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Perspective
In the most remote monastery in the highest mountains Pamir Mountains dwells a great spirit. Wise and enlightened, it perceives the true nature of all it sees, and knows the many secrets of the world. But the monastery in which it dwells is abandoned, and a sign rests at the door. “Be warned, traveler,” it reads in archaic mandarin, “wisdom does not bring happiness.”
Ice crunched under Joshua’s climbing boots as pushed through the monestary doors. His shiny climbing hooks dangled from his belt, a thick pack thrown over his back. His coat was a bright blue, puffy with insulation. The hood was up. Frost formed on his eyebrows.
In front of him was a young woman.
Twenty-something. Modern. Bright. She smiled at him when he saw her. Her clothing hardly fit the surroundings, her jeans and grey tank-top unbefitting a Buddhist Monastery. Her hair was an artificial blue, a streak of white running along her bangs. She had a cellphone in her pocket, the edges of its pink case visible, and her left ear was adorned with a variety of steel piercings.
“Uh…” Joshua said, slowing to a stop just past the doorway. “Hi.”
“Heyyy-oh,” she called back sing-song, offering him a broad wave.
“Are you, uh…” He hesitated, looking back behind him to make sure the route back into the sun was clear. “Did you come here looking for the spirit too?”
Her smile brightened a little. She gestured at her bare arms, then took a single pointing finger to emphasize her thin clothing, and then she gestured all around them, where frost covered every surface and only the snow-leopards and mountain birds dwelled.
“Oh,” Joshua said. “Sorry. I was expecting something more dragon-ish.”
“Well, you know how it is. Blah blah, my true form would scorch your mortal eyes, et-set-er-ah.” She gave a wide, expressive shrug. “What’s up, seeker of wisdom?”
“Uh…” He cleared his throat, the color draining from his face. The words he’d spent so long thinking about on the journey here tangled in his mind. Finally he blurted out: “Why am I depressed?”
“Your internal mental image of what a ‘good life’ consists of was formed during an unprecedented period of extended national improvement and economic growth.” Her voice was friendly and matter-of-fact. “So even if you’re doing quite well by the standards of your era, you feel like a failure.”
“Oh,” he frowned. “How do I fix that?”
“Make more money, I guess? Or you could lower your standards. As far as your personal self-worth goes, they’re equally good.”
Joshua furrowed his brow. His throat tightened. It took him a moment to ask. “I always wanted one of my children to inherit the family business, but they all ran away to college as fast as they could. Why don’t they care?”
“You live in a small town,” the spirit explained. “Shifting population demographics assure that, no matter how well you run your business, it will go under within two decades. While your children probably wouldn't be able to articulate it in those terms, they have a subconscious social sense of ruin they don’t want to base their futures upon.”
His hand went to cover his mouth. His eyes looked away. “Fuck it. I… fuck it. So I don’t even need to ask why the business is struggling.”
“Actually, that has less to do with demographics and more to do with the rise of the internet and low-cost commoditization of last-mile shipping and delivery. It really increases competition. Amazon et al.” She held up her smartphone. “You know?”
“No, I don’t fucking know!” His hands balled into fists. “I came here for wisdom and all you’re doing is babbling about nonsense!”
“I’m ‘babbling’ about the underlying forces of the world that control your life.” She reached out to take his hand in hers, and gently coaxed his fingers open. “I know it’s not what you want to hear. You have your little world, and you want to believe that everything good and bad under the sun is contained in that sphere. But it’s not. You can’t understand your place on this earth until you accept into your heart that these things matter. That there is a bigger picture, and you need to understand it.” She squeezed his hand. “Can you do that?”
“But you’re talking about math. What about fate and…” He gestured at her. “Magic and stuff?”
“Magic’s important! But so is Linux.” Her tone was bright.
“You want to learn about Linux?”
Ice crunched under Joshua’s climbing boots as pushed through the monestary doors. His shiny climbing hooks dangled from his belt, a thick pack thrown over his back. His coat was a bright blue, puffy with insulation. The hood was up. Frost formed on his eyebrows.
In front of him was a young woman.
Twenty-something. Modern. Bright. She smiled at him when he saw her. Her clothing hardly fit the surroundings, her jeans and grey tank-top unbefitting a Buddhist Monastery. Her hair was an artificial blue, a streak of white running along her bangs. She had a cellphone in her pocket, the edges of its pink case visible, and her left ear was adorned with a variety of steel piercings.
“Uh…” Joshua said, slowing to a stop just past the doorway. “Hi.”
“Heyyy-oh,” she called back sing-song, offering him a broad wave.
