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You Didn't Ask
“A... can of coke?” She stared at me with one eyebrow raised. “Really?”
“Yep.”
“That’s it?”
“Well, chilled would be nice, but it won’t be a dealbreaker if it’s not,” I said. “I’ll take what I can get.”
“And that’s really what you want the most?”
“What else would I want?”
“I dunno.” She stared at me. “Most people have a litany, and a coke is usually pretty far from the top.”
“What’s usually on the top?”
“It varies.” She thought briefly. “Money’s popular. Power. Sex.”
“Well, I do like those things,” I admitted.
“But you like Coca-Cola more?”
“I think the price is right,” I said.
“It’s a wish,” she said. “It’s free.”
“No,” I insisted. “I’ve heard this story. The Monkey’s Paw, and who knows how many others. Every time someone just gets what they want for nothing, there’s always a terrible downside, and the bigger the wish, the more terrible it is. Like, if I wished to be spectacularly rich, I’d have to deal with...”
“With what?”
“I don’t even know!” I said. “And that’s how it gets you, isn’t it? People are willing to make wishes for huge things because they don’t see the problems. Then they get blindsided.”
“But a coke won’t have a price?”
“Well, if it does, I’m willing to pay for a can of coke,” I said. “It’s pretty cheap compared to things like fortune and fame, and if I get rid of my wish now, I won’t be tempted later. I think I’ll just stick to what I can afford and be done with it. I wish for a can of coke.”
“Well, then.” There was a sun-bright blinding white flash, and when I could see again she had a red can in her hand. “Here you go.” She tossed it to me with a gentle lob.
I caught it by reflex. It was cool, already wet with condensation. Faint bubbling pinged inside from being thrown. “Great,” I said. “Now it’s shaken.”
“You didn’t specify not shaken.” She smirked. “Every wish comes with a terrible downside, remember? Your words.”
“Well, you lawyered me,” I said, with a self-satisfied smile. “Told you you would.”
“I didn’t have to. I’m just messing with you because you expected it.”
“So you wouldn’t have if I hadn’t expected it?”
She stared at me. “I’d have given you what you wished for,” she said slowly.
I looked at the can in my hand. “Technically, you did give me what I wished for.”
“So what’s the difference?”
“Wait.” I tried to make sense of that. “You’re saying that if I hadn’t expected a terrible price, there wouldn’t have been one? Or there would have been one anyway?”
“You know...” She paused, cocking her hip and putting a hand on it. “For all the talk about how there’s always supposedly a horrible catch, you didn’t ask the question that could have actually told you.”
“I’ve read the stories,” I said.
“Oh, please.” She rolled her eyes. “Do you think even a single one of those authors has ever actually been granted a wish like this? How would they know?”
“So... what should I have asked?”
“If anyone ever actually tried to make that big wish for what they wanted most.” She sighed and shook her head. “All the years the ring’s been around, not one person yet has asked me what the last person wished for, how it turned out, whether it was a good idea or not... nothing about the past. And, you know, those who forget history...”
“Fine. What did the last person wish for?” I asked.
“You don’t want to know,” she said.
“How’d it turn out for them?” I pressed.
She crossed her arms and frowned. “You really don’t want to know.”
“That bad?”
“Or maybe that good.” She shrugged.
“Was it good?”
“Nope, not answering.” She shook her head. “I got you your coke. That’s all I’m on the hook for.”
I studied the can, red and white painted metal coated in glittering dewdrops. It was making my hand cold. There was also a sinking feeling in my stomach. “Suddenly I’m wondering, did I overpay for this?”
“That,” she said matter-of-factly, “is entirely up to you.”
“I guess it—” I looked up. She was gone.
Over the years I’ve examined the ring more times than I can count, but never discovered anything in it other than the mundane, and I never saw that strange woman again.
At least I enjoyed the coke.
“Yep.”
“That’s it?”
“Well, chilled would be nice, but it won’t be a dealbreaker if it’s not,” I said. “I’ll take what I can get.”
“And that’s really what you want the most?”
“What else would I want?”
“I dunno.” She stared at me. “Most people have a litany, and a coke is usually pretty far from the top.”
“What’s usually on the top?”
“It varies.” She thought briefly. “Money’s popular. Power. Sex.”
“Well, I do like those things,” I admitted.
“But you like Coca-Cola more?”
“I think the price is right,” I said.
“It’s a wish,” she said. “It’s free.”
