Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.

Do or Die · Poetry Short Short ·
Organised by Anon Y Mous
Word limit 100–2000
Show rules for this event
Binary
Refuse to take it! Change the paradigm!
Explode exclusion! Stretch that simple 'or'
The height and length and breadth of space and time!
If 'do or die,' I'll pick another door,
Inveigle other options, something more!
The universe is massive, so complex,
To say the choice is two and not a store
Upsets the conscious mind and swamps its decks!

Perhaps I'll 'do' and also 'die.' A crime?
Or stationary, simply live, ignore
Commands that ring an arbitrary chime.
I'll back away, investigate, explore,
Expand the walls, or burrow through the floor!
Gradation's vital, grays that warp and flex
The black and white. To see but still deplore
Upsets the conscious mind and swamps its decks!

Except, of course, philosophy sublime
Collides with brick and mortar, falls before
The iron fist of social swill and slime.
To talk degrees and shades will raise a roar,
Collect a mob, and leave you scratched and sore.
In politics or fashion, beer or sex,
It's 'this or that' despite the way the war
Upsets the conscious mind and swamps its decks.

So 'do or die.' It holds the very core
Of human nature, all it saves and wrecks.
Implicit bias reigns from shore to shore,
Upsets the conscious mind and swamps its decks...
« Prev   3   Next »
#1 ·
· · >>Baal Bunny
I don't know that it's intended this way, as there are all sorts of spectra in the world, but this one kind of says "gender identity" to me. The attitude about it is clear from the first stanza, and it doesn't really get developed any further. The structure is a tough one to use, though, and I know from experience how hard it is to mediate between the demands of telling a narrative and obeying what rhyme and rhythm constraints you've placed upon yourself. Maybe it would have helped to start with an outline and map out what piece of the story you wanted each stanza to tell?

The structure reminds me a little bit of a villanelle, but of course it isn't one. The rhyme scheme of ABABBCBC isn't one I recognize, but then you even one-up it by having the same A, B, and C in every stanza. I'm impressed by how it nails the structure, but it's very front-loaded in what story it tells.
#2 ·
·
I'll agree with >>Pascoite:

That more could done with the third stanza if, author, you're trying to say that the "philosophy" of the previous stanzas doesn't stand a chance when confronted by the real world, then maybe in the envoi at the end, you could tell us whether you'll stick to your guns or give in to the pressure.

By the way, Pasco, this is a ballade with the interlocking rhyme scheme and the stanzas all ending with the same line and such... :)

Mike