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Shatterhoof
A distant sound of exploding rocks reverberated through the mountains, freezing Kassandra in mid-hoofstep. She perked an ear, but it was filled with the wild flapping of spooked birds taking flight from the blossoming cherry trees surrounding her. Petals rained down on the cool, sweet breeze, blanketing the path and tickling her orange coat.
Kassandra calmed her mind and waited, suspecting this might be a sign of her.
The second explosion drew Kassandra’s eyes toward a craggy rock face jutting up three hundred mare-lengths above the treeline. A small cloud of dust wafting above it shone gold in the dawn light.
Kassandra turned from the mountain path to crunch through the lush, aromatic forest. A third explosion, then a fourth, helped guide her through the thick wood to the almost sheer stone beyond.
She grunted, checked that her blond ponytail was still secure, and spat on her forehooves before scrabbling upwards. The explosions continued as she climbed, seeming to make the whole mountain buck and rumble. Kassandra gritted her teeth, clutched her hoofholds harder, and struggled against the temptation toward jealousy of her unicorn sisters.
With effort, she steadied her breath and fixed her mind’s eye on the journey’s end, until she felt able to continue the slow and pitiless ascent. In time, she collapsed, panting, at the top—only to flinch and roll away from a shower of rock chips bursting from another explosion.
“Sorry, didn’t see you there!”
Kassandra’s muzzle crinkled at the youthful tone of voice that greeted her. But this had to be the place she’d gleaned rumors of, and the mint-green unicorn striding towards her through the haze of rock dust had to be the Mistress she’d sought across oceans, trails, and legends.
“You…” Kassandra said with a parched tongue. “You must be…” She paused, thrilling to at last behold the great tan-and-silver mechanisms that enshrouded the mare’s forelegs. “Mistress Shatterhoof, I seek your wisdom to complete my training as a warrior.”
Shatterhoof giggled. “Oh! Oh, of course you do! But… I don’t know how that’s going to work…”
Kassandra’s brow furrowed. “Are you… indisposed?”
“No, I’m Lyra,” the mare said, extending a power-gauntleted hoof toward Kassandra before apparently thinking better of it. “And about an hour ago I got pulled into this copy of ‘Mistress Mare-Velous: Origins #3’ that Bonnie bought me!”
The tea was cold, astringent, and tasted like tree bark—but Kassandra held it tight as the mare who’d spent far too long clumsily making it jabbered across the only table in the mid-sized workshop that wasn’t strewn with parts, books, or half-assembled oddities.
“So… you are not Shatterhoof?” Kassandra interrupted.
“Like I said, Bonnie knows I love Power Ponies, and this was a souvenir from her last assignment—”
“But you bear her gauntlets. This is clearly her workshop. And you… do not project guile enough to best her, claim her things, and masquerade as her.”
“I think, somehow, the comic must want me to be her,” Shatterhoof said, frowning. “And yeah, wrecking rocks with these babies is fun, but I’m not her, and I… well, I don’t know how to mentor you through your thing, either.”
Kassandra raised an eyebrow. “My ‘thing?’”
“Your superhero thing! I mean, this is a four-issue miniseries, and you spent all of last issue getting to Neighpon, so this must be the issue where Shatterhoof… me… helps you see who you already are inside, and gives you your lasso from her techno-magical armory as a ‘graduation present.’ Then you spend issue four kicking flank for the first time as Mistress Mare-Velous!”
Mistress Mare-Velous.
It was far from the first time that Shatterhoof had uttered the strange name, but hearing it presented now as the name she should assume filled her with trepidation.
Could this be what I’ve sought? And why a lasso, of all things…
“Then you have foreseen my coming,” Kassandra said, only half as a question. “And you are ready to complete my training.”
Shatterhoof’s frown pulled tighter. “I don’t know how to train a superhero! I mean, a lot don’t really need training. Either they’re born super-geniuses, or their home planet gets destroyed, or they’re bitten by a radioactive stick-bug… or they’re just rich. Being rich is the best.”
