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Black Swan Song
Earth’s Last Gleaming
A teenaged girl and her small dog stood outside the front entrance to Canterlot High, watching a nearby statue intently. With one of her hands she fiddles with the gemstone in her necklace, with the other she manically checks the time on her phone.
The dog looks up at his master with concern etched on his tiny brow. “Take it easy Twilight. I’m sure everything is fine.”
Twilight reached down to pet her friend on the head. “I’m sorry Spike, I’m just so nervous! What if we didn’t solve the temporal-syncing problem? Or properly identify the override on the transformation matrix? They could pop out of the statue in hundred years as a pair of squirrels!”
“Squirrels?” the dog shook his head. “Nevermind that. What time are they supposed to arrive?”
“7:30 am”
“And what time is it?”
“7:29”
“Well there you go. Sunset might not mind a few minutes either way, but if the other you is anything like the real you she is going to be precise down to the second.”
“We’re both real Spike.” Twilight sighed. “I suppose you’re right though. At any rate there are only a few seconds left, I’m sure Sunset and the Princess will…”
Twilight was cut off by the sudden appearance of a distortion effect on the face of the statue’s base. Also the 7:30 am alarm on Twilight’s phone. Moments later another teenage girl with red and yellow hair stumbled out of the portal that had formed. Followed soon after by a small purple horse with wings and a single horn jutting from her forehead. Twilight quickly turned off her alarm and raced over to her friend and her counterpart, Spike following close behind.
“Sunset? Princess? Are you alright?”
The girl named Sunset was the first to recover. She jumped up and grabbed Twilight by the shoulders. “It worked! It worked!” I was still human on the other side, and there was no time differential this time, and I could feel magic over there, and that might mean that we could bring more controlled magic over here, and Twilight is still a pony on this side, and that means people and ponies can now swap species at will, and and and…” With a giant grin Sunset wrapped the other girl in a bear hug and cheered one last time. “We did it!”
As the purple alicorn started to stir another alert sounded from Twilight’s phone.
“What was that?” asked Sunset as she helped the pony to her hooves.
“Don’t know, don’t care. This is way more important. How are you feeling? … er, both of you.”
The pony stood slowly, still wobbling slightly “Egh, dizzy. We’ll have to recalibrate the integration matrix before any Unicorns come through. My horn passing through that much magic is like, like, I don’t know, a spotlight to the eyes is the closest analogy I can think of.”
Twilight bit her lip, then shook her head and steeled herself. “Princess, I’m so glad you are here. As yourself I mean. As a pony I mean! Gah! I mean your ability to sense magic will be very helpful on this side of the portal.”
The alicorn smiled up at her human counterpart. “It’s okay Twilight, I think I understand where you are coming from. And please, I told you, you don’t have to call me ‘Princess’. I’m Twilight Sparkle, just like you.”
“Not just like me.” the human Twilight mumbled.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.” a look of mild concern on the pony’s face.
“Sorry, it’s just, ah, less confusing to think of you as ‘Princess’.”
The pony frowned slightly for a moment, then shrugged. “I suppose I see the practicality of it.”
Sunset checked her phone quickly and addressed her compatriots. “It looks like our experiment was a resounding success! The rest of the students will probably be arriving in twenty minutes or so, so we should probably take our measurements. If the portal is locked to the statue on this side like we thought we might well be able to move it to a more secure location. We should probably get Principal Celestia up to speed if that’s our plan though.”
“Right” the two Twilights said in unison. The pony looked bashful while the human gritted her teeth.
After twenty short minutes, too many of which were taken up by Sunset trying to translate the Equestrian Analyze Dweomer spell for Twilight's use, the School buses and student cars began to arrive.
“Princess, you should either hide or go back through the portal for now, we don’t want to cause a scene.” said Twilight
“Alright, I’ll stick around though, I’d like to see my other friends on this side before I go.”
“Umm, sure. But how are you going to remain hidden?”
“Invisibility spell!” the Princess said with a grin.
Twilight clenched her fists slightly. “Makes… sense. Look, cloak yourself,” she looked to Sunset “and can you make sure no one enters the portal accidentally?”
“Can do boss.” Sunset saluted.
