised that I loved Vampire, only to find that he was about to be destroyed; not by Eggman, but by PREPS. When he was just Sonic, he was a nobody!
“Maybe if we find him we can… stop… Knuckles?” Tails suggested. His eyes seemed to be twitching as he said it, but he was RIGHT. Knuckles might not have destroyed Vampire just yet!
“Your right Tails!” I shouted. “There’s no time to loose!”
I pulled Tails onto my back because I can run faster than him and I started to run in the direction he was pointing. We were going to find Vampire and save him!!!
AN: Tails is such a prep. Hes so dumb hes relly hard 4 me 2 rite lol. Anyway Im getting close to the DUBM word limit now so i can submit soon! FUK U RODGER I CAN STILL DO THIS!!!! IM GONNA WIN UR STUPDI CONTES!!! Pls remember to leave a revew and say nice things. I dont mind COSTRUKTIF comens coz they help me get bettre but i wont enter again if u FLAME.
Chapter 50
AN: XXXbloodyrists666XXX messaged me 2 remind me 2 tell u all about the story so far because u r missn “context” so hear is da story:
Sahdow is a goffik traffic cop who lives in Zootopolis. She has a lot of good friends but there are a lot of preps who h8 on her. She fites Eggman a lot (dat’s how she recognised him last chatpr) and she ALWAYS wins coz she is da best traffic cop. But she’s torn between Knuckles and Vampire coz dey are both SUPER HOT AND GOFFIK. Also every1 els tries to perv on her, especially Tails and Salli. The r both preps lol.
Obvs there are a LOT of chapttrs that I cant post hear so that is only a QUICK summari of wat i rote btu i hope u can use dat to undrstand my story bettr! Remember to r&r!
After a LOT of running (AN: Zotopolis is VERY BIG city) we found Vampire and Knuckles ina warehouse by the docks. We went inside and saw that Knuckles had tied Vampire up!
“Oh my god!” Tails whispered. “You were right! Knuckles was up to something!”
“I know that.” I whispered back. “We have to stay quiet. Let’s find out what he’s up to!”
We knelt on a balcony in the warehouse looking down at Vampire as he was tied to a chair. It was sickening to watch. I could imagine now how Knuckles would be brainwashing him with his preppy christmas talk! My poor, sexy Vampire would be gone for good!
"Are you ready to enter a world...... of pleasure?" I heard Knuckles say. We looked over to where his voice was coming from. He was dressed from head to toe in black leather. His outfit was very tight and I could see his seven-pack through the straps. It was also crotchless and we could all see his thingie. Next to me, Tails frowned in confusion. I was frowning too.
"I'm ready............. master." said Vampire. It was then that I realised what they were up to. They were sneaking off to have hot bondage sex! (AN: I'd write more about that before she realised but FUK U RODGER) I was outraged! Knuckles and Vampire were mine!
"VAMPIRE THE HEDGEHOG, YOU
OK I WROTE UR DUBM WORD LIMIT PLS R&R
FUK U RODGER
AN: OMS! (getit? Cause im a stanist) STOP FLAMIN U PREPS! Sahdow isnt a mari su, she’s GOFFIK. U r al such trols. If i dont get at least intu the finals of dis DUBM CONTEST im not evn goin 2 write a respons. HA!
I woke up in the evening and opened my coffin. I was thinking about all the great sex Knuckles and me had yesterday (AN: rodger says i cant write sex scenes 4 dis contest so ur nvr gonna find out how TOTALLY HOT that was.) It was totally hot. But I was so distracted thinking about Knuckles that I tripped over something on the floor! It made me fall over and hit my face. My nose was bleeding. I liked the blood up. Then I looked at what I had tripped over. It was a small christmas present. It said:
[quote]To: Shadow
Merry Christmas!
Love from: Tails xx[quote]
The wrapping paper was bright and colorful so I threw the present out of the window. Tails was such a prep! Evryone knew he had a crush on me, but he wasn’t goffik so I could never date him. Also he wasn’t totally hot like Vampire and Knuckles.