Kassandra felt a sour taste fill her mouth—and not just from the tea. “I see things differently. Yes, some who stand up and protect their fellow ponies do so using powers beyond mortal ken. But I have always believed that training, discipline, and dedication, offers a path that anypony can take to better themselves. A hard path, to be sure; and not one that everypony will follow unless shown how. But one of meaning; one of worth.”
A broad smile worked its way across Shatterhoof’s muzzle. She nodded vigorously. “See, that’s what I love about Mistress Mare-Velous… er, you! You’ve got that big, strong, ‘self-made mare’ vibe, but you understand not everpony’s at the same point on their journey, and you don’t hold it against them.”
“This cannot be the end of my training, though,” Kassandra spoke into her cup. “I was told… I would find wisdom here. That the journey would have meaning, at its end.”
Shatterhoof shrugged. “What if it has meaning in continuing, instead? What makes me the one who gets to tell you that you've ‘graduated,’ anyway?”
The words hit Kassandra like a slap across her muzzle. “I’ve come thousands of miles to seek how you would shape me into the ultimate warrior for justice…” She stood up in anger, nostrils flaring. “And all you offer me is this ‘Mistress Mare-Velous’ name, and a denial of finishing my quest?”
“I’m… not really good at teaching!”
Kassandra wanted to throw the tea at the wall, and let it shower the workshop with bitterness. But instead she breathed deep, set the cool ceramic cup down, and turned away.
She walked to the edge of the summit, heedless of Shatterhoof’s protests behind her. She sat, and stared down aimlessly, letting her gaze dance between the jagged mountains and their raiment of blooming trees. The sun stood at its zenith, suffusing the cool air with a warmth and light that seemed almost alien to the darkness of Kassandra’s inner uncertainty.
“Mistress Mare-Velous.”
Once more she heard the name, and again felt its strangeness on her mind. Shatterhoof had followed her, and bore a piteous expression on her face. Oddly, she also held something that resembled a golden coil suspended in her magic. “Look… I’m sorry you ended up with me, and not what Shatterhoof was supposed to be written like. I’d teach you anything you wanted, if I knew how! But the truth is that I can’t.”
Kassandra sighed, and glanced out at the trees again. “I’m unafraid of truth, though not immune to disappointment. I suppose I’m guilty of the temptation to think… I would ‘graduate,’ as you say. That some wise pony would tell me when I was ready to fight for ponykind.” She took another long breath. “But perhaps I am the one who must tell myself this. And perhaps, by disappointing me, you have freed me the greater falsehood that ensnared me.”
Shatterhoof grinned from ear to ear. “Oh, amazing! This is turning out just like your canon origin! But I wonder if… ohhhh!”
She vanished with an almighty flash of white light, stunning Kassandra, and leaving her to search about for the missing mare.
Yet the only sign remaining of her was the golden lasso she’d left upon the ground.
Kassandra calmed her mind and waited, suspecting this might be a sign of her.
The second explosion drew Kassandra’s eyes toward a craggy rock face jutting up three hundred mare-lengths above the treeline. A small cloud of dust wafting above it shone gold in the dawn light.
Kassandra turned from the mountain path to crunch through the lush, aromatic forest. A third explosion, then a fourth, helped guide her through the thick wood to the almost sheer stone beyond.
She grunted, checked that her blond ponytail was still secure, and spat on her forehooves before scrabbling upwards. The explosions continued as she climbed, seeming to make the whole mountain buck and rumble. Kassandra gritted her teeth, clutched her hoofholds harder, and struggled against the temptation toward jealousy of her unicorn sisters.
With effort, she steadied her breath and fixed her mind’s eye on the journey’s end, until she felt able to continue the slow and pitiless ascent. In time, she collapsed, panting, at the top—only to flinch and roll away from a shower of rock chips bursting from another explosion.
“Sorry, didn’t see you there!”
Kassandra’s muzzle crinkled at the youthful tone of voice that greeted her. But this had to be the place she’d gleaned rumors of, and the mint-green unicorn striding towards her through the haze of rock dust had to be the Mistress she’d sought across oceans, trails, and legends.