“Are you, uh…” He hesitated, looking back behind him to make sure the route back into the sun was clear. “Did you come here looking for the spirit too?”
Her smile brightened a little. She gestured at her bare arms, then took a single pointing finger to emphasize her thin clothing, and then she gestured all around them, where frost covered every surface and only the snow-leopards and mountain birds dwelled.
“Oh,” Joshua said. “Sorry. I was expecting something more dragon-ish.”
“Well, you know how it is. Blah blah, my true form would scorch your mortal eyes, et-set-er-ah.” She gave a wide, expressive shrug. “What’s up, seeker of wisdom?”
“Uh…” He cleared his throat, the color draining from his face. The words he’d spent so long thinking about on the journey here tangled in his mind. Finally he blurted out: “Why am I depressed?”
“Your internal mental image of what a ‘good life’ consists of was formed during an unprecedented period of extended national improvement and economic growth.” Her voice was friendly and matter-of-fact. “So even if you’re doing quite well by the standards of your era, you feel like a failure.”
“Oh,” he frowned. “How do I fix that?”
“Make more money, I guess? Or you could lower your standards. As far as your personal self-worth goes, they’re equally good.”
Joshua furrowed his brow. His throat tightened. It took him a moment to ask. “I always wanted one of my children to inherit the family business, but they all ran away to college as fast as they could. Why don’t they care?”
“You live in a small town,” the spirit explained. “Shifting population demographics assure that, no matter how well you run your business, it will go under within two decades. While your children probably wouldn't be able to articulate it in those terms, they have a subconscious social sense of ruin they don’t want to base their futures upon.”
His hand went to cover his mouth. His eyes looked away. “Fuck it. I… fuck it. So I don’t even need to ask why the business is struggling.”
“Actually, that has less to do with demographics and more to do with the rise of the internet and low-cost commoditization of last-mile shipping and delivery. It really increases competition. Amazon et al.” She held up her smartphone. “You know?”
“No, I don’t fucking know!” His hands balled into fists. “I came here for wisdom and all you’re doing is babbling about nonsense!”
“I’m ‘babbling’ about the underlying forces of the world that control your life.” She reached out to take his hand in hers, and gently coaxed his fingers open. “I know it’s not what you want to hear. You have your little world, and you want to believe that everything good and bad under the sun is contained in that sphere. But it’s not. You can’t understand your place on this earth until you accept into your heart that these things matter. That there is a bigger picture, and you need to understand it.” She squeezed his hand. “Can you do that?”
“But you’re talking about math. What about fate and…” He gestured at her. “Magic and stuff?”
“Magic’s important! But so is Linux.” Her tone was bright.
“You want to learn about Linux?”
Why is this place abandoned? If there is a great spirit that is enlightened, why don't more people know about that? I could understand the set-up if the wisdom of this spirit was a myth in this world, but there's no indication of that. It doesn't make sense that this place would be abandoned, not with how it's set up.
Please understand that my questions are not exactly criticisms; they are, rather, questions that make me want to know more about this world. I want to know more about either the splendor or decay of the temple. Your example of "wisdom" here is something I can get behind, and I like how it's delivered. I like Josh's questions, I like the spirit's personality and I especially like the dialogue.
I would like for you to expand this, because even though the dialogue's really good, the mindset of the characters bother me. What I mean is, Joshua goes off to find a spirit, I'm presuming in a world where belief in spirits (at least, non-Christian spirits, given he comes from a small town and I personally associate small towns to stronger ties to religion) is waning. Why did he do that? Did he expect to find anything? He doesn't seem surprised that he's found an actual spirit. He doesn't seem surprised either that she knows about him before he's revealed anything about himself, unless she is giving him simple universal facts (which I would actually support, but which would also bring up the question of how she's kept abreast of the world. I mean, she knows about Linux). By the way, the last sentence is pretty damn funny. :)
As for the story itself, I thought it was nicely contained within itself, with strong dialogue. I just want to know more about this secluded place, and secluded moment! :D
Please understand that my questions are not exactly criticisms; they are, rather, questions that make me want to know more about this world. I want to know more about either the splendor or decay of the temple. Your example of "wisdom" here is something I can get behind, and I like how it's delivered. I like Josh's questions, I like the spirit's personality and I especially like the dialogue.
