Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
3 Words, 2 Stars, 1 Light
Frozen breath in midnight clear,
Frozen hands, froze in fear
My heart beats in the silent night,
Pitch black but for your bright light
I hold your hands, you hold my thoughts,
Fates aligned, stars are crossed
You catch my gaze, I'm trapped inside
Twin stars, my love's shining eyes
I try to think, I try to speak
Racing mind, knees are weak
Your saving grace, you see right through
You whisper first, I love you
Frozen hands, froze in fear
My heart beats in the silent night,
Pitch black but for your bright light
I hold your hands, you hold my thoughts,
Fates aligned, stars are crossed
You catch my gaze, I'm trapped inside
Twin stars, my love's shining eyes
I try to think, I try to speak
Racing mind, knees are weak
Your saving grace, you see right through
You whisper first, I love you
For some reason, that last stanza really put me in a mind of the cards that Adam Sandler's character writes in Mr. Deeds.
Like the previous one, the rhymes here are fine, but the meter is irregular. It seems more like a piece that tries to capture a mood than have a narrative arc, and the pattern of starlight being equated to eyes is nice. It feels more like someone early in a relationship who's still timid about things like holding hands, which is fine. It does a good job of creating a mental image.
Like the previous one, the rhymes here are fine, but the meter is irregular. It seems more like a piece that tries to capture a mood than have a narrative arc, and the pattern of starlight being equated to eyes is nice. It feels more like someone early in a relationship who's still timid about things like holding hands, which is fine. It does a good job of creating a mental image.
Very nice:
I love the word play and the imagery, but I'd like to see another Christmas carol quote somewhere in the last two stanzas just because of the "rule of three".
Again as >>Pascoite points out, the rhythm gets a little stumbly here and there--the first stanza starts on a stressed syllable while the second and third stanzas start on an unstressed one, for instance, and "My heart beats in the silent night" wants the long word "beats" to be unstressed and the short word "in" to be stressed. But again, very nice.
Mike
I love the word play and the imagery, but I'd like to see another Christmas carol quote somewhere in the last two stanzas just because of the "rule of three".
Again as >>Pascoite points out, the rhythm gets a little stumbly here and there--the first stanza starts on a stressed syllable while the second and third stanzas start on an unstressed one, for instance, and "My heart beats in the silent night" wants the long word "beats" to be unstressed and the short word "in" to be stressed. But again, very nice.
Mike