Then I got dressed. It was christmas day so I decided to wear extra black. I put on black fishnet tights and black boots, a black leather jacket over a dark black shirt, and a small black choker. I put on white foundation and black eyeliner and used black lipstick. I wanted to put on my black badge so I could wear even more black but I was off-duty today.
Just as I was finishing putting on my lipstick, someone knocked at my door. I walked over to open it. It was…………. Knuckles! He was wearing really tight black jeans and black boots with silver chains. He was topless which showed off his seven-pack (AN: dat’s BETTER than a six-pack!) He was totally hot.
“Hi Sahdow.” he greeted shyly.
“Hi Knuckles.” I answered blushing. (I was thinking of all the totally hot sex we had yesterday.)
“I brought you a present.” he whispered sexily. Then I looked down and saw that he had tied a black ribbon bow on his belt buckle! I pulled him into my bedroom and he kissed me.
AN: FUK U RODGER!!!! I wzs gonna write about al the totaly hot sex they were havin to end the chatpr but now I have 2 end it ther cause of ur DUMB RULEZ. Anyway, if u read this u should leave a revew! And if u don’t say ALL NICE THINGS about my story u r a PREP!
Chapter 48
AN: SO APPARENTLY this stupd contest has a MINIMUM WORD COUNT. I was gonna enter 1 of my chapters 4 it so I could get some revews from ppl NOT TROLS cause i want 2 get bettr. But 2000 words is just 2 MANY 4 a chaptr! So I hav 2 write MORE until I hit that limit!! SCREW U RODGER!!!!!!!! From hear on it is still a WIP and my editor (XXXbloodyrists666XXX, she is such a good friend! U should all go read her stories) hasnt lookd at it yet so pls be nice or i WONT ENTER UR DUMB CONTST AGAIN.
It was snowing in Zootopia. Knuckles and I went outside to go for a walk in the snow. It was cold, but I’m cold and distant so I liked it. It was late at night so there was nobody around to stare at us.
“Hey Shadow.” Knuckles said quietly.
“What is it?” I queried.
“Merry Christmas.” he replied smiling.
“OH! MY! SATAN!” I exclaimed. “Knuckles, I thought you were a goth! Being merry is, like, the LEAST goffik thing there is! I trusted you and you were just a PREP!”
I ran away from him down an alley. I was crying so much. Knuckles was so hot, but he was just a prep all along! It was the worst moment of my life. I sat down against a wall in the alley and pulled out my phone. I started playing some MCR. I was listening to I’m Not Okay but it reminded me of Knuckles. I tried to sing along but my voice kept cracking.
“Hello Sahdow.”
I looked up to see who had spoken. It was…….. DOCTOR EGGMAN!!
“GO AWAY EGGMAN U SUCK.” I shouted angrily.
“Sahdow, I need you to do something for me.” Eggman intoned. “I need you to……. KILL SONIC!”
“NO!” I yelled. “Vampire is TOO HOT! I already lost Knuckles today I can’t loose Vampire to!!”
“You foolish little traffic cop!” Eggman chuckled evilly. “I will destroy everything you love if you do not kill Sonic. You will have no city left to be a traffic cop in! All of Zootopia will be in ruins! I will make you watch as I destroy Sonic AND Knuckles! And I will even destroy….. Good Charlotte!!!”
Then Eggman disappeared. He left a gun behind where he was standing. It had a little skull-shaped note stuck to it that said “for sonic”. I threw it in the trash.
Then I realised: Eggman was going to try to destroy the whole of Zootopolis! I didn’t care too much about the preps like Tails who lived there, but if Zootopolis was destroyed I wouldn’t be able to go and see any more concerts without going for, like, an hour’s drive! I decided to run back to try to find Vampire. He’d know what to do.
