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Nerd for a Day
“Lana will dress up as a nerd!” Kelsey shouted.
All the buildup in Lana dissipated. A few moments ago, she couldn't wait for it, getting ready for the big reveal. Only, it came down to nothing.
“A week?” Lana let out a nervous laugh, like one from the nerd counterparts they were referencing, only without the cracky voice and obnoxious nasal tone. Or, whatever Kelsey was going for. Even with the grace Lana mustered, the laugh rang out, and was choked out by the silence.
Kelsey cowered back into her chair- the one she surged upward from just moments ago to proclaim her idea. She buried her face in her hands.
Kelsey had a epiphany while in sixth period. They were each reading through Romeo and Juliet, taking turns, when Kelsey paused on her turn. It was during the scene whe they showed up in disguises. Lana asked what she was thinking about all about after class. With an excited look in her eye, she said “I know how we can catch Leroy's attention!”
Lana gathered herself and hopped down from the podium. She held out a placated hand towards her leader. “C'mon Kelsey, I know you can help me to get Leroy's attention, but a nerd ploy isn't going to cut it.”
Kelsey reached out to Lana, took her friend’s hand, then stood up.
“Speech, if I might ask?” Lana requested.
Kelsey nodded slightly.
Lana looked around to all the faces in the crowd. “Fellow Debate members! Our Leader has spoken! We all know of our persuasive skillset, and we can use that to our advantage! Her nerd idea isn't far off! I suggest that we all dress up nerdy er...-like! To show our school spirit!”
A few voices whispered around the group. Some voicing out their concerns. One raised their hand.
“Yes, Keaton?” Lana pointed to him.
“That sounds like a great idea, however, don't you think the school is going to find something strange about all of us dressing up as something we aren't?” Keaton said. His eyes shifted and a slight pause, a sign that he was nervous to speak his mind. “We aren't completely sure this is how we are going to get Leroy's attention?”
“I know his likes and dislikes… from someone on the inside.” Lana winked at a girl in the crowd. “Suffices to say, anyone who shows school spirit and pride is a good cookie in Principal Leroy's book.”
“This team seems to be mostly invisible, since we are a middle class,” Kelsey explained. Everyone knew it. The most notable of some groups were the Anime, Dungeons and Dragons clubs. On the opposite side of the spectrum, the Football team.
"Are you sure we want this type of attention?" The girl that Lana winked at pushed her way out of the crowd. "Lana has piqued some interest in this club at the school, which is a new dynamic for us- We can debate whether it's good or bad later.” Another member stated. The girl that Lana winked at pushed her way out of the crowd and marched towards Lana. She pointed a finger of judgement towards Lana’s collarbone. “I think you aren't doing it for the good of the team, little miss here just wants more trophies to hang on her wall!”
“You’ve made a point, Lily. I like my reputation.” Lana stated, calmly stepping back. She took a deep breath and reassured her position. “However, I know my intentions are pure, I'm not trying to climb up the pecking order!”
Kelsey stepped in between them. “Lily, Lana is right. Yes, it seems to me that this is a double-edged sword. A ‘you scratch my back and I will scratch yours’ situation. But, we have this as any other chance to make our mark.” She pointed upward. “WHO’S WITH ME! VALKYRIE DEBATE-!”
"HOLD IT!" Another member interrupted. He plowed towards the middle. "Don't you think the other clubs might find this derogatory?"
"Once they know why we are doing it, they'll respect our aim to bring attention to the VDA." Lana said.
"Wait." Another boy said, raising his hand.
"Yes, Keaton?" Lana asked.
Keaton weaved his way towards the middle. “Can we make it just a day? A week is kinda stretching it…”
Kelsey and Lana met eye to eye. They both smiled in unison. They knew what each other were thinking.
“All those in favor of a week, raise your hand.” Kelsey scanned the room. No hands were raised.
“All those in favor of a day, raise your hand.” Lana counted the hands raised. Eagerly, Keaton hopped up and down with two hands raised.
“Notioned carried.” Kelsey noted. She glanced to Lana and said “This time I'll have Lana do it, so there aren't any interruptions…”
Keaton shrugged with a cheesy grin on his face, his eyes darting from one team member to another.
Lana stood up on a podium “Valkyrie Debate Association!” She cheered.
“V-D-A!” The team’s bellow shook the ground.
Once she left the room, Lana felt a pit form in her stomach. Now came the hard part, to see if they can actually pull it off. Note to self, do not, under any circumstance, say to the Debate team, that words meant nothing until put into action. She remembered one kid tried that after a debate that didn't go so well. He was never heard from or seen again. Or at least, not talked to for a couple of days. Keaton learned his lesson then and there.
As she walked under the colors of silver and blue under the commons, she heard rushing footsteps coming towards her.
“Way to show some Valkyrie pride!” Kelsey huffed and puffed. She crouched down and set her hands on her thighs. “Heh, one min- Heh..one minute, need toooo, Heh...catch my breath!”
Lana rolled her eyes. “Oh, is the volleyball girl out of breath?”
Kelsey’s heavy breathing stopped. Lana had a concerned look on her face. Was Kelsey about to faint?
Kelsey popped her head up. With a flicker of mischief in her eye, she bolted for the door “Gotcha! Race you to the flagpole!”
“Oh no you don't!” She took of into a run, shot through the doors into the cool evening air.
The lights up ahead marked the flagpole, casting a gloss over the metal. Next to it, was a statue of an angel, garbed in intricate armor with flowing silk. It was a wonder of artistry, somehow, a kid created this one year for their senior project. If the stone silk was as soft as it looked, Lana would've snuggled in it.
“Beat ‘cha!” Kelsey said in a sing song voice, emphasizing the ‘cha’.
Lana stuck out her tongue and blew a raspberry. “I gotta get in better shape.” Lana said, hoping to inflate Kelsey's ego. Lana found it amusing when Kelsey did stupid things when she felt bold. Besides, Lana felt a rush of energy coming over her.
Kelsey shook her head. “You need to stop-”
Lana sprinted towards her car. Once she reached the door, she looked back, expecting to see Kelsey in pursuit.
Kelsey walked casually. “Do it once, call it a joke, do it twice, call me a fool.”
Once Kelsey reached her car, Kelsey sighed “I saw you turning in a paper to the office,”
Lana’s eyes darted around. Usually, she could turn in a scholarship application form without notice. But now, her pastime activities were surveillanced by her friends, especially Kelsey. She whipped up a quick excuse. “Gotta be Well-rounded, right?” Lana flinched as she realized how funny it sounded.
“Can I be candid with you?” Kelsey asked.
Lana caught that she was using a method from the Debate team. Something to diffuse the situation, while cutting to the core of the argument. “Sure,” Lana said.
