Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
Dying for Attention
It was a rainy Thursday, just as scheduled. A small group of ponies coalesced on the hilltop cemetery beside Canterlot.
"Thanks for coming, everypony," said Twilight Sparkle, standing at a small covered podium with a set of note cards. Conversations died down as ponies took their seats, umbrellas open. Most of the chairs were empty. Aside from her six dearest friends, Twilight didn't recognize anypony. The crowd probably just wanted to witness a princess giving a eulogy.
She cleared her throat and flipped through her notes: once, twice, three times. The crowd waited patiently while the princess fidgeted.
I have to do her justice, thought Twilight. Everypony deserves to be remembered.
Twilight took the microphone in one hoof. The speakers at the base of the podium crackled and whined, and then she spoke. "We are gathered here together to remember The Great and Powerful Trixie, a showpony and mage of incredible talent—"
"Wait!" shouted a voice from halfway down the hill. "Trixie is not yet prepared to receive your adoration!" Ponies turned and stared as The Great and Powerful Trixie herself came galloping through the rain, dressed in her magician's hat and cape.
Rainbow Dash stood up and groaned. "Leave it to Trixie to fake her own death for attention," she said. "Do you have any idea how much you upset Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie?"
Trixie gasped. "How dare you! The Great and Powerful Trixie would never fake her own death! That kind of stunt is beneath a pony of Trixie's stature," she stated, her head held high. Upon reaching the podium overhang, Trixie removed her hat and wrung the water out of it, then placed it back upon her head.
Twilight Sparkle sighed as Trixie approached her. "I assume you can explain, Trixie?"
Trixie sauntered up to Twilight and pushed her aside. "Thank you, Twilight Sparkle. The Great and Powerful Trixie will hear your touching eulogy after she has given her own."
"See ya," said Applejack as she placed her own hat back on her head and stood to walk away. The crowd began to disperse.
"No, wait! The Great and Powerful Trixie is indeed, tragically no more! She has travelled from the past to visit her own funeral!" Trixie shouted into the microphone. "Please, do not leave!"
"You must be joking," said Rarity, wearing a scowl.
Twilight took the microphone from Trixie. "I don't think she's kidding, everypony. I performed the autopsy myself."
Exchanging confused glances, ponies returned to their seats.
"I have to admit, this is a really good trick!" said Pinkie Pie with a bright smile, her eyes still red from a previous bout of crying.
"Do you actually think it's wise to speak at your own funeral?" Twilight whispered. Trixie rolled her eyes and took back the microphone.
"This funeral is a complete injustice to The Great and Powerful Trixie! Why are there so few ponies present? Where are the banners? Where are the hundred-hoof high statues?" she demanded. "Surely, there will be a second, larger funeral?"
Ponies in the crowd made faces ranging from embarrassment to contempt. Fluttershy squeaked and hid her face in her hooves.
"Trixie, nopony has seen you in over twenty years," Twilight said, very gently. "Your body was found unresponsive in a Canterlot alleyway two days ago."
Trixie gasped and made tiny choking sounds. "But, but how? You must find the monster responsible for the most treasonous crime of robbing Equestria of a pony so wonderful as The Great and Powerful Trixie, and bring them to justice! Immediately!" Trixie grabbed Twilight by the shoulders and shook her violently.
"We're looking into it," Twilight said, peeling Trixie's hooves off of her. "But you appear to have died of natural causes. Simple heart failure. I'm very sorry."
Sadness briefly cloaked Trixie's face, only to be replaced by angry resolve. "Twilight, I demand you turn these speakers up loud enough that everypony in Canterlot may hear what Trixie has to say."
"Oh dear Celestia no," Spike whispered to Rarity, who huddled beside him.
"We can't turn them up louder without—" said Twilight.
"Fine! Then the Great and Powerful Trixie shall do it herself!" she announced, and jumped down off the podium into a large mud puddle between the speakers.
"Trixie, NO!" shouted Twilight, as The Great and Powerful Trixie reached for an exposed speaker wire.