AN: OMS THIS ISN’T EVEN 1000 WORDS!! This contest is so dunb! Anyway Im gonna try to keep writing so I can get ur stupid feedback even tho u r probably all trols or preps. Sahdow is REALLY ANGRY at Knuckles rite now thats why she didnt go to him to help wiv eggman, so thats NOT A PLOT HOLE. Ppl say that ALL THE TIME about my story n its NOT OKAY.
FUK U RODGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chapter 49
AN: I was looking thru ur site, Rodger, n I saw that sum of ur contst had shorter stories? WHY DIDNT U TELL ME? 400 WORDS IS JUST THE RITE LENGTH 4 1 OF MY CHAPTERS!!! Anyway, apparently I have too stick 2 the prompt or something so this chatpr is all about that wintr feelig only SAHDOW IS DEEP SO HER FEELINZ ARE 5000000000 TIMES MORE THAN URS. pls r&r.
I never liked the winter. It was nice that the world was all cold like me, but I didn’t like how christmas and snow would make all the preps so happy. Even though it was late at night there were still a few preppy foxes and badgers out on the streets. One of them smiled at me.
“Shadow!” he called. It was………………………. Tails!!!!!
“Tails I can’t talk right now you stupid little prep, Doctor Eggman is going to destroy all of Zootopolis or something and I need to find Vampire!” I exclaimed. I pushed Tails out of the way and kept walking down the street.
“Wait!” Tails called, running after me. “Maybe we should go and find Sonic! He’d know what to do to stop Eggman!”
“That’s what I said you STUPID PREP!” I shouted. Wait! Maybe Tails could help me find Vampire! They were friends before Vampire became cool and a goth, after all. “Do you know where he is?”
“I’m not sure.” Tails frowned. “I think I last saw him with Knuckles?”
“Knuckles?!” I cried. Hearing his name was like an icicle stabbed through my heart (AN: because it is WINTER). I missed him so much but he was just another prep who would never understand what it is like to be a true goth. He would never understand my pain. I fell to the floor clutching at my chest.
“Sahdow? Are you alright?” Tails questioned.
“NO I’M NOT FUKING ALRIGHT!” I screamed. “I LOVED HIM BUT HE WAS LYING TO ME. AND NOW HE’S PROBABLY CORRUPTING VAMPIRE WITH HIS PREPPY WAYS!!!!!!”
“But… I mean… Surely…” Tails floundered. His mouth was flapping uselessly for a while. “They can still help save the city, right?”
“THERE IS NO CITY WITHOUT VAMPIRE!” The realisation was so strong that I curled up even tighter into a ball to try to contain my pain. Some of the preps around us were staring at me. I glared at them until they left us alone and then I sobbed some more.
My heart was breaking a thousand times a minute (AN: sahdow is SUPER FAST like sonic so her feelinz are also VERY FAST). How had I only just realised that I loved Vampire, only to find that he was about to be destroyed; not by Eggman, but by PREPS. When he was just Sonic, he was a nobody!
“Maybe if we find him we can… stop… Knuckles?” Tails suggested. His eyes seemed to be twitching as he said it, but he was RIGHT. Knuckles might not have destroyed Vampire just yet!
“Your right Tails!” I shouted. “There’s no time to loose!”
I pulled Tails onto my back because I can run faster than him and I started to run in the direction he was pointing. We were going to find Vampire and save him!!!
AN: Tails is such a prep. Hes so dumb hes relly hard 4 me 2 rite lol. Anyway Im getting close to the DUBM word limit now so i can submit soon! FUK U RODGER I CAN STILL DO THIS!!!! IM GONNA WIN UR STUPDI CONTES!!! Pls remember to leave a revew and say nice things. I dont mind COSTRUKTIF comens coz they help me get bettre but i wont enter again if u FLAME.