“Can you not be so a go-getter? It may sound disheartening, but you are starting to rub the others the wrong way.” Kelsey opened her car door. “Lily is the beginning."
Lana grimaced. Why did Kelsey have to play Devil’s advocate? Lily was naturally skeptical. Maybe she was right. The newfound attention may have been working it's slippery magic. She didn't want to die a nobody, but that could've twisted it's ugly head and transform into an untamed hunger for attention.
A smiled formed as she was reeled back to a reassuring thought. A simple mantra: I don't need popularity, I have my friends. Lana stoutly formed her reply “Kelsey, I'm doing this for the VDA, not me,”
“Just stop and smell the roses sometime, Okay?” Kelsey said.
“Okay.” Lana pointed to her noggin.
Kelsey closed the door, started the car and drove away.
Lana studied the statue again and smiled. Even at a distance, it was beautiful. She crossed off Kelsey’s suggestion in her head “There! Done!” she noted to herself as she climbed into the driver's seat.
A week later...
“Dad, can I borrow these?” Lana held up a pair of glasses.
Her dad gave her a quizzical look. “Why do you need them? They're Bifocals.”
“We are having a spirit week at school, I need to borrow them for a costume.”
“Try mom’s reading glasses.” he suggested.
Lana ran up the stairs.
“Uhn-Ah! Wait ‘til she gets home.” Dad interjected.
Lana grumbled. Making a beeline to her room, spying on her brother on the way. As usual, he was fiddling with his Rubik's cube.
Once in the door, she flopped on her Hello Kitty bed and waved out her smartphone. Her frown shifted to a soft smile as she typed away Hoping on the group text, she texted ‘Everyone Hyped for Tomorrow?!’
A flood of yeses came surging through. Some of them complained a little bit about how their phones exploded.
She texted ‘Lol’ with an emoji sticking its tongue out. Then swerving to private messaging, she texted Lily ‘How's it spreading?’
Her phone chimed a few seconds later. She read ‘Yes your highness. Your royal decree is now in the realms of Facebook, Instagram, now taking over the vassalage of Twitter.’
Lily was the expert in spreading news-sometimes gossip. though she didn't do much of the gossip. That made her an incredible asset to the Debate team. She knew a lot about people's personal lives. Though she wouldn't go spreading it will-nilly. If you wanted information, you needed to bribe her, otherwise she was sealed as tight a drum, and she kept it that way.
Lana bounded off her bed and took a peak in the closet. Searching through the far corner of her exile shirts, she found it: the sweater she knitted in 7th grade. She pulled it from the rack. Trying not to grimace, she folded the mismatched purple and red sweater and set it on her desk.
One more thing. She pulled out a roll of duct tape from her desk drawer and set it on the sweater in anticipation.
Her phone chimed. Pulled to it like a cow in a tractor beam, she hovered towards the device and started sifting through the texts in the group chat.
It was official. The Principle announced ‘VDA day is tomorrow! Dress up nerdy! Glasses are 5 dollars or feel free to bring your own! Pay 1 dollar up front to support the VDA!’
She heard the garage door opening. Hurrying downstairs, she heard her Mother call “Come help with the Groceries!”
“Mom!” She shouted.
“What is it Lana?” Her mother tugged at four plastic bags.
“Can I borrow your reading glasses?” Lana asked, giddy in her steps.
Mom moved past her and into the kitchen to set the bags down. “Yes you can. But what for?”
Dad hurried down the stairs. His voice retreating, he explained “Her school is doing a VDA day, where they dress up nerdy just for the day.”
“Wow Dad! I didn't know that you payed attention to those posts!” A voice sounded from the flight of stairs above them.
“You forget, us oldies tend to hover around Facebook every now and then." Dad shouted from the garage.
“Well in that case, ask your brother, his glasses should do.” Mom leaned down to whisper in Lana's ear. “He fits the bill better than any of us!”
“Hey! I heard that!” The voice from the upstairs said. He swerved around the corner, rubik's cube in hand, twisting and turning it every which way with one hand. “Lana should've got glasses like the rest of us.”
“My mistake. I like my Contacts lenses, thank you very much!” She sassed back.
“Stop Dilly-dallying and get the rest inside!” Dad came hauling in eight bags of groceries four bags each clasped in his hands and wrists.
Mom started towards the Kitchen “I'll start making dinner.”
Lana was about ready to turn in. After wrestling with her brother after dinner, she finally got his glasses.
She wrapped a thin piece of duct tape around the bridge, in between the eyes. Calling it good, she hopped into bed then tapped away on her phone. She was winding down and ending conversations in the texts.
‘ready for tomorrow, Kel?’ she typed.
‘Ready!’ she received back.
‘Okay! Goodnight!’ Her head hit the Hello Kitty’s tummy as she curled up to rest.
Her sweater was as itch as she remembered. Thankfully, it was just a day.
She entered the doors of the building, finding three plastic folding tables set up. Three members of the Debate team attended the tables, putting on wristbands.
She pushed her glasses up, then in a nasally voice she could muster. “One please!”
She dropped her dollar into the slot as Lily put a wristband on her. “Don't get too carried away.”
“I won’t!” Lana skipped towards the display that the team worked on the previous week.at first, it was blurry, the. She took off her glasses and read.
It said ‘Why support the VDA?’ It listed all the good reasons from ‘Help the foundation of kids working for a brighter future’ to ‘learn service skills that will aid you as you help support society’. One of her all time favorites was emboldened “Make new friends!”
She looked to the bustling crowds of students, many glasses in the sea of people. Of only more projects of these brought more and more together.
She read the banner in from of the auditorium, a light gray banner with blue lettering ‘VDA Assembly Today!’
She reached for her phone and took a picture of it.
Suddenly, she heard a voice behind her “Lana?”
She turned around, and put the phone in her pocket.
“Hey Keaton!”
He waved. “Hey! Er- excited for today?”
“Yep!” She sprung on her tippy-toes.
He scratched the back of his neck, “You-uh went really all out today.” He gulped. “I didn't recognize you at first.”
“Oh, no makeup?” She patted her soft, unadulterated face. “Heh, it's to play tricks on Leroy. I'll hide out until the assembly,”
“Gotcha.” Keaton said. “You know, if it weren't for Lily, I would be lost finding you also.”
“She knows what I look like without my makeup,” Lana explained. “There are a couple times I’ve been caught without it.”
The bell rang. Five minutes of warning. Lana pushed her glasses back on the bridge of her nose and took to her way down the hall. “Gotta run! See you after class, pretty boy!”
“Wait… wha-?”
Lana booked it to her first period.
Time passed slowly as the last few minutes of the period ended. Her teacher stood up and broke the silence.
Or, what the silence was. A couple of pencils stopped their scraping against the paper. Mrs. Diederich started “Okay, everyone to the assembly!”