"Chk-chk-chk-chk-chk-chk," said Trixie, her body spasming in place. Then she collapsed into the mud, dead.
Spike finally broke the silence.
"I'll go get the timeport spell," he grumbled.
"Thanks for coming, everypony," said Twilight Sparkle, standing at a small covered podium with a set of note cards. Conversations died down as ponies took their seats, umbrellas open. Most of the chairs were empty. Aside from her six dearest friends, Twilight didn't recognize anypony. The crowd probably just wanted to witness a princess giving a eulogy.
She cleared her throat and flipped through her notes: once, twice, three times. The crowd waited patiently while the princess fidgeted.
I have to do her justice, thought Twilight. Everypony deserves to be remembered.
Twilight took the microphone in one hoof. The speakers at the base of the podium crackled and whined, and then she spoke. "We are gathered here together to remember The Great and Powerful Trixie, a showpony and mage of incredible talent—"
"Wait!" shouted a voice from halfway down the hill. "Trixie is not yet prepared to receive your adoration!" Ponies turned and stared as The Great and Powerful Trixie herself came galloping through the rain, dressed in her magician's hat and cape.
Rainbow Dash stood up and groaned. "Leave it to Trixie to fake her own death for attention," she said. "Do you have any idea how much you upset Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie?"
Trixie gasped. "How dare you! The Great and Powerful Trixie would never fake her own death! That kind of stunt is beneath a pony of Trixie's stature," she stated, her head held high. Upon reaching the podium overhang, Trixie removed her hat and wrung the water out of it, then placed it back upon her head.
Twilight Sparkle sighed as Trixie approached her. "I assume you can explain, Trixie?"
Trixie sauntered up to Twilight and pushed her aside. "Thank you, Twilight Sparkle. The Great and Powerful Trixie will hear your touching eulogy after she has given her own."
"See ya," said Applejack as she placed her own hat back on her head and stood to walk away. The crowd began to disperse.
"No, wait! The Great and Powerful Trixie is indeed, tragically no more! She has travelled from the past to visit her own funeral!" Trixie shouted into the microphone. "Please, do not leave!"
"You must be joking," said Rarity, wearing a scowl.
Twilight took the microphone from Trixie. "I don't think she's kidding, everypony. I performed the autopsy myself."
Exchanging confused glances, ponies returned to their seats.
"I have to admit, this is a really good trick!" said Pinkie Pie with a bright smile, her eyes still red from a previous bout of crying.
"Do you actually think it's wise to speak at your own funeral?" Twilight whispered. Trixie rolled her eyes and took back the microphone.
"This funeral is a complete injustice to The Great and Powerful Trixie! Why are there so few ponies present? Where are the banners? Where are the hundred-hoof high statues?" she demanded. "Surely, there will be a second, larger funeral?"
Ponies in the crowd made faces ranging from embarrassment to contempt. Fluttershy squeaked and hid her face in her hooves.
"Trixie, nopony has seen you in over twenty years," Twilight said, very gently. "Your body was found unresponsive in a Canterlot alleyway two days ago."
Trixie gasped and made tiny choking sounds. "But, but how? You must find the monster responsible for the most treasonous crime of robbing Equestria of a pony so wonderful as The Great and Powerful Trixie, and bring them to justice! Immediately!" Trixie grabbed Twilight by the shoulders and shook her violently.
"We're looking into it," Twilight said, peeling Trixie's hooves off of her. "But you appear to have died of natural causes. Simple heart failure. I'm very sorry."
Sadness briefly cloaked Trixie's face, only to be replaced by angry resolve. "Twilight, I demand you turn these speakers up loud enough that everypony in Canterlot may hear what Trixie has to say."
"Oh dear Celestia no," Spike whispered to Rarity, who huddled beside him.
"We can't turn them up louder without—" said Twilight.
"Fine! Then the Great and Powerful Trixie shall do it herself!" she announced, and jumped down off the podium into a large mud puddle between the speakers.
