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Inner Strength
Warning: Contains Spoilers for Season 9 Episode 24
“Hurry Up! Hurry Up!” Granny Smith called out. Her knees shook as she proceeded down the hallway. She grunted as she tried to lift the saddlebags on her back.
Big Mac rushed over to his grandmare and helped her get the saddlebags on.
“Whatya pack? Rocks?” Big Mac complained as he hoisted the bag. He hesitated a little before setting down the pack on Granny Smith’s back.
“We may be related to em’ Pies, but this ain’t no rocks!” Granny Smith said with a sneaking wrinkled smile. “Water is probably the heaviest in there. Apples, Machete if we need it, flint and steel...”
Applebloom hopped down the stairs, skipping steps. Big Mac found it a funny habit, something that would make his day every time he saw it. His littlest sister never seemed to run out of energy.
Following her, Sugar Belle ran down the stairs quickly. “I got the camping gear if we need it.” In her magic, she levitated her saddlebags down and slipped it onto her back. "Anything else you need me to get, Granny Smith?"
"Nope, that's everythin'!" Granny Smith waved her hoof toward the front door. “Let’s get a-movin'! Mayor Mare will know what to do.”
“Aren’t we goin' to wait for Applejack?” Applebloom asked.
“She’s busy up in Canterlot with Princess Twilight.” Sugar Belle explained. “She’ll join us in town whenever she’s ready.”
“Don’t worry. Applejack knows how to take care of herself. Ahm sure she’s fine.” Big Mac added, tousling his little sister’s hair.
Sugar Belle horn glowed as she grasped the handle and pulled the door open. Big Mac welcomed that change. Ever since he married Sugar Belle, Sweet Apple Acres had the help of a unicorn. Everywhere he went was a pleasant surprise of how much she knew about magic. Not to mention how much she was helping with the apple harvest this season.
All of them proceeded out the door and stepped onto the dirt path leading out of the picket gate and into the orchards.
As Big Mac closed the door behind them, Applebloom turned to him. “Will everythin' be okay while we’re gone?”
“Eeyup.” Big Mac smiled. He wasn’t sure of the return in and of itself. Dark rumors from several earth ponies from Canterlot had reached their town in a matter of hours. It’d best be something he didn’t tell Applebloom.
They proceeded out the gate to their abode. Big Mac shut the picket gate behind him and sighed. He really hoped that this time wouldn’t be his last.
He stared off at their home, passed down from generation to generation. He knew it would be fine. It had withstood all the years, being the oldest building and foundation of Ponyville itself. He took a step back and sighed. She’d be fine.
He caught up to the others and joined the side of his wife. “You doin' okay?”
“Yes!” Sugar Belle chirped. “Thanks for asking!”
He couldn’t help but smile. Something about her each time made him feel… made him want to be as cheery and optimistic as she was. He was so lucky to have such an amazing mare come into his life.
He turned away his gaze, as he felt his cheeks burning. Even through his red coat, she often pointed out the fact that his face was turning a darker shade of red.
“I don’t like the look of ‘em storm clouds.” Granny Smith observed. “Cloudsdale was sayin' that we were having sunshine today.”
Big Mac looked up. The clouds covered the entire sky. No patch of soft blue sky could be seen. Also, he really didn't want to get rained on.
“Uh oh, that doesn’t look good.” Applebloom gazed upward. Suddenly, she pointed a hoof upward. “What are those white puffy clouds doin' anyways?”
Big Mac followed her line of vision towards the sky. His blood ran cold as the deep winter centuries ago. Up above, he saw ghostly shapes of horses circling like sharks.
“Wendigoes.” Big Mac gulped.
“I thought that was just a myth from Hearth’s Warmin'!” Applebloom said.
“Oh they are real alright! My Grandstallion said his father had seen ‘em ghostly apparitions,” Granny Smith said. “An Apple’s are no liars nor tellers of tall tales!”
"Will we be okay?" Applebloom's voice quivered a little bit.
"We'll be fine! We got friendship!" Sugar Belle said. "Last time I recalled, they don't like the warmth of friendship."
Applebloom skipped toward Sugar Belle's side.
Big Mac's heart warmed just by looking at the sight. He didn't blame Applebloom. Just the sound of Sugar's voice made his anxieties cease.
“We’d better hurry to town though. We don't want to stay here for too long,” Big Mac said. He galloped forward and pointed towards town. “Look! A crowd is already gathering!”