“You…” Kassandra said with a parched tongue. “You must be…” She paused, thrilling to at last behold the great tan-and-silver mechanisms that enshrouded the mare’s forelegs. “Mistress Shatterhoof, I seek your wisdom to complete my training as a warrior.”
Shatterhoof giggled. “Oh! Oh, of course you do! But… I don’t know how that’s going to work…”
Kassandra’s brow furrowed. “Are you… indisposed?”
“No, I’m Lyra,” the mare said, extending a power-gauntleted hoof toward Kassandra before apparently thinking better of it. “And about an hour ago I got pulled into this copy of ‘Mistress Mare-Velous: Origins #3’ that Bonnie bought me!”
The tea was cold, astringent, and tasted like tree bark—but Kassandra held it tight as the mare who’d spent far too long clumsily making it jabbered across the only table in the mid-sized workshop that wasn’t strewn with parts, books, or half-assembled oddities.
“So… you are not Shatterhoof?” Kassandra interrupted.
“Like I said, Bonnie knows I love Power Ponies, and this was a souvenir from her last assignment—”
“But you bear her gauntlets. This is clearly her workshop. And you… do not project guile enough to best her, claim her things, and masquerade as her.”
“I think, somehow, the comic must want me to be her,” Shatterhoof said, frowning. “And yeah, wrecking rocks with these babies is fun, but I’m not her, and I… well, I don’t know how to mentor you through your thing, either.”
Kassandra raised an eyebrow. “My ‘thing?’”
“Your superhero thing! I mean, this is a four-issue miniseries, and you spent all of last issue getting to Neighpon, so this must be the issue where Shatterhoof… me… helps you see who you already are inside, and gives you your lasso from her techno-magical armory as a ‘graduation present.’ Then you spend issue four kicking flank for the first time as Mistress Mare-Velous!”
Mistress Mare-Velous.
It was far from the first time that Shatterhoof had uttered the strange name, but hearing it presented now as the name she should assume filled her with trepidation.
Could this be what I’ve sought? And why a lasso, of all things…
“Then you have foreseen my coming,” Kassandra said, only half as a question. “And you are ready to complete my training.”
Shatterhoof’s frown pulled tighter. “I don’t know how to train a superhero! I mean, a lot don’t really need training. Either they’re born super-geniuses, or their home planet gets destroyed, or they’re bitten by a radioactive stick-bug… or they’re just rich. Being rich is the best.”
Kassandra felt a sour taste fill her mouth—and not just from the tea. “I see things differently. Yes, some who stand up and protect their fellow ponies do so using powers beyond mortal ken. But I have always believed that training, discipline, and dedication, offers a path that anypony can take to better themselves. A hard path, to be sure; and not one that everypony will follow unless shown how. But one of meaning; one of worth.”
A broad smile worked its way across Shatterhoof’s muzzle. She nodded vigorously. “See, that’s what I love about Mistress Mare-Velous… er, you! You’ve got that big, strong, ‘self-made mare’ vibe, but you understand not everpony’s at the same point on their journey, and you don’t hold it against them.”
“This cannot be the end of my training, though,” Kassandra spoke into her cup. “I was told… I would find wisdom here. That the journey would have meaning, at its end.”
Shatterhoof shrugged. “What if it has meaning in continuing, instead? What makes me the one who gets to tell you that you've ‘graduated,’ anyway?”
The words hit Kassandra like a slap across her muzzle. “I’ve come thousands of miles to seek how you would shape me into the ultimate warrior for justice…” She stood up in anger, nostrils flaring. “And all you offer me is this ‘Mistress Mare-Velous’ name, and a denial of finishing my quest?”
“I’m… not really good at teaching!”
Kassandra wanted to throw the tea at the wall, and let it shower the workshop with bitterness. But instead she breathed deep, set the cool ceramic cup down, and turned away.
She walked to the edge of the summit, heedless of Shatterhoof’s protests behind her. She sat, and stared down aimlessly, letting her gaze dance between the jagged mountains and their raiment of blooming trees. The sun stood at its zenith, suffusing the cool air with a warmth and light that seemed almost alien to the darkness of Kassandra’s inner uncertainty.
