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Action-pose Storm King, with bone-chilling voice
An unearthly scream pierced the air, its echoes fading in the rocky expanse. The following quiet made Celestia’s hooves seem as loud as thunderbolts as she approached a cage. A thin figure huddled inside like a ghost of matted white fur until it looked up. All its life seemed to have been channeled into its eyes, which had narrowed to bright blue slits at her approach. When it spoke, its voice was rough and raw.
“Celestia. What brings you to my torment?”
She opened her mouth to reply, but paused as his face contorted and he sent another howl echoing into the depths. Her ears wilted as the cry went on, and it was a moment after before she spoke.
“Storm King. Despite your actions, I have come to help you - and that howl is why,” she said, opening a saddlebag to extract a small, brightly colored box which she floated in front of the bars.
His eyes locked onto small figure of himself, dashingly posed and wrapped in bright packaging, emblazoned with the phrase: ‘Action-pose Storm King, with bone-chilling voice.’
“Does that mean...” he trailed off, one hand half-stretched towards the figure, the other clutching his own throat.
Celestia nodded, her muzzle scrunched up like she had tasted a lemon. “A notorious pair of unicorns snuck into our hazardous magic logistics organization, and instead of being properly taken care of, your, ah, statue was used to make these figurines. Once we realized what was happening, rest assured we put a stop to it and are searching for them even now.”
The Storm King’s eyes were glued to the box, his hand trembling as he stretched it out.
After a moment of thought, she levitated it over to the cage, where he quickly snatched it.
In moments the box was open and neatly set aside, while he muttered and turned the figure this way and that before opening a panel in the back to peer at the shard glimmering inside. Closing it up, he hit the button and immediately convulsed.
Celestia’s ears wilted as his howl ripped out once more, a fainter copy of the sound echoing from the figure as it fell from his nerveless fingers and bounced back outside the cell. The dissonance set her feathers on edge, and she took an involuntary step back.
The Storm King stared at the fallen figure for a long moment, and when he spoke, Celestia had to strain to hear his voice. “There were more action figures? And you stopped them?”
She nodded.
The king threw his head back and let out another wail, but this one was louder than the one before, and unaccompanied by the figurine.
“I’m sorry,” Celestia said, bowing her head. “It must be terrible.”
The Storm King’s fist slammed into the bars. “I know! Why didn’t I think of that?” he shouted, turning around and gesticulating. “I wouldn’t have used myself to do it, of course, but properly applied…”
His voice faded, as if the gaze boring into his back was physically heating it.
“Not that I would have actually done such a thing, of course,” he said, hastily turning to face her, though not quickly enough to hide his crossed fingers.
Celestia snorted, before pointing at the fallen toy. “Are you saying you actually want these abominations made? Every shard splits just a little bit of you away.”
“Bah. As if that even matters. You don’t understand market share - of course I want them! How else gain the adulation of the masses while simultaneously emptying their wallets?”
“How else indeed. Well, I’m sorry to rain on your parade but I’m still putting a stop to it. Those brothers have gone too far this time.”
“Of course you are. Well, it wouldn’t be Tartarus if something good happened, now would it?”
Centuries of experience in day court stopped Celestia from rolling her eyes. “For what it’s worth, I understand what ones were made have appreciated markedly on the collectors market.”
He crossed his arms and huffed. “Well, I suppose there is that.”
Celestia waited for him to say more, but he just regarded her stonily.
Finally she shrugged and turned. “Then I’ll be off,” she said, but only took one step before the sound of a throat being cleared made her look back.
The Storm King stood at the bars once more, hand outstretched.
No amount of day court was enough to stop the sigh as she levitated the figure back over.
“Celestia. What brings you to my torment?”
She opened her mouth to reply, but paused as his face contorted and he sent another howl echoing into the depths. Her ears wilted as the cry went on, and it was a moment after before she spoke.
“Storm King. Despite your actions, I have come to help you - and that howl is why,” she said, opening a saddlebag to extract a small, brightly colored box which she floated in front of the bars.
His eyes locked onto small figure of himself, dashingly posed and wrapped in bright packaging, emblazoned with the phrase: ‘Action-pose Storm King, with bone-chilling voice.’
“Does that mean...” he trailed off, one hand half-stretched towards the figure, the other clutching his own throat.
Celestia nodded, her muzzle scrunched up like she had tasted a lemon. “A notorious pair of unicorns snuck into our hazardous magic logistics organization, and instead of being properly taken care of, your, ah, statue was used to make these figurines. Once we realized what was happening, rest assured we put a stop to it and are searching for them even now.”
The Storm King’s eyes were glued to the box, his hand trembling as he stretched it out.
After a moment of thought, she levitated it over to the cage, where he quickly snatched it.
In moments the box was open and neatly set aside, while he muttered and turned the figure this way and that before opening a panel in the back to peer at the shard glimmering inside. Closing it up, he hit the button and immediately convulsed.
Celestia’s ears wilted as his howl ripped out once more, a fainter copy of the sound echoing from the figure as it fell from his nerveless fingers and bounced back outside the cell. The dissonance set her feathers on edge, and she took an involuntary step back.
The Storm King stared at the fallen figure for a long moment, and when he spoke, Celestia had to strain to hear his voice. “There were more action figures? And you stopped them?”
She nodded.
The king threw his head back and let out another wail, but this one was louder than the one before, and unaccompanied by the figurine.
“I’m sorry,” Celestia said, bowing her head. “It must be terrible.”
The Storm King’s fist slammed into the bars. “I know! Why didn’t I think of that?” he shouted, turning around and gesticulating. “I wouldn’t have used myself to do it, of course, but properly applied…”
His voice faded, as if the gaze boring into his back was physically heating it.
“Not that I would have actually done such a thing, of course,” he said, hastily turning to face her, though not quickly enough to hide his crossed fingers.
Celestia snorted, before pointing at the fallen toy. “Are you saying you actually want these abominations made? Every shard splits just a little bit of you away.”
“Bah. As if that even matters. You don’t understand market share - of course I want them! How else gain the adulation of the masses while simultaneously emptying their wallets?”
“How else indeed. Well, I’m sorry to rain on your parade but I’m still putting a stop to it. Those brothers have gone too far this time.”
“Of course you are. Well, it wouldn’t be Tartarus if something good happened, now would it?”
Centuries of experience in day court stopped Celestia from rolling her eyes. “For what it’s worth, I understand what ones were made have appreciated markedly on the collectors market.”
He crossed his arms and huffed. “Well, I suppose there is that.”
Celestia waited for him to say more, but he just regarded her stonily.
Finally she shrugged and turned. “Then I’ll be off,” she said, but only took one step before the sound of a throat being cleared made her look back.
The Storm King stood at the bars once more, hand outstretched.
No amount of day court was enough to stop the sigh as she levitated the figure back over.
I understand from Discord that people are reluctant to review this one because they haven't seen the movie, so I thought I'd do my best!
It's not bad, but not great IMHO. It took me awhile to figure out what was going on since he died in the movie and I always pictured pony Tartarus as more a physical place than actual afterlife, but there's nothing wrong with your interpretation. Once I figured out what was going on things made more sense.
The Storm King is still pretty much a blank canvas after the movie, so I think writing a story around him was tough from the get go, and what characterization he had was... honestly kind of weird, and that reflects in this piece. It's a hard quirk to write a (semi)serious story around, but you took the challenge.
It's not bad, but not great IMHO. It took me awhile to figure out what was going on since he died in the movie and I always pictured pony Tartarus as more a physical place than actual afterlife, but there's nothing wrong with your interpretation. Once I figured out what was going on things made more sense.
The Storm King is still pretty much a blank canvas after the movie, so I think writing a story around him was tough from the get go, and what characterization he had was... honestly kind of weird, and that reflects in this piece. It's a hard quirk to write a (semi)serious story around, but you took the challenge.
for those who haven't seen the movie, but are fine with being spoiled so you can review this fic: Storm King dies at the end by getting turned to stone and then shattering by gravity. also, a minor joke in the movie is he's selling action figures of himself throughout the lands he conquers. so I think that's the inspiration of this fic, expanding it into a headcanon that he's a capitalist (and narcissist) villain.
so even though I get the references and understand the idea here, the delivery of the joke is too slow and awkward, didn't really make me laugh. sorry.
so even though I get the references and understand the idea here, the delivery of the joke is too slow and awkward, didn't really make me laugh. sorry.
>>Haze I really wouldn't say it is a headcanon interpretation, given that seems pretty clearly like what they were going for.
Contrary to Haze, I found myself suitably amused by the story, but I do agree that this story is too long and ends up just sort of milling about in the middle. You don't need to use all 750 words! If you have a short concept, be brief and to the point, especially when it can make humor punchier.
While the final line makes me smile, I think pushing this to the logical extreme would have been a better conclusion: Storm King is relieved when he learns about the toys and insists she lets it keep going, and Celestia eventually relents as part of his rehabilitation. Despite how insane it is.
Contrary to Haze, I found myself suitably amused by the story, but I do agree that this story is too long and ends up just sort of milling about in the middle. You don't need to use all 750 words! If you have a short concept, be brief and to the point, especially when it can make humor punchier.
While the final line makes me smile, I think pushing this to the logical extreme would have been a better conclusion: Storm King is relieved when he learns about the toys and insists she lets it keep going, and Celestia eventually relents as part of his rehabilitation. Despite how insane it is.
I’ve not seen the movie, I don’t get it. This is not super-well written, as Andrew points out, it’s a bit overstretched in the middle, but most of all it hardly makes any sense to me. Except that this seems to be some sort of voodoo magic. But that doesn’t save the story in my eyes. If you write stories based on external references, expect those who are unfamiliar to them to be lost and therefore consider your story bland.
