Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
What Goes Around
“Thank you so much for doing this, ‘Shy,” Applejack said, before sneezing into a handkerchief. “I’d ask Big Mac to help, but *ACHOO* he caught the cold too, and I don’t want Granny or Applebloom to catch it by being near me.”
Fluttershy carefully slid the steaming cup of tea off her wing and onto Applejack’s bedside table before smiling down at the sick earth pony. “It’s fine, Applejack. You know I’m always happy to help a friend,” she reassured. “Now, is there anything else I can do? Are your blankets warm enough?”
Applejack settled into the blankets and her eyes drifted closed. “Nope, they’re just right. But do you think you could ask Twilight and Rainbow if they could help bring in the apples from the back field? There’s a storm scheduled in two days.”
Eyes closed, she didn’t see Fluttershy’s expression tighten, but she did hear the mare’s comforting voice. “I’ll make sure they get in. Now you get some sleep and don’t worry about a thing.”
Applejack walked into the cafe, adjusting her hat as best she could to hide the three days worth of bed mane she hadn’t quite been able to wash out. She looked around and couldn’t help but notice that the cafe was much less crowded than normal before she spotted her friends sitting together at a window table. Though on closer inspection she realized it wasn’t quite all her friends.
“Where’s Fluttershy?” she asked as she took a seat. “That girl is never late.”
“I’m afraid she has a cold, the poor dear,” Rarity responded. “Quite a few ponies seem to be coming down with it. She sent a bird with a note that we should just enjoy ourselves without her.”
“Aww shucks,” Applejack replied, looking down at the table, “And she must have caught it taking care of me, too.” When she looked back up, though, all of her friends were wearing surprised expressions.
“I thought I gave it to her,” Rainbow Dash said, her face screwed up in confusion. “She came over to check on me and helped make sure no one in the weather team slacked off during the storm just because I was sick."
A babble of voices followed her. “She put the finishing touches on a dress and got it out before the deadline.” “She helped the Cakes get a big order ready.”
Applejack turned to look questioningly at Twilight, who simply nodded.
“She never told me she was helping anypony else," Pinkie Pie added. "She just said not to worry about a thing.” The table grew silent for a moment, each mare pondering their own last few days.
Then Rainbow scooted her chair back and stood up. “Well, it sounds like it’s our turn to make sure she doesn’t worry about a thing,” she said vehemently, and all around the table ponies started to stand.
“Wait,” Twilight said. “I think this is a wonderful idea, but Fluttershy doesn’t need all five of us in her cottage trying to nurse her back to health. Maybe we should take shifts?”
Rarity shook her head. “No, Twilight,” she said with a smile, “What do you think Fluttershy worries about? She’s not the only pony in Ponyville with a cold.”
Fluttershy carefully slid the steaming cup of tea off her wing and onto Applejack’s bedside table before smiling down at the sick earth pony. “It’s fine, Applejack. You know I’m always happy to help a friend,” she reassured. “Now, is there anything else I can do? Are your blankets warm enough?”
Applejack settled into the blankets and her eyes drifted closed. “Nope, they’re just right. But do you think you could ask Twilight and Rainbow if they could help bring in the apples from the back field? There’s a storm scheduled in two days.”
Eyes closed, she didn’t see Fluttershy’s expression tighten, but she did hear the mare’s comforting voice. “I’ll make sure they get in. Now you get some sleep and don’t worry about a thing.”
Applejack walked into the cafe, adjusting her hat as best she could to hide the three days worth of bed mane she hadn’t quite been able to wash out. She looked around and couldn’t help but notice that the cafe was much less crowded than normal before she spotted her friends sitting together at a window table. Though on closer inspection she realized it wasn’t quite all her friends.
“Where’s Fluttershy?” she asked as she took a seat. “That girl is never late.”
“I’m afraid she has a cold, the poor dear,” Rarity responded. “Quite a few ponies seem to be coming down with it. She sent a bird with a note that we should just enjoy ourselves without her.”
“Aww shucks,” Applejack replied, looking down at the table, “And she must have caught it taking care of me, too.” When she looked back up, though, all of her friends were wearing surprised expressions.
“I thought I gave it to her,” Rainbow Dash said, her face screwed up in confusion. “She came over to check on me and helped make sure no one in the weather team slacked off during the storm just because I was sick."
A babble of voices followed her. “She put the finishing touches on a dress and got it out before the deadline.” “She helped the Cakes get a big order ready.”
Applejack turned to look questioningly at Twilight, who simply nodded.
