Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
I'm Sure You Have Some Questions
“So, I’m sure you have some questions about what you saw,” Rarity said, nervously fluffing her mane as she sat on the side of her bed, her hindlegs crossed. “And I’m entirely prepared to explain them to you.”
“Oh?” Sweetie Belle tilted her head. “You uhm, don’t mind talking about it?”
“Of course not! Now where to begin.” Rarity’s eyes travelled across her bed to the large wet spot in the middle of it. “Well, I suppose it is best to start at the beginning.” Rarity took a deep breath, puffing up her cheeks before she let it all out in one quick burst as she pressed her hoof to her forehead. “My roof has a leak!”
“It does?” Sweetie Belle blinked and looked up at the pristine ceiling.
“Indeed! I’m afraid I only found out during the last rainstorm when my hooves started to get damp.” Rarity shifted nervously on the bed, smoothing out her wrinkled sheets. “Yes! Well, I thought, we had a dry week, and Applejack had a free afternoon, why not invite her over to help fix it! She does like fixing things and being helpful. Like when we go to the spa.”
“You sound angry.”
“Do I?” Rarity fanned herself with her hoof. “I can’t imagine why Applejack spending all day doing things other than spending time with me might upset me.”
“If you say so,” Sweetie Belle said skeptically.
Rarity coughed. “So, yes. I invited Applejack over to help me find the leak, and had Rainbow Dash pour water over the roof until we found where the water was coming from.”
Sweetie Belle looked down at the bed, then back up at the ceiling. “If there’s a leak, why is the bed wet in more than one spot?”
Rarity’s eyes shifted to the far end of the bed. “Oh, yes. Well, you see, we actually found out it had two leaks.”
“Oh. No wonder you screamed so loud.”
“You heard that?” Rarity bit her lip, then sighed. “Yes, well… Applejack wanted to get started right away. I suggested we go find a stepladder, but she insisted that I could simply hold her up and let her get to work. And, well, you know, a bed is not the best thing to stand on…” Rarity poked her hoof at her mattress. “Especially not with one pony standing on the shoulders of another. So when she leaned over a little, well, we fell down, and then you came in through the door, and… well, you saw the rest.”
“Wow.” Sweetie Belle blinked. “So Applejack was just trying to help you fix the roof?”
Rarity nodded her head.
“Oh, okay!” Sweetie Belle beamed. “Thanks for explaining! And uh, sorry for barging into your room.” Sweetie Belle rubbed awkwardly at her mane.
“It’s no problem, Sweetie Belle.” Rarity leaned over to give her sister a hug around the shoulders. “Though, truly, you should knock before coming in.”
“Okay.” Sweetie Belle nodded her head. “I mean, it would be really embarrassing if I walked in while you and Applejack were having sex, right?”
Rarity sputtered.
“So you like Rarity, huh?” Apple Bloom asked, looking up at her big sister as the pair trotted down the dirt road back to Sweet Apple Acres.
“Eyup.” Applejack’s eyes remained fixed on the dirt road ahead.
“And she likes you?
“Heh, I reckon.” Applejack’s cheeks colored slightly as she reached up to tip her hat with her hoof. “I mean, considerin’.”
“So you were—”
Applejack’s cheeks turned as red as any apple. “Eyup.”
“Wow.” Apple Bloom looked down at her hooves. “I didn’t know two girls could—”
“Well, they can. And uh, do.” Applejack reached up with one hoof to push her hat a bit lower over her eyes.
Apple Bloom nodded thoughtfully. “I guess that makes sense. There’s still one thing I don’t get, though.”
“What’s that?” Applejack asked cautiously.
“What was Rainbow Dash doin’ there?”
Applejack sighed.
“Oh?” Sweetie Belle tilted her head. “You uhm, don’t mind talking about it?”
“Of course not! Now where to begin.” Rarity’s eyes travelled across her bed to the large wet spot in the middle of it. “Well, I suppose it is best to start at the beginning.” Rarity took a deep breath, puffing up her cheeks before she let it all out in one quick burst as she pressed her hoof to her forehead. “My roof has a leak!”
“It does?” Sweetie Belle blinked and looked up at the pristine ceiling.
“Indeed! I’m afraid I only found out during the last rainstorm when my hooves started to get damp.” Rarity shifted nervously on the bed, smoothing out her wrinkled sheets. “Yes! Well, I thought, we had a dry week, and Applejack had a free afternoon, why not invite her over to help fix it! She does like fixing things and being helpful. Like when we go to the spa.”
“You sound angry.”
“Do I?” Rarity fanned herself with her hoof. “I can’t imagine why Applejack spending all day doing things other than spending time with me might upset me.”
“If you say so,” Sweetie Belle said skeptically.
Rarity coughed. “So, yes. I invited Applejack over to help me find the leak, and had Rainbow Dash pour water over the roof until we found where the water was coming from.”
Sweetie Belle looked down at the bed, then back up at the ceiling. “If there’s a leak, why is the bed wet in more than one spot?”
Rarity’s eyes shifted to the far end of the bed. “Oh, yes. Well, you see, we actually found out it had two leaks.”
“Oh. No wonder you screamed so loud.”
“You heard that?” Rarity bit her lip, then sighed. “Yes, well… Applejack wanted to get started right away. I suggested we go find a stepladder, but she insisted that I could simply hold her up and let her get to work. And, well, you know, a bed is not the best thing to stand on…” Rarity poked her hoof at her mattress. “Especially not with one pony standing on the shoulders of another. So when she leaned over a little, well, we fell down, and then you came in through the door, and… well, you saw the rest.”
