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In Which Starlight Glimmer Discovers the Castle is Haunted
Spike tilted his head in confusion. "You mean the ghost?"
Starlight—eyes still as wide as they were when she started running—could only nod numbly.
"Oh, yeah," Spike said with a shrug. "Twilight told me to just ignore it. Something about the more attention you give it, the more power it gets."
Starlight's heaving chest was finally slowing down. "Like looking into the Crusaders' eyes when they want something?"
"Exactly." Spike resumed cleaning up his room as he continued. "You should probably just ignore it, too—"
He quickly realized he was talking to an empty room.
Starlight replayed in her mind the moment she first saw the ghost—opening up a door like any other and seeing the pale, translucent form of a pony. It was at that point that Starlight ran away faster than her hooves had ever carried her before.
That wasn't going to happen again, though. She looked up at the door and—after a breath to steady herself—pushed it open. This time, however, the room was empty.
Nothing a spirit-summoning spell couldn't fix.
Starlight's horn flared and with a flash, the ghost appeared before her. The ghost looked up in shock and soundlessly ran to the far side of the room. When the ghost came to a stop and curled against the wall, Starlight got her first good look at her.
Her mane seemed to flow in a gentle, ethereal breeze and just faded, rather than coming to an end. She looked cold, but Starlight knew that, due to the fact that a ghost lacked a corporeal form, this couldn't be the case.
Which only left one explanation: the ghost was scared.
"Um, hello?" Starlight said quietly. When the ghost seemed to relax, she continued. "What's your name?"
"W-W-Willow," the ghost finally said. "W-Willow Wisp."
"And why are you here, Willow?" Starlight asked as she took a careful step forward. The irony did not escape her that she was trying not to spook a ghost.
"This is..." Willow looked around slowly. "This is the Castle of Friendship..."
Starlight froze in place.
Willow turned back to look at her.
"...right?"
Starlight sat with Willow and listened to her story—the story of a pony who wanted nothing more than to make a friend. A pony who was too shy to follow through on those feelings. A pony who fell ill and lacked the strength to meet somepony, even if she had managed to build up enough courage to. A ghostly tear trickled down her cheek as she recounted the story, spilling and trailing like a drop of ink into water.
"I-I'm so sorry," Starlight managed to say.
Willow shook her head and pressed on. "That's why I came here, to the Castle of Friendship. I thought—I thought somepony here could..." She looked up at Starlight and, for the first time since they had met, smiled to her. "You're the first pony to talk to me since I came to this castle."
"Well, to be fair," Starlight said awkwardly, "not everypony knows how to cast a spirit-summoning spell."
And then Willow did something neither of them would've expected: she laughed. Her laughter was like the ringing of bells, and the sound made Starlight smile.
As her laughing slowed down, she looked at Starlight with a misty look in her eyes. "Is this what it's like?" she asked. "Is this what having a friend is like?"
"Oh! Um..." Starlight fumbled for an answer. "I-I'm still learning what it means to be... to be a friend."
Willow stood up and Starlight quickly mirrored the action. "Thank you for staying with me and listening to my story." She reached out, and to Starlight's amazement, pulled her in close. Somewhere along the way, Willow had gained the power to become solid enough to give her a hug. It was unexpectedly cool yet comforting, like a sudden breeze on a sunny day.
"...And thank you for coming back for me." She pulled back from the hug and smiled to her as she began to glow. The light became too intense for Starlight to look at and then faded all at once.
And Starlight was alone.
"Welcome home, Twilight," Starlight said, stepping aside to let her in.
"Thanks, Starlight." The two walked through the halls together at a casual pace. "Did anything interesting happen while I was away?"
"Oh, well, the ghost is gone," Starlight said. A small smile spread across her lips as she turned her gaze skyward.
"...And I also made a friend."
Starlight—eyes still as wide as they were when she started running—could only nod numbly.
"Oh, yeah," Spike said with a shrug. "Twilight told me to just ignore it. Something about the more attention you give it, the more power it gets."
Starlight's heaving chest was finally slowing down. "Like looking into the Crusaders' eyes when they want something?"
"Exactly." Spike resumed cleaning up his room as he continued. "You should probably just ignore it, too—"
He quickly realized he was talking to an empty room.
Starlight replayed in her mind the moment she first saw the ghost—opening up a door like any other and seeing the pale, translucent form of a pony. It was at that point that Starlight ran away faster than her hooves had ever carried her before.
That wasn't going to happen again, though. She looked up at the door and—after a breath to steady herself—pushed it open. This time, however, the room was empty.
Nothing a spirit-summoning spell couldn't fix.