“Mistress Mare-Velous.”
Once more she heard the name, and again felt its strangeness on her mind. Shatterhoof had followed her, and bore a piteous expression on her face. Oddly, she also held something that resembled a golden coil suspended in her magic. “Look… I’m sorry you ended up with me, and not what Shatterhoof was supposed to be written like. I’d teach you anything you wanted, if I knew how! But the truth is that I can’t.”
Kassandra sighed, and glanced out at the trees again. “I’m unafraid of truth, though not immune to disappointment. I suppose I’m guilty of the temptation to think… I would ‘graduate,’ as you say. That some wise pony would tell me when I was ready to fight for ponykind.” She took another long breath. “But perhaps I am the one who must tell myself this. And perhaps, by disappointing me, you have freed me the greater falsehood that ensnared me.”
Shatterhoof grinned from ear to ear. “Oh, amazing! This is turning out just like your canon origin! But I wonder if… ohhhh!”
She vanished with an almighty flash of white light, stunning Kassandra, and leaving her to search about for the missing mare.
Yet the only sign remaining of her was the golden lasso she’d left upon the ground.
Pics
Gonna be honest here mate, this is good.
Like, I don't even have that much to complain about. The only thing is that the transition between scenes for some reason kept making me reread it. Might just be a me thing, though.
In terms of things I like, oh boy. Just the atmosphere of the piece is wonderful. It knows what it wants to be and it doesn't try to be anything else. I also really like how you worked in a moral in such a non-painful way. It just feels natural, and that's a hard thing to do. That the Kassandra isn't able to comprehend Lyra as anything other than Shatterhoof is also a nice touch.
So, basically, good job man. Def my fav as of halfway through reading these.
Like, I don't even have that much to complain about. The only thing is that the transition between scenes for some reason kept making me reread it. Might just be a me thing, though.
In terms of things I like, oh boy. Just the atmosphere of the piece is wonderful. It knows what it wants to be and it doesn't try to be anything else. I also really like how you worked in a moral in such a non-painful way. It just feels natural, and that's a hard thing to do. That the Kassandra isn't able to comprehend Lyra as anything other than Shatterhoof is also a nice touch.
So, basically, good job man. Def my fav as of halfway through reading these.
Lyra forgot to mention that, much like Spider-Man, anyone can be Mistress Mare-Velous.
Something I liked:
While I do like the premise more than the execution itself, this is a pretty baller premise. From what I remember of Lyra's canon persona, this is pretty accurate. Accurate and cute. Bit of a ballsy move to introduce us to the OC before the character we recognize in advance, but Kassandra is surprisingly well-defined for someone who literally only exists within the confines of a four-issue comic. The whole thing is less a deconstruction of superhero origin stories and more of a playful jab, especially with the not-so-subtle joke about superheroes tending to be orphans or rich and or whatever.
Something I didn't like:
Now, I still have to wonder how exactly Lyra got into this situation. Or rather, how she's interacting with a comic book character. It's implied that she's role-playing as a character in her head? But the story reads as if she's been planted in like a virtual reality world, or, God forbid, an isekai scenario, and I'm never sure as to what the author is going for here. If this is Lyra just role-playing then there ought to be some solid indication of this, preferably something used for humor. The closest I can think of is Kassandra ignoring Lyra's fourth-wall-breaking remarks, like she's a video game NPC, but that's about it.
Verdict: This honestly reads better on a second go-around. Might creep up my slate, who knows?
Something I liked:
While I do like the premise more than the execution itself, this is a pretty baller premise. From what I remember of Lyra's canon persona, this is pretty accurate. Accurate and cute. Bit of a ballsy move to introduce us to the OC before the character we recognize in advance, but Kassandra is surprisingly well-defined for someone who literally only exists within the confines of a four-issue comic. The whole thing is less a deconstruction of superhero origin stories and more of a playful jab, especially with the not-so-subtle joke about superheroes tending to be orphans or rich and or whatever.