As they approached, the din of chattering ponies grew louder. Big Mac was able to catch a couple exchanges of rumors and concerns going about. Mostly, he listened closely for any clue on how long the Mayor would be.
“Ah, I’m going to have to rest mah poor legs.” Granny Smith sat on her haunches. Big Mac rushed over to her and grabbed her saddlebags. He gently set them down to her side.
“Thank you, Big Mac.” Granny Smith said.
“So, Granny, why is the whole town gathered here?” Applebloom asked as she sat by Granny Smith’s side.
“We need to gather in a safe place as the… uhm… what was it?” Granny Smith scratched her chin. “Oh! We gathered here until the storm passes.”
“We could’ve stayed at the farm for that.” Applebloom said. “We even have a cellar full of apples to last us through winter. Why didn’t we just stay there?”
Applebloom was asking tough questions. Big Mac knew these were the questions that Granny Smith needed to avoid. It wasn’t right keeping Applebloom in the dark. However, it wasn’t the type of thing you’d tell to a filly that Tirek, Chrysalis, and Cozy Glow were on the loose and that Equestria was coming to an end. No, not ever.
Sugar Belle would know what to do. She’d often help Applebloom whenever she had a hard time at school or needed some advice. If the hard questions popped up, she knew a way to get Applebloom to drop it, in a kind, lovely way.
Speaking of Sugar Belle, where was she?
He searched the crowd, calling out, “Sugar Belle? Where are you?”
Thankfully, Ponyville’s population wasn’t as big as Canterlot’s. He spotted her, in a spot near the bridge that led over the stream that flowed through town. A group of ponies had gathered around her, and she spun around as she talked to each one. She darted quickly back and forth between them in a frenzied manner.
As he got closer, he heard pieces of the conversation.
“… has abandoned us, just like the Pegasai…” A mare named Roseluck said.
"Yes, but..." Sugar Belle backed away from the crowd.
“Aren’t you supposed to be going up to Canterlot to join your kind?” Spoiled Rich huffed. “Or are you here to torment us and tell us how earth ponies stink?”
Big Mac’s tightened his jaw. He stepped forward towards the Rich pony. “Y'all have no right to talk to her like that!” He shouted. He didn’t care if Spoiled was the wife of their primary business partner! Besides, doomsday was knocking at their door- at this point, he didn't care what he did anymore.
“Of course, the husband.” A mare rolled her eyes as she stepped forwards. “Do you realize how dangerous her kind can be? They’d take advantage of us the first chance they got!”
“What a load of rubbish!” He shouted back. Before they could respond, he wrapped a hoof over Sugar Belle's shoulder. “C’mon, Sugar, let’s get away from them.”
The crowd shouted at them as they trotted away. The insults and lies hurt, but he knew what was happening. He knew better than to retaliate or give them a piece of his mind.
“Don’t take to heart what they said, Sugar,” Big Mac said. “They’re just scared.”
Sugar Belle didn’t say a word. She didn’t even do as much as nod her head. She kept staring at the ground and trotted slowly by his side.
He guided her towards the bridge over the stream. He looked at her, and stared into those rose-colored eyes. “Sugar Belle?”
Sugar Belle shook her head. She stared down at the gentle rush of water down the stream. He saw her reflection in the water and knew. Just like the time he overdid it in Starlight’s Glimmer’s town. She seemed so disappointed. This time, instead of him being ashamed of himself, it was her taking on the heavy coat of humiliation. She was ashamed of what she was.
He shifted from side to side. His heart pounded. He wanted to fix all her problems, and tell her how he thought of her. But, then again, she would brush away those sweet nothings and still continue to look down at the unicorn staring back at her from the water. He had to learn the hard way that not all problems are meant to be fixed.
He thought about it for a bit, choosing his words carefully. “Sugar Belle, don’t listen to what all the others are saying. You’re better than that.”
She stayed silent and continued to stare at the sad pony in the stream below her. “Maybe they’re right. I don’t belong here. I should join my kind back up at Canterlot.”
“You know, I think you know a story about two ponies who didn’t belong.” Big Mac started. “I don’t like livin' in the past, but it’s good to let the stories of the past teach you.” He pointed to a section of the apple orchard in the distance. “You remember that story, right?”
“Yes.” Sugar Belle said. “Your mother and father’s tree.”
Big Mac approached her side and laid his forelegs over the wall of the bridge. “It’s hard to forget. I chose that spot when I proposed to you for a reason; to honor mom and dad's brave example for us- the both of us. An example that I, their oldest son, promised to remember.”
