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Triumph the Insult Comic Dog in Equestria
The contents of this story are no longer available
I’m not sure how this is going to be received by the other readers :P. It’s totally all over the place. Some parts are good (Twilight, Fluttershy), some are bland (Celestia, Pinkie Pie) and some are just gross without any visible justification for it.
Comes across as an example of 1970’s provocative British skit. Rollercoaster quality. Not very memorable, at the end.
I’m sure lot of people will simply abstain on this.
Anyways, that concludes my participation. Good luck to all!
Comes across as an example of 1970’s provocative British skit. Rollercoaster quality. Not very memorable, at the end.
I’m sure lot of people will simply abstain on this.
Anyways, that concludes my participation. Good luck to all!
Doing my tour of stories with low count reviews.
This one made me laugh a bit, but aside from that, there isn't any real bone to tie all this meat. All the parts feel disconnected. I'm sure with a more solid structure, or even a pretext for Triumph to go meet all of the main characters, this could have run smoothlier.
Even with absurd/meta/crack/joke fic, you need to give the reader something to hold onto as he dives into this world of madness.
This one made me laugh a bit, but aside from that, there isn't any real bone to tie all this meat. All the parts feel disconnected. I'm sure with a more solid structure, or even a pretext for Triumph to go meet all of the main characters, this could have run smoothlier.
Even with absurd/meta/crack/joke fic, you need to give the reader something to hold onto as he dives into this world of madness.
High-concept. Not really much of a story. Not really much to say. Triumph's pretty funny in here, I guess, and a couple of the scenes subvert expectations, so it's got that going for it.
But, again. It's not really much of a story. It's just a few unrelated scenes strung together by the same concept. So, while it did make me smile, I can't see this rising very high on my ballot.
Sorry, author. :/
But, again. It's not really much of a story. It's just a few unrelated scenes strung together by the same concept. So, while it did make me smile, I can't see this rising very high on my ballot.
Sorry, author. :/
The best way to write a story like this is to write tons and tons of material, then trim out the chaff to leave the gems behind. That's how minific format works, too, so I think this format is a good exercise for random comedy.
The result here is a mixed bag of amusing where the quality goes up and down. Many parts are spot-on Triumph (and very well written), while others are kind of forced. The first two sections and the last two sections need work to make them amusing (I wasn't aware Triumph vomited shit, nor that he could cover an entire castle with it), and the last line from Triumph on Twilight's section is a little weak. The rest is amusing and in-voice.
The underlying problem here isn't your skill at pulling it off (you're doing it well through most of the story). The problem is that Triumph just isn't funny. He's basically a gimmick used to extend insult comedy way, way past the 80's where the rest of it died (except for Gallagher, who remains extremely unfunny to this day). :ajunsure:
I think putting the B-Team insults in the Mane 6 section was highly confusing. I wasn't able to get who you were talking about until I reached the end of the story and re-read the beginning, because I presumed he'd start with the Mane 7 rather than naming ponies who aren't there to hear the insults. There were a lot of obvious digs you didn't hit on. Rainbow Dash being lesbian, Rarity wasting her life with dresses, anything at all with Spike, and so on. If I were writing this I'd start with the Mane 7 (meaning Spike not Glimglam) and then work my way down, but either way, the majority of an insult needs to be directed at the pony you're actually trying to insult. Some EQG references would be ripe material too.
I'm not sure if saying !@#$% in place of 'bitch' and 'ass' actually adds anything to the piece. This isn't an E story, and the descriptions of sex are much more ribald than the profanity, so I have to assume you're putting those in because you think they're funnier than the actual words. Are they? I have no idea. You might have to take a poll.
The result here is a mixed bag of amusing where the quality goes up and down. Many parts are spot-on Triumph (and very well written), while others are kind of forced. The first two sections and the last two sections need work to make them amusing (I wasn't aware Triumph vomited shit, nor that he could cover an entire castle with it), and the last line from Triumph on Twilight's section is a little weak. The rest is amusing and in-voice.
The underlying problem here isn't your skill at pulling it off (you're doing it well through most of the story). The problem is that Triumph just isn't funny. He's basically a gimmick used to extend insult comedy way, way past the 80's where the rest of it died (except for Gallagher, who remains extremely unfunny to this day). :ajunsure:
I think putting the B-Team insults in the Mane 6 section was highly confusing. I wasn't able to get who you were talking about until I reached the end of the story and re-read the beginning, because I presumed he'd start with the Mane 7 rather than naming ponies who aren't there to hear the insults. There were a lot of obvious digs you didn't hit on. Rainbow Dash being lesbian, Rarity wasting her life with dresses, anything at all with Spike, and so on. If I were writing this I'd start with the Mane 7 (meaning Spike not Glimglam) and then work my way down, but either way, the majority of an insult needs to be directed at the pony you're actually trying to insult. Some EQG references would be ripe material too.
I'm not sure if saying !@#$% in place of 'bitch' and 'ass' actually adds anything to the piece. This isn't an E story, and the descriptions of sex are much more ribald than the profanity, so I have to assume you're putting those in because you think they're funnier than the actual words. Are they? I have no idea. You might have to take a poll.
"Cupcakes, cupcakes, wooooooo!"
Good one, I think this went over most people's heads.
Anyway: what everyone else said. Not really a story, just a collection of single jokes, most not really that funny, some are okay, nothing made me bust a gut. Especially agree with everything >>Trick_Question said.
Comedy practice, needs work, probably good learning experience though. Thanks for writing!
I think the funniest line in the fic was the Winona crack, which unfortunately comes way early (ha ha ha).
Uh, honestly, I dunno much about Triumph beyond tiny bits I've seen, so I really have no idea about voicing here.
See my review on (Apple) Jacked In again, I guess. A few more cracks here at least got smiles out of me (what can I say, I'm awful), but a lot of them just generally fell flat. Honestly, I guess I'd say this is a somewhat better version of the Most Interesting Pony in the World fic from a few rounds ago, but has most of the same problems as well.
Uh, honestly, I dunno much about Triumph beyond tiny bits I've seen, so I really have no idea about voicing here.
See my review on (Apple) Jacked In again, I guess. A few more cracks here at least got smiles out of me (what can I say, I'm awful), but a lot of them just generally fell flat. Honestly, I guess I'd say this is a somewhat better version of the Most Interesting Pony in the World fic from a few rounds ago, but has most of the same problems as well.
>>Ranmilia
I know about the poorly written story already, I just don't see the connection.
I know about the poorly written story already, I just don't see the connection.
>>Trick_Question
It seems to be Triumph saying that line, and given that most of the story is him insulting ponies by making crude media references, I assumed the same thing was happening there, with a slightly subtle delivery. That's all.
It seems to be Triumph saying that line, and given that most of the story is him insulting ponies by making crude media references, I assumed the same thing was happening there, with a slightly subtle delivery. That's all.
Okay. I'm not particularly familiar with "Triumph the Insult Dog." Just familiar enough to know that I don't like him. And while this story did have a few random amusing bits, I spent the majority of it waiting for the little puppet turd eater to get it's comeuppance. Needless to say I was disappointed on that score.
I'm sorry, but whatever audience Triumph is geared towards, I am clearly not a part of.
I'm sorry, but whatever audience Triumph is geared towards, I am clearly not a part of.