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Last Task
Aged yet able, born of ice and fire,
He took sad path in high wind, cold hard rain.
Low ways beat his skin, made hope die out.
He rose, time worn, grim game for the next bout,
Her last look gave him need to face the pain,
And make his good will known in muck and mire.
How good was life, that made each man a liar?
Both rich and poor the same; the iron bane
Of time took all and set your host to rout.
He did not like to flee, for any lout
Did find it easy. He, in dark dim vein,
Knew well his ash kept lit in any pyre.
He took sad path in high wind, cold hard rain.
Low ways beat his skin, made hope die out.
He rose, time worn, grim game for the next bout,
Her last look gave him need to face the pain,
And make his good will known in muck and mire.
How good was life, that made each man a liar?
Both rich and poor the same; the iron bane
Of time took all and set your host to rout.
He did not like to flee, for any lout
Did find it easy. He, in dark dim vein,
Knew well his ash kept lit in any pyre.
I like the rhyme scheme here:
But the rhythm's kind of lumpy. I'll suggest focusing more on arranging the stressed and unstressed syllables into a nice pattern than on simply counting the number of syllables per line.
As for the poem's content, I'm not quite sure what's happening, and there seems to be a lot of people involved for such a short poem: we have a "he" and a "her" as well as a "your", a direct address that to me also implies a narrator who's telling this poem to whoever the "you" is. Four characters, and I can't figure out what their relationships are to each other...
Mike
But the rhythm's kind of lumpy. I'll suggest focusing more on arranging the stressed and unstressed syllables into a nice pattern than on simply counting the number of syllables per line.
As for the poem's content, I'm not quite sure what's happening, and there seems to be a lot of people involved for such a short poem: we have a "he" and a "her" as well as a "your", a direct address that to me also implies a narrator who's telling this poem to whoever the "you" is. Four characters, and I can't figure out what their relationships are to each other...
Mike
Hm, a rhyme scheme that uses the same A, B, C throughout, but alternates between ABC and CBA in each successive stanza. It took me a bit to catch on. The syllable count isn't consistent, nor is the stress pattern, so I'll assume you weren't trying to adhere to a meter.
I do like the narrative, about a dogged boxer who knows he just has to get up and fight again, no matter the result of each event, and how station in life doesn't provide an advantage to anyone.
I do like the narrative, about a dogged boxer who knows he just has to get up and fight again, no matter the result of each event, and how station in life doesn't provide an advantage to anyone.