The classes left the room in flocks, as the glint of eyeglasses shone before her like sparkles in a fairy tale. Nothing like a job well done.
As the spectacles took their seats in the auditorium, they focused on the stage, where the Principal spoke into the mic. At first no sound except a the din of students chattering about.
“Testing, Testing!” The speakers boomed.
Many students covered their ear and embellishing the screech of the speakers with their groanings.
When the speaker came to a manageable volume, the Principle affirmed “Alright, we’re good now.” He turned to the audience “Please take your seats, we’ll start in a minute.”
Kelsey took a seat to the left of her. “You are ready to shine?”
“Lights! Camera! Glasses!” She said, pulling out her phone, she handed it to Kelsey. Kelsey started with a funny face and took a picture with Lana’s phone.
The Principal got up and started. “Thanks to the Technicians, we got the volume just right. Special thanks to them! Give them a round of applause!”
The crowd roared.
“Well, Happy Vision Diability Awareness Day!”
Before he could finish the next sentence, the school cheered.
“I love your Valkyrie Pride! But please hold your applause.” He pivoted suddenly “Just kidding! Give yourself some applause to the finest set of young people anyone has ever seen!”
The school cheered louder.
“Thanks to you, We raised over one thousand dollars to give to the Charity for Finer Vision!” He was interrupted yet again, with a minor look of annoyance in his face. It melted as soon as he started again. “Now, this wasn't brought to my attention until one young lady had the vision- Heh. pun not intended. To introduce me to the idea. Originally, we were going to make it a dance, called ‘Glass Masquerade’ but we decided to settle with this name. VDA!
“A girl in this school has been working hard, you know her around the class, but mostly, what amazes me beyond anything, is that she will work quietly through her peers, understanding that nothing can be accomplished without teamwork. Now, to quit my babbling, I invite Lana Svenson to come up and claim her scholarship!”
The crowd cheered the loudest when she walked up towards the stage. Butterflies in her stomach wriggled around while her feet floated on air. She immediately regretted not putting on makeup that morning. But either way, it was supposed to add to her disguise.
She got up on the stage. The crew handed her a cardboard ballot, while the Principal
Held the microphone.
She stuttered a little, “T-thank you evrryone… I-I d-don't know what to say,” A rush of adrenaline coursed through her veins, making it hard to speak. The cardboard ballot shuddered as her hands grew clammy.
She paused, scanning the massive crowd. Looking for anything to root onto. Then, she spotted Lily’s face. In her chair, Lily obviously looked disinterested. Lana smirked. She knew just what to say to prove Lily wrong. She started “I know it may seem like I've been chasing the dollar with these scholarships, or trying my best to stay on Principal Leroy’s good side.”
A glance from him with a hearty laugh made her sure she was on the right path “Here I am, chasing dreams, when I've come across something more precious.” She looked to Principal Leroy. “With the Principal’s permission, I would like to invite twenty-seven students on stage."
Principal Leroy smiled. If he were speaking into a mic, then the school would hear him say “As you wish, this is your ball.”
“I would like to invite the members of the Valkyrie Debate Association to come up!”
As the group filed in to the stage, each one with a look of excitement, shock, or a mix of both took their rightful place.
The crowd cheered. But, not any cheer, it felt close to home. A distant memory resurfaced.
Short and sweet, Lana thought to herself. Short and sweet. “When I was younger, I felt like a face in the crowd. One in seven billion. Just like how you are wearing glasses, I only saw what was in front of me, and only through a small window. But, when an outgoing person found me, the encouraged me, prodded me to join their club.” Lana snickered. “Let’s just say that their club was very persuasive!”
Everyone laughed. Lana looked to Keaton, red faced from trying to hold his composure, then to Kelsey, who didn't bother to hide it. Even to Lily, she was smiling.
“Take off your glasses, even if they are prescription!” Lana instructed.
The sea shifted and flowed as they took off their glasses.
“This is the big picture, and it gets even bigger when you make a friend. We have this gift of vision, and others need our vision and ideas to see the bigger picture! So, I challenge you, make a friend today, expand your horizons! ”
Lana looked to all her teammates, and clapped. The audience followed.
Kelsey popped a phone up and took a picture. Lana knew it well, her Cat cover on the front of it.
A new picture was captured. With it, a new memory.
All the buildup in Lana dissipated. A few moments ago, she couldn't wait for it, getting ready for the big reveal. Only, it came down to nothing.
“A week?” Lana let out a nervous laugh, like one from the nerd counterparts they were referencing, only without the cracky voice and obnoxious nasal tone. Or, whatever Kelsey was going for. Even with the grace Lana mustered, the laugh rang out, and was choked out by the silence.
Kelsey cowered back into her chair- the one she surged upward from just moments ago to proclaim her idea. She buried her face in her hands.
Kelsey had a epiphany while in sixth period. They were each reading through Romeo and Juliet, taking turns, when Kelsey paused on her turn. It was during the scene whe they showed up in disguises. Lana asked what she was thinking about all about after class. With an excited look in her eye, she said “I know how we can catch Leroy's attention!”
Lana gathered herself and hopped down from the podium. She held out a placated hand towards her leader. “C'mon Kelsey, I know you can help me to get Leroy's attention, but a nerd ploy isn't going to cut it.”
Kelsey reached out to Lana, took her friend’s hand, then stood up.
“Speech, if I might ask?” Lana requested.
Kelsey nodded slightly.
Lana looked around to all the faces in the crowd. “Fellow Debate members! Our Leader has spoken! We all know of our persuasive skillset, and we can use that to our advantage! Her nerd idea isn't far off! I suggest that we all dress up nerdy er...-like! To show our school spirit!”
A few voices whispered around the group. Some voicing out their concerns. One raised their hand.
“Yes, Keaton?” Lana pointed to him.
“That sounds like a great idea, however, don't you think the school is going to find something strange about all of us dressing up as something we aren't?” Keaton said. His eyes shifted and a slight pause, a sign that he was nervous to speak his mind. “We aren't completely sure this is how we are going to get Leroy's attention?”
“I know his likes and dislikes… from someone on the inside.” Lana winked at a girl in the crowd. “Suffices to say, anyone who shows school spirit and pride is a good cookie in Principal Leroy's book.”
“This team seems to be mostly invisible, since we are a middle class,” Kelsey explained. Everyone knew it. The most notable of some groups were the Anime, Dungeons and Dragons clubs. On the opposite side of the spectrum, the Football team.
"Are you sure we want this type of attention?" The girl that Lana winked at pushed her way out of the crowd. "Lana has piqued some interest in this club at the school, which is a new dynamic for us- We can debate whether it's good or bad later.” Another member stated. The girl that Lana winked at pushed her way out of the crowd and marched towards Lana. She pointed a finger of judgement towards Lana’s collarbone. “I think you aren't doing it for the good of the team, little miss here just wants more trophies to hang on her wall!”