"Trixie, NO!" shouted Twilight, as The Great and Powerful Trixie reached for an exposed speaker wire.
"Chk-chk-chk-chk-chk-chk," said Trixie, her body spasming in place. Then she collapsed into the mud, dead.
Spike finally broke the silence.
"I'll go get the timeport spell," he grumbled.
>>JaketheGinger
I'm really missing the facehoof emoticon right about now.
In any case, I suppose I'll let the cascade continue:
Oh wow. This is incredibly dense, and I mean that in the best way. The sheer number of revelations and reversals involved is truly impressive. That ending is the best kind of gallows humor. Truly, Trixie died as she lived: Obnoxiously.
I'm really missing the facehoof emoticon right about now.
In any case, I suppose I'll let the cascade continue:
Oh wow. This is incredibly dense, and I mean that in the best way. The sheer number of revelations and reversals involved is truly impressive. That ending is the best kind of gallows humor. Truly, Trixie died as she lived: Obnoxiously.
Trixie’s funeral turns into serial ridiculousness after her body is found unresponsive in an alleyway 20 years after the last time anypony saw her.
This is just escalading ridiculousness, but unfortunately, I didn’t quite feel like I got a good grip on the slope anywhere, so while it kept rolling upwards, I felt like I was left back where I started. I think that it needed to be more grabbing at the start, and the twists and turns a bit more strongly executed, a bit more gripping, to really pull the audience along; as it is, it feels like it kind of lost me, and felt like a sequence of ridiculous events rather than the escalating comedy it was going for.
This is just escalading ridiculousness, but unfortunately, I didn’t quite feel like I got a good grip on the slope anywhere, so while it kept rolling upwards, I felt like I was left back where I started. I think that it needed to be more grabbing at the start, and the twists and turns a bit more strongly executed, a bit more gripping, to really pull the audience along; as it is, it feels like it kind of lost me, and felt like a sequence of ridiculous events rather than the escalating comedy it was going for.
This story surprised me and I like that. There's really not much to say aside from great job.
The last line was marvelous. Black humor at is finest.
The last line was marvelous. Black humor at is finest.
Okay, this is definitely the best I’ve read so far.
Coalesced really?
Your body was found unresponsive sounds like Trixie's an ponydroid (hippodroid)?
It’s crazy to the brim, a bit cliché here and there (funeral under the rain, Trixie’s behaviour). But my main gripe would be the lack of internal logic. She can’t die twice, so I have to assume Twilight Sparkle will throw her body in some deserted alleyway, wait for two days and pretend she was found dead, which is very unlikely. Fridge logic!
Coalesced really?
Your body was found unresponsive sounds like Trixie's an ponydroid (hippodroid)?
It’s crazy to the brim, a bit cliché here and there (funeral under the rain, Trixie’s behaviour). But my main gripe would be the lack of internal logic. She can’t die twice, so I have to assume Twilight Sparkle will throw her body in some deserted alleyway, wait for two days and pretend she was found dead, which is very unlikely. Fridge logic!
>>Calipony
I went and read this b/c you pointed me to it in the (Discord) forum. I think the implication (given the last line) is Twilight is going to timeport Trixie's body back two days to the place it was found in the alley in order to complete the time loop, since there's really nothing else she can do to help. That would explain why nopony has seen Trixie in 20 years.
I'll wait to review it until I have a chance to rank it.
I went and read this b/c you pointed me to it in the (Discord) forum. I think the implication (given the last line) is Twilight is going to timeport Trixie's body back two days to the place it was found in the alley in order to complete the time loop, since there's really nothing else she can do to help. That would explain why nopony has seen Trixie in 20 years.
I'll wait to review it until I have a chance to rank it.
>>Trick_Question
Oh yes I was suspecting this, but it's unclear at best, at least in my opinion. And I wouldn't expect Spike to figure this out by himself.
Oh yes I was suspecting this, but it's unclear at best, at least in my opinion. And I wouldn't expect Spike to figure this out by himself.