“No,” I insisted. “I’ve heard this story. The Monkey’s Paw, and who knows how many others. Every time someone just gets what they want for nothing, there’s always a terrible downside, and the bigger the wish, the more terrible it is. Like, if I wished to be spectacularly rich, I’d have to deal with...”
“With what?”
“I don’t even know!” I said. “And that’s how it gets you, isn’t it? People are willing to make wishes for huge things because they don’t see the problems. Then they get blindsided.”
“But a coke won’t have a price?”
“Well, if it does, I’m willing to pay for a can of coke,” I said. “It’s pretty cheap compared to things like fortune and fame, and if I get rid of my wish now, I won’t be tempted later. I think I’ll just stick to what I can afford and be done with it. I wish for a can of coke.”
“Well, then.” There was a sun-bright blinding white flash, and when I could see again she had a red can in her hand. “Here you go.” She tossed it to me with a gentle lob.
I caught it by reflex. It was cool, already wet with condensation. Faint bubbling pinged inside from being thrown. “Great,” I said. “Now it’s shaken.”
“You didn’t specify not shaken.” She smirked. “Every wish comes with a terrible downside, remember? Your words.”
“Well, you lawyered me,” I said, with a self-satisfied smile. “Told you you would.”
“I didn’t have to. I’m just messing with you because you expected it.”
“So you wouldn’t have if I hadn’t expected it?”
She stared at me. “I’d have given you what you wished for,” she said slowly.
I looked at the can in my hand. “Technically, you did give me what I wished for.”
“So what’s the difference?”
“Wait.” I tried to make sense of that. “You’re saying that if I hadn’t expected a terrible price, there wouldn’t have been one? Or there would have been one anyway?”
“You know...” She paused, cocking her hip and putting a hand on it. “For all the talk about how there’s always supposedly a horrible catch, you didn’t ask the question that could have actually told you.”
“I’ve read the stories,” I said.
“Oh, please.” She rolled her eyes. “Do you think even a single one of those authors has ever actually been granted a wish like this? How would they know?”
“So... what should I have asked?”
“If anyone ever actually tried to make that big wish for what they wanted most.” She sighed and shook her head. “All the years the ring’s been around, not one person yet has asked me what the last person wished for, how it turned out, whether it was a good idea or not... nothing about the past. And, you know, those who forget history...”
“Fine. What did the last person wish for?” I asked.
“You don’t want to know,” she said.
“How’d it turn out for them?” I pressed.
She crossed her arms and frowned. “You really don’t want to know.”
“That bad?”
“Or maybe that good.” She shrugged.
“Was it good?”
“Nope, not answering.” She shook her head. “I got you your coke. That’s all I’m on the hook for.”
I studied the can, red and white painted metal coated in glittering dewdrops. It was making my hand cold. There was also a sinking feeling in my stomach. “Suddenly I’m wondering, did I overpay for this?”
“That,” she said matter-of-factly, “is entirely up to you.”
“I guess it—” I looked up. She was gone.
Over the years I’ve examined the ring more times than I can count, but never discovered anything in it other than the mundane, and I never saw that strange woman again.
At least I enjoyed the coke.
"I'm all out of Coke, is Pepsi alright?" cue thunder in the background
I liked the story, even if you ignore the obvious (why isn't he wishing for a sandwich? Too many variables that can to wrong? He doesn't say that)
It's a bit of an oversight, but I can't in good faith hold that against you. I liked the interaction, I like the characters, I liked the protagonist's line of thought. Not bad.
I liked the story, even if you ignore the obvious (why isn't he wishing for a sandwich? Too many variables that can to wrong? He doesn't say that)
It's a bit of an oversight, but I can't in good faith hold that against you. I liked the interaction, I like the characters, I liked the protagonist's line of thought. Not bad.
>>ZaidValRoa Yeah, similar with me. I can’t think of anything to discuss apart from the fact that I enjoyed it. It’s just that good.
This was a fun, well-written interaction between a genie (?) and someone too genre savvy for their own good. It's mostly dialogue, which can be risky; in this case it mostly works, though it's a bit jarring for the lack of scene-setting at the beginning. The punch of regret at the end was effective.
I dunno, this would be top shelf but for the minimally-interrupted talking heads vibe.
Tier: Solid
I dunno, this would be top shelf but for the minimally-interrupted talking heads vibe.
Tier: Solid
The idea behind this story is rather silly and funny. I think you could've gotten it more plot-conforming if the guy had wished for a sandwich rather than a tin of Coke. However, the pseudo-philosophical rambling about every wish having a catch is original, and the characters play well off each other — emphasising the offputtingly logic rationale of the guy and the blasé/cunning countenance of the wish-granter.