“Wow.” Sweetie Belle blinked. “So Applejack was just trying to help you fix the roof?”
Rarity nodded her head.
“Oh, okay!” Sweetie Belle beamed. “Thanks for explaining! And uh, sorry for barging into your room.” Sweetie Belle rubbed awkwardly at her mane.
“It’s no problem, Sweetie Belle.” Rarity leaned over to give her sister a hug around the shoulders. “Though, truly, you should knock before coming in.”
“Okay.” Sweetie Belle nodded her head. “I mean, it would be really embarrassing if I walked in while you and Applejack were having sex, right?”
Rarity sputtered.
“So you like Rarity, huh?” Apple Bloom asked, looking up at her big sister as the pair trotted down the dirt road back to Sweet Apple Acres.
“Eyup.” Applejack’s eyes remained fixed on the dirt road ahead.
“And she likes you?
“Heh, I reckon.” Applejack’s cheeks colored slightly as she reached up to tip her hat with her hoof. “I mean, considerin’.”
“So you were—”
Applejack’s cheeks turned as red as any apple. “Eyup.”
“Wow.” Apple Bloom looked down at her hooves. “I didn’t know two girls could—”
“Well, they can. And uh, do.” Applejack reached up with one hoof to push her hat a bit lower over her eyes.
Apple Bloom nodded thoughtfully. “I guess that makes sense. There’s still one thing I don’t get, though.”
“What’s that?” Applejack asked cautiously.
“What was Rainbow Dash doin’ there?”
Applejack sighed.
Great work. This made me smile a lot! The interplay between Rarity and Sweetie Belle is perfectly judged, and evokes the comedic drama of the scene well.
In fact, I think I would have preferred it to be the only scene, with a little more time spent developing it prior to that first punchline. The second scene didn't feel strong enough in delivering its part of the narrative, and the close proximity between the respective punchlines weakened both, in my opinion.
Really enjoyed this one, though. Thanks for sharing with the community.
In fact, I think I would have preferred it to be the only scene, with a little more time spent developing it prior to that first punchline. The second scene didn't feel strong enough in delivering its part of the narrative, and the close proximity between the respective punchlines weakened both, in my opinion.
Really enjoyed this one, though. Thanks for sharing with the community.
This was funny. A bit gross, and certainly not a very fresh trope, but funny.
I like the contrast between Rarity trying to wriggle out and AJ squarely owning up to the truth. The two play well off of the other, and the CMC who happen to be much less naive than their sisters thought.
I would say it’s not memorable, but it’s sure decently executed with a nice tinge of humour (especially for us French who like lewd jokes). I’m sure Trick will love it. Near the top of my slate.
I like the contrast between Rarity trying to wriggle out and AJ squarely owning up to the truth. The two play well off of the other, and the CMC who happen to be much less naive than their sisters thought.
I would say it’s not memorable, but it’s sure decently executed with a nice tinge of humour (especially for us French who like lewd jokes). I’m sure Trick will love it. Near the top of my slate.
Simple but effective, much like Applejack’s approach to the explanation. Nice work.
The only thing this story is missing is a third scene where Scootaloo gives Rainbow a hoofbump for having sex with AJ and Rarity.
I agree entirely
With >>The_Letter_J on this in the sense that, if Sweetie and Apple Bloom were there, why wasn't Scootaloo? If you really wanted to mix things up, though, author, you could have us the third scene open at the end of RD expounding a beautiful, moving, and poetic meditation on love, devotion, and loyalty to Scootaloo. But, y'know, hoofbumps're good, too...
Oh, and to be completely persnickety, Sweetie Belle's "if I walked in" should probably be "if we walked in" since Apple Bloom at least was there as well.
Mike
With >>The_Letter_J on this in the sense that, if Sweetie and Apple Bloom were there, why wasn't Scootaloo? If you really wanted to mix things up, though, author, you could have us the third scene open at the end of RD expounding a beautiful, moving, and poetic meditation on love, devotion, and loyalty to Scootaloo. But, y'know, hoofbumps're good, too...
Oh, and to be completely persnickety, Sweetie Belle's "if I walked in" should probably be "if we walked in" since Apple Bloom at least was there as well.
Mike
The end to the first scene was funny. The end to the second... not so much. I'm not a big fan of innuendo or "Hiding sex from kids by explaining it in humorous ways" stories (there's a lot of them), so this was already a hard sell for me.
I'm Sure You Have Some Questions
Well, it only took me almost two years to medal again. >>;
Still, I'm glad that folks liked this one.
It was a fairly straightforward story idea, contrasting Rarity and Applejack's reactions to the situation, as well as their sisters' reactions, and of course Rarity's awkward, overly-complicated explanation for just what her innocent little sister walked in on.
Several people commented on the lack of a scene with Scootaloo, but I was worried that doing a Rainbow Dash/Scootaloo scene would stretch the joke too far; the initial contrast between Rarity and Applejack was, I think, sharper than throwing in the Rainbow Dash/Scootaloo scene. I did have it written up in my mind, and may or may not write it, but I'm not sure that adding in a third scene would be too repetitive.
>>Baal Bunny Yeah, I missed that in writing/editing.
>>TitaniumDragon
Most of your stories in the past have been a little flat for me, but in the last two Writeoffs you've been knocking it out of the park (for me at least). I apparently liked Too Close for Comfort and Bandaged Time more than most readers did.
Although you were already a good writer, I think you've been improving.
Most of your stories in the past have been a little flat for me, but in the last two Writeoffs you've been knocking it out of the park (for me at least). I apparently liked Too Close for Comfort and Bandaged Time more than most readers did.
Although you were already a good writer, I think you've been improving.