Chapter 50
AN: XXXbloodyrists666XXX messaged me 2 remind me 2 tell u all about the story so far because u r missn “context” so hear is da story:
Sahdow is a goffik traffic cop who lives in Zootopolis. She has a lot of good friends but there are a lot of preps who h8 on her. She fites Eggman a lot (dat’s how she recognised him last chatpr) and she ALWAYS wins coz she is da best traffic cop. But she’s torn between Knuckles and Vampire coz dey are both SUPER HOT AND GOFFIK. Also every1 els tries to perv on her, especially Tails and Salli. The r both preps lol.
Obvs there are a LOT of chapttrs that I cant post hear so that is only a QUICK summari of wat i rote btu i hope u can use dat to undrstand my story bettr! Remember to r&r!
After a LOT of running (AN: Zotopolis is VERY BIG city) we found Vampire and Knuckles ina warehouse by the docks. We went inside and saw that Knuckles had tied Vampire up!
“Oh my god!” Tails whispered. “You were right! Knuckles was up to something!”
“I know that.” I whispered back. “We have to stay quiet. Let’s find out what he’s up to!”
We knelt on a balcony in the warehouse looking down at Vampire as he was tied to a chair. It was sickening to watch. I could imagine now how Knuckles would be brainwashing him with his preppy christmas talk! My poor, sexy Vampire would be gone for good!
"Are you ready to enter a world...... of pleasure?" I heard Knuckles say. We looked over to where his voice was coming from. He was dressed from head to toe in black leather. His outfit was very tight and I could see his seven-pack through the straps. It was also crotchless and we could all see his thingie. Next to me, Tails frowned in confusion. I was frowning too.
"I'm ready............. master." said Vampire. It was then that I realised what they were up to. They were sneaking off to have hot bondage sex! (AN: I'd write more about that before she realised but FUK U RODGER) I was outraged! Knuckles and Vampire were mine!
"VAMPIRE THE HEDGEHOG, YOU
OK I WROTE UR DUBM WORD LIMIT PLS R&R
FUK U RODGER
sighs
Let’s do this.
Do I really have to make it nice? It’s almost 1:30am and I feel like being a bit snarky at the moment. I hope that’s all right with you.
I’m sure it goes without saying that this story is terrible, but it’s hilarious as hell. The only major complaint I have is that you didn’t start at Chapter 1.
I appreciate the amount of subtlety you put into your insults directed at Roger—I’m sure he’d appreciate it too. And the author’s notes were so informative, in fact, that I can now properly understand (for what it’s worth) the motivations behind the characters’ actions. Oh, and I forgot: the other complaint was that there wasn’t enough sex, though I can’t fault you for this.
Okay this is cracking me up so hard. Why am I taking this seriously.
Let’s do this.
Pls remember to leave a revew and say nice things.
Do I really have to make it nice? It’s almost 1:30am and I feel like being a bit snarky at the moment. I hope that’s all right with you.
I’m sure it goes without saying that this story is terrible, but it’s hilarious as hell. The only major complaint I have is that you didn’t start at Chapter 1.
I appreciate the amount of subtlety you put into your insults directed at Roger—I’m sure he’d appreciate it too. And the author’s notes were so informative, in fact, that I can now properly understand (for what it’s worth) the motivations behind the characters’ actions. Oh, and I forgot: the other complaint was that there wasn’t enough sex, though I can’t fault you for this.
Hearing his name was like an icicle stabbed through my heart (AN: because it is WINTER).
Okay this is cracking me up so hard. Why am I taking this seriously.
I am weeping tears of blood.
Because blood reminds me of death. It is GOFFIK blood. If u have prep blood GTFO.
Edit: I like this story's treatment of the prompt.Enoby's Sahdow's feelings are simple yet complex. Just like winter.
Edit^2: This story has made me realize that my ability to edit comments is all Roger's fault. FUK U RODGER
Edit * (Edit * Edit): Wow I found out I din't review the story. (CN: lol oops) So here goes.
This is a story about Shadow Injoke Gothblood The Hedgehog (AN: "The" is his middle name) and his aventures in Zootrolia. If you read the preview in >>horizon and >>QuillScratch then you did not read this story, unless you also read this story, in which case you did. It has good parts, like when nuclear winter destroyed the world so the sky wept bitter tears of snow like my dearkened heart. Zootropica survived though. Fukking preps.
