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Well Fared
Hello, I hope that you are well!
I'm writing from the station.
I've got a little more to tell
As I start my vacation.
For you may not have heard my sigh
The last time that we said goodbye.
I saw those flowers that you got
And hid with such a bother.
I know that the address was not
For sister or for brother.
Red roses meant for other soul—
How could you think that we'd stay whole?
My train is here, I won't delay.
I'm boarding as I write now.
There's more that I don't need to say,
More than I can requite now.
As I set off along the track,
Take heed that I may not be back.
I'm writing from the station.
I've got a little more to tell
As I start my vacation.
For you may not have heard my sigh
The last time that we said goodbye.
I saw those flowers that you got
And hid with such a bother.
I know that the address was not
For sister or for brother.
Red roses meant for other soul—
How could you think that we'd stay whole?
My train is here, I won't delay.
I'm boarding as I write now.
There's more that I don't need to say,
More than I can requite now.
As I set off along the track,
Take heed that I may not be back.
Another where the stresses are a bit forced at times, but the rhymes are mostly clean (bother/brother is a stretch). I like that the meter is different on the 2nd and 4th lines so that it throws things off balance in a good way. It's a standard breakup plot, but it's done well. The use of the flowers to convey that was very effective, in that the single image says a whole lot within the space of just a few words.
>>Pascoite
Well Fared
Thank you for the review! I first read this metric scheme in the works of Guy Wetmore Carryl and it stuck with me from childhood. I know the theme is trite but I chose not to try to stretch it in the time I have and risk marring something that was acceptable as it stood.
Well Fared
Thank you for the review! I first read this metric scheme in the works of Guy Wetmore Carryl and it stuck with me from childhood. I know the theme is trite but I chose not to try to stretch it in the time I have and risk marring something that was acceptable as it stood.