“”I’m worrying over nothing, aren't I?”
Sunset put a hand on Twilight’s shoulder. “Little bit. Hey, I get it. This is all new and scary and world changing. And maybe you didn’t have the best first experience with magic. But we’ve got time. Go gather up the gang. According to our readings we’ll need to talk to Celestia anyway, we can probably get permission slips for being late to class at the same time.”
With a quick smile and a nod Twilight set off.
A few minutes later Twilight returned with Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rarity. A huddled conversation later informed the newcomers of the additional Twilight present and the plan once the courtyard surrounding the statue emptied.
Fortunately the last student entered the school soon enough allowing the pony Princess to reveal herself to her friends. While six humans and one equine caught up and expressed shock about true forms not matching imagination, Twilight found herself wandering off to the side of the group. Looking back she saw Fluttershy asking if she could see the Princess’s wings more closely. As the pony extended a wing Twilight decided now would be a good time to check that alert from earlier.
Checking her phone she saw it was a news bulletin. She frowned, she had not set many news items to actually chime if they occurred. And most of the things on that list were not good. With a sinking feeling she navigated to the source of the alert and began to read.
Seconds later she dropped her phone, her body so frozen shock she didn't even notice the tears now welling in her eyes.
Soon after she once again felt a comforting hand on her shoulder as she turned to look into Sunset’s eyes. After a moment of Twilight standing speechless Sunset spoke up. “Uh, your phone looks okay. Um, do you want to go somewhere private and talk?”
Twilight started to shake her head when she noticed her counterpart looking at her. She looked worried, all her friends looked worried. That wasn’t important right now. Where was her line of thought going? Right, the Princess… the portal! That was it!
With a shake of her head Twilight address the group. “Okay, everyone listen up! We need to get everyone, and I mean everyone through this portal ASAP!”
The Princess was the first to regain her wits from the shock of that idea. “Uh, Twilight, we haven’t done any large scale stress testing. We have no idea if the portal can handle all the students going to Equestria. Even if the portal can, the journal linking the two worlds might burn out. But I think the main thing is none of us know why you want everyone to go to Equestria.”
“First of all I didn’t say all the students, I said everyone! All seven billion of us! Although it’s probably too late for most of them. Even if they are still alive they could never get here in time and we can't risk contamination regardless.”
“Contamination? Was there a disease outbreak?” Sunset asked. Still holding Twilight’s phone she looked at the alert that had freaked Twilight out so much.
“Worse, so much worse. Someone was stupid enough to make molecular assemblers without a failsafe mode!” At seven blank stares Twilight continued “Nanites! It’s the Grey Goo scenario!”
Sunset looked up from Twilight’s phone. “Switzerland is gone. France, Germany, and Italy will be dead within three hours.” Her face had gone pale.
“Because of the trade winds, the Atlantic ocean, and the fact that the nanites probably can’t travel faster than the speed of sound we probably have more that ten hours of evacuation time, but that is a lot of variables and I just don't know! So we need to get everyone through that portal NOW!”
The Princess walked up to her and looked her in the eye. “Twilight, if something is killing entire countries on the other side of the world then I understand you. And as a representative of the Equestrian government I would be happy to offer sanctuary to any who need it. But if I am going to commit to this path I need to understand the nature of the threat you face, I can not allow Equestria to be put at risk.”
“ARGH! FINE! But I’m only explaining it once, too many live are being lost every second we delay.” Twilight turned and started running to the Principal’s office and yelled back “Come on, we’ll need Celestia’s help to evacuate the school so we will need to tell her too.”
In the Principal’s office with Celestia and Luna Twilight was struggling to explain the depth of the problem. “Okay, you know the story of the wizard who enchants a broom to make more copies of itself and it keeps replicating and replicating?”
Luna blinked, “We know the general parable, yes.”
“We have a similar story in Equestria.” the Princess supplied, receiving yet more surprised looks from the adults.
“Yeah well, I don't know who, but someone made one, a real self replicating machine. And it’s currently eating its way across Europe. By this time tomorrow, at the latest, there won't be a living thing left on the surface of this planet.”
Celestia glanced over at her computer and then back at Twilight “It seems you aren't the only one to think so. But what do you expect us to do about it?”