>>Calipony
Well, Spike is twenty years older, give the guy some credit. I somehow expect that in two decades as assistant he has seen his share of disasters, time-loops and assorted madness.
Well, Spike is twenty years older, give the guy some credit. I somehow expect that in two decades as assistant he has seen his share of disasters, time-loops and assorted madness.
Now that I'm ranking this one, I can finally review it.
Unlike >>Calipony , I think the ending makes perfect sense. The fact that Spike must retrieve a time spell for a task Twilight has to complete after Trixie dies is more than sufficient to explain the twenty-year gap for me.
I don't agree with >>TitaniumDragon about the pacing. If anything, it seems cramped due to the word limit.
My main complaint is that giving each of Twilight's friends a single line to speak seems unnatural and forced. Why turn a funeral into a seven-way conversation? Contrast this with Celestia's Vacation, where the author doesn't try to paint every pony because it isn't important to do so. I understand what you were going for, but it would be better (and add some drama) if not all of Twilight's friends bothered to show up. (In fact, "everypony shows up and speaks" is a common problem with many Season 4 episodes.)
Unlike >>Calipony , I think the ending makes perfect sense. The fact that Spike must retrieve a time spell for a task Twilight has to complete after Trixie dies is more than sufficient to explain the twenty-year gap for me.
I don't agree with >>TitaniumDragon about the pacing. If anything, it seems cramped due to the word limit.
My main complaint is that giving each of Twilight's friends a single line to speak seems unnatural and forced. Why turn a funeral into a seven-way conversation? Contrast this with Celestia's Vacation, where the author doesn't try to paint every pony because it isn't important to do so. I understand what you were going for, but it would be better (and add some drama) if not all of Twilight's friends bothered to show up. (In fact, "everypony shows up and speaks" is a common problem with many Season 4 episodes.)
Time travel, it's a helluva drug...
No seriously, this was clever in its use of the wibbly-wobbly. I didn't see the end coming and I thought Spike's line was the perfect way to finish. Unlike >>Trick_Question I thought everyone else's lines served the story; not because they needed to talk, but because having those characters say those lines was an efficient way of establishing how absurd everyone found the situation. If anything, I might complain about Trixie being depicted as brainlessly one-dimensional; but then we wouldn't have the story if she wasn't.
No seriously, this was clever in its use of the wibbly-wobbly. I didn't see the end coming and I thought Spike's line was the perfect way to finish. Unlike >>Trick_Question I thought everyone else's lines served the story; not because they needed to talk, but because having those characters say those lines was an efficient way of establishing how absurd everyone found the situation. If anything, I might complain about Trixie being depicted as brainlessly one-dimensional; but then we wouldn't have the story if she wasn't.
funny how I read this directly after "Funeral for a Friend"
now this was a roller coaster of craziness. a little bit too saturated to fit all that in at exactly 750 words, obviously this one required some editing down, but I'll forgive it because it was so entertaining. in fact, kudos for carefully editing it so we could get to read it. better that it feel cramped, than to feel like something's missing.
oooh, an shipping subplot? <3 wait wait, that wouldn't make sense with the 20 year gap. nevermind.
it seems unusual that this cause of death left no evidence at all. eh, whatever.
now this was a roller coaster of craziness. a little bit too saturated to fit all that in at exactly 750 words, obviously this one required some editing down, but I'll forgive it because it was so entertaining. in fact, kudos for carefully editing it so we could get to read it. better that it feel cramped, than to feel like something's missing.
"Do you have any idea how much you upset Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie?"
oooh, an shipping subplot? <3 wait wait, that wouldn't make sense with the 20 year gap. nevermind.
it seems unusual that this cause of death left no evidence at all. eh, whatever.
This was well written and, to plug into something brought up in previous reviews, I don't think any of the characters were superfluous. I probably wouldn't have gotten the whole time-loop thing without the other reviewers picking up on it, though.
I see this suffer from the word limit as well, but I have another point that I think is separate from that: it was an emotional roller coaster for me, since I didn't really pick up on what tone the story wanted to set. I went from feeling sorry for Trixie to feeling amused by her antics, to feeling sorry again, to amused again... like, 3 times I think. A bit too unpredictable for my tastes.
