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No greater chaos than appears to be
Within the tumult of the great blue sea
Appears in lesser verse, to good and ill,
Where nonsense noises churn forever still.
Within the tumult of the great blue sea
Appears in lesser verse, to good and ill,
Where nonsense noises churn forever still.
My verse can't stand the storm of time
Where brittle words are culture tossed
And searching brings us no surprise
As legions score their many crimes
I cast it forth for those that may,
By chance, affix their storm cast eyes.
If aught of interest is still lost,
I've made one friend along the way.
Where brittle words are culture tossed
And searching brings us no surprise
As legions score their many crimes
I cast it forth for those that may,
By chance, affix their storm cast eyes.
If aught of interest is still lost,
I've made one friend along the way.
There's ne'er a place where I belonged
I follow trails the dead have left.
My sojourn always much prolonged
The more I've lived, much more bereft.
I can't grant all the wishes sown,
I cannot even save my own.
I follow trails the dead have left.
My sojourn always much prolonged
The more I've lived, much more bereft.
I can't grant all the wishes sown,
I cannot even save my own.
Crap, I missed a poetry round. Can't vote or do author guessing, but I can still review.
I'm trying to analyze the form here. It's not one I'm familiar with, but seeing authors invent their own is good too. There's a mostly consistent syllable count per line, but the stress pattern is sometimes forced. Rhymes appear to be an ABCA pattern with each stanza's C becoming the next one's B, wrapping back to the beginning as well. Though like the stress pattern, the rhymes are forced here and there (card/regards, tears/here).
As to story, this one was really nice, someone who's affected by a memory and then appreciates the kindness of a stranger trying to help. I liked it a lot, and I can see why it won.
I'm trying to analyze the form here. It's not one I'm familiar with, but seeing authors invent their own is good too. There's a mostly consistent syllable count per line, but the stress pattern is sometimes forced. Rhymes appear to be an ABCA pattern with each stanza's C becoming the next one's B, wrapping back to the beginning as well. Though like the stress pattern, the rhymes are forced here and there (card/regards, tears/here).
As to story, this one was really nice, someone who's affected by a memory and then appreciates the kindness of a stranger trying to help. I liked it a lot, and I can see why it won.
Another where the stresses are a bit forced at times, but the rhymes are mostly clean (bother/brother is a stretch). I like that the meter is different on the 2nd and 4th lines so that it throws things off balance in a good way. It's a standard breakup plot, but it's done well. The use of the flowers to convey that was very effective, in that the single image says a whole lot within the space of just a few words.
Free verse, so no form to analyze. I get a different feeling from this when I consider that title. On its own, the poem seems to say the recipient is lost in memory and can't (maybe due to the ink smearing from the rain?) or won't internalize what message is on it due to it being painful. But taken with the title, it makes me think the first couple lines refer to the mailman having dropped it accidentally and it was meant for someone else. Nice melancholy mood piece.
Structured as if adhering to a form, but no meter or rhyme, so it's essentially free verse. A few language blips, like "visit to me" is really oddly worded. I like the way the prompt is tied in, but I wish it had a stronger connection, as it's really only a circumstance the recipient has endured, and it's not given a thematic purpose or a link to a shared memory of the two. I think that would strengthen the piece as a whole and make it feel like the prompt got more than a token inclusion. The last stanza is strong, as the constant use of "please" creates an intense desperation. The mood here works well.
>>Pascoite
Well Fared
Thank you for the review! I first read this metric scheme in the works of Guy Wetmore Carryl and it stuck with me from childhood. I know the theme is trite but I chose not to try to stretch it in the time I have and risk marring something that was acceptable as it stood.
Well Fared
Thank you for the review! I first read this metric scheme in the works of Guy Wetmore Carryl and it stuck with me from childhood. I know the theme is trite but I chose not to try to stretch it in the time I have and risk marring something that was acceptable as it stood.
>>Pascoite
No One Sends Me Anything
The backing of this one is likely my melancholy sense as I get older of the impermanence of verse, and indeed of the mind. I meant to show that the postman dropped the postcard as it was being put in the mailbox, and thus it was ruined by the rain. What seems to be a pretty shoreline and beach is composed in reality of bits of sand and shell, a billion sea deaths scattered into senseless arrays; this connotation didn't fully make it in and perhaps it's just as well.
No One Sends Me Anything
The backing of this one is likely my melancholy sense as I get older of the impermanence of verse, and indeed of the mind. I meant to show that the postman dropped the postcard as it was being put in the mailbox, and thus it was ruined by the rain. What seems to be a pretty shoreline and beach is composed in reality of bits of sand and shell, a billion sea deaths scattered into senseless arrays; this connotation didn't fully make it in and perhaps it's just as well.