Something I didn't like:
Now, I still have to wonder how exactly Lyra got into this situation. Or rather, how she's interacting with a comic book character. It's implied that she's role-playing as a character in her head? But the story reads as if she's been planted in like a virtual reality world, or, God forbid, an isekai scenario, and I'm never sure as to what the author is going for here. If this is Lyra just role-playing then there ought to be some solid indication of this, preferably something used for humor. The closest I can think of is Kassandra ignoring Lyra's fourth-wall-breaking remarks, like she's a video game NPC, but that's about it.
Verdict: This honestly reads better on a second go-around. Might creep up my slate, who knows?
Genre: Power Ponies, Assemble!
Thoughts: Who’d have guessed we’d get a fresh take on the Power Ponies (or at least one of them) in 2019?
This is actually a very strong concept. Similar to the S4 episode, it seems like Lyra has been dropped into the PP world via an enchanted comic, and her release is contingent on completing her mission. It’s slightly weird, though, because it’s not made clear until the end that Lyra has a mission, or that she’s trying to work out a way to escape. I think it fits her personality to have her geek out and start punching rocks with the tools that are suddenly dropped into her lap, but I feel like there’s a wasted opportunity to establish the stakes on her end about what she wants/needs to accomplish. Along those same lines, I feel like the scene break isn’t hitting with the kind of impact that it seems to be going for. Yes, it at least presents who Lyra is, sets up who Kassandra is supposed to become, and establishes that we’re in the Power Ponies world. But I almost think that connecting it to what comes after without the break would make for a more natural opportunity to establish the details of the situation.
Beyond that, though, this is tight. I find it surprising but cool how this manages to turn into almost a slice-of-life despite being a superhero’s origin story. I also think it’s neat how “Kassandra” gets developed as an OC before the reveal that she’s actually a canon character (at least relative to Mistress M. being canon to the Power Ponies comic in the MLP-verse), just at an earlier point in her life. I usually try to give bonus points for OCs, but this is like the best of both worlds.
Tier: (All of the stories this round are good)
Thoughts: Who’d have guessed we’d get a fresh take on the Power Ponies (or at least one of them) in 2019?
This is actually a very strong concept. Similar to the S4 episode, it seems like Lyra has been dropped into the PP world via an enchanted comic, and her release is contingent on completing her mission. It’s slightly weird, though, because it’s not made clear until the end that Lyra has a mission, or that she’s trying to work out a way to escape. I think it fits her personality to have her geek out and start punching rocks with the tools that are suddenly dropped into her lap, but I feel like there’s a wasted opportunity to establish the stakes on her end about what she wants/needs to accomplish. Along those same lines, I feel like the scene break isn’t hitting with the kind of impact that it seems to be going for. Yes, it at least presents who Lyra is, sets up who Kassandra is supposed to become, and establishes that we’re in the Power Ponies world. But I almost think that connecting it to what comes after without the break would make for a more natural opportunity to establish the details of the situation.
Beyond that, though, this is tight. I find it surprising but cool how this manages to turn into almost a slice-of-life despite being a superhero’s origin story. I also think it’s neat how “Kassandra” gets developed as an OC before the reveal that she’s actually a canon character (at least relative to Mistress M. being canon to the Power Ponies comic in the MLP-verse), just at an earlier point in her life. I usually try to give bonus points for OCs, but this is like the best of both worlds.
Tier: (All of the stories this round are good)
This is a really creative idea. Like, as soon as I figured out what was going on, I actually laughed out loud at the whole zaniness of it all. Picking Lyra was a great character choice; she fits well here, both in her canon and fanon archetypes, and she really lends the piece a lot of energy.
As much as the story really came together for me when I figured out the premise, though, I think it's worth mentioning that I did struggle with the opening scene in my first read-through. It's very long—almost a third of your wordcount—and the premise of the story is only revealed at the very end of it. That's a long time for the reader to wonder about some really basic questions, like who the story is about and where/when is it set, even before they can think about the conflict and arc. I went from thinking that this is an HIE, to a Fallout Equestria spin-off fic, to a pre-Hearth's Warming story, before I finally got to the reveal. I'm not saying that I'm the most attentive reader, but shifting my gears so many times did take a toll on my ability to pay attention to the story.