“You’ve made a point, Lily. I like my reputation.” Lana stated, calmly stepping back. She took a deep breath and reassured her position. “However, I know my intentions are pure, I'm not trying to climb up the pecking order!”
Kelsey stepped in between them. “Lily, Lana is right. Yes, it seems to me that this is a double-edged sword. A ‘you scratch my back and I will scratch yours’ situation. But, we have this as any other chance to make our mark.” She pointed upward. “WHO’S WITH ME! VALKYRIE DEBATE-!”
"HOLD IT!" Another member interrupted. He plowed towards the middle. "Don't you think the other clubs might find this derogatory?"
"Once they know why we are doing it, they'll respect our aim to bring attention to the VDA." Lana said.
"Wait." Another boy said, raising his hand.
"Yes, Keaton?" Lana asked.
Keaton weaved his way towards the middle. “Can we make it just a day? A week is kinda stretching it…”
Kelsey and Lana met eye to eye. They both smiled in unison. They knew what each other were thinking.
“All those in favor of a week, raise your hand.” Kelsey scanned the room. No hands were raised.
“All those in favor of a day, raise your hand.” Lana counted the hands raised. Eagerly, Keaton hopped up and down with two hands raised.
“Notioned carried.” Kelsey noted. She glanced to Lana and said “This time I'll have Lana do it, so there aren't any interruptions…”
Keaton shrugged with a cheesy grin on his face, his eyes darting from one team member to another.
Lana stood up on a podium “Valkyrie Debate Association!” She cheered.
“V-D-A!” The team’s bellow shook the ground.
Once she left the room, Lana felt a pit form in her stomach. Now came the hard part, to see if they can actually pull it off. Note to self, do not, under any circumstance, say to the Debate team, that words meant nothing until put into action. She remembered one kid tried that after a debate that didn't go so well. He was never heard from or seen again. Or at least, not talked to for a couple of days. Keaton learned his lesson then and there.
As she walked under the colors of silver and blue under the commons, she heard rushing footsteps coming towards her.
“Way to show some Valkyrie pride!” Kelsey huffed and puffed. She crouched down and set her hands on her thighs. “Heh, one min- Heh..one minute, need toooo, Heh...catch my breath!”
Lana rolled her eyes. “Oh, is the volleyball girl out of breath?”
Kelsey’s heavy breathing stopped. Lana had a concerned look on her face. Was Kelsey about to faint?
Kelsey popped her head up. With a flicker of mischief in her eye, she bolted for the door “Gotcha! Race you to the flagpole!”
“Oh no you don't!” She took of into a run, shot through the doors into the cool evening air.
The lights up ahead marked the flagpole, casting a gloss over the metal. Next to it, was a statue of an angel, garbed in intricate armor with flowing silk. It was a wonder of artistry, somehow, a kid created this one year for their senior project. If the stone silk was as soft as it looked, Lana would've snuggled in it.
“Beat ‘cha!” Kelsey said in a sing song voice, emphasizing the ‘cha’.
Lana stuck out her tongue and blew a raspberry. “I gotta get in better shape.” Lana said, hoping to inflate Kelsey's ego. Lana found it amusing when Kelsey did stupid things when she felt bold. Besides, Lana felt a rush of energy coming over her.
Kelsey shook her head. “You need to stop-”
Lana sprinted towards her car. Once she reached the door, she looked back, expecting to see Kelsey in pursuit.
Kelsey walked casually. “Do it once, call it a joke, do it twice, call me a fool.”
Once Kelsey reached her car, Kelsey sighed “I saw you turning in a paper to the office,”
Lana’s eyes darted around. Usually, she could turn in a scholarship application form without notice. But now, her pastime activities were surveillanced by her friends, especially Kelsey. She whipped up a quick excuse. “Gotta be Well-rounded, right?” Lana flinched as she realized how funny it sounded.
“Can I be candid with you?” Kelsey asked.
Lana caught that she was using a method from the Debate team. Something to diffuse the situation, while cutting to the core of the argument. “Sure,” Lana said.
“Can you not be so a go-getter? It may sound disheartening, but you are starting to rub the others the wrong way.” Kelsey opened her car door. “Lily is the beginning."
Lana grimaced. Why did Kelsey have to play Devil’s advocate? Lily was naturally skeptical. Maybe she was right. The newfound attention may have been working it's slippery magic. She didn't want to die a nobody, but that could've twisted it's ugly head and transform into an untamed hunger for attention.
A smiled formed as she was reeled back to a reassuring thought. A simple mantra: I don't need popularity, I have my friends. Lana stoutly formed her reply “Kelsey, I'm doing this for the VDA, not me,”
“Just stop and smell the roses sometime, Okay?” Kelsey said.
“Okay.” Lana pointed to her noggin.
Kelsey closed the door, started the car and drove away.
Lana studied the statue again and smiled. Even at a distance, it was beautiful. She crossed off Kelsey’s suggestion in her head “There! Done!” she noted to herself as she climbed into the driver's seat.
A week later...
“Dad, can I borrow these?” Lana held up a pair of glasses.
Her dad gave her a quizzical look. “Why do you need them? They're Bifocals.”
“We are having a spirit week at school, I need to borrow them for a costume.”
“Try mom’s reading glasses.” he suggested.
Lana ran up the stairs.
“Uhn-Ah! Wait ‘til she gets home.” Dad interjected.
Lana grumbled. Making a beeline to her room, spying on her brother on the way. As usual, he was fiddling with his Rubik's cube.
Once in the door, she flopped on her Hello Kitty bed and waved out her smartphone. Her frown shifted to a soft smile as she typed away Hoping on the group text, she texted ‘Everyone Hyped for Tomorrow?!’
A flood of yeses came surging through. Some of them complained a little bit about how their phones exploded.
She texted ‘Lol’ with an emoji sticking its tongue out. Then swerving to private messaging, she texted Lily ‘How's it spreading?’
Her phone chimed a few seconds later. She read ‘Yes your highness. Your royal decree is now in the realms of Facebook, Instagram, now taking over the vassalage of Twitter.’
Lily was the expert in spreading news-sometimes gossip. though she didn't do much of the gossip. That made her an incredible asset to the Debate team. She knew a lot about people's personal lives. Though she wouldn't go spreading it will-nilly. If you wanted information, you needed to bribe her, otherwise she was sealed as tight a drum, and she kept it that way.
Lana bounded off her bed and took a peak in the closet. Searching through the far corner of her exile shirts, she found it: the sweater she knitted in 7th grade. She pulled it from the rack. Trying not to grimace, she folded the mismatched purple and red sweater and set it on her desk.