“That,” ―He tapped his hoof against the wall― “is the very reason why I will stay by your side. My parents were strong enough to follow their path and allow two families to reconcile. We stand on their shoulders, treading the same path, facing the same trials as the same seeds of distrust and fear have been sown.”
He placed his hoof right over hers and looked at her fearful eyes as she turned towards him. “The fact is that we belong together- no lie nor rumor will tell me how ahm supposed to feel about the mare I love.”
“Sugar Belle, you are one of the strongest mares I know. Your strength comes from the inside,” Big Mac added. “You were strong enough to go against Starlight Glimmer and liberate your village. You packed up everything to move here, just to be here for me. For that, I will always be thankful you’ve come into my life.”
Tears welled up in Sugar Belle’s eyes. She came towards him and embraced him. He held her close, feeling her beating heart and quaking body. For the longest time, he just wanted to stay there, and let the world come to an end.
Sugar Belle sniffled as she let go of Big Mac.
“We can join the others when we you are ready,” Big Mac said. "Take your time."
This is sweet. And a good idea based on the last few episodes of the show to show what Sugar Belle went through during the finale. Before I get into it, uh... Psst, you don't need to tag spoilers. Abandon all safety, ye who enter the Writeoff, and all that jazz. Anything's fair game (especially now).
My only real concern about the story is that Sugar Belle is kind of damsel-y? She doesn't involve herself too much in the resolution, mostly just sulking and saying she should maybe be in Canterlot. I dunno, it was weird to me, contrasting her sadness with Big Mac basically fixing everything himself with a big speech. The best way I could describe it is that the conflict starts with her saying "I'm sad", then Big Mac gives a speech, then she says "I'm no longer said." Her contribution felt one-dimensional, I suppose.
That's all I got. It's a simple piece, but it accomplishes what it set out to do. Thanks for writing! And best of luck to you in these trying times.
One last thing:
I like to assume, based on the capitalized M, that Granny's bringing a blu-ray copy of the movie Machete just in case they need to bunker down for a long time. Or, indeed, she's bringing Danny Trejo himself.
Granny knows how to prepare for the worst.
My only real concern about the story is that Sugar Belle is kind of damsel-y? She doesn't involve herself too much in the resolution, mostly just sulking and saying she should maybe be in Canterlot. I dunno, it was weird to me, contrasting her sadness with Big Mac basically fixing everything himself with a big speech. The best way I could describe it is that the conflict starts with her saying "I'm sad", then Big Mac gives a speech, then she says "I'm no longer said." Her contribution felt one-dimensional, I suppose.
That's all I got. It's a simple piece, but it accomplishes what it set out to do. Thanks for writing! And best of luck to you in these trying times.
One last thing:
“Water is probably the heaviest in there. Apples, Machete if we need it, flint and steel...”
I like to assume, based on the capitalized M, that Granny's bringing a blu-ray copy of the movie Machete just in case they need to bunker down for a long time. Or, indeed, she's bringing Danny Trejo himself.
Granny knows how to prepare for the worst.
Genre: Click For “The Power Of Inner Strength” by Grip Inc. — Complete Album [Language Warning]
Thoughts: From the first time I read this story, I felt like there was something I wanted to provide feedback on, but I couldn’t quite place what it was. This has vexed me off and on for a couple days now. I think, though, that I’ve found a passage that helps get me there. I hate to quote whole big blocks at you, but I beg indulgence for a second.
While I hate to pick on this, I feel it’s representative of some not-very-economical prose that ends up peppering the story at various points. The story’s through-line seems to be about Mac feeling & expressing appreciation for Sugar Belle amid difficult circumstances, but there’s a lot of ancillary stuff—including this bit of back-and-forth between AB & GS—that takes up as much (if not more) of the story’s word count. I suspect this comes from a desire to flesh out both the conflict and the situation, which should help build toward the climactic showdown where Mac makes his feelings clear. However, given that the climax is ultimately more of a low-key moment between Mac, Belle, and her tormentors, very little of this setup ends up feeling necessary. Yes, it builds; but what it builds toward doesn’t need quite so much scaffolding, IMO.