“She never told me she was helping anypony else," Pinkie Pie added. "She just said not to worry about a thing.” The table grew silent for a moment, each mare pondering their own last few days.
Then Rainbow scooted her chair back and stood up. “Well, it sounds like it’s our turn to make sure she doesn’t worry about a thing,” she said vehemently, and all around the table ponies started to stand.
“Wait,” Twilight said. “I think this is a wonderful idea, but Fluttershy doesn’t need all five of us in her cottage trying to nurse her back to health. Maybe we should take shifts?”
Rarity shook her head. “No, Twilight,” she said with a smile, “What do you think Fluttershy worries about? She’s not the only pony in Ponyville with a cold.”
I'm just a tad confused by the end. I'm guessing they're saying they can best help Fluttershy by having only one of them attend to her while the rest go out and help other sick ponies that Fluttershy otherwise would have?
A few small editing things, but nothing serious. This one has a nice, if obvious, payoff. Very show-tone and pleasant. Nothing earth-shattering, but a satisfying read. My only complaint is this: I love the characterization of Fluttershy. She can be decisive and assertive when properly motivated to, and she really takes charge here. But I'm not sure why she feels like she has to keep it secret or be the only one helping. Twilight's never mentioned as having been sick, for instance, and she'd want to help if she knew the others were. Having them all sick simultaneously is probably the only way for it to work as you have it, since if they were staggered, they'd notice each other's absences, but Twilight still should have, unless you give her an excuse as to why she was otherwise engaged. So "I'm going to help everyone out"? Check. But "I'm going to make sure nobody can help me"? Not so much. The show's played it before to where she was making a valid point, but nobody heard her, and they end up coming to the same decision as her anyway. And I'm not talking about "Bats," because that was just a terrible episode. I could see something like that happening here, where she tried to get help but couldn't get anyone's attention.
Anyway, minor thing, and this is a low-stakes but very heartwarming read. I was afraid at first when Fluttershy didn't want to talk about Dash that there was a plague going on and Fluttershy couldn't bring herself to say Dash had died and AJ probably would, too. Which is an entirely doable plot, but would require more build-up than you have, so I'm glad you didn't go that route!
A few small editing things, but nothing serious. This one has a nice, if obvious, payoff. Very show-tone and pleasant. Nothing earth-shattering, but a satisfying read. My only complaint is this: I love the characterization of Fluttershy. She can be decisive and assertive when properly motivated to, and she really takes charge here. But I'm not sure why she feels like she has to keep it secret or be the only one helping. Twilight's never mentioned as having been sick, for instance, and she'd want to help if she knew the others were. Having them all sick simultaneously is probably the only way for it to work as you have it, since if they were staggered, they'd notice each other's absences, but Twilight still should have, unless you give her an excuse as to why she was otherwise engaged. So "I'm going to help everyone out"? Check. But "I'm going to make sure nobody can help me"? Not so much. The show's played it before to where she was making a valid point, but nobody heard her, and they end up coming to the same decision as her anyway. And I'm not talking about "Bats," because that was just a terrible episode. I could see something like that happening here, where she tried to get help but couldn't get anyone's attention.
Anyway, minor thing, and this is a low-stakes but very heartwarming read. I was afraid at first when Fluttershy didn't want to talk about Dash that there was a plague going on and Fluttershy couldn't bring herself to say Dash had died and AJ probably would, too. Which is an entirely doable plot, but would require more build-up than you have, so I'm glad you didn't go that route!
This one's only got three reviews, so let's chip in.
Unfortunately, I've got a very similar confusion to >>Pascoite re the ending. I do appreciate that you're trying to go beyond simply the "Fluttershy was taking care of all of them simultaneously" reveal -- I noted the tell in the first scene, and by the time Fluttershy wasn't in the cafe I had figured it out already -- but the twist/punchline of the ending is just leaving me grasping at straws. What does Fluttershy worry about? My immediate conclusion from the rest of the story was that she's trying to self-sacrifice so her friends can rest in comfort, but I can't square that with Rarity's rejection of Twilight's idea of taking shifts, and I especially can't square that with Rarity's explanation that others have colds too. I can't read the implication of what Rarity's suggesting they do, or why; context suggests that Rarity wants them all to visit Fluttershy simultaneously, but that directly seems to contradict the "she's not the only one with a cold" bit -- shouldn't they be splitting up to help the other ponies out, then?