I would like for you to expand this, because even though the dialogue's really good, the mindset of the characters bother me. What I mean is, Joshua goes off to find a spirit, I'm presuming in a world where belief in spirits (at least, non-Christian spirits, given he comes from a small town and I personally associate small towns to stronger ties to religion) is waning. Why did he do that? Did he expect to find anything? He doesn't seem surprised that he's found an actual spirit. He doesn't seem surprised either that she knows about him before he's revealed anything about himself, unless she is giving him simple universal facts (which I would actually support, but which would also bring up the question of how she's kept abreast of the world. I mean, she knows about Linux). By the way, the last sentence is pretty damn funny. :)
As for the story itself, I thought it was nicely contained within itself, with strong dialogue. I just want to know more about this secluded place, and secluded moment! :D
So... I like the subversions in the beginning. The introduction of the spirit is nicely done, and sets the tone very well for what she says later. The dialogue works fairly well, and although the setting is minimalist, it does its job nicely.
However, I happen to disagree with the idea that 'wisdom' doesn't bring happiness. And in fact, I think the spirit is mis-representing what wisdom is here and disproving her own supposed point.
These are the definitions I use: knowledge is facts, and wisdom is applying those facts in the best way. Consider: what she's giving him isn't applications of facts he already knows, but rather facts he didn't know, without suggesting applications. And her wrap-up at the end is actually wise advice; how to deal with (apply) the facts of life in a way that works well with the world he lives in. That's application, not knowledge.
So, unless you're trying for a clever subversion that I missed, I feel like you've literally reversed the meanings of the words you're using. Which I found more than a little confusing in the question-and-answer when the 'seeker for wisdom' wasn't asking for advice, and the 'wise spirit' wasn't giving him any. If that wasn't your intent, the fix here is pretty straightforwards; just make him a seeker for knowledge, and her a spirit of knowing.
Oh, and that last line... who's speaking it? If it's the spirit, why isn't it with her line just above? If it's the hiker, how did he reach that conclusion?
However, I happen to disagree with the idea that 'wisdom' doesn't bring happiness. And in fact, I think the spirit is mis-representing what wisdom is here and disproving her own supposed point.
These are the definitions I use: knowledge is facts, and wisdom is applying those facts in the best way. Consider: what she's giving him isn't applications of facts he already knows, but rather facts he didn't know, without suggesting applications. And her wrap-up at the end is actually wise advice; how to deal with (apply) the facts of life in a way that works well with the world he lives in. That's application, not knowledge.
So, unless you're trying for a clever subversion that I missed, I feel like you've literally reversed the meanings of the words you're using. Which I found more than a little confusing in the question-and-answer when the 'seeker for wisdom' wasn't asking for advice, and the 'wise spirit' wasn't giving him any. If that wasn't your intent, the fix here is pretty straightforwards; just make him a seeker for knowledge, and her a spirit of knowing.
Oh, and that last line... who's speaking it? If it's the spirit, why isn't it with her line just above? If it's the hiker, how did he reach that conclusion?
“I came here for wisdom and all you’re doing is babbling about nonsense!”
I can definitely understand Joshua rejecting what he's hearing, but this isn't the way to do it — he's already acknowledged that her answers are correct and relevant (by accepting her diagnosis of his depression, and by noting she's pre-answered one of his later questions). You need a lot more lampshading if he's going to pull a 180-degree turn so violently — something like reacting badly to her previous answer, accusing her of lying about that one thing, and then when she doesn't back down, have him escalate to rejecting everything. Alternatively, he could accuse her of getting bogged down in minutiae when he came here for Big Cosmic Answers, but you'd have to be really careful about that because he's the one setting the topic.
Also strongly agreed with !Hat that this needs to be a knowledge spirit rather than a wisdom spirit — you can pretty much just search-and-replace "knowledge" for "wisdom" and this pops. Making her a knowledge spirit (and the up-front warning) adds a neat extra layer of irony to the ending, too.
That said, this is a favorite so far. The spirit is super adorbs in the same way that Neil Gaiman's Death being a perky goth chick was great, the subtlety of her correcting Joshua's assumption is a lovely story beat, and her answers feel satisfyingly oracular. I'm sold on her being a knowledge spirit, which is a pretty high bar to clear.
Tier: Top Contender
“I came here for wisdom and all you’re doing is babbling about nonsense!”
Hm... I'm understanding that the story is supposed to subvert some clichéd idea of "wisdom". Unfortunately, I'm having a hard time understanding what was Joshua expecting; he got clear answers, what the hell is he complaining about? The oracle's mocking his expectations in the fourth paragraph from the end, but her description is too vague to really understand what cliché is being subverted here.
It's interesting to see an oracle give straight, factual, clear answers drawn from modern psychology and sociology, rather than speaking in riddles. But it would be more rewarding to see her answers clearly contrasted with what the guy was expecting to hear.