One more thing. She pulled out a roll of duct tape from her desk drawer and set it on the sweater in anticipation.
Her phone chimed. Pulled to it like a cow in a tractor beam, she hovered towards the device and started sifting through the texts in the group chat.
It was official. The Principle announced ‘VDA day is tomorrow! Dress up nerdy! Glasses are 5 dollars or feel free to bring your own! Pay 1 dollar up front to support the VDA!’
She heard the garage door opening. Hurrying downstairs, she heard her Mother call “Come help with the Groceries!”
“Mom!” She shouted.
“What is it Lana?” Her mother tugged at four plastic bags.
“Can I borrow your reading glasses?” Lana asked, giddy in her steps.
Mom moved past her and into the kitchen to set the bags down. “Yes you can. But what for?”
Dad hurried down the stairs. His voice retreating, he explained “Her school is doing a VDA day, where they dress up nerdy just for the day.”
“Wow Dad! I didn't know that you payed attention to those posts!” A voice sounded from the flight of stairs above them.
“You forget, us oldies tend to hover around Facebook every now and then." Dad shouted from the garage.
“Well in that case, ask your brother, his glasses should do.” Mom leaned down to whisper in Lana's ear. “He fits the bill better than any of us!”
“Hey! I heard that!” The voice from the upstairs said. He swerved around the corner, rubik's cube in hand, twisting and turning it every which way with one hand. “Lana should've got glasses like the rest of us.”
“My mistake. I like my Contacts lenses, thank you very much!” She sassed back.
“Stop Dilly-dallying and get the rest inside!” Dad came hauling in eight bags of groceries four bags each clasped in his hands and wrists.
Mom started towards the Kitchen “I'll start making dinner.”
Lana was about ready to turn in. After wrestling with her brother after dinner, she finally got his glasses.
She wrapped a thin piece of duct tape around the bridge, in between the eyes. Calling it good, she hopped into bed then tapped away on her phone. She was winding down and ending conversations in the texts.
‘ready for tomorrow, Kel?’ she typed.
‘Ready!’ she received back.
‘Okay! Goodnight!’ Her head hit the Hello Kitty’s tummy as she curled up to rest.
Her sweater was as itch as she remembered. Thankfully, it was just a day.
She entered the doors of the building, finding three plastic folding tables set up. Three members of the Debate team attended the tables, putting on wristbands.
She pushed her glasses up, then in a nasally voice she could muster. “One please!”
She dropped her dollar into the slot as Lily put a wristband on her. “Don't get too carried away.”
“I won’t!” Lana skipped towards the display that the team worked on the previous week.at first, it was blurry, the. She took off her glasses and read.
It said ‘Why support the VDA?’ It listed all the good reasons from ‘Help the foundation of kids working for a brighter future’ to ‘learn service skills that will aid you as you help support society’. One of her all time favorites was emboldened “Make new friends!”
She looked to the bustling crowds of students, many glasses in the sea of people. Of only more projects of these brought more and more together.
She read the banner in from of the auditorium, a light gray banner with blue lettering ‘VDA Assembly Today!’
She reached for her phone and took a picture of it.
Suddenly, she heard a voice behind her “Lana?”
She turned around, and put the phone in her pocket.
“Hey Keaton!”
He waved. “Hey! Er- excited for today?”
“Yep!” She sprung on her tippy-toes.
He scratched the back of his neck, “You-uh went really all out today.” He gulped. “I didn't recognize you at first.”
“Oh, no makeup?” She patted her soft, unadulterated face. “Heh, it's to play tricks on Leroy. I'll hide out until the assembly,”
“Gotcha.” Keaton said. “You know, if it weren't for Lily, I would be lost finding you also.”
“She knows what I look like without my makeup,” Lana explained. “There are a couple times I’ve been caught without it.”
The bell rang. Five minutes of warning. Lana pushed her glasses back on the bridge of her nose and took to her way down the hall. “Gotta run! See you after class, pretty boy!”
“Wait… wha-?”
Lana booked it to her first period.
Time passed slowly as the last few minutes of the period ended. Her teacher stood up and broke the silence.
Or, what the silence was. A couple of pencils stopped their scraping against the paper. Mrs. Diederich started “Okay, everyone to the assembly!”
The classes left the room in flocks, as the glint of eyeglasses shone before her like sparkles in a fairy tale. Nothing like a job well done.
As the spectacles took their seats in the auditorium, they focused on the stage, where the Principal spoke into the mic. At first no sound except a the din of students chattering about.
“Testing, Testing!” The speakers boomed.
Many students covered their ear and embellishing the screech of the speakers with their groanings.
When the speaker came to a manageable volume, the Principle affirmed “Alright, we’re good now.” He turned to the audience “Please take your seats, we’ll start in a minute.”
Kelsey took a seat to the left of her. “You are ready to shine?”
“Lights! Camera! Glasses!” She said, pulling out her phone, she handed it to Kelsey. Kelsey started with a funny face and took a picture with Lana’s phone.
The Principal got up and started. “Thanks to the Technicians, we got the volume just right. Special thanks to them! Give them a round of applause!”
The crowd roared.
“Well, Happy Vision Diability Awareness Day!”
Before he could finish the next sentence, the school cheered.
“I love your Valkyrie Pride! But please hold your applause.” He pivoted suddenly “Just kidding! Give yourself some applause to the finest set of young people anyone has ever seen!”
The school cheered louder.
“Thanks to you, We raised over one thousand dollars to give to the Charity for Finer Vision!” He was interrupted yet again, with a minor look of annoyance in his face. It melted as soon as he started again. “Now, this wasn't brought to my attention until one young lady had the vision- Heh. pun not intended. To introduce me to the idea. Originally, we were going to make it a dance, called ‘Glass Masquerade’ but we decided to settle with this name. VDA!
“A girl in this school has been working hard, you know her around the class, but mostly, what amazes me beyond anything, is that she will work quietly through her peers, understanding that nothing can be accomplished without teamwork. Now, to quit my babbling, I invite Lana Svenson to come up and claim her scholarship!”
The crowd cheered the loudest when she walked up towards the stage. Butterflies in her stomach wriggled around while her feet floated on air. She immediately regretted not putting on makeup that morning. But either way, it was supposed to add to her disguise.
She got up on the stage. The crew handed her a cardboard ballot, while the Principal
Held the microphone.
She stuttered a little, “T-thank you evrryone… I-I d-don't know what to say,” A rush of adrenaline coursed through her veins, making it hard to speak. The cardboard ballot shuddered as her hands grew clammy.
She paused, scanning the massive crowd. Looking for anything to root onto. Then, she spotted Lily’s face. In her chair, Lily obviously looked disinterested. Lana smirked. She knew just what to say to prove Lily wrong. She started “I know it may seem like I've been chasing the dollar with these scholarships, or trying my best to stay on Principal Leroy’s good side.”
