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Look, I Just Want My Sandwich · Original Minific ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 400–750
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Paradise City
Welcome travellers to Paradise City the forgotten jewel of the West Coast, home of glimmering beaches, stunning scenery and the highest population of metahumans in America. Whether you are visiting our many museums, dining at restaurants whose tastes span the galaxy, or even meeting your favourite superhero there’s never a dull day in our fair city.

Founded in 1968 by Dr. Narcola as a planned community for his race of mutant super-gerbils, Paradise City has grown explosively to welcome peoples of all races, creeds, religions, species, states and dimensionalities. With the tragic loss of Seattle to the space between spaces, Paradise City is now the fourth largest city on the west coast and is only growing as the Consortium of Steve increases its numbers logarithmically (applicants not limited to people named Steve).

Though we lack the depth of history other cities in the region can boast, Paradise city more than makes up for it in both quantity and quality. Downtown you can visit the melted paving slabs where the President of the United States was vaporised in the Irrathi incursion of 2022. You can then sample the finest hamburgers in the city in the refurbished bridge of the downed cruiser that fired the fateful shot. If seafood is more your speed, by the waterfront you can find any number of restaurants perched on the carcass of the Leviathan, though don’t worry, the food is far fresher than the legendary beast. Paradise City also boasts innumerable memorials and gardens to remember the brave heroes that fell fighting such beasts and the civilians that were caught in the crossfire.

Speaking of our heroes, who could forget Paradise City’s thirty (and counting!) superhero teams. From the world renowned Team Righteous, to the Also In Attendance League, each and every secret base is available to tours between ten and four. If you are very lucky, or merely spend more than twenty minutes in the Financial District, you may even see your favourite hero squaring off against their arch nemesis as the malevolent malefactor once again attempts a daring bank robbery. Please note, that villain lair tours are also available between ten and four but under no circumstances should you visit both in the same day.

After a busy day in town, Paradise City has a pulsing nightlife. Club Bite is simply the hottest place on the waterfront, and definitely not a front for a sinister cabal of vampires. For those of a more classical bent and willing to make the trip to the outskirts of the Forest, Wyld is a local legend with music that is simply out of this world. Don’t get too caught up in the dancing, though, you may never be able to leave. The world renowned Siren Cruises are also available for those of a nautical bent, and their party boats set sail every midnight, returning who knows when.

Exhausted from a long night out you’ll want somewhere comfortable to rest your head. Paradise City’s hotels are the most modern in America, after the previous hotel district was destroyed by the impact of the Helena meteor. Overlooking Crater Bay, the hotels are well known for the stunning vistas, attentive staff and daily rates that simply can’t be beat. Every hotel comes with a sumptuous pool, complimentary gym access and a reinforced fallout shelter in the basement. Do not attempt to stay in any hotel named after a State.

By now on your journey you may be considering leaving us, but first, you must visit the Paradise Strip, home of the most souvenir stores per cubic inch in this quadrant of the galaxy. The beating commercial heart of Paradise City, it is the perfect place to pick up a memento of your visit to our fair city. Freeze rays are always popular, providing cold drinks on the go or a speedy way to escape from your relatives, but there are many other fascinating objects for sale. You may never had thought you needed a Jaeger, but with the number of monster attacks increasing daily, now is the time to buy. Stock is always priced to move in Paradise City as shops rarely last more two weeks.

With all you have heard about our beloved city we are sure you already have your bags packed, we know ours are, and from everyone at the Paradise City Tourist Board we wish you a speedy journey to our shores.

Proudly sponsored by the Consortium of Steve, the friendliest hive-mind this side of Rigel.
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#1 ·
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This is fun:

There's not what you'd call a story, but it left me grinning and rememembering this webcomic from the 1990s that Brian and Stu Burke, a.k.a The Brothers Grin, used to do called Supermegatopia, alas long since vanished from the web...

Mike
#2 ·
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I don't have a whole lot to say on this one. There were parts of it that made me smile (the freeze rays in particular), and parts that were quite immersive/interesting. It was deftly handled on the whole, but I guess I just personally need a little more story for me to invest in.
#3 ·
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Are there many libraries in Paradise city? Maybe I can find a good story there.

Ohhhhhhhhh!

Sorry, that wasn't fair. The story is quite engaging, and paints a pintoresque view of the city. I can imagine Disney World opening a placer like this, and I'd definitely go visit it.

But, like the others said, a bit more of story would have done a lot to make me more immersed. Still, it was a thoroughly enjoyable read.
#4 ·
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Some amusing phrasing, and this "ad" (or pieces of it) would fit well in a larger work, as it reminds me of the cheeky sarcasm in the Hitchhiker's Guide. My problem here is that this isn't a story/narrative in itself, and I also see no connection to the prompt.
#5 ·
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Do not attempt to stay in any hotel named after a State.

Is this a "Hotel California" reference? That's awfully oblique.

The grammar here could use an editing pass, and not every joke landed, but this certainly gave me its share of grins. "Founded in 1968 by Dr. Narcola as a planned community for his race of mutant super-gerbils" was a good early line to set the tone of straight-faced ridiculousness you're going for here (and possibly a nod to the webcomic Narbonic?), and I think that delivery reaches peak hilarity in the hotels on scenic Crater Bay. I definitely want to commend this for walking that tightrope between silly and earnest.

Unfortunately, I do have to join the chorus noting 1) there's really no larger story here and 2) I cannot detect any hint of the prompt whatsoever. #1 doesn't need fixing, because this is an entertaining comic travelogue with some interesting worldbuilding seeping in around the edges, but given its competition I do have to factor that in; and with #2 I try to be very liberal in prompt latitude but there is a point beyond which even I have to make adjustments. The cumulative effect of that and the rough editing is going to drag this down in my scoring to below my actual level of enjoyment. I hope you give it an edit pass after the competition.

Tier: Almost There
#6 ·
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Paradise City — C+ — First reaction: Super Sandwich to the rescue! Isn’t there a video game based on this?
(+) Interesting reading, much like the plug sheet for Champions Online, PS238 or one of the various DC/Marvel/Other MMORPGs. Well written and well grammared. (is that a word?)
(-) Not related to the prompt, disjointed.
Weapon count: Spaceship cannon. Fatalities: One president