A “tinful” of regrets would've made for a great Pink Floyd song at the time (much like a saucerful of secrets).
There isn't much to say beyond that, as this is more a scene rather than a full-fledged story, which is perfectly acceptable for a minific.
A “tinful” of regrets would've made for a great Pink Floyd song at the time (much like a saucerful of secrets).
There isn't much to say beyond that, as this is more a scene rather than a full-fledged story, which is perfectly acceptable for a minific.
About the only complaint I can level here is that the exposition about the wishing device seems end-loaded, and it might have been nice to sneak in some minimal description of the individual that the narrator is talking to. But otherwise my main reaction is frustration, because now I have to figure out whether to put this or Fifty Foot Doughnut on top of my slate, and they both deserve it.
Also, thank you for being willing to take a risk with the prompt and handwave the "sandwich" away while retaining the "Look, I Just Want My" part. By the time this round ends I'm going to be sick of sandwiches for months.
Tier: Top Contender
Also, thank you for being willing to take a risk with the prompt and handwave the "sandwich" away while retaining the "Look, I Just Want My" part. By the time this round ends I'm going to be sick of sandwiches for months.
Tier: Top Contender
You Didn’t Ask — A — First reaction: Talking heads. Oh, no
(+) Subverts my expectations of a boring story fairly quick and makes a brisk back and forth between the wish-er and the wish-ee. This could have so easily gone to heck. Good work keeping it perky.
(-) Still, it doesn’t jump out and grab attention. It’s *there* and good, but it feels talkie-talkie.
Now, off subject. I have to pass on a story about our D&D group. Slo Jin the Wu Jin wound up with a wish from a Djinn. He ordered it to bring him the most powerful magic staff it could find. Djinn goes away. Comes back with a magic staff with a skeletal arm attached to it. Drops it at Slo Jin’s feet and vanishes.
Two weeks later, he finds out the Djinn went to the most powerful Lich he could locate, grabbed his staff and and announced, “I have been ordered by Slo Jin the Wu Jin, who lives at the large red building in the north castle complex of King Wittigas the Lame and is normally found out in the garden early in the morning, to take this staff away from you!”
Actions have consequences.
(+) Subverts my expectations of a boring story fairly quick and makes a brisk back and forth between the wish-er and the wish-ee. This could have so easily gone to heck. Good work keeping it perky.
(-) Still, it doesn’t jump out and grab attention. It’s *there* and good, but it feels talkie-talkie.
Now, off subject. I have to pass on a story about our D&D group. Slo Jin the Wu Jin wound up with a wish from a Djinn. He ordered it to bring him the most powerful magic staff it could find. Djinn goes away. Comes back with a magic staff with a skeletal arm attached to it. Drops it at Slo Jin’s feet and vanishes.
Two weeks later, he finds out the Djinn went to the most powerful Lich he could locate, grabbed his staff and and announced, “I have been ordered by Slo Jin the Wu Jin, who lives at the large red building in the north castle complex of King Wittigas the Lame and is normally found out in the garden early in the morning, to take this staff away from you!”
Actions have consequences.
I don't have much to add to what's already been said, Author. It was a well written, interesting take on the prompt, but I guess I struggle to stay truly engaged with fics that have such paucity of description. Thanks very much for sharing your work.
Seems like the talking heads are out in force this round - and they'd doing fairly well for it.
This was a pretty fun story, even if it does leave things on a somewhat loose note. It's nothing super compelling, but it's cute, it's complete, and it's silly, and I like it for all of that.
Good work!
This was a pretty fun story, even if it does leave things on a somewhat loose note. It's nothing super compelling, but it's cute, it's complete, and it's silly, and I like it for all of that.
Good work!
I definitely appreciate the genre-savvy MC, but... I felt there really should have been some sort of payoff (positive OR negative) for that. That the MC gets a can of coke and a can of coke only is... boring. Yeah, maybe it fits the prompt a little better, but... meh.
That said, the characters here, both of them, are well evoked, especially considering it's mostly dialog.
Overall, lovely scene and great characters, but doesn't close the deal.
>>horizon Like the last story (donut) I am continually surprised by the opposite reactions we're having to stories this round.
That said, the characters here, both of them, are well evoked, especially considering it's mostly dialog.
Overall, lovely scene and great characters, but doesn't close the deal.
>>horizon Like the last story (donut) I am continually surprised by the opposite reactions we're having to stories this round.