A glance from him with a hearty laugh made her sure she was on the right path “Here I am, chasing dreams, when I've come across something more precious.” She looked to Principal Leroy. “With the Principal’s permission, I would like to invite twenty-seven students on stage."
Principal Leroy smiled. If he were speaking into a mic, then the school would hear him say “As you wish, this is your ball.”
“I would like to invite the members of the Valkyrie Debate Association to come up!”
As the group filed in to the stage, each one with a look of excitement, shock, or a mix of both took their rightful place.
The crowd cheered. But, not any cheer, it felt close to home. A distant memory resurfaced.
Short and sweet, Lana thought to herself. Short and sweet. “When I was younger, I felt like a face in the crowd. One in seven billion. Just like how you are wearing glasses, I only saw what was in front of me, and only through a small window. But, when an outgoing person found me, the encouraged me, prodded me to join their club.” Lana snickered. “Let’s just say that their club was very persuasive!”
Everyone laughed. Lana looked to Keaton, red faced from trying to hold his composure, then to Kelsey, who didn't bother to hide it. Even to Lily, she was smiling.
“Take off your glasses, even if they are prescription!” Lana instructed.
The sea shifted and flowed as they took off their glasses.
“This is the big picture, and it gets even bigger when you make a friend. We have this gift of vision, and others need our vision and ideas to see the bigger picture! So, I challenge you, make a friend today, expand your horizons! ”
Lana looked to all her teammates, and clapped. The audience followed.
Kelsey popped a phone up and took a picture. Lana knew it well, her Cat cover on the front of it.
A new picture was captured. With it, a new memory.
I'm seeing a lot of editing issues, but these stories are too long for me to point out much of that in detail.
Some stylistic stuff did catch me, though:
You should refrain from explaining things like this to the reader if you can. It's usually something that story can (and may already) communicate, so it ends up being condescending, like the reader needs to be provided a guided tour.
Lana knows who Lily is, so it's weird that the narration refers to her obliquely several times (one of them almost a verbatim repeat, no less) before calling her by name.
Once I know what function Leroy serves, it's strange for the kids to call him that.
For my money, this story takes a long time to get going. It's got a pretty good hook for a first line, but it takes a while before we find out what they'd be dressing up as nerds for or why Lana wants Leroy's attention.
One other thing I'd caution you about: you have similar names. Lana/Leroy/Lily and Kelsey/Keaton are just close enough in that they start with the same letters. It can make it hard for a reader to keep them straight, particularly when they're all introduced at once. If I met Lana first, and then it was 5 chapters later before Leroy showed up, it mitigates that some, since I already am well used to Lana before I have to worry about Leroy.
Lana winking at Lily suggests a much friendlier relationship between the two, so when the first interaction they have is Lily being aggressively confrontational, I'm getting mixed signals.
You've already named Keaton at which point you refer to him as "another boy," and in the part of the story where you're still likely to introduce new characters. It makes it sound like you forgot you'd used him already.
This "support the VDA" campaign is a bit confusing. It sounded at first like a fundraiser (though no mention of what expenses they have and why they need the money?), but then it started sounding more like a membership drive. Okay, then it's a charity drive. Why did I have to wait so long to find that out?
I don't get this conflict over Lana trying to get scholarships. Why would that be a bad thing?
This is a cute enough situation--I could see it being a school anime episode. I'm not sure what it's leading toward, though. Lana overcoming this little rift with Lily? Lana convincing the students that debate club is a cool thing? I don't know what else. The former is the only one that takes any struggle to resolve--everyone's immediately supportive of this event. Or that Lana overcame her shyness to make friends? We see the end state, but not her struggle, and it's talked about in such vague terms that it's hard to get very attached to her predicament. So I'd call this a cute scene, but it doesn't come to any conclusions. There's a lot more background that needs to come together. As it is, I'm left floundering among characters I don't know that well and relationships I don't have the context for.
Some stylistic stuff did catch me, though:
a sign that he was nervous to speak his mind
You should refrain from explaining things like this to the reader if you can. It's usually something that story can (and may already) communicate, so it ends up being condescending, like the reader needs to be provided a guided tour.
Lana knows who Lily is, so it's weird that the narration refers to her obliquely several times (one of them almost a verbatim repeat, no less) before calling her by name.
Once I know what function Leroy serves, it's strange for the kids to call him that.
For my money, this story takes a long time to get going. It's got a pretty good hook for a first line, but it takes a while before we find out what they'd be dressing up as nerds for or why Lana wants Leroy's attention.
One other thing I'd caution you about: you have similar names. Lana/Leroy/Lily and Kelsey/Keaton are just close enough in that they start with the same letters. It can make it hard for a reader to keep them straight, particularly when they're all introduced at once. If I met Lana first, and then it was 5 chapters later before Leroy showed up, it mitigates that some, since I already am well used to Lana before I have to worry about Leroy.
Lana winking at Lily suggests a much friendlier relationship between the two, so when the first interaction they have is Lily being aggressively confrontational, I'm getting mixed signals.
You've already named Keaton at which point you refer to him as "another boy," and in the part of the story where you're still likely to introduce new characters. It makes it sound like you forgot you'd used him already.
This "support the VDA" campaign is a bit confusing. It sounded at first like a fundraiser (though no mention of what expenses they have and why they need the money?), but then it started sounding more like a membership drive. Okay, then it's a charity drive. Why did I have to wait so long to find that out?
I don't get this conflict over Lana trying to get scholarships. Why would that be a bad thing?
This is a cute enough situation--I could see it being a school anime episode. I'm not sure what it's leading toward, though. Lana overcoming this little rift with Lily? Lana convincing the students that debate club is a cool thing? I don't know what else. The former is the only one that takes any struggle to resolve--everyone's immediately supportive of this event. Or that Lana overcame her shyness to make friends? We see the end state, but not her struggle, and it's talked about in such vague terms that it's hard to get very attached to her predicament. So I'd call this a cute scene, but it doesn't come to any conclusions. There's a lot more background that needs to come together. As it is, I'm left floundering among characters I don't know that well and relationships I don't have the context for.
I got a strong sense that the author had clear visions in their head for what was happening and who the characters were, but I found myself totally lost along the way.
It's hard to point to any one thing. At first I felt like this was my own fault in not understanding anything and getting constantly tripped up, though like the way Leroy is mentioned early on is much more like another student than the Principal. But even at the end, I just really am not sure what the story was actually about.
There's a lot of characters but I couldn't say precisely which each was, what their motivation would be. It's a sequence of things happening, and despite my best efforts I can't see the threads connecting anything. This very well might just be the result of writing something in a 3-day span, because I think the author knows what's intended, but it struggles to come across to me.