“And what is she?” Luna pointed at the Princess who just rolled her eyes.
“She represents our way out. You know about the magic around Canterlot High. It seeped in from a portal to her world that is affixed to the base of the statue in front of this school. We can go there, destroy the portal from that side, and the nanites will never be able to reach us. We can’t save everyone, but maybe we can save enough that humanity will survive.“
Celestia nodded, stood and reached for the intercom. “I will tell all the students to meet by the statute. Does anyone have any other suggestions?”
When Celestia’s eyes passed over Sunset, Twilight and the alien she saw steel in their expression. When glancing at the other five she saw haunted faces and shivering bodies.
Despite her obvious fear, after a moment Applejack spoke up, “Yeah, tell them to call their families, get ‘em to come here too.”
“Their friends too.” Pinkie whispered, looking deflated.
“Get them to tell everyone they call to call everyone they know.” said Rainbow.
“Maybe we should call the mayor and the police chief, let them know we have a plan of sorts.” offered Rarity.
“The other schools too. I’m sure Dean Cadence will want to evacuate Crystal Prep.” said Twilight.
After another moment it became apparent that no more suggestions were forthcoming. “Very well done girls. Make your phone calls then meet us at the statue.”
While walking to the portal with her counterpart and Sunset the pony Princess turned to Twilight when they were out of earshot of the others. “Not calling your family?”
“Celestia will call Cadence. Cadence will call my brother, and he will call my parents. I need to focus on the bigger situation.”
“And what is your honest assessment of the situation?”
“Most of the human race will be dead by tomorrow. I’m trying to think long term. From what I’ve read our species has come back from a population of less than 10,000 before, so that seems to be the minimum number for all of this to be worth it. This town has a population of approximately 6000. If we are able to arrange it perfectly we might be able to get one person through the portal every second. That’s 3600 people an hour. 86,400 in a day, but we almost certainly don't have a ,day. The nearest major city has a population of 700,000 and the entire state has a population of 5.5 million. Getting them here wouldn’t be the biggest challenge, it’s only a few hours drive from the farthest part of the state to here. There’s just no way to get people through the portal fast enough for it to matter. “
“I’m sorry, I’m just still in something of a daze. This is all so surreal to me.” said the Princess.
Twilight grabbed the Princess in her shaky telekinesis and slammed her back first against a nearby locker. “This is my world! Sometimes random crap happens here and there is nothing you can do about it. We can’t all be lucky enough to come from a utopia where everyone loves you and nothing ever goes wrong!”
For the third time that day a comforting hand found its way to Twilight’s shoulder. “Let her down Twilight.” said Sunset. The rest of their friends were standing behind Rarity’s raised shield.
“Gah! Of course you’d take her side.” Twilight let the Princess go.
“There are no sides here Twilight. I may not have been born here, but I’ve lived here for years, and I had planned on staying. I came to love this world and I’m proof the other world isn’t perfect.”
Twilight fell to the floor, crying in earnest this time. “It’s just so hopeless. I don't even have a list of the problems with this situation.”
Choosing to re-enter the conversation the Princess sat beside Twilight on the ground. “I might know of a magic that could help. I doubt it could restore the dead, but it might be able to stop the spread of these nanites. It’s called the rainbow power and its predecessor was quite versatile, performing both banishment and transmutation. We were able to restore magical balance to our entire country using it.”
Twilight perked up at that. “That is certainly getting closer to the scale we would need…”
“The only magic that works on that scale is altering the orbit of the Sun, Moon, or planet.” said the Princess.
“You can really do that?”
“Yes… I’m surprised Sunset didn’t mention it to you.” She glanced at Sunset who just shrugged.
“Sorry, I just assumed that was some sort of propaganda Sunset fell for.”
“Um, well, at any rate, that sort of magic doesn’t really help us.”
“Are you kidding? Princess, try and think bigger! We can’t stop these things. Nothing can. They might eventually spread beyond the Earth. The entire galaxy could end up destroyed. You can stop that. Once we have saved as many as we can you have to through the Earth into the Sun!”