Still, you've got some strong moments here even if I don't understand what you're trying to do. The setup and reveal of Fluttershy's sacrifice is strong, and nicely showtone. (I was afraid that this was leading to a twist ending of Fluttershy being a plague vector and everyone she cared for dying, and relieved that wasn't the case.) Good dialogue and voicing.
It does seem odd that this is Fluttershy, though, because we've seen this exact plot before with Rarity generosity-ing herself into the ground; that might want a little more lampshading?
Tier: Almost There
Unfortunately, I've got a very similar confusion to >>Pascoite re the ending. I do appreciate that you're trying to go beyond simply the "Fluttershy was taking care of all of them simultaneously" reveal -- I noted the tell in the first scene, and by the time Fluttershy wasn't in the cafe I had figured it out already -- but the twist/punchline of the ending is just leaving me grasping at straws. What does Fluttershy worry about? My immediate conclusion from the rest of the story was that she's trying to self-sacrifice so her friends can rest in comfort, but I can't square that with Rarity's rejection of Twilight's idea of taking shifts, and I especially can't square that with Rarity's explanation that others have colds too. I can't read the implication of what Rarity's suggesting they do, or why; context suggests that Rarity wants them all to visit Fluttershy simultaneously, but that directly seems to contradict the "she's not the only one with a cold" bit -- shouldn't they be splitting up to help the other ponies out, then?
Still, you've got some strong moments here even if I don't understand what you're trying to do. The setup and reveal of Fluttershy's sacrifice is strong, and nicely showtone. (I was afraid that this was leading to a twist ending of Fluttershy being a plague vector and everyone she cared for dying, and relieved that wasn't the case.) Good dialogue and voicing.
It does seem odd that this is Fluttershy, though, because we've seen this exact plot before with Rarity generosity-ing herself into the ground; that might want a little more lampshading?
Tier: Almost There
I admit I'm a little disappointed this didn't at least make the finals, but I was never that happy with it; I was pretty sure the prompt would result in a lot of dark pieces and wanted to make something lighthearted and happy, though it seems a lot of other writers had the "help someone with a cold" idea. The end result was a fluff piece that doesn't really have much impact, though.
>>Pascoite
That was pretty much the intent, yeah, that they could help Fluttershy but also make sure the other ponies she cared about were taken care of as well. After all, she didn't just nurse them; she took care of what they were worried about so they could rest untroubled.
Twilight was meant to be sick as well, and Fluttershy helped her too; hence why she nods when the others are talking about their stories. If I ever redo the story I'd change it to a nod and mention that Fluttershy helped Spike with the library while she was sick or something. The reason Fluttershy didn't tell the others everypony was sick was because she didn't want to worry them that she was having to do it all, though unless they all got sick at once some of them probably knew (though they didn't know each of them was asking Fluttershy to do things for them, or they probably wouldn't have asked).
>>horizon
The implication at the end was supposed to be that they were going to do more than take care of Fluttershy, that they were going to take care of her and also reassure her that they were taking care of any ponies she might be worried about as well. This wasn't necessarily meant to be all of Ponyville; we do see in show episodes that Fluttershy has friends beyond just the mane 6, but it didn't feel right to get more specific.
Basically, it was my take on Fluttershy's kindness as compared to Rarity's generosity; Rarity is generous in that she wants to share what she has with others, Fluttershy is kind like a mother and doesn't like it when others are unhappy or worried.
>>Pascoite
That was pretty much the intent, yeah, that they could help Fluttershy but also make sure the other ponies she cared about were taken care of as well. After all, she didn't just nurse them; she took care of what they were worried about so they could rest untroubled.
Twilight was meant to be sick as well, and Fluttershy helped her too; hence why she nods when the others are talking about their stories. If I ever redo the story I'd change it to a nod and mention that Fluttershy helped Spike with the library while she was sick or something. The reason Fluttershy didn't tell the others everypony was sick was because she didn't want to worry them that she was having to do it all, though unless they all got sick at once some of them probably knew (though they didn't know each of them was asking Fluttershy to do things for them, or they probably wouldn't have asked).
>>horizon
The implication at the end was supposed to be that they were going to do more than take care of Fluttershy, that they were going to take care of her and also reassure her that they were taking care of any ponies she might be worried about as well. This wasn't necessarily meant to be all of Ponyville; we do see in show episodes that Fluttershy has friends beyond just the mane 6, but it didn't feel right to get more specific.
Basically, it was my take on Fluttershy's kindness as compared to Rarity's generosity; Rarity is generous in that she wants to share what she has with others, Fluttershy is kind like a mother and doesn't like it when others are unhappy or worried.