It's hard to point to any one thing. At first I felt like this was my own fault in not understanding anything and getting constantly tripped up, though like the way Leroy is mentioned early on is much more like another student than the Principal. But even at the end, I just really am not sure what the story was actually about.
There's a lot of characters but I couldn't say precisely which each was, what their motivation would be. It's a sequence of things happening, and despite my best efforts I can't see the threads connecting anything. This very well might just be the result of writing something in a 3-day span, because I think the author knows what's intended, but it struggles to come across to me.
This one kinda... threw me, Author. It probably won't surprise you, after the previous two comments, but I'm going to go after the characters here, because they're the area that needs the most work, I think. They aren't distinct (Lana and Kelsey feel particularly identical), they seem to react to situations in ways I don't expect them too, and their relationships aren't consistent.
The plot itself, well, it unfortunately comes off as rather bizarre, and the best way I can describe it is that there wasn't a whole lot of conflict, despite the fact that it's begging to exist. More rivalries between the debate club members, or rivalries with other clubs vying for a fraction of the same budget, or the principal having a vendetta against the debate club, or... hell, they could have at least spent more time debating what their fundraiser idea was before they decided to go with the idea that nobody seemed to like at first.
By the way, did the debate team not just lie about what VDA stands for in order to promote themselves? Why is nobody upset about that! Why is everybody for taking everything in stride? They're all very happy and... content. Lily seems to be the only person concerned with anything, but even her conflict gets swept under the rug at the end.
The world we're in, too, is quite strange. High school is getting to be a while ago for me now, but I don't think my student body would be too interested in a visual disability awareness program. Especially not one that involves donations. I've never seen anybody with glasses seem particularly marginalized by society or in need of assistance. And yet the principal thought it was worth a general assembly?
But I really, really want to hammer home the fact that this all comes back to the characters. If they were a little more clear in their intentions and relationships, the conflict would be so much easier to see, and the world might start making sense too—especially if you treat the remainder of the students as another character themselves (i.e., what is the general opinion of Lana, the Principal, etc.?)
I hope my comment has been helpful. There's quite a few errors in the prose, true, but I think your number one priority here is to tighten up the characters. They're everything to a story (most stories). If I don't know why they're doing what they're doing, then I can't stick one little finger in this world you've created.
Thank you for writing, Author. This is a big and scary round (the biggest and scariest of the four) and I know how much it takes to submit something for it. You've done good.
Good luck!
The plot itself, well, it unfortunately comes off as rather bizarre, and the best way I can describe it is that there wasn't a whole lot of conflict, despite the fact that it's begging to exist. More rivalries between the debate club members, or rivalries with other clubs vying for a fraction of the same budget, or the principal having a vendetta against the debate club, or... hell, they could have at least spent more time debating what their fundraiser idea was before they decided to go with the idea that nobody seemed to like at first.
By the way, did the debate team not just lie about what VDA stands for in order to promote themselves? Why is nobody upset about that! Why is everybody for taking everything in stride? They're all very happy and... content. Lily seems to be the only person concerned with anything, but even her conflict gets swept under the rug at the end.
The world we're in, too, is quite strange. High school is getting to be a while ago for me now, but I don't think my student body would be too interested in a visual disability awareness program. Especially not one that involves donations. I've never seen anybody with glasses seem particularly marginalized by society or in need of assistance. And yet the principal thought it was worth a general assembly?
But I really, really want to hammer home the fact that this all comes back to the characters. If they were a little more clear in their intentions and relationships, the conflict would be so much easier to see, and the world might start making sense too—especially if you treat the remainder of the students as another character themselves (i.e., what is the general opinion of Lana, the Principal, etc.?)
I hope my comment has been helpful. There's quite a few errors in the prose, true, but I think your number one priority here is to tighten up the characters. They're everything to a story (most stories). If I don't know why they're doing what they're doing, then I can't stick one little finger in this world you've created.
Thank you for writing, Author. This is a big and scary round (the biggest and scariest of the four) and I know how much it takes to submit something for it. You've done good.
Good luck!
It's a little difficult to leave comments, sometimes -- especially when you look up and most of the things that were running through your mind while reading have already been said.
Because, yeh, I'm a little bit sorry here, Author, but I agree with the comments above. The characters need some fleshing out, you need to ground everything so we understand what is going on beforehand. Streamline the conflict and establish it properly, give every character a proper voice, what is up with them calling the principal by name, etc etc. Y'all have heard this before.
That said, a bit of a hopeful note: I have no idea if you're a newbie with a hell of an ambition or an experienced author who had to rush the story a bit, Author, but I can definitely see a lot of potential in here. Not necessarily in the story, but in the way you tackle scenes, or structure, or storytelling in general.
Which is a really good thing, is what I mean here -- sure, this story isn't the best this round, that's sadly a reality. But, this is also a story where you can clearly see the authorial intent, muddled as it is due to the execution.There are flaws but the flaws are mostly about polishing, about maybe having more time to flesh it out or a little more practice when it comes to the most practical side of writing.
But, the conflict? That's interesting. Lana is a go-getter, this creates a little bit of friction among her friends, even though she's not doing anything particularly harmful to anybody. Lily is the gossip girl and her relationship with Lana is weird. Kelsey is just sorta there but wants Lana to chill... there's a dynamic to explore there.
The way the story is structured, too -- Author, you clearly understand how hooks work, and the art of not revealing information unless it makes sense diegetically to create some organic mystery for the reader. At least conceptually; execution-wise the way in which we don't really know what the characters are talking about until so late in the story is not exactly smooth, but the idea is solid. Plant an abstract concept, explore relationships and characters, and slowly reveal what exactly the characters are dealing with once the reader is invested in them. That's a solid idea, and I can see it working very well, but it needs polish in here.
That's not the only example! There are bits and pieces all around that feel as if the author is aware why they should go there but doesn't exactly know how to make them fit. The sneak peek into Lana's daily life could be an exploration of her character and her surroundings, and also a clear way to establish that she's the main character -- it's just that as it stays it doesn't do enough to justify its inclusion in the story. The idea of the debate club being the place where the characters belong and shit like that is indeed very animesque (as Pascoite put it) but there's potential if you emphasize the idea of there being a sense of belonging, of teamwork and so on.
Like, the building blocks are all there, and if you rewrite this to make it clearer, give the characters more of a voice, and give the conflict a much stronger spotlight, this could be a very nice slice of life/coming to age story. The moral is interesting, because it says something that not many stories say -- mainly, ambition is good, and aiming for the best is great, but relax and stop to smell the roses now and then or else you'll alienate others around you; life is about balance. Shit like that.