“What!?” the Princess looked horrified
“Look we don't have time to argue,” Twilight stood up and started marching towards the statue “Celestia and Luna will be coming any minute, then we need to have a settled course of action. This world is doomed, if we can save all the other world that might be out there we have to do it. And let's face it, we have nothing left to lose.”
The Princess spoke up again. “It might not be doomed though. As I said, if I can go get my freinds we might be able to save this world.”
Twilight wheeled on the spot and stared into the Princess’s eyes. “Fine you have my attention. What does this Rainbow Power do and how does it work?”
“No one is sure how it works, but it seems to restore Harmony to the word. These nanties seem like they would qualify as unnatual.”
Twilight let out a bitter laugh. “Maybe in your world. Here they are based on entirely natural laws and behave like super powered bacteria. The only thing unnatural in this world is magic!”
The group of girls exited the school and made the way to the statue in the courtyard in silence. After a minute the Princess spoke up again. “I’m sorry Twilight but you still havent given a real reason to not try. I should go and-”
“Wait.” squeaked a tiny voice not heard since the news was discovered this morning, save for a rushed phone call to her parents and brother.
The Princess turned. “Yes, what is it Fluttershy?”
“I, I dont understand most of what you two are saying, but someone said these things are like a bacteria, like a disease. And Twilight” she pointed at the pony “you said that you wanted to try restoring balance. But, um, what if that’s like giving a disease an antibiotic?”
Twilight’s eyes went even wider than the first time. “Fluttershy, you just saved more lives than anyone can possibly imagine. But you girls need to go through this portal now!” Twilight reached down, grabbed Spike and shoved him into Fluttershy’s arms.
Sunset and the rest of the girls looked confused, but the Princess spoke up. “You think these nanites might be able to learn to manipulate magical energy?”
“Not learn, no, it would be more of a natural selection process.” Twilight shook her head to clear her thoughts,“It doesn’t matter. The point is those things must never be allowed to interact with magical energy. And that means you girls have got to go. NOW!”
Twilight, Sunset and the Princess sent their friends through with instructions for the Spike on the other side. He was to send a message to Princess Celestia and Luna and start arranging accommodations for the many humans that would soon be incoming.
After Principal Celestia and Luna had arranged the students into a mostly orderly queue, with each teacher checking to ensure their charges were accounted for, Twilight finally had a moment to think. A moment that was soon interrupted by Sunset.
“Not that I’m not grateful that our friends are safe, but, the three of us represent the the highest remaining concentrations of magic in this world. I get why we need to stay, but our friends would have wanted to help and it wouldn’t have been any worse with them here.”
“Three things. They can help on that side. I would have been even harder to concentrate if I was worrying about them too. And finally, It absolutely would have been worse. The magic concentration would have been higher. We don't know how much worse, but we are dealing with the fate of the multiverse. We can not risk letting the nanties follow us.”
“I guess it’s hard to see the forest for the trees sometimes. How is the thinking going?”
“Not good, I’ve come up with a hierarchy of priorities. Save the multiverse, save as many humans as possible, save this universe, save the solar system. I’d add save the planet, but despite what the Princess say,” she chin pointed at the pony be gawked at by the students filing through the portal, “I think it’s a write off.”
Sunset frowned but nodded. “I might have an actionable idea that fits that mould, but I want to hear if you have any ideas first.”
“No, I just have another problem. Even if we went through and closed the portal immediately, there would still be residual \magic by the time the swarm arrived. The Princess throwing the Earth into the sun won't help, assuming she can move the Earth at orbital velocity it’ll take two months to get there. That’s a lot of potential exposure. Honestly it would be better if we could just blow up the Sun.”
“Well, that doesn’t seem likely.”
“I know. She’s have to be able to stop fusion in the core of the Sun over an area, I don’t even know! As big as possible, thats for sure” That is when Twilight noticed the pony staring at her.
“Your Celestia thought my presences was slowing the line down. Something called rubbernecking.”
“You heard?”
“You want me to blow up the Sun.”
“Yes.”
“Everything I’ve ever learned about astro-manipulation revolves around not doing that. Not to mention that we are standing on a planet orbiting the star you want me to blow up!”
“I know, I know. But we’d have eight minutes after you trigger the detonation to get through the mirror. Its the best plan I’ve got!”