Things I think this story could have done better: Chapter 51.
Things I liked: Zootonia was very consistently described.
Things I hated: Shadow didn't wear enough black in his name. It should have been ██████ to better describe the pain in his everything.
Things I liked: The repetition.
Rating: 0/10 no zombie goasts.
Plz like & comment my new review structure
Because blood reminds me of death. It is GOFFIK blood. If u have prep blood GTFO.
Edit: I like this story's treatment of the prompt.
Edit^2: This story has made me realize that my ability to edit comments is all Roger's fault. FUK U RODGER
Edit * (Edit * Edit): Wow I found out I din't review the story. (CN: lol oops) So here goes.
This is a story about Shadow Injoke Gothblood The Hedgehog (AN: "The" is his middle name) and his aventures in Zootrolia. If you read the preview in >>horizon and >>QuillScratch then you did not read this story, unless you also read this story, in which case you did. It has good parts, like when nuclear winter destroyed the world so the sky wept bitter tears of snow like my dearkened heart. Zootropica survived though. Fukking preps.
Things I think this story could have done better: Chapter 51.
Things I liked: Zootonia was very consistently described.
Things I hated: Shadow didn't wear enough black in his name. It should have been ██████ to better describe the pain in his everything.
Things I liked: The repetition.
Rating: 0/10 no zombie goasts.
Plz like & comment my new review structure
Ok, I have found a category in which this story gets a #1 rating: Title Hook.
Otherwise known as clickbait, a title hook is that One Simple Thing To Help You Lose Weight or Seven Secrets Of Investment Your Broker Won't Tell You. The Flame, The Fox, and the Frozen Blade (with Oxford commas) comes in second, and thankfully is on my review list.
I think I'll stop there while I'm ahead.
Otherwise known as clickbait, a title hook is that One Simple Thing To Help You Lose Weight or Seven Secrets Of Investment Your Broker Won't Tell You. The Flame, The Fox, and the Frozen Blade (with Oxford commas) comes in second, and thankfully is on my review list.
I think I'll stop there while I'm ahead.
This story is exactly what I hoped it would be when I saw the title. The fact that I am still not sure if that is a good thing or not probably says a lot about this story.
What's the cutoff before prelims are canceled and we go straight to finals? Because with only 17 stories in this round, you might have made it by default. Not that you wouldn't have made it anyway, of course. ;p
No character in any story has ever been so relatable to me.
If i dont get at least intu the finals of dis DUBM CONTEST im not evn goin 2 write a respons. HA!
What's the cutoff before prelims are canceled and we go straight to finals? Because with only 17 stories in this round, you might have made it by default. Not that you wouldn't have made it anyway, of course. ;p
AN: SO APPARENTLY this stupd contest has a MINIMUM WORD COUNT. I was gonna enter 1 of my chapters 4 it so I could get some revews from ppl NOT TROLS cause i want 2 get bettr. But 2000 words is just 2 MANY 4 a chaptr! So I hav 2 write MORE until I hit that limit!!
No character in any story has ever been so relatable to me.
I feel somewhat responsible guilty proud that someone wrote this beautiful Shadow the Hedgehog fic.
I have to give props to the author. I have terrible OCD when it comes to my writing, and I think I would be entirely unable to write a single sentence of what's in this story without feeling actual pain.
I have to give props to the author. I have terrible OCD when it comes to my writing, and I think I would be entirely unable to write a single sentence of what's in this story without feeling actual pain.
What? Shadow's a girl? I hoped this would be about hot yaoi sex, -99999999/10.
In all seriousness though, while I chuckled a little at the beginning, after two chapters I just skimmed the rest.
The time when "Repercussions of Evil", "Full Life Consequences" and "My Immortal" were original, fresh and funny is long past. There isn't anything about this story that'd elevate it above the rest.
In all seriousness though, while I chuckled a little at the beginning, after two chapters I just skimmed the rest.
The time when "Repercussions of Evil", "Full Life Consequences" and "My Immortal" were original, fresh and funny is long past. There isn't anything about this story that'd elevate it above the rest.
This story is hard to review, in part because it's not really a story; it's purpose-built metafiction that's designed to bring a smile to fellow Writeoff participants. I have no objection to such a thing existing, and I felt it accomplished its goals. Nevertheless, it doesn't have a lot of story going on, per se.
Still, for doing what it set out to do, and doing it with style, I can't ding this too much.
I rate this 666 goffik skulls out of 10.
Still, for doing what it set out to do, and doing it with style, I can't ding this too much.
I rate this 666 goffik skulls out of 10.
Everybody’s Fool — B — At first glance, this is a mess. Ok, it’s like that on the second glance too. After about six or so, it begins to make sense. Of course, it helps if you take a shot every time you read through it. It takes a certain skill to write this disconnected. I suspect taking a shot every time you write a paragraph contributes. Let it be perfectly clear, I did not write this. I *can’t* write like this. I have a liver. I mean a life.
I'd just like to come back and note that — like with the maze in the sandwich round — I feel obligated by the purpose of the Writeoffs to score this at the bottom of my slate. While it legitimately made me laugh, this is at heart a trainwreck, and I can't in good conscience say it's better writing than any of the serious entries.
But that judgment about scoring should not detract from the cleverness nor effort here. Thank you for spicing up the Writeoffs with some on-topic and amusing silliness!
But that judgment about scoring should not detract from the cleverness nor effort here. Thank you for spicing up the Writeoffs with some on-topic and amusing silliness!
Dangit; all that, and we'll never even know who wrote this grand monstrosity.
I was entertained. Whoever you are, Anon, you accomplished that much.
I was entertained. Whoever you are, Anon, you accomplished that much.
So I woke up dis mrning 2 find tht my stry was NOT IN DA FINALS?!?!!? I dont get it. My story was so much bettr than the ohter 1 i red!!! I said I wasnt goin to repson d if i wasn t in teb final but now i am so mad i am gona have 2!!!
FUK U RODGER!
FUK U RODGER!
*cough*
I'm sorry, I'm not quite sure what came over me there. Or where I acquired that suspiciously photoshopped cutie mark...
Anyway, yes. >>CoffeeMinion, you need worry no more: I did this one. I submitted anonymously for two reasons: firstly, I didn't ever want this to show up on the list of stories I've entered in the past (which, given some of the stories I've entered in the past, says quite a lot about this one); and secondly, I was worried that this entry might upset people more than it entertained them. I know people in the past have been a tad upset at in-joke entries and other such silliness, and I was a bit worried about upsetting people too much.
I think it should be pretty obvious where I got the inspiration for this story from—horizon's takes on My Immortal are always excellent—and I kinda had so much fun writing that one other comment before the round that this ended up being all I could think of to enter. Out of desperation, I ran with it!
Here's a few fun facts people might have missed (because I actually did goddamn research for this monstrosity...)
1) XXXbloodyrists666XXX is the penname that Tara Gilesbie used to post the original My Immortal, and I figured I had to sneak some small reference to her in there somewhere.
2) Everybody's Fool is just another Evanescence song I picked at random. Literally the only song by them I actually know is that meme one, so forgive me if it's less appropriate to the subject matter.
3) The place I cut off at the end of the 2,000 words was deliberately planned from the start! The next word, incidentally, is "motherf*cker", in reference to a similar line from Enoby in My Immortal. I actually had to go back and add more words elsewhere (iirc, I added some more detail about Tails being a prep in one of the Author's Notes) to get back to the exact 2,000 word count when I switched from gdocs to the writeoff site.
4) Pretty much the entire plot line of this story is cobbled together from plots of the first few chapters of My Immortal, because in all honesty the important story here was the Author's Notes. However, unlike the comments horizon and I posted earlier, this was all original writing! Somehow, I think, that made it more fun.
5) >>georg: I didn't have to drink at all when writing this, but that's probably because I'm teetotal and I was having too much fun to let standards get in my way.
Thank you to everyone who commented on this story! I'm... kinda feeling a bit guilty that it attracted so many comments so early on. I was hoping this story would be buried under a far greater number of sensible entries, so I was a little shocked by the small number this round. Still, all your comments brought huge grins to my face throughout the week, and I may have doubled over with laughter at a few of them! You all helped turn this from being "some stupid thing I wrote in a few hours" to a genuinely fun time that I will probably never forget, so thank you all so much for that <3
I'm sorry, I'm not quite sure what came over me there. Or where I acquired that suspiciously photoshopped cutie mark...
Anyway, yes. >>CoffeeMinion, you need worry no more: I did this one. I submitted anonymously for two reasons: firstly, I didn't ever want this to show up on the list of stories I've entered in the past (which, given some of the stories I've entered in the past, says quite a lot about this one); and secondly, I was worried that this entry might upset people more than it entertained them. I know people in the past have been a tad upset at in-joke entries and other such silliness, and I was a bit worried about upsetting people too much.
I think it should be pretty obvious where I got the inspiration for this story from—horizon's takes on My Immortal are always excellent—and I kinda had so much fun writing that one other comment before the round that this ended up being all I could think of to enter. Out of desperation, I ran with it!
Here's a few fun facts people might have missed (because I actually did goddamn research for this monstrosity...)
1) XXXbloodyrists666XXX is the penname that Tara Gilesbie used to post the original My Immortal, and I figured I had to sneak some small reference to her in there somewhere.
2) Everybody's Fool is just another Evanescence song I picked at random. Literally the only song by them I actually know is that meme one, so forgive me if it's less appropriate to the subject matter.
3) The place I cut off at the end of the 2,000 words was deliberately planned from the start! The next word, incidentally, is "motherf*cker", in reference to a similar line from Enoby in My Immortal. I actually had to go back and add more words elsewhere (iirc, I added some more detail about Tails being a prep in one of the Author's Notes) to get back to the exact 2,000 word count when I switched from gdocs to the writeoff site.
4) Pretty much the entire plot line of this story is cobbled together from plots of the first few chapters of My Immortal, because in all honesty the important story here was the Author's Notes. However, unlike the comments horizon and I posted earlier, this was all original writing! Somehow, I think, that made it more fun.
5) >>georg: I didn't have to drink at all when writing this, but that's probably because I'm teetotal and I was having too much fun to let standards get in my way.
Thank you to everyone who commented on this story! I'm... kinda feeling a bit guilty that it attracted so many comments so early on. I was hoping this story would be buried under a far greater number of sensible entries, so I was a little shocked by the small number this round. Still, all your comments brought huge grins to my face throughout the week, and I may have doubled over with laughter at a few of them! You all helped turn this from being "some stupid thing I wrote in a few hours" to a genuinely fun time that I will probably never forget, so thank you all so much for that <3
>>QuillScratch
I love how you have to specify that in the plural.
The best part is that, even before my quick riff in this thread, you were still correct to do so. My pony magnum opus isn't the only one! About five years back I watched Immortals in a movie theater and it was so bad I had to mock it to blow off steam. You can find the carnage over at fanfiction.net under a throwaway account (it's rated M "for manly swears", though, so you can't google it — you have to know it's there).
horizon's takes on My Immortal are always excellent
I love how you have to specify that in the plural.
The best part is that, even before my quick riff in this thread, you were still correct to do so. My pony magnum opus isn't the only one! About five years back I watched Immortals in a movie theater and it was so bad I had to mock it to blow off steam. You can find the carnage over at fanfiction.net under a throwaway account (it's rated M "for manly swears", though, so you can't google it — you have to know it's there).