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Quiet Quitting.
Snowfall smothers the wood,
As the cosmos watches.
Here, ‘Silent’ is too loud a word.
As the cosmos watches.
Here, ‘Silent’ is too loud a word.
Its a good image of a quiet forest, but it's fairly bare bones other than that. There's not much of a story beyond the one image. It reads almost more like a blurb on a picture than a poem.
The actual Image itself is almost visceral. The feeling of standing in a snow covered forest as everything is silent is a potent image, but it is a snapshot. Not a story but a single moment. Not necessarily bad, but not a stand out either.
The actual Image itself is almost visceral. The feeling of standing in a snow covered forest as everything is silent is a potent image, but it is a snapshot. Not a story but a single moment. Not necessarily bad, but not a stand out either.
This looks visually like it's supposed to be a haiku, but it isn't. In the end, it probably doesn't matter, but you do need to be aware of what first impressions it can make like that and how it can throw a speed bump at a reader. This feels more humorous that anything. The first two lines create atmosphere well, then the third feels tongue-in-cheek more than further atmosphere. I've always liked the way snow muffles things and used that in my own writing. The title is clever after the fact, in that the quiet word "silent" needs to quit being used in order to achieve its purpose.
Blanket of stillness falls.
Nothing can breathe or move
As the edge of space touches Earth.
Nothing can breathe or move
As the edge of space touches Earth.
The first and second lines, together, convey a sense of what the words represent. For me, it is the second line that is weak; 'cosmos' is too abstract in an image which otherwise carries the close feeling of frost.
>>Pascoite, >>GroaningGreyAgony, >>Heavy_Mole
Thanks everyone for the feedback! I wasn't up quite as late a Gray, but I definitely had the same attitude of 'falling asleep, good enough' when I sent this one in. Glad it worked out.
My goal with this was to see what could be done with the absolute minimum number of words. This was inspired by a recent camping trip where we hiked in to an off grid cabin in winter. I don't know how well this is able to convey the awe I felt standing in the perfectly dark forest as the sky opened up above me. Especially after living in the city for so long I wanted to convey the serenity of the experience, how much there is to see and feel when the light and bustle of society are absent.
Thanks everyone for the feedback! I wasn't up quite as late a Gray, but I definitely had the same attitude of 'falling asleep, good enough' when I sent this one in. Glad it worked out.
My goal with this was to see what could be done with the absolute minimum number of words. This was inspired by a recent camping trip where we hiked in to an off grid cabin in winter. I don't know how well this is able to convey the awe I felt standing in the perfectly dark forest as the sky opened up above me. Especially after living in the city for so long I wanted to convey the serenity of the experience, how much there is to see and feel when the light and bustle of society are absent.