“Eight minutes? How far away is your Sun?”
“Uh… roughly eight light-minutes? 150,000,000 km for what it’s worth. A nova shockwave travels at about light speed.”
“Honestly, that sounds outside my ability. Maybe Princess Celestia could, but there is no way l would be able to.”
“So thats your plan?” asked Sunset.
“I guess. Still need to find a way to get more people through the portal.”
“Should probably track down the sirens too. They may still be magically active. And if they’ve been around since the Equestrian Classical Era they may know if there is any local magic we need to be concerned about.” said the Princess.
Sunset just gave her a wry look.
“What? I did some research when I got back.”
Twilight spoke up again. “Alright Sunset. What is your idea that you clearly don't want to tell me?”
Sunset sighed. “You really aren’t going to like it.”
“Just tell me.”
“Midnight Sparkle.”
Twilight reeled back as if slapped. “NO! I put that behind me. You helped me put that behind me!”
“I know, I know. That’s why I think it might be different this time. But you we’re able to rip holes in reality, holes between worlds, and that is what we need right now. As you said, our biggest problem is getting people through fast enough.”
How many could you save?
A teenaged girl and her small dog stood outside the front entrance to Canterlot High, watching a nearby statue intently. With one of her hands she fiddles with the gemstone in her necklace, with the other she manically checks the time on her phone.
The dog looks up at his master with concern etched on his tiny brow. “Take it easy Twilight. I’m sure everything is fine.”
Twilight reached down to pet her friend on the head. “I’m sorry Spike, I’m just so nervous! What if we didn’t solve the temporal-syncing problem? Or properly identify the override on the transformation matrix? They could pop out of the statue in hundred years as a pair of squirrels!”
“Squirrels?” the dog shook his head. “Nevermind that. What time are they supposed to arrive?”
“7:30 am”
“And what time is it?”
“7:29”
“Well there you go. Sunset might not mind a few minutes either way, but if the other you is anything like the real you she is going to be precise down to the second.”
“We’re both real Spike.” Twilight sighed. “I suppose you’re right though. At any rate there are only a few seconds left, I’m sure Sunset and the Princess will…”
Twilight was cut off by the sudden appearance of a distortion effect on the face of the statue’s base. Also the 7:30 am alarm on Twilight’s phone. Moments later another teenage girl with red and yellow hair stumbled out of the portal that had formed. Followed soon after by a small purple horse with wings and a single horn jutting from her forehead. Twilight quickly turned off her alarm and raced over to her friend and her counterpart, Spike following close behind.
“Sunset? Princess? Are you alright?”
The girl named Sunset was the first to recover. She jumped up and grabbed Twilight by the shoulders. “It worked! It worked!” I was still human on the other side, and there was no time differential this time, and I could feel magic over there, and that might mean that we could bring more controlled magic over here, and Twilight is still a pony on this side, and that means people and ponies can now swap species at will, and and and…” With a giant grin Sunset wrapped the other girl in a bear hug and cheered one last time. “We did it!”
As the purple alicorn started to stir another alert sounded from Twilight’s phone.
“What was that?” asked Sunset as she helped the pony to her hooves.
“Don’t know, don’t care. This is way more important. How are you feeling? … er, both of you.”
The pony stood slowly, still wobbling slightly “Egh, dizzy. We’ll have to recalibrate the integration matrix before any Unicorns come through. My horn passing through that much magic is like, like, I don’t know, a spotlight to the eyes is the closest analogy I can think of.”
Twilight bit her lip, then shook her head and steeled herself. “Princess, I’m so glad you are here. As yourself I mean. As a pony I mean! Gah! I mean your ability to sense magic will be very helpful on this side of the portal.”
The alicorn smiled up at her human counterpart. “It’s okay Twilight, I think I understand where you are coming from. And please, I told you, you don’t have to call me ‘Princess’. I’m Twilight Sparkle, just like you.”
“Not just like me.” the human Twilight mumbled.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.” a look of mild concern on the pony’s face.
“Sorry, it’s just, ah, less confusing to think of you as ‘Princess’.”
The pony frowned slightly for a moment, then shrugged. “I suppose I see the practicality of it.”