So yeah. As it stays, the story is flawed, but don't be discouraged, Author. You clearly have a knack for this, you just need to polish a little more and know your priorities.
Because, yeh, I'm a little bit sorry here, Author, but I agree with the comments above. The characters need some fleshing out, you need to ground everything so we understand what is going on beforehand. Streamline the conflict and establish it properly, give every character a proper voice, what is up with them calling the principal by name, etc etc. Y'all have heard this before.
That said, a bit of a hopeful note: I have no idea if you're a newbie with a hell of an ambition or an experienced author who had to rush the story a bit, Author, but I can definitely see a lot of potential in here. Not necessarily in the story, but in the way you tackle scenes, or structure, or storytelling in general.
Which is a really good thing, is what I mean here -- sure, this story isn't the best this round, that's sadly a reality. But, this is also a story where you can clearly see the authorial intent, muddled as it is due to the execution.There are flaws but the flaws are mostly about polishing, about maybe having more time to flesh it out or a little more practice when it comes to the most practical side of writing.
But, the conflict? That's interesting. Lana is a go-getter, this creates a little bit of friction among her friends, even though she's not doing anything particularly harmful to anybody. Lily is the gossip girl and her relationship with Lana is weird. Kelsey is just sorta there but wants Lana to chill... there's a dynamic to explore there.
The way the story is structured, too -- Author, you clearly understand how hooks work, and the art of not revealing information unless it makes sense diegetically to create some organic mystery for the reader. At least conceptually; execution-wise the way in which we don't really know what the characters are talking about until so late in the story is not exactly smooth, but the idea is solid. Plant an abstract concept, explore relationships and characters, and slowly reveal what exactly the characters are dealing with once the reader is invested in them. That's a solid idea, and I can see it working very well, but it needs polish in here.
That's not the only example! There are bits and pieces all around that feel as if the author is aware why they should go there but doesn't exactly know how to make them fit. The sneak peek into Lana's daily life could be an exploration of her character and her surroundings, and also a clear way to establish that she's the main character -- it's just that as it stays it doesn't do enough to justify its inclusion in the story. The idea of the debate club being the place where the characters belong and shit like that is indeed very animesque (as Pascoite put it) but there's potential if you emphasize the idea of there being a sense of belonging, of teamwork and so on.
Like, the building blocks are all there, and if you rewrite this to make it clearer, give the characters more of a voice, and give the conflict a much stronger spotlight, this could be a very nice slice of life/coming to age story. The moral is interesting, because it says something that not many stories say -- mainly, ambition is good, and aiming for the best is great, but relax and stop to smell the roses now and then or else you'll alienate others around you; life is about balance. Shit like that.
So yeah. As it stays, the story is flawed, but don't be discouraged, Author. You clearly have a knack for this, you just need to polish a little more and know your priorities.
Sorry it took a long time to reply! Hopefully it isn't too late. Let's get into the replies before I go into a ranting rampage. I'll keep this one short (In other words, rushed).
>>Pascoite
The sloppiness probably gave it away quick. But, being sneaky isn't what I'm here for. If so, I would be on two losses, four wins so far. Improvement is primary, anonymity is secondary.
Most of my problems here is character issues and delivery issues. I should probably spend more time fleshing the characters out, names included. With your pointers, I hope to make better characters in the future.
Thank you for the comment! It helped a bunch! This piece shows exactly the weaknesses I have, since this isn't exactly my finest work.
>>Ferd Threstle
To answer your question, yes, I had a clear, elaborate vision in my head. It first was supposed to be about a popular girl dressing up as a nerd (which is a trope, spun on its head). However, since I was too busy trying to punch a trope in the face- I lost sight of what it was originally. By then, it was already too late for edit, and my sloppy writing slipped through its little mouse hole into the Writeoff. My fault- I'm not using the clock as a scape goat this time around.
>>Miller Minus
Yes, your comment is useful! Don't worry! Anything- even if it's an echo of another comment- is useful in my eyes. It helps to get another perspective.
Knowing my Characters need a little more finesse, I will study up on it. Maybe others have figured it out- do you know how to view things from your character's perspective when their attributes don't match your own? I've been stuck on that one for a long time.
>>Aragon
Thank you for your reassuring comments. It helps. When I see that notification bell light up on the Writeoff, I get excited and nervous (anxious- if that's the right word). So far, It has been an easy in the comments. I doubt that will last long though. For the time being, I'm squeezing out every last drop of it.
I agree that the conflict also took a toll. I wanted an overall conflict for the whole debate club, but at the same time, a moral that the main character learns. Neither were delivered properly. So, I need to establish the conflict(s) ahead of time before moving forward. A shaky foundation of plot topples the moral and resolution after all.
Final remarks:
Not the best strategy, on my part. Ambitious, yes, but lacking in skill. By far this was a challenging prompt, but thank you for the comments, slowly and surely I will become a better writer :twilightsmile:
>>Pascoite
The sloppiness probably gave it away quick. But, being sneaky isn't what I'm here for. If so, I would be on two losses, four wins so far. Improvement is primary, anonymity is secondary.
Most of my problems here is character issues and delivery issues. I should probably spend more time fleshing the characters out, names included. With your pointers, I hope to make better characters in the future.
Thank you for the comment! It helped a bunch! This piece shows exactly the weaknesses I have, since this isn't exactly my finest work.
>>Ferd Threstle
To answer your question, yes, I had a clear, elaborate vision in my head. It first was supposed to be about a popular girl dressing up as a nerd (which is a trope, spun on its head). However, since I was too busy trying to punch a trope in the face- I lost sight of what it was originally. By then, it was already too late for edit, and my sloppy writing slipped through its little mouse hole into the Writeoff. My fault- I'm not using the clock as a scape goat this time around.
>>Miller Minus
Yes, your comment is useful! Don't worry! Anything- even if it's an echo of another comment- is useful in my eyes. It helps to get another perspective.
Knowing my Characters need a little more finesse, I will study up on it. Maybe others have figured it out- do you know how to view things from your character's perspective when their attributes don't match your own? I've been stuck on that one for a long time.
>>Aragon
Thank you for your reassuring comments. It helps. When I see that notification bell light up on the Writeoff, I get excited and nervous (anxious- if that's the right word). So far, It has been an easy in the comments. I doubt that will last long though. For the time being, I'm squeezing out every last drop of it.
I agree that the conflict also took a toll. I wanted an overall conflict for the whole debate club, but at the same time, a moral that the main character learns. Neither were delivered properly. So, I need to establish the conflict(s) ahead of time before moving forward. A shaky foundation of plot topples the moral and resolution after all.
Final remarks:
Not the best strategy, on my part. Ambitious, yes, but lacking in skill. By far this was a challenging prompt, but thank you for the comments, slowly and surely I will become a better writer :twilightsmile: