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Basking in the Glow
"Keep it moving, cadets!" cried Scorpia. "You're doing great, trust me!"
The simulation wasn't perfect, but it was more than enough for the moment. The cadets took to enjoying what little rest and relaxation they could get, which in this case meant kicking around a ball in a field of bluish grass. Scorpia stood at the sidelines, preferring to spectate over deflating yet another air-filled ball with her claws. It was a peaceful hour. The cadets were having a good time, and Catra was nowhere to be seen.
Except... Socrpia tried to keep her mind off the fact that Lonnie of all people was sitting this one out.
She'd been like that all day, and slowly it got on Scorpia's nerves. Before the catastrophe that had nearly killed them all, Lonnie was the first to take part in tests of physical strength and vigor, yet today she had been sitting under a tree with dying bluish-brown leaves.
"The heck's gotten into her?" uttered Scorpia.
Feigning boredom, she popped a squat under the tree next to Lonnie.
"So, uh... feel like joining the next round?" ask Scorpia.
"I don't think so." Lonnie kept watching the game, her knees pressed up against her chin.
Scorpia let out an awkward faux-gut laugh. "C'mon, you know you want to!"
Lonnie's nose scrunched up. "You haven't talked to Catra much since Entrapta got sent away, have you." She blinked and looked at Scorpia with almost a sympathetic eye. "When was the last time you talked to her?"
"When I didn't have to? Um..." Scorpia realized she had to think about something. "Must've been... wait... no, that's not it—"
"You don't like her so much anymore," said Lonnie. "Figured."
"I still like her!" she cried defensively. "She's still Catra, after all! She's just—" She sighed. "She's not herself right now. I thought punishing Entrapta would make everything better, at least for her, but I can't remember the last time she said anything nice to me." She tapped her chin. "Was I just imagining all the good times we had together? Because I feel like they happened, but..."
Lonnie's gaze lowered from the playing field to her own feet. "Thinking about Adora so much must've made her crazy."
"Oh, the A-word!" Scorpia's ears seemed to perk up. "That must be it! Catra's gotten so caught up in wanting to beat Adora that she let it get to her! I mean, I don't blame her, the Rebellion's a mean bunch."
"No." Lonnie's eyes appeared as if they'd be watery, if the simulation had been programmed to show such a thing. "I don't think she cares too much about what the Rebellion does, if they end up winning this war or not. And if I'm being honest, I don't care too much either at this point."
"But—" Scorpia couldn't help but guffaw at that. "But the Rebellion are a bunch of treacherous goons! We have to crush them, and... all that stuff." She sounded unsure of herself.
Lonnie looked up, and her mournful gaze met Scorpia's. "Adora was my friend too."
"I mean, yeah." She scratched her head. "But you're at least handling it better than Catra, right?"
"I guess," Lonnie replied. "I think about Adora a lot too, which doesn't make me and Catra so different. I was always there when Adora doubted herself, which was actually more times than I can count. For pretty much our whole lives we were like the best of teammates. Sisters in arms and all that. But I don't think she's ever thought of me, since she became She-Ra. I don't know if I exist to her anymore."
A strange wave of emotion ran through Scorpia's body, and she got the instinctual feeling that she knew what Lonnie meant. "Sounds pretty bad, to lose a friend like that."
"It feels so wrong," said Lonnie. "Part of me wants to win the war, but I just wanna see Adora again. But even if I were to betray the Horde, I don't think she would talk to me like I was anything other than Horde scum." She clenched her fists, as if wanting to hurt herself. "It's not fair."
"No," said Scorpia. "I guess it isn't." She gave Lonnie a sad look. "You gonna be okay?"
"Sure," said Lonnie. "I'll get over it." She kept watching the game, her mind in a different place.
Scorpia left Lonnie by herself and made her way back to the frolicking cadets.
"All right, next round!" she yelled.
The simulation wasn't perfect, but it was more than enough for the moment. The cadets took to enjoying what little rest and relaxation they could get, which in this case meant kicking around a ball in a field of bluish grass. Scorpia stood at the sidelines, preferring to spectate over deflating yet another air-filled ball with her claws. It was a peaceful hour. The cadets were having a good time, and Catra was nowhere to be seen.
Except... Socrpia tried to keep her mind off the fact that Lonnie of all people was sitting this one out.
She'd been like that all day, and slowly it got on Scorpia's nerves. Before the catastrophe that had nearly killed them all, Lonnie was the first to take part in tests of physical strength and vigor, yet today she had been sitting under a tree with dying bluish-brown leaves.
"The heck's gotten into her?" uttered Scorpia.
Feigning boredom, she popped a squat under the tree next to Lonnie.
"So, uh... feel like joining the next round?" ask Scorpia.
"I don't think so." Lonnie kept watching the game, her knees pressed up against her chin.
Scorpia let out an awkward faux-gut laugh. "C'mon, you know you want to!"
Lonnie's nose scrunched up. "You haven't talked to Catra much since Entrapta got sent away, have you." She blinked and looked at Scorpia with almost a sympathetic eye. "When was the last time you talked to her?"
"When I didn't have to? Um..." Scorpia realized she had to think about something. "Must've been... wait... no, that's not it—"
"You don't like her so much anymore," said Lonnie. "Figured."
"I still like her!" she cried defensively. "She's still Catra, after all! She's just—" She sighed. "She's not herself right now. I thought punishing Entrapta would make everything better, at least for her, but I can't remember the last time she said anything nice to me." She tapped her chin. "Was I just imagining all the good times we had together? Because I feel like they happened, but..."
Lonnie's gaze lowered from the playing field to her own feet. "Thinking about Adora so much must've made her crazy."
"Oh, the A-word!" Scorpia's ears seemed to perk up. "That must be it! Catra's gotten so caught up in wanting to beat Adora that she let it get to her! I mean, I don't blame her, the Rebellion's a mean bunch."
"No." Lonnie's eyes appeared as if they'd be watery, if the simulation had been programmed to show such a thing. "I don't think she cares too much about what the Rebellion does, if they end up winning this war or not. And if I'm being honest, I don't care too much either at this point."
"But—" Scorpia couldn't help but guffaw at that. "But the Rebellion are a bunch of treacherous goons! We have to crush them, and... all that stuff." She sounded unsure of herself.
Lonnie looked up, and her mournful gaze met Scorpia's. "Adora was my friend too."
"I mean, yeah." She scratched her head. "But you're at least handling it better than Catra, right?"
"I guess," Lonnie replied. "I think about Adora a lot too, which doesn't make me and Catra so different. I was always there when Adora doubted herself, which was actually more times than I can count. For pretty much our whole lives we were like the best of teammates. Sisters in arms and all that. But I don't think she's ever thought of me, since she became She-Ra. I don't know if I exist to her anymore."
A strange wave of emotion ran through Scorpia's body, and she got the instinctual feeling that she knew what Lonnie meant. "Sounds pretty bad, to lose a friend like that."
"It feels so wrong," said Lonnie. "Part of me wants to win the war, but I just wanna see Adora again. But even if I were to betray the Horde, I don't think she would talk to me like I was anything other than Horde scum." She clenched her fists, as if wanting to hurt herself. "It's not fair."
"No," said Scorpia. "I guess it isn't." She gave Lonnie a sad look. "You gonna be okay?"
"Sure," said Lonnie. "I'll get over it." She kept watching the game, her mind in a different place.
Scorpia left Lonnie by herself and made her way back to the frolicking cadets.
"All right, next round!" she yelled.
Pics
Your mood piece will make a fine addition to my collection.
Something I liked:
Being easily the longest entry of the bunch, this also has the most moving parts. We have Scorpia's conflicted feelings on Catra, Lonnie's conflicted feelings on Adora, and the two kind of talking to each other about their problems. Much like with "The Gardener," this seems like the kind of story that would definitely happen in the wake of season 3, and also like with that entry I admire the emotional complexity of it. Of course it's hard to dislike an entry that has Scorpia as a main character, and she's wonderful to read as always, even though this is really more about Lonnie, who's also nice to see again.
Something I didn't like:
However, seeing as how this is the only entry to reach the word limit, it does have some issues with pacing. I feel like the conversation would be much longer if it were to actually go down, and Scorpia leaves Lonnie behind too abruptly for my taste. The writing also borders on taking heads syndrome, since the much of the descriptive prose is in the first few paragraphs, and then the prose kind of takes a backseat to the dialogue from then on. Definitely an entry that would benefit more from a word count expansion than some of the other entries, which seem much smaller by comparison.
Verdict: Kind of a dense entry, which for the most part works in its favor. I like it.
Something I liked:
Being easily the longest entry of the bunch, this also has the most moving parts. We have Scorpia's conflicted feelings on Catra, Lonnie's conflicted feelings on Adora, and the two kind of talking to each other about their problems. Much like with "The Gardener," this seems like the kind of story that would definitely happen in the wake of season 3, and also like with that entry I admire the emotional complexity of it. Of course it's hard to dislike an entry that has Scorpia as a main character, and she's wonderful to read as always, even though this is really more about Lonnie, who's also nice to see again.
Something I didn't like:
However, seeing as how this is the only entry to reach the word limit, it does have some issues with pacing. I feel like the conversation would be much longer if it were to actually go down, and Scorpia leaves Lonnie behind too abruptly for my taste. The writing also borders on taking heads syndrome, since the much of the descriptive prose is in the first few paragraphs, and then the prose kind of takes a backseat to the dialogue from then on. Definitely an entry that would benefit more from a word count expansion than some of the other entries, which seem much smaller by comparison.
Verdict: Kind of a dense entry, which for the most part works in its favor. I like it.
The prose in this story is about perfect. Good paragraph lengths, tags in all the places I need them, good mix of narration and dialogue for the scene.
The narrative is good. A corporal takes a few minutes to find out what's bothering one of her privates during some down time. No solutions. No action. Just some talking. New to her role (right?), Scorpia doesn't seem to know how to handle this situation. She's trying to help, but all she can do is say a few words. Did she say the right ones? Who knows. We don't get to see part the scene. She seems to retreat pretty quickly as we reach the word count, but I can chalk this up to inexperience. I expect this conversation would continue later as Scorpia grows into her role and become part of her character arc instead of just the mood piece we have here.
Overall, this is a great entry. Thanks, author.
The narrative is good. A corporal takes a few minutes to find out what's bothering one of her privates during some down time. No solutions. No action. Just some talking. New to her role (right?), Scorpia doesn't seem to know how to handle this situation. She's trying to help, but all she can do is say a few words. Did she say the right ones? Who knows. We don't get to see part the scene. She seems to retreat pretty quickly as we reach the word count, but I can chalk this up to inexperience. I expect this conversation would continue later as Scorpia grows into her role and become part of her character arc instead of just the mood piece we have here.
Overall, this is a great entry. Thanks, author.
What a great piece. Lonnie makes a fantastic foil to Catra, as this piece makes perfectly clear, and this piece manages to combine a lovely framing of Catra's mindset with an emotional character piece about two of the best horde soldiers. Like >>No_Raisin, I think this piece feels confined by the word limit, but I think that's because this piece reads more as a proof of concept for the idea of "Lonnie as Catra-foil" than as a full piece in its own right. And I don't really want to discourage that—minific rounds have always been events that welcome experimentation, and this is by all accounts a successful experiment. That the conclusion is "yeah, this idea works and could be a good long-form story idea" shouldn't take away from this piece's strengths.
My only concern, then, is that the piece seems a little too focused on exploring that idea. You know the old addage "show, don't tell?" It's not a bit of advice I'm a fan of, but I think that the more general idea of standing back and letting things speak for themselves is a useful one. In this piece, I'd love to see you step a little bit back from that idea of Lonnie and Catra's similarities: you straight-up have Lonnie say "I think about Adora a lot too, which doesn't make me and Catra so different," after all! The similarities are there; just show them to us, and let them do the talking instead.
Honestly, though, that's nitpicking. This one's top of my slate, after all 😉
My only concern, then, is that the piece seems a little too focused on exploring that idea. You know the old addage "show, don't tell?" It's not a bit of advice I'm a fan of, but I think that the more general idea of standing back and letting things speak for themselves is a useful one. In this piece, I'd love to see you step a little bit back from that idea of Lonnie and Catra's similarities: you straight-up have Lonnie say "I think about Adora a lot too, which doesn't make me and Catra so different," after all! The similarities are there; just show them to us, and let them do the talking instead.
Honestly, though, that's nitpicking. This one's top of my slate, after all 😉
I don't think I've seen a story before that looked at the way Adora's defection affected anyone but Catra. It's interesting to see one where Lonnie misses her, and I like seeing that parallel with Scorpia's feelings toward Catra.
The characterization is good here, with Lonnie being the strong silent type and Scorpia having her usual goofy cluelessness even in a serious situation.
I'd like to see this come to a conclusion, though. We learn about Lonnie, but she comes into the story with this attitude already set, and talking about it doesn't change anything. Scorpia's there as a bit of a foil to draw out Lonnie's admission (it does say something about their relationship that she's willing to tell Scorpia this, and it makes me wonder if this is the author who wrote a Lonnie/Scorpia shipfic a while back). But Scorpia doesn't change either. She hears Lonnie's story, but then doesn't end up helping her at all. She just goes back to the game and basically ignores what she's heard.
The characterization is good here, with Lonnie being the strong silent type and Scorpia having her usual goofy cluelessness even in a serious situation.
I'd like to see this come to a conclusion, though. We learn about Lonnie, but she comes into the story with this attitude already set, and talking about it doesn't change anything. Scorpia's there as a bit of a foil to draw out Lonnie's admission (it does say something about their relationship that she's willing to tell Scorpia this, and it makes me wonder if this is the author who wrote a Lonnie/Scorpia shipfic a while back). But Scorpia doesn't change either. She hears Lonnie's story, but then doesn't end up helping her at all. She just goes back to the game and basically ignores what she's heard.