Starlight's horn flared and with a flash, the ghost appeared before her. The ghost looked up in shock and soundlessly ran to the far side of the room. When the ghost came to a stop and curled against the wall, Starlight got her first good look at her.
Her mane seemed to flow in a gentle, ethereal breeze and just faded, rather than coming to an end. She looked cold, but Starlight knew that, due to the fact that a ghost lacked a corporeal form, this couldn't be the case.
Which only left one explanation: the ghost was scared.
"Um, hello?" Starlight said quietly. When the ghost seemed to relax, she continued. "What's your name?"
"W-W-Willow," the ghost finally said. "W-Willow Wisp."
"And why are you here, Willow?" Starlight asked as she took a careful step forward. The irony did not escape her that she was trying not to spook a ghost.
"This is..." Willow looked around slowly. "This is the Castle of Friendship..."
Starlight froze in place.
Willow turned back to look at her.
"...right?"
Starlight sat with Willow and listened to her story—the story of a pony who wanted nothing more than to make a friend. A pony who was too shy to follow through on those feelings. A pony who fell ill and lacked the strength to meet somepony, even if she had managed to build up enough courage to. A ghostly tear trickled down her cheek as she recounted the story, spilling and trailing like a drop of ink into water.
"I-I'm so sorry," Starlight managed to say.
Willow shook her head and pressed on. "That's why I came here, to the Castle of Friendship. I thought—I thought somepony here could..." She looked up at Starlight and, for the first time since they had met, smiled to her. "You're the first pony to talk to me since I came to this castle."
"Well, to be fair," Starlight said awkwardly, "not everypony knows how to cast a spirit-summoning spell."
And then Willow did something neither of them would've expected: she laughed. Her laughter was like the ringing of bells, and the sound made Starlight smile.
As her laughing slowed down, she looked at Starlight with a misty look in her eyes. "Is this what it's like?" she asked. "Is this what having a friend is like?"
"Oh! Um..." Starlight fumbled for an answer. "I-I'm still learning what it means to be... to be a friend."
Willow stood up and Starlight quickly mirrored the action. "Thank you for staying with me and listening to my story." She reached out, and to Starlight's amazement, pulled her in close. Somewhere along the way, Willow had gained the power to become solid enough to give her a hug. It was unexpectedly cool yet comforting, like a sudden breeze on a sunny day.
"...And thank you for coming back for me." She pulled back from the hug and smiled to her as she began to glow. The light became too intense for Starlight to look at and then faded all at once.
And Starlight was alone.
"Welcome home, Twilight," Starlight said, stepping aside to let her in.
"Thanks, Starlight." The two walked through the halls together at a casual pace. "Did anything interesting happen while I was away?"
"Oh, well, the ghost is gone," Starlight said. A small smile spread across her lips as she turned her gaze skyward.
"...And I also made a friend."
Aww.
This was cute and fluffy and just nice. I think the prompt itself could have been referenced a little more strongly (though you could argue that it was more of a prompt inversion), but I like the premise and I really enjoyed the execution. The multiple scenes gave the story more depth and length, and you used your space effectively. Willow's story could have become slightly mawkish if it had continued for much longer, but you quickly swing back to the primary matter at hand: friendship. That kept the tone where it needed to be, and the story benefited as a result.
I do find it hard to believe that Twilight wouldn't have had her curiosity piqued enough to have investigated the ghost herself—to have attempted to communicate with it at the very least—but at least the route you chose gave Starlight centre stage, and I always appreciate that.
Thanks for sharing your work; I expect this will feature in the upper tiers of my slate. Because I do love my cute fluff.
This was cute and fluffy and just nice. I think the prompt itself could have been referenced a little more strongly (though you could argue that it was more of a prompt inversion), but I like the premise and I really enjoyed the execution. The multiple scenes gave the story more depth and length, and you used your space effectively. Willow's story could have become slightly mawkish if it had continued for much longer, but you quickly swing back to the primary matter at hand: friendship. That kept the tone where it needed to be, and the story benefited as a result.
I do find it hard to believe that Twilight wouldn't have had her curiosity piqued enough to have investigated the ghost herself—to have attempted to communicate with it at the very least—but at least the route you chose gave Starlight centre stage, and I always appreciate that.
Thanks for sharing your work; I expect this will feature in the upper tiers of my slate. Because I do love my cute fluff.
This is very in tone with the show, good job for that. A very cute little story, without a doubt.
I agree with >>Ceffyl_Dwr about Twilight not dealing with the ghost but you couldn't really waste words to come up with a rationnal explanation and, moreover, suspension of disbelief works for this short story.
