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Ooooh. the Stanford Prison Experiment as a corporate model... Very interesting, and very dark. thumbs up!
I need a hug.
This was dark, depressing, and felt perfectly plausible.
The opening could be stronger, but that is probably most of the criticism I can move toward the story. The couple of scenes we see helps to set the tone, and the ending is a laconic stab in the side, which meshes well with the overall theme of the story.
Alls in all, a very good entry that made me queasy. Thank you.
This was dark, depressing, and felt perfectly plausible.
The opening could be stronger, but that is probably most of the criticism I can move toward the story. The couple of scenes we see helps to set the tone, and the ending is a laconic stab in the side, which meshes well with the overall theme of the story.
Alls in all, a very good entry that made me queasy. Thank you.
A very interesting setting you delivered here, but before talking about it, let's cover some other things.
The pace was great. Dividing your story in three, even if you were obviously following the book, is usually a great idea to tell things. Each act happens in a different setting and gives us new informations on what's going on, without being too straightforward.
Moreover, there was a good balanced between dialog and inner thoughts (for me).
Now the story's comment.
It's with the comment that I have a problem (it's not a big one, mind you). Not because I think it's impossible or because I don't find the idea interesting. The problem I have is that the idea isn't enough developped. I know that it's MiniFic and that we don't have much room to convey many things but I think this idea was too big for a MiniFic round. It could be balanced by focusing on characters, and you did that for the first two acts. But the third one reveals that prisonners and guards regurlaly switch places, so the main focus of this act is on the idea that it's the role which shapes the man and not the opposite.
But aside from telling us that, the story hasn't much else to say. I would have like you to explain why, giving us arguments and several examples, even if it's an idea I usually agree with, especially when dealing with positions of power.
All in all, the story was great, with a solid writing and a solid pace but it falls very short to be really amazing. Because of that, it will be between a low top-contender and a high mid-tier.
The pace was great. Dividing your story in three, even if you were obviously following the book, is usually a great idea to tell things. Each act happens in a different setting and gives us new informations on what's going on, without being too straightforward.
Moreover, there was a good balanced between dialog and inner thoughts (for me).
Now the story's comment.
It's with the comment that I have a problem (it's not a big one, mind you). Not because I think it's impossible or because I don't find the idea interesting. The problem I have is that the idea isn't enough developped. I know that it's MiniFic and that we don't have much room to convey many things but I think this idea was too big for a MiniFic round. It could be balanced by focusing on characters, and you did that for the first two acts. But the third one reveals that prisonners and guards regurlaly switch places, so the main focus of this act is on the idea that it's the role which shapes the man and not the opposite.
But aside from telling us that, the story hasn't much else to say. I would have like you to explain why, giving us arguments and several examples, even if it's an idea I usually agree with, especially when dealing with positions of power.
All in all, the story was great, with a solid writing and a solid pace but it falls very short to be really amazing. Because of that, it will be between a low top-contender and a high mid-tier.
Oof. I hate this! Brutal, unflinching, depressing, not much point to it besides being depressing, and I didn't find it extremely believable. Models like the Stanford Prison Experiment, and real prisons, work because people don't switch sides. Crossover between inmates and guards are how you get guard corruption and smuggling and all that going on...
... But all that aside, the hate is in a good way. This is quite well written. It has a strong structure with a clear beginning/middle/end, a good intro hook, introduces its characters well, and sustains interest all the way through. I have to disagree with Fenton, I think this is a strong showing of execution within the mini format.
Some points go off for relying on shock and brutality, especially in the middle section, which hammers hard enough to bring me out of the piece a bit. It might be a stronger piece overall with that scene cut, or cut down some? That may be my taste leaking through, though. I'd also like to see a little bit more of the narrator beyond fear and pressure.
Probably has to be in the conversation for top tier this round - it's the best entry of the seven I've read so far, on a technical level. It doesn't wow me, and there are things I want to pick at, but setting taste aside the fundamentals here are good. Thanks for writing!
... But all that aside, the hate is in a good way. This is quite well written. It has a strong structure with a clear beginning/middle/end, a good intro hook, introduces its characters well, and sustains interest all the way through. I have to disagree with Fenton, I think this is a strong showing of execution within the mini format.
Some points go off for relying on shock and brutality, especially in the middle section, which hammers hard enough to bring me out of the piece a bit. It might be a stronger piece overall with that scene cut, or cut down some? That may be my taste leaking through, though. I'd also like to see a little bit more of the narrator beyond fear and pressure.
Probably has to be in the conversation for top tier this round - it's the best entry of the seven I've read so far, on a technical level. It doesn't wow me, and there are things I want to pick at, but setting taste aside the fundamentals here are good. Thanks for writing!
This is really solid work. We discussed it somewhat on the podcast, and I changed my original interpretation from something like 'corporations are evil' to something more like 'power corrupts all too easily' during discussion with Quill. I do think that's a less anvilicious point, but I also think the outlandishness of the setting undercuts it somewhat... it's like, if this setting is specifically constructed to corrupt people, then... yeah, no real surprises there? Maybe I'm still missing the point, but it's visceral either way.
This doesn't feel like it's taking any big risks, but it's very well done; even if it's playing by the rules, it's still firing on all cylinders. And sometimes that's all you need.
This doesn't feel like it's taking any big risks, but it's very well done; even if it's playing by the rules, it's still firing on all cylinders. And sometimes that's all you need.
Something about the dialogue beats here just don't quite read right to me, but I can't put my finger on it, so this may just be a case of insanity.
Technically super solid (seriously, I realize I'm saying that on all three at the end here, but they really are). Ending... I both like and don't, if that makes sense? There's something to be said for the presentation of the story making it a punch being good, but there's also something inherently a little silly about him apparently immediately going cruel within seconds.
Ultimately, I feel conflicted.
Technically super solid (seriously, I realize I'm saying that on all three at the end here, but they really are). Ending... I both like and don't, if that makes sense? There's something to be said for the presentation of the story making it a punch being good, but there's also something inherently a little silly about him apparently immediately going cruel within seconds.
Ultimately, I feel conflicted.