I see this suffer from the word limit as well, but I have another point that I think is separate from that: it was an emotional roller coaster for me, since I didn't really pick up on what tone the story wanted to set. I went from feeling sorry for Trixie to feeling amused by her antics, to feeling sorry again, to amused again... like, 3 times I think. A bit too unpredictable for my tastes.
I had the idea of writing a story about Trixie faking her own death, but this is a lot better than anything I could have come up with. Bravo :)
It was quick, being a minific, but I thought that worked well by turning it into a whirlwind of craziness. It never settles down long enough for the absurdity to wear thin.
It was quick, being a minific, but I thought that worked well by turning it into a whirlwind of craziness. It never settles down long enough for the absurdity to wear thin.
Okay, that was weird. O.o
It took me a minute to fully grasp the time loop... But i'm still scratching my head a bit... If Trixie traveled forward in time to see her own funeral, it means the spell should have ended and sent her back to when she left... So shouldn't her corpse have appeared 20 years ago, and her funeral have been then? I mean, why did her funeral occur 20 years in the future, as opposed to 10? or 100? The same thing could have happened at any of those time frames, and Twilight could have tossed her body back two days... But why even do that?
Ugh! Time travel gives me a major headache.
Still, not too bad and somewhat amusing. :)
It took me a minute to fully grasp the time loop... But i'm still scratching my head a bit... If Trixie traveled forward in time to see her own funeral, it means the spell should have ended and sent her back to when she left... So shouldn't her corpse have appeared 20 years ago, and her funeral have been then? I mean, why did her funeral occur 20 years in the future, as opposed to 10? or 100? The same thing could have happened at any of those time frames, and Twilight could have tossed her body back two days... But why even do that?
Ugh! Time travel gives me a major headache.
Still, not too bad and somewhat amusing. :)
Loved this one, and the last line was killer. Some of the other reviews picked up on how it might have been a bit too fast paced for its own good, which I kind of agree with – for me personally, it wasn’t much of an issue, but at the same time it be great to see a longer, more fleshed out version of this.
>>TheCyanRecluse
It's an ontological paradox. There isn't a "source" for the twenty-year period.
Consider "It's About Time" from FiM, and pretend the time spell has no limit. Who decided on the time between the spell being cast and its resolution? You might say Twilight decided it because she eventually needed to go to the Canterlot Archives when the time was almost up. But that suggests if she'd had an extra day, she'd have done the same thing, only a day later; or if she'd had one less day, she'd have done it a day earlier. She never had the opportunity to choose the length of time: she was fated to wait precisely as long as she did because the time loop itself contained that condition. There isn't an ontological source for the time period she waited, only a stable time loop that self-contained that information.
For another example, do you remember Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure? Rufus never introduces himself to the boys.
It's an ontological paradox. There isn't a "source" for the twenty-year period.
Consider "It's About Time" from FiM, and pretend the time spell has no limit. Who decided on the time between the spell being cast and its resolution? You might say Twilight decided it because she eventually needed to go to the Canterlot Archives when the time was almost up. But that suggests if she'd had an extra day, she'd have done the same thing, only a day later; or if she'd had one less day, she'd have done it a day earlier. She never had the opportunity to choose the length of time: she was fated to wait precisely as long as she did because the time loop itself contained that condition. There isn't an ontological source for the time period she waited, only a stable time loop that self-contained that information.
For another example, do you remember Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure? Rufus never introduces himself to the boys.
Retrospective
I don't have much to say about this story, because I think it worked. I changed very little before posting it (as one of three stories in a Dark Comedy collection from this competition).
But thanks to everypony for the feedback! I hope you enjoyed my story.
I don't have much to say about this story, because I think it worked. I changed very little before posting it (as one of three stories in a Dark Comedy collection from this competition).
But thanks to everypony for the feedback! I hope you enjoyed my story.