I like some elements of subversion here, basically the genie being female and sorta grunge/punk based, and she giving those upfront, straightforward answers.
There is also a nice analysis (if a bit superficial) of the harshness of our modern world.
But that leads me to what I can't like: your genie is a go-getter. A yuppie. A capitalism-monger. An America shill. She's totally biased.
Finding such sort of genie in the remotest Tibetan temple is total absurdity. Asinine. I can't buy it. Maybe because I'm not rich enough, but I can't. You won't sell me on that, no matter how hard you try. :P
And what? Linux? Linux is for noobs. True genies™ use BSD.
There is also a nice analysis (if a bit superficial) of the harshness of our modern world.
But that leads me to what I can't like: your genie is a go-getter. A yuppie. A capitalism-monger. An America shill. She's totally biased.
Finding such sort of genie in the remotest Tibetan temple is total absurdity. Asinine. I can't buy it. Maybe because I'm not rich enough, but I can't. You won't sell me on that, no matter how hard you try. :P
And what? Linux? Linux is for noobs. True genies™ use BSD.
Well, I adored this story, I like the rhythm and the minimalistic descriptions and I like the conflict.
I think that the spirit was effectively a spirit of wisdom, as in wisdom intended as the ability to chose correctly inside your own ethical frame of reference. She told him exactly what the problem was and the reason behind it. And then she offered one possible way out for some of his problems. Which is not what he wanted.
Anyway, almost top of my slate.
I think that the spirit was effectively a spirit of wisdom, as in wisdom intended as the ability to chose correctly inside your own ethical frame of reference. She told him exactly what the problem was and the reason behind it. And then she offered one possible way out for some of his problems. Which is not what he wanted.
Anyway, almost top of my slate.
I actually really enjoyed this story. It took the idea of the “wise man on the mountaintop” story to a bizarre place, while still keeping to the basic idea of advising others to overcome their personal flaws. Probably my favorite parts were where she gave him sage economic and business advice in lieu of the simple platitudes most men of wisdom would probably give in other stories. It was an impressive case of bluntness, and it both worked in terms of humor and drama. I also really liked the spirit’s design, which seemed like some bizarre mishmash of a Portland hipster and Starbucks resident. It’s creative, at the very least.
There’s only two issues I have with the story: One, Joshua’s age seems somewhat uneven. I’m guessing he has to be in his 50s or 60s, given how he has children and has a private business set up. But there were points where he talked like someone who was 20 or even younger:
These aren't the words of an experienced businessman, these are the words of a college student trying to make sense of why his coffee isn't hot enough. I'm not saying that middle-aged/elderly people don't curse or use slang, but I sure as hell don't buy this guy saying rather straight language in regards to his kids and business, then suddenly sounding like a pissed-off undergraduate. It was strange as hell and took me right out of the story whenever it happened.
The second issue is the ending. While the last speech of the spirit is decent enough, the last part about learning Linux made me kind of groan. I get that the joke is she’s giving basic business advice instead of moral teachings, but I feel like the closing passages should’ve ended on something stronger (the speech, perhaps) than trying to milk the piece for one more laugh. Also, if this is in the present day, how the hell does a well-established business owner not know about utilizing the Internet for his business? Unless this is supposed to be taking place in the late 90s to early 2000s (if so, it’s not implied very well), I don’t buy for a minute that somebody running a business in present-day wouldn’t know about how to utilize computers for business efficiency.
Other than these few stumbles, the story on the whole was very entertaining. Definitely one of my favorites for this round.
There’s only two issues I have with the story: One, Joshua’s age seems somewhat uneven. I’m guessing he has to be in his 50s or 60s, given how he has children and has a private business set up. But there were points where he talked like someone who was 20 or even younger:
But you’re talking about math. What about fate and…magic and stuff?
Fuck it. I… fuck it.
These aren't the words of an experienced businessman, these are the words of a college student trying to make sense of why his coffee isn't hot enough. I'm not saying that middle-aged/elderly people don't curse or use slang, but I sure as hell don't buy this guy saying rather straight language in regards to his kids and business, then suddenly sounding like a pissed-off undergraduate. It was strange as hell and took me right out of the story whenever it happened.
The second issue is the ending. While the last speech of the spirit is decent enough, the last part about learning Linux made me kind of groan. I get that the joke is she’s giving basic business advice instead of moral teachings, but I feel like the closing passages should’ve ended on something stronger (the speech, perhaps) than trying to milk the piece for one more laugh. Also, if this is in the present day, how the hell does a well-established business owner not know about utilizing the Internet for his business? Unless this is supposed to be taking place in the late 90s to early 2000s (if so, it’s not implied very well), I don’t buy for a minute that somebody running a business in present-day wouldn’t know about how to utilize computers for business efficiency.
