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A Ballade of Soured Ambition
Distraught and railing—"Cruelties abound!"—
The lemon weeps his juice. "The world's awry!
Embarrassment and shame will soon resound!
Attempt to grind my pulp and make me pie
Despite my bitter nature? Alkali
Infuses all my innards! Sweetness fails!
Concerning treats, there's nothing worse than I!"
A wrong opinion, left alone, prevails.
The lamentation rises. "Fate has frowned!
My caustic fluids always mortify,
Producing sheer regret! I'm run aground,
Undone and underwhelming. None apply
To slake their thirsts with me! My offers fly
From ear to ear with hardly any sales,
Disgust resulting, twisting lips that try!"
A wrong opinion, left alone, prevails.
"Excuse me, sir," he hears. A glance around
Presents a honeysuckle. "Might I pry,"
She asks, "and send a raft before you've drowned?
I'm delicate, you see, and slightly shy
But think your brashness ought to counter my
Solicitude. My gentleness curtails
My use. Perhaps we might create a tie?"
A wrong opinion, left alone, prevails,
But challenge leads to thoughts that can't deny
Exactly what's required. The public hails
The perfect combination most will buy.
A wrong opinion, left alone, prevails...
The lemon weeps his juice. "The world's awry!
Embarrassment and shame will soon resound!
Attempt to grind my pulp and make me pie
Despite my bitter nature? Alkali
Infuses all my innards! Sweetness fails!
Concerning treats, there's nothing worse than I!"
A wrong opinion, left alone, prevails.
The lamentation rises. "Fate has frowned!
My caustic fluids always mortify,
Producing sheer regret! I'm run aground,
Undone and underwhelming. None apply
To slake their thirsts with me! My offers fly
From ear to ear with hardly any sales,
Disgust resulting, twisting lips that try!"
A wrong opinion, left alone, prevails.
"Excuse me, sir," he hears. A glance around
Presents a honeysuckle. "Might I pry,"
She asks, "and send a raft before you've drowned?
I'm delicate, you see, and slightly shy
But think your brashness ought to counter my
Solicitude. My gentleness curtails
My use. Perhaps we might create a tie?"
A wrong opinion, left alone, prevails,
But challenge leads to thoughts that can't deny
Exactly what's required. The public hails
The perfect combination most will buy.
A wrong opinion, left alone, prevails...
I get the sense of mixing flavor categories to produce something more than the sum of its parts, but if there's a real product here, I'm not sure what that is. I've never heard of combining lemon with honeysuckle, though if the point is just generically tempering sourness with sweetness, then fair enough. Though the ending line suggests this won't actually work, and by then I'm lost as to what it all means. i started to lose the sense of that about halfway through the third stanza.
Structurally, the only possible hiccup is whether "cruelties" is taken as two syllables or three.
Structurally, the only possible hiccup is whether "cruelties" is taken as two syllables or three.
I love many of these lines. The sound, the comical grandiosity of " Alkali / Infuses all my innards! Sweetness fails!", "My caustic fluids always mortify," "twisting lips that try!"
I agree with Pascoite that it becomes confusing. The final stanza first says that the combination works, then says it did not. The sentence "Challenge leads to thoughts that can't deny exactly what's required" is a terribly clumsy way of saying something like "Challenge leads to change," and expressing the public's pleasure at the combo by saying they will "buy" could resonate emotionally only with Ayn Rand.
>>Pascoite
Three syllables, please!
I agree with Pascoite that it becomes confusing. The final stanza first says that the combination works, then says it did not. The sentence "Challenge leads to thoughts that can't deny exactly what's required" is a terribly clumsy way of saying something like "Challenge leads to change," and expressing the public's pleasure at the combo by saying they will "buy" could resonate emotionally only with Ayn Rand.
>>Pascoite
Three syllables, please!
>>Pascoite
>>Bad Horse
Thanks, folks!
As often happens with these 24-hour poems, everything I had planned at the beginning has changed by the time I get to the middle fo the second verse, and by then it's too late to make the revisions that need to be made. This one needs a different refrain line, for instance, though right now I have no idea what that might be. I reckon it'll come to me eventually. :)
Mike
>>Bad Horse
Thanks, folks!
As often happens with these 24-hour poems, everything I had planned at the beginning has changed by the time I get to the middle fo the second verse, and by then it's too late to make the revisions that need to be made. This one needs a different refrain line, for instance, though right now I have no idea what that might be. I reckon it'll come to me eventually. :)
Mike