The good news, of course, is that it’s probably easier to pare excess content out of a story like this than to have to bolt on some kind of an accompanying B-plot. Though I will say that I’d love to see the ending reach a stronger resolution. Right now, Mac reassures Belle by reiterating his love and appreciation... and then we roll credits. Consider the question of why they’d even want to join up with the rest of the town given that Mac just had to defend her from racist bullies; isn’t it reasonable to think that they might be better off just heading back home, as AB suggests earlier? I’m not saying you have to address that specifically, but I present it as an illustration that there are some unresolved things that could make the story end stronger.
Oh, and >>Miller Minus, I also assumed they were bringing Danny Trejo. This reads completely differently for me now that I realize that was just my personal interpretation. :-p
Tier: Keep Developing
Thoughts: From the first time I read this story, I felt like there was something I wanted to provide feedback on, but I couldn’t quite place what it was. This has vexed me off and on for a couple days now. I think, though, that I’ve found a passage that helps get me there. I hate to quote whole big blocks at you, but I beg indulgence for a second.
“So, Granny, why is the whole town gathered here?” Applebloom asked as she sat by Granny Smith’s side.
“We need to gather in a safe place as the… uhm… what was it?” Granny Smith scratched her chin. “Oh! We gathered here until the storm passes.”
“We could’ve stayed at the farm for that.” Applebloom said. “We even have a cellar full of apples to last us through winter. Why didn’t we just stay there?”
Applebloom was asking tough questions.
While I hate to pick on this, I feel it’s representative of some not-very-economical prose that ends up peppering the story at various points. The story’s through-line seems to be about Mac feeling & expressing appreciation for Sugar Belle amid difficult circumstances, but there’s a lot of ancillary stuff—including this bit of back-and-forth between AB & GS—that takes up as much (if not more) of the story’s word count. I suspect this comes from a desire to flesh out both the conflict and the situation, which should help build toward the climactic showdown where Mac makes his feelings clear. However, given that the climax is ultimately more of a low-key moment between Mac, Belle, and her tormentors, very little of this setup ends up feeling necessary. Yes, it builds; but what it builds toward doesn’t need quite so much scaffolding, IMO.
The good news, of course, is that it’s probably easier to pare excess content out of a story like this than to have to bolt on some kind of an accompanying B-plot. Though I will say that I’d love to see the ending reach a stronger resolution. Right now, Mac reassures Belle by reiterating his love and appreciation... and then we roll credits. Consider the question of why they’d even want to join up with the rest of the town given that Mac just had to defend her from racist bullies; isn’t it reasonable to think that they might be better off just heading back home, as AB suggests earlier? I’m not saying you have to address that specifically, but I present it as an illustration that there are some unresolved things that could make the story end stronger.
Oh, and >>Miller Minus, I also assumed they were bringing Danny Trejo. This reads completely differently for me now that I realize that was just my personal interpretation. :-p
Tier: Keep Developing
This story is short and sweet, but it feels very fluffy even though I don't think it wants to be. Like Coffee said, there are sections that feel like padding, and either removing them or tightening them up would really help this story feel more focused.
More importantly, though, is what Miller said about how Sugar Belle feels damsel-y, because I agree. Big Mac says that Sugar Belle is strong, but I don't see it here right now. I feel like even something as simple as some extra dialogue would help a lot. Maybe she talks about how hard it is to be strong sometimes or how someone in the crowd said something that struck an insecurity of hers, something to make the conflict feel more real.
More importantly, though, is what Miller said about how Sugar Belle feels damsel-y, because I agree. Big Mac says that Sugar Belle is strong, but I don't see it here right now. I feel like even something as simple as some extra dialogue would help a lot. Maybe she talks about how hard it is to be strong sometimes or how someone in the crowd said something that struck an insecurity of hers, something to make the conflict feel more real.
I haven't seen the finale yet so this doesn't quite make sense to me, and maybe that's because there's canon I'm unaware of. If Tirek, who steals magic, is on the rampage, why does it make sense for everyone to gather in one place where all their magic can be stolen at once? Why are ponies suddenly being racist? I mean, Spoiled Rich has always been an asshat, but you'd think that spouting off racist rhetoric toward the wife of one of her husband's greatest business partners would be a thing Filthy would have demanded she not do, a long time ago, for the sake of the business. And then other random ponies doing it as well?
So, assuming that those questions would have been answered by watching the finale, I feel like there isn't much there here; the conflict is that ponies are being racist to Sugar Belle and the resolution is that Big Mac gives her a pep talk. She doesn't do much of anything and to be honest, he doesn't really either; this is more like a scene than a story. That being said, as a scene, it's sweet, and shows Big Mac's emotional strength as well as physical.
Not bad, but needs expansion, I think. But then I usually want to expand everything. :-)
So, assuming that those questions would have been answered by watching the finale, I feel like there isn't much there here; the conflict is that ponies are being racist to Sugar Belle and the resolution is that Big Mac gives her a pep talk. She doesn't do much of anything and to be honest, he doesn't really either; this is more like a scene than a story. That being said, as a scene, it's sweet, and shows Big Mac's emotional strength as well as physical.
Not bad, but needs expansion, I think. But then I usually want to expand everything. :-)
Inner Strength- A Retrospective
Overall, it was a great choice to send into the Writeoff. I got exactly what I needed to spruce this piece up! However, it won't be an easy fix.
>>Miller Minus
>>CoffeeMinion
>>wishcometrue
Who knows? Maybe Danny Trejo will have a cameo!
Jokes aside, I'm sorry for bunching the reply together. My reasoning is that each of these go into the same vein. You'll see what I mean in a second.
Miller points out the fact that Sugar Belle and Mac's interaction is one dimensional. However, wishcometrue has suggested a solution: Sugar Belle has an insecurity that is brought out. Bringing up that plot point would spice the conflict up. Plus, Coffee Suggests that the resolve goes a different direction (to go home instead of towards town), which can add depth and rearrange the structure of the story. (Mac and Sugar talk while going back to the farmhouse).
Coffee goes over the fact that this fic has a lot of scaffolding, with a reiteration from wishcometrue. However, the solution from wishcometrue also allows the scaffolding to be cut and/or tied in. This gets rid of unnecessary wording.
...with that, I kinda have a better idea of where I'm going.
With the synchronized comments, my real question is, are the three of you a hive mind?
Thanks for reviewing!
>>alarajrogers
I saved your comment out of the bunch for two reasons- it goes into a different branch of clarification, and also, it came later than all the others.
Hopefully this first part won't come off as mean. I know it will be terse though:
This is the reason why I put the spoiler warning label up. The ending will be hard to believe, but it does eventually get to the point of almost blatant racism. I'll leave it to you to watch it, it's not my place to spoil any more.
As I said to the other reviewers, yes, this suffers from a one-dimensional plot. I do have an idea of how to fix it though. As for expansion, I'll decline on it, since Coffee said to shorten the scaffolding of the story.
Even though I disagree with most of your statements, your comment was useful to gain another perspective! Thanks for Reviewing!
Verdict
One of my best googies yet, but I'll need to put it on pause. Many other stories are waiting in my lineup.
Overall, it was a great choice to send into the Writeoff. I got exactly what I needed to spruce this piece up! However, it won't be an easy fix.
>>Miller Minus
>>CoffeeMinion
>>wishcometrue
Who knows? Maybe Danny Trejo will have a cameo!
Jokes aside, I'm sorry for bunching the reply together. My reasoning is that each of these go into the same vein. You'll see what I mean in a second.
Miller points out the fact that Sugar Belle and Mac's interaction is one dimensional. However, wishcometrue has suggested a solution: Sugar Belle has an insecurity that is brought out. Bringing up that plot point would spice the conflict up. Plus, Coffee Suggests that the resolve goes a different direction (to go home instead of towards town), which can add depth and rearrange the structure of the story. (Mac and Sugar talk while going back to the farmhouse).
Coffee goes over the fact that this fic has a lot of scaffolding, with a reiteration from wishcometrue. However, the solution from wishcometrue also allows the scaffolding to be cut and/or tied in. This gets rid of unnecessary wording.
...with that, I kinda have a better idea of where I'm going.
With the synchronized comments, my real question is, are the three of you a hive mind?
Thanks for reviewing!
>>alarajrogers
I saved your comment out of the bunch for two reasons- it goes into a different branch of clarification, and also, it came later than all the others.
Hopefully this first part won't come off as mean. I know it will be terse though:
This is the reason why I put the spoiler warning label up. The ending will be hard to believe, but it does eventually get to the point of almost blatant racism. I'll leave it to you to watch it, it's not my place to spoil any more.
As I said to the other reviewers, yes, this suffers from a one-dimensional plot. I do have an idea of how to fix it though. As for expansion, I'll decline on it, since Coffee said to shorten the scaffolding of the story.
Even though I disagree with most of your statements, your comment was useful to gain another perspective! Thanks for Reviewing!
Verdict
One of my best googies yet, but I'll need to put it on pause. Many other stories are waiting in my lineup.