Since a large part of the fandom started to hate Starlight, I started to like her in response, so everytime someone spends words to celebrate her, I automatically like it.
If you ever decide to expand this and publish on FimFic, drop me a link here or on Discord, I would be happy to read it.
I agree with >>Ceffyl_Dwr about Twilight not dealing with the ghost but you couldn't really waste words to come up with a rationnal explanation and, moreover, suspension of disbelief works for this short story.
Since a large part of the fandom started to hate Starlight, I started to like her in response, so everytime someone spends words to celebrate her, I automatically like it.
If you ever decide to expand this and publish on FimFic, drop me a link here or on Discord, I would be happy to read it.
Episode-esque in genre, though too short and simple to make it into the mainline of that.
Ha!
This comes across weirdly in plot to me. To me, that noun phrase implies a more usual cross-dimension spirit-summoning spell, and one that presumably requires a "lock" of some sort on the spirit one wishes to summon (or one gets an arbitrary one satisfying some criteria). If Sunset fled the first time, she wouldn't have concentrated enough on the ghost to be able to pick it out of a lineup afterwards. So the way this spell works doesn't exactly contradict anything, but it implies a somewhat off-beat cosmology / magic-physics. (Maybe that ghosts are rare enough and the spell short-range enough that she's guaranteed to get the same one?)
"Willow Wisp" is a little on the nose.
The second scene break feels kind of jerky.
The ending line feels odd, because the last section seems to imply that the other character in question is gone forever, at least given the usual tropes associated with the manner of disappearance.
Overall enjoyable but could use some polish and better flow.
"Like looking into the Crusaders' eyes when they want something?"
Ha!
Nothing a spirit-summoning spell couldn't fix.
This comes across weirdly in plot to me. To me, that noun phrase implies a more usual cross-dimension spirit-summoning spell, and one that presumably requires a "lock" of some sort on the spirit one wishes to summon (or one gets an arbitrary one satisfying some criteria). If Sunset fled the first time, she wouldn't have concentrated enough on the ghost to be able to pick it out of a lineup afterwards. So the way this spell works doesn't exactly contradict anything, but it implies a somewhat off-beat cosmology / magic-physics. (Maybe that ghosts are rare enough and the spell short-range enough that she's guaranteed to get the same one?)
"Willow Wisp" is a little on the nose.
The second scene break feels kind of jerky.
The ending line feels odd, because the last section seems to imply that the other character in question is gone forever, at least given the usual tropes associated with the manner of disappearance.
Overall enjoyable but could use some polish and better flow.
Addendum: I've realized what bothers me about this piece more exactly, and I think it's that it feels like it wants to be a longer arc, but all the tension got chopped out of it, so the result is pretty emotionally flat. The narration is more plot-oriented than scene/mood/character-oriented, but the plot isn't the strong part; it doesn't have enough bite. Figuring out how to put some real conflict or tension in (maybe during expansion, if you do that) would fix this; changing the style drastically so the story isn't focusing on its own flaws would too, though that would be more turning it into a different story.
Hits the prompt, but it feels tacked on. There's a good core to this, a ghost needing a friend, but I'm not sure that's enough. That it takes only one meeting and then she passes on weakens it emotionally for me. Friendship is more than just being nice to someone once, so the resolution feels like it missed the point of real friendship. Also, as others noted, Twilight "ignoring" this seems implausible.
*pouts* I wanna meet a ghost...
Not a bad story overall. I see no point in reiterating what everyone else has already said, so I'll just note that I agree on the Twilight-not-investigating issue and think this would have worked better if it had had another 500-1000 words to play with.
But again: not bad.
Not a bad story overall. I see no point in reiterating what everyone else has already said, so I'll just note that I agree on the Twilight-not-investigating issue and think this would have worked better if it had had another 500-1000 words to play with.
But again: not bad.
i can't believe fluttershy is bucking dead
Toss me on the "not believable that Twilight would not immediately investigate a ghost" pile. Or, to look at it from another perspective, I don't know why Starlight is the protagonist here instead of anypony else. She doesn't seem to bring anything to the story that FRIENDSHIP BOT 9000 wouldn't, and that's unfortunate because the setup itself is fairly generic and the ghost is Fluttershy. Reading this is all right, but mostly makes me want to read the same scenario with different characters who might bring some more zest to the piece.
All right, maybe that isn't entirely accurate. There are some phrases that stand out. Starlight brings a heaving chest to the table, perfect for hugging ghosts with misty eyes and manes that seem to flow in gentle, ethereal breeze, until they glow and become too intense and then fade all at once and... oh. Oh. Oh, I see.
You know, I actually like this more after figuring out that it's Starlight's cover story to Spike about her totally platonic interaction with a ghost that mysteriously won't be seen around the castle again. Or, at least, I'm going to choose to interpret it that way, rather than the less charitable "slightly creepy ship bait."
I wish we'd gotten to see more of Willow's story.
On the whole, though, this is a quite solid piece. Good structure, fits itself into the mini length, characters are basic but at least they exist, hooks and maintains reader interest. Solid stuff, thanks for writing!
Toss me on the "not believable that Twilight would not immediately investigate a ghost" pile. Or, to look at it from another perspective, I don't know why Starlight is the protagonist here instead of anypony else. She doesn't seem to bring anything to the story that FRIENDSHIP BOT 9000 wouldn't, and that's unfortunate because the setup itself is fairly generic and the ghost is Fluttershy. Reading this is all right, but mostly makes me want to read the same scenario with different characters who might bring some more zest to the piece.
All right, maybe that isn't entirely accurate. There are some phrases that stand out. Starlight brings a heaving chest to the table, perfect for hugging ghosts with misty eyes and manes that seem to flow in gentle, ethereal breeze, until they glow and become too intense and then fade all at once and... oh. Oh. Oh, I see.
You know, I actually like this more after figuring out that it's Starlight's cover story to Spike about her totally platonic interaction with a ghost that mysteriously won't be seen around the castle again. Or, at least, I'm going to choose to interpret it that way, rather than the less charitable "slightly creepy ship bait."
I wish we'd gotten to see more of Willow's story.
On the whole, though, this is a quite solid piece. Good structure, fits itself into the mini length, characters are basic but at least they exist, hooks and maintains reader interest. Solid stuff, thanks for writing!
Personally, I had the feeling that the story didn't fully live up to its premise. I wish Willow's ghostly nature had been explored more; it felt like it was used just to set up a connection with the prompt. Even despite the reminders in the narration ("ghostly tears" and the like), the conversation between Starlight and Willow didn't really give the feeling of a dialogue with a ghost. Willow comes off as any regular pony, who just happens to be incorporeal.
Also, Twilight ends up looking like a prejudiced jerk, who just assumes the ghost is evil and never bothers to talk to her. Where's the inquisitive pony we know from the show, who would have been delighted at the chance to study/hang out with a ghost? Where's the pony who stood up for Zecora when all other ponies had been afraid of her? I think that setting up the ghost in Twilight's castle weakens the story; it requires Twilight to be bent way out-of-character to justify why has the ghost been there for so long.
Also, Twilight ends up looking like a prejudiced jerk, who just assumes the ghost is evil and never bothers to talk to her. Where's the inquisitive pony we know from the show, who would have been delighted at the chance to study/hang out with a ghost? Where's the pony who stood up for Zecora when all other ponies had been afraid of her? I think that setting up the ghost in Twilight's castle weakens the story; it requires Twilight to be bent way out-of-character to justify why has the ghost been there for so long.
A bit too much namby-pamby for my taste. This sounds like a child story (The Ghost who Wanted to Befriend Me) to me. Really, it’s an idea that has been tackled many times and this particular version, while being cute, doesn’t add anything really specific besides being set in MLP backdrop. Not bad, but too run-of-the-mill to stand out.
I like the story, and thought it was well-written; I have a soft spot for fluffy pieces.
But I do agree that Twilight would be curious about a ghost as opposed to dismissive, and I think the story needs something more. How could there be a ghost in a castle that's only a few years old at most? Could Willow be a spirit that somehow got trapped in the Elements of Harmony long ago, and was only released when the Friendship Castle was created? Is she maybe the spirit of the Castle, or maybe the Cutie Map? Or maybe there's a legend about Willow in Ponyville, one requiring Starlight to canvas the town?
Just some ideas I thought I'd throw out. And thanks for sharing!
But I do agree that Twilight would be curious about a ghost as opposed to dismissive, and I think the story needs something more. How could there be a ghost in a castle that's only a few years old at most? Could Willow be a spirit that somehow got trapped in the Elements of Harmony long ago, and was only released when the Friendship Castle was created? Is she maybe the spirit of the Castle, or maybe the Cutie Map? Or maybe there's a legend about Willow in Ponyville, one requiring Starlight to canvas the town?
Just some ideas I thought I'd throw out. And thanks for sharing!
I like this and I want to like it more, but I feel it is slightly hindered by length. I know pony pacing isn't great all the time and we have quick friendships and quick redemptions and all that, but this one just goes a little too quick for tonally feeling like this ended in spectrophilia territory.