Sunset checked her phone quickly and addressed her compatriots. “It looks like our experiment was a resounding success! The rest of the students will probably be arriving in twenty minutes or so, so we should probably take our measurements. If the portal is locked to the statue on this side like we thought we might well be able to move it to a more secure location. We should probably get Principal Celestia up to speed if that’s our plan though.”
“Right” the two Twilights said in unison. The pony looked bashful while the human gritted her teeth.
After twenty short minutes, too many of which were taken up by Sunset trying to translate the Equestrian Analyze Dweomer spell for Twilight's use, the School buses and student cars began to arrive.
“Princess, you should either hide or go back through the portal for now, we don’t want to cause a scene.” said Twilight
“Alright, I’ll stick around though, I’d like to see my other friends on this side before I go.”
“Umm, sure. But how are you going to remain hidden?”
“Invisibility spell!” the Princess said with a grin.
Twilight clenched her fists slightly. “Makes… sense. Look, cloak yourself,” she looked to Sunset “and can you make sure no one enters the portal accidentally?”
“Can do boss.” Sunset saluted.
“”I’m worrying over nothing, aren't I?”
Sunset put a hand on Twilight’s shoulder. “Little bit. Hey, I get it. This is all new and scary and world changing. And maybe you didn’t have the best first experience with magic. But we’ve got time. Go gather up the gang. According to our readings we’ll need to talk to Celestia anyway, we can probably get permission slips for being late to class at the same time.”
With a quick smile and a nod Twilight set off.
A few minutes later Twilight returned with Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rarity. A huddled conversation later informed the newcomers of the additional Twilight present and the plan once the courtyard surrounding the statue emptied.
Fortunately the last student entered the school soon enough allowing the pony Princess to reveal herself to her friends. While six humans and one equine caught up and expressed shock about true forms not matching imagination, Twilight found herself wandering off to the side of the group. Looking back she saw Fluttershy asking if she could see the Princess’s wings more closely. As the pony extended a wing Twilight decided now would be a good time to check that alert from earlier.
Checking her phone she saw it was a news bulletin. She frowned, she had not set many news items to actually chime if they occurred. And most of the things on that list were not good. With a sinking feeling she navigated to the source of the alert and began to read.
Seconds later she dropped her phone, her body so frozen shock she didn't even notice the tears now welling in her eyes.
Soon after she once again felt a comforting hand on her shoulder as she turned to look into Sunset’s eyes. After a moment of Twilight standing speechless Sunset spoke up. “Uh, your phone looks okay. Um, do you want to go somewhere private and talk?”
Twilight started to shake her head when she noticed her counterpart looking at her. She looked worried, all her friends looked worried. That wasn’t important right now. Where was her line of thought going? Right, the Princess… the portal! That was it!
With a shake of her head Twilight address the group. “Okay, everyone listen up! We need to get everyone, and I mean everyone through this portal ASAP!”
The Princess was the first to regain her wits from the shock of that idea. “Uh, Twilight, we haven’t done any large scale stress testing. We have no idea if the portal can handle all the students going to Equestria. Even if the portal can, the journal linking the two worlds might burn out. But I think the main thing is none of us know why you want everyone to go to Equestria.”
“First of all I didn’t say all the students, I said everyone! All seven billion of us! Although it’s probably too late for most of them. Even if they are still alive they could never get here in time and we can't risk contamination regardless.”
“Contamination? Was there a disease outbreak?” Sunset asked. Still holding Twilight’s phone she looked at the alert that had freaked Twilight out so much.
“Worse, so much worse. Someone was stupid enough to make molecular assemblers without a failsafe mode!” At seven blank stares Twilight continued “Nanites! It’s the Grey Goo scenario!”
Sunset looked up from Twilight’s phone. “Switzerland is gone. France, Germany, and Italy will be dead within three hours.” Her face had gone pale.
“Because of the trade winds, the Atlantic ocean, and the fact that the nanites probably can’t travel faster than the speed of sound we probably have more that ten hours of evacuation time, but that is a lot of variables and I just don't know! So we need to get everyone through that portal NOW!”