Other than these few stumbles, the story on the whole was very entertaining. Definitely one of my favorites for this round.
The Great
Well written with quite solid pacing. The joke is good too.
The Rough
Have to echo the sentiments about Joshua's reaction. It actually hit me hard enough to take me out of the story and think the actual punchline was literally that she was speaking another language or her words just always fall on deaf ears or something. It was really disruptive. You should clear it up that he is upset that the answer isn't magical/mystical, not that he doesn't get it.
So, okay. The spirit is adorable. I love that particular take on these sorts of spirits. But I will also say that you miiiiiiiiiiiiight consider altering her appearance. It has pretty much become the cliche at this point. That said, you don't have to, of course. Like I said, I personally like this sort of thing. But it is worth considering.
Last line needs to be pulled up. It's pretty clearly supposed to be the spirit, but it does cause confusion to drop it like that.
Well written with quite solid pacing. The joke is good too.
The Rough
Have to echo the sentiments about Joshua's reaction. It actually hit me hard enough to take me out of the story and think the actual punchline was literally that she was speaking another language or her words just always fall on deaf ears or something. It was really disruptive. You should clear it up that he is upset that the answer isn't magical/mystical, not that he doesn't get it.
So, okay. The spirit is adorable. I love that particular take on these sorts of spirits. But I will also say that you miiiiiiiiiiiiight consider altering her appearance. It has pretty much become the cliche at this point. That said, you don't have to, of course. Like I said, I personally like this sort of thing. But it is worth considering.
Last line needs to be pulled up. It's pretty clearly supposed to be the spirit, but it does cause confusion to drop it like that.
>>Not_Worthy2
>>Not_A_Hat
>>horizon
>>JudgeDeadd
>>Orbiting_kettle
>>libertydude
>>AndrewRogue
Irony for that title above. And that makes two stories of mine this round where the moral at the end was apparently super unclear! Much like A Man Must Learn to Love, this story once had a longer version, and I feel it suffered for the editing. Unlike AMMLTL, I intend to publish the full version of this story, which I feel is much better and addresses a lot of the criticisms seen here.
To clarify though -- particularly for those who (understandably!) saw the spirit as a Spirit of Knowledge rather than a Spirit of Wisdom -- the intended moral of the story is that the spirit is only telling him things he already knows. The purpose of the framing device, that "wisdom does not bring happiness," is that often wisdom is simply looking at the stark reality in front of you and accepting it for what it is.
Of course, the businessman knows that Google and Amazon exist. But he's not willing to face the reality that that implies: "You're screwed," because it's too unpleasant. Just like he's not willing to face the reality that his standards for life were set during an unrealistic boom time and may need to be adjusted.
Hence the reason that, as some pointed out, the spirit is a "go-getter." Her wisdom is meant to be entirely practical.
Also, the reason she uses Linux instead of BSD is because she's a spirit of wisdom, not obscure coding standards. That war is over. It's time to admit you've lost. :D
>>Not_A_Hat
>>horizon
>>JudgeDeadd
>>Orbiting_kettle
>>libertydude
>>AndrewRogue
Retrospective: Perspective
Irony for that title above. And that makes two stories of mine this round where the moral at the end was apparently super unclear! Much like A Man Must Learn to Love, this story once had a longer version, and I feel it suffered for the editing. Unlike AMMLTL, I intend to publish the full version of this story, which I feel is much better and addresses a lot of the criticisms seen here.
To clarify though -- particularly for those who (understandably!) saw the spirit as a Spirit of Knowledge rather than a Spirit of Wisdom -- the intended moral of the story is that the spirit is only telling him things he already knows. The purpose of the framing device, that "wisdom does not bring happiness," is that often wisdom is simply looking at the stark reality in front of you and accepting it for what it is.
Of course, the businessman knows that Google and Amazon exist. But he's not willing to face the reality that that implies: "You're screwed," because it's too unpleasant. Just like he's not willing to face the reality that his standards for life were set during an unrealistic boom time and may need to be adjusted.
Hence the reason that, as some pointed out, the spirit is a "go-getter." Her wisdom is meant to be entirely practical.
Also, the reason she uses Linux instead of BSD is because she's a spirit of wisdom, not obscure coding standards. That war is over. It's time to admit you've lost. :D