During the second scene, there's a similar quirk of pacing, in which not much happens until the very end. We get Kassandra and Lyra playing tug-of-war with the "train me" and "I can't train you" back and forth for a few rounds. While this never gets bad enough that it feels like we're going in circles, I definitely felt that it may have been padded out a bit too much, especially on my second and third reads. And then, without Lyra seemingly having done much at all, Kassandra completes her epiphany/arc, and the conflict is quickly resolved. This makes the pacing feel kinda back-heavy, if you know what I mean.
So overall, I think that this piece has a great heart/core in it, with maybe a little work needed to sort out the logistics. Having a very tight control over the flow of the story is absolutely essential in the 750 minific rounds, and I think a lot of that still carries over to these slightly longer contests. So I think that taking extra effort to plan out when and where you want to use your limited supply of words will really help improve pieces like this.
Thank you for writing!
As much as the story really came together for me when I figured out the premise, though, I think it's worth mentioning that I did struggle with the opening scene in my first read-through. It's very long—almost a third of your wordcount—and the premise of the story is only revealed at the very end of it. That's a long time for the reader to wonder about some really basic questions, like who the story is about and where/when is it set, even before they can think about the conflict and arc. I went from thinking that this is an HIE, to a Fallout Equestria spin-off fic, to a pre-Hearth's Warming story, before I finally got to the reveal. I'm not saying that I'm the most attentive reader, but shifting my gears so many times did take a toll on my ability to pay attention to the story.
During the second scene, there's a similar quirk of pacing, in which not much happens until the very end. We get Kassandra and Lyra playing tug-of-war with the "train me" and "I can't train you" back and forth for a few rounds. While this never gets bad enough that it feels like we're going in circles, I definitely felt that it may have been padded out a bit too much, especially on my second and third reads. And then, without Lyra seemingly having done much at all, Kassandra completes her epiphany/arc, and the conflict is quickly resolved. This makes the pacing feel kinda back-heavy, if you know what I mean.
So overall, I think that this piece has a great heart/core in it, with maybe a little work needed to sort out the logistics. Having a very tight control over the flow of the story is absolutely essential in the 750 minific rounds, and I think a lot of that still carries over to these slightly longer contests. So I think that taking extra effort to plan out when and where you want to use your limited supply of words will really help improve pieces like this.
Thank you for writing!
OMG I think this is the latest retro I’ve ever done. I blame the holiday. Oh, er, right, let me start with:
Actually, let me start by linking you to this glorious image. Then let me link you to this platform game of yore. And finally, let me present the concept that’s been sitting at the top of my idea document for at least a year now:
Don’t ask me why this clicked now versus in innumerable past Writeoffs where I’ve considered it. I got approval to use the picture forever ago, and I’d been toying with the idea even longer. But for whatever reason, this time I opened up my idea doc, looked at the top entry, said “Yep” aloud to no one, and started writing.
I know not everyone liked Power Ponies, but I loved it. The episode itself remains one of my favorites from the series. I’ve also enjoyed the various toys and comics that Hasbro released. I’ve also written two past stories that riffed on the Power Ponies world, one of which started in a past Writeoff, which I even commissioned a truly gonzo piece of art for.
...so you could say that I’m a teensy bit of a fan. ^^
I should also mention my antipathy for the Wolverine: Origins movie from forever ago. I’m far from the most critically-minded movie fan, and I figured that Wolverine: Origins would’ve been an easy home run for me. But it was bad enough to stick in my craw for a decade-plus with its awkward and boring take on an otherwise really fun character. I suppose the good news is that it helped inspire this, so I can’t complain too much!
Last-ish but not least-ish, let me give special thanks to Anon and GGA for their awesome art, and to Bachi for doing a live reading of this on Radio Writeoff! And of course, thanks to everyone who helped propel this to a silver medal!
Oh, and the name “Kassandra” was part of an attempt to connect Mistress Mare-Velous back to the Greekness of Wonder Woman, as WW seems to have inspired MM’s creation. I didn’t have any bright ideas about how to pick a Pony-ish name represent Pony-Greece, though, so I fell back to picking a real-ish Greek name that seemed minimally obtrusive.