The Princess walked up to her and looked her in the eye. “Twilight, if something is killing entire countries on the other side of the world then I understand you. And as a representative of the Equestrian government I would be happy to offer sanctuary to any who need it. But if I am going to commit to this path I need to understand the nature of the threat you face, I can not allow Equestria to be put at risk.”
“ARGH! FINE! But I’m only explaining it once, too many live are being lost every second we delay.” Twilight turned and started running to the Principal’s office and yelled back “Come on, we’ll need Celestia’s help to evacuate the school so we will need to tell her too.”
In the Principal’s office with Celestia and Luna Twilight was struggling to explain the depth of the problem. “Okay, you know the story of the wizard who enchants a broom to make more copies of itself and it keeps replicating and replicating?”
Luna blinked, “We know the general parable, yes.”
“We have a similar story in Equestria.” the Princess supplied, receiving yet more surprised looks from the adults.
“Yeah well, I don't know who, but someone made one, a real self replicating machine. And it’s currently eating its way across Europe. By this time tomorrow, at the latest, there won't be a living thing left on the surface of this planet.”
Celestia glanced over at her computer and then back at Twilight “It seems you aren't the only one to think so. But what do you expect us to do about it?”
“And what is she?” Luna pointed at the Princess who just rolled her eyes.
“She represents our way out. You know about the magic around Canterlot High. It seeped in from a portal to her world that is affixed to the base of the statue in front of this school. We can go there, destroy the portal from that side, and the nanites will never be able to reach us. We can’t save everyone, but maybe we can save enough that humanity will survive.“
Celestia nodded, stood and reached for the intercom. “I will tell all the students to meet by the statute. Does anyone have any other suggestions?”
When Celestia’s eyes passed over Sunset, Twilight and the alien she saw steel in their expression. When glancing at the other five she saw haunted faces and shivering bodies.
Despite her obvious fear, after a moment Applejack spoke up, “Yeah, tell them to call their families, get ‘em to come here too.”
“Their friends too.” Pinkie whispered, looking deflated.
“Get them to tell everyone they call to call everyone they know.” said Rainbow.
“Maybe we should call the mayor and the police chief, let them know we have a plan of sorts.” offered Rarity.
“The other schools too. I’m sure Dean Cadence will want to evacuate Crystal Prep.” said Twilight.
After another moment it became apparent that no more suggestions were forthcoming. “Very well done girls. Make your phone calls then meet us at the statue.”
While walking to the portal with her counterpart and Sunset the pony Princess turned to Twilight when they were out of earshot of the others. “Not calling your family?”
“Celestia will call Cadence. Cadence will call my brother, and he will call my parents. I need to focus on the bigger situation.”
“And what is your honest assessment of the situation?”
“Most of the human race will be dead by tomorrow. I’m trying to think long term. From what I’ve read our species has come back from a population of less than 10,000 before, so that seems to be the minimum number for all of this to be worth it. This town has a population of approximately 6000. If we are able to arrange it perfectly we might be able to get one person through the portal every second. That’s 3600 people an hour. 86,400 in a day, but we almost certainly don't have a ,day. The nearest major city has a population of 700,000 and the entire state has a population of 5.5 million. Getting them here wouldn’t be the biggest challenge, it’s only a few hours drive from the farthest part of the state to here. There’s just no way to get people through the portal fast enough for it to matter. “
“I’m sorry, I’m just still in something of a daze. This is all so surreal to me.” said the Princess.
Twilight grabbed the Princess in her shaky telekinesis and slammed her back first against a nearby locker. “This is my world! Sometimes random crap happens here and there is nothing you can do about it. We can’t all be lucky enough to come from a utopia where everyone loves you and nothing ever goes wrong!”
For the third time that day a comforting hand found its way to Twilight’s shoulder. “Let her down Twilight.” said Sunset. The rest of their friends were standing behind Rarity’s raised shield.
“Gah! Of course you’d take her side.” Twilight let the Princess go.
“There are no sides here Twilight. I may not have been born here, but I’ve lived here for years, and I had planned on staying. I came to love this world and I’m proof the other world isn’t perfect.”
Twilight fell to the floor, crying in earnest this time. “It’s just so hopeless. I don't even have a list of the problems with this situation.”