>>MLPmatthewl419
Thanks much, man! ^^ And yeah, the break didn’t work as well as I was hoping. Alas; I will have to fix it in post.
>>No_Raisin
If I understand the term correctly, then yes, Power Ponies as a genre is one big Isekai scenario. Either way, there is definitely some weirdness with Kassandra not fully listening to Lyra. I’ll have to fix that in post, too...
>>Bachiavellian
I definitely fretted about the opening scene being so long, but in the end I decided to risk it. I wanted to set the scene and introduce Kassandra pretty much the way I ended up doing it, and I banked on the strength of that carrying the story even though it was “imbalanced” in its scene length.
Though you’re right in pointing out that the second scene isn’t quite firing on all cylinders yet either. It was a situation where I knew what I basically had to do, but it took a bit of goofing around with the text to make it work. But by the time I hit the end, I was very low on writing time & out of word count, so I had to let it ride.
Looks like I have some things to fix in post!! :-p
Retrospectivehoof
Actually, let me start by linking you to this glorious image. Then let me link you to this platform game of yore. And finally, let me present the concept that’s been sitting at the top of my idea document for at least a year now:
“Shatter Hoof”—she’s a supporting character/possible mentor type for a “year one”/origin story for one of the PPs (think like the Wolverine movie)—so maybe it’s set in Pony-Japan or something, and it tries to cast Lyra as the grizzled old mentor-veteran, which of course she isn’t either by experience or temperament
Don’t ask me why this clicked now versus in innumerable past Writeoffs where I’ve considered it. I got approval to use the picture forever ago, and I’d been toying with the idea even longer. But for whatever reason, this time I opened up my idea doc, looked at the top entry, said “Yep” aloud to no one, and started writing.
I know not everyone liked Power Ponies, but I loved it. The episode itself remains one of my favorites from the series. I’ve also enjoyed the various toys and comics that Hasbro released. I’ve also written two past stories that riffed on the Power Ponies world, one of which started in a past Writeoff, which I even commissioned a truly gonzo piece of art for.
...so you could say that I’m a teensy bit of a fan. ^^
I should also mention my antipathy for the Wolverine: Origins movie from forever ago. I’m far from the most critically-minded movie fan, and I figured that Wolverine: Origins would’ve been an easy home run for me. But it was bad enough to stick in my craw for a decade-plus with its awkward and boring take on an otherwise really fun character. I suppose the good news is that it helped inspire this, so I can’t complain too much!
Last-ish but not least-ish, let me give special thanks to Anon and GGA for their awesome art, and to Bachi for doing a live reading of this on Radio Writeoff! And of course, thanks to everyone who helped propel this to a silver medal!
Oh, and the name “Kassandra” was part of an attempt to connect Mistress Mare-Velous back to the Greekness of Wonder Woman, as WW seems to have inspired MM’s creation. I didn’t have any bright ideas about how to pick a Pony-ish name represent Pony-Greece, though, so I fell back to picking a real-ish Greek name that seemed minimally obtrusive.
>>MLPmatthewl419
Thanks much, man! ^^ And yeah, the break didn’t work as well as I was hoping. Alas; I will have to fix it in post.
>>No_Raisin
If I understand the term correctly, then yes, Power Ponies as a genre is one big Isekai scenario. Either way, there is definitely some weirdness with Kassandra not fully listening to Lyra. I’ll have to fix that in post, too...
>>Bachiavellian
I definitely fretted about the opening scene being so long, but in the end I decided to risk it. I wanted to set the scene and introduce Kassandra pretty much the way I ended up doing it, and I banked on the strength of that carrying the story even though it was “imbalanced” in its scene length.
Though you’re right in pointing out that the second scene isn’t quite firing on all cylinders yet either. It was a situation where I knew what I basically had to do, but it took a bit of goofing around with the text to make it work. But by the time I hit the end, I was very low on writing time & out of word count, so I had to let it ride.
Looks like I have some things to fix in post!! :-p