Choosing to re-enter the conversation the Princess sat beside Twilight on the ground. “I might know of a magic that could help. I doubt it could restore the dead, but it might be able to stop the spread of these nanites. It’s called the rainbow power and its predecessor was quite versatile, performing both banishment and transmutation. We were able to restore magical balance to our entire country using it.”
Twilight perked up at that. “That is certainly getting closer to the scale we would need…”
“The only magic that works on that scale is altering the orbit of the Sun, Moon, or planet.” said the Princess.
“You can really do that?”
“Yes… I’m surprised Sunset didn’t mention it to you.” She glanced at Sunset who just shrugged.
“Sorry, I just assumed that was some sort of propaganda Sunset fell for.”
“Um, well, at any rate, that sort of magic doesn’t really help us.”
“Are you kidding? Princess, try and think bigger! We can’t stop these things. Nothing can. They might eventually spread beyond the Earth. The entire galaxy could end up destroyed. You can stop that. Once we have saved as many as we can you have to through the Earth into the Sun!”
“What!?” the Princess looked horrified
“Look we don't have time to argue,” Twilight stood up and started marching towards the statue “Celestia and Luna will be coming any minute, then we need to have a settled course of action. This world is doomed, if we can save all the other world that might be out there we have to do it. And let's face it, we have nothing left to lose.”
The Princess spoke up again. “It might not be doomed though. As I said, if I can go get my freinds we might be able to save this world.”
Twilight wheeled on the spot and stared into the Princess’s eyes. “Fine you have my attention. What does this Rainbow Power do and how does it work?”
“No one is sure how it works, but it seems to restore Harmony to the word. These nanties seem like they would qualify as unnatual.”
Twilight let out a bitter laugh. “Maybe in your world. Here they are based on entirely natural laws and behave like super powered bacteria. The only thing unnatural in this world is magic!”
The group of girls exited the school and made the way to the statue in the courtyard in silence. After a minute the Princess spoke up again. “I’m sorry Twilight but you still havent given a real reason to not try. I should go and-”
“Wait.” squeaked a tiny voice not heard since the news was discovered this morning, save for a rushed phone call to her parents and brother.
The Princess turned. “Yes, what is it Fluttershy?”
“I, I dont understand most of what you two are saying, but someone said these things are like a bacteria, like a disease. And Twilight” she pointed at the pony “you said that you wanted to try restoring balance. But, um, what if that’s like giving a disease an antibiotic?”
Twilight’s eyes went even wider than the first time. “Fluttershy, you just saved more lives than anyone can possibly imagine. But you girls need to go through this portal now!” Twilight reached down, grabbed Spike and shoved him into Fluttershy’s arms.
Sunset and the rest of the girls looked confused, but the Princess spoke up. “You think these nanites might be able to learn to manipulate magical energy?”
“Not learn, no, it would be more of a natural selection process.” Twilight shook her head to clear her thoughts,“It doesn’t matter. The point is those things must never be allowed to interact with magical energy. And that means you girls have got to go. NOW!”
Twilight, Sunset and the Princess sent their friends through with instructions for the Spike on the other side. He was to send a message to Princess Celestia and Luna and start arranging accommodations for the many humans that would soon be incoming.
After Principal Celestia and Luna had arranged the students into a mostly orderly queue, with each teacher checking to ensure their charges were accounted for, Twilight finally had a moment to think. A moment that was soon interrupted by Sunset.
“Not that I’m not grateful that our friends are safe, but, the three of us represent the the highest remaining concentrations of magic in this world. I get why we need to stay, but our friends would have wanted to help and it wouldn’t have been any worse with them here.”
“Three things. They can help on that side. I would have been even harder to concentrate if I was worrying about them too. And finally, It absolutely would have been worse. The magic concentration would have been higher. We don't know how much worse, but we are dealing with the fate of the multiverse. We can not risk letting the nanties follow us.”
“I guess it’s hard to see the forest for the trees sometimes. How is the thinking going?”
“Not good, I’ve come up with a hierarchy of priorities. Save the multiverse, save as many humans as possible, save this universe, save the solar system. I’d add save the planet, but despite what the Princess say,” she chin pointed at the pony be gawked at by the students filing through the portal, “I think it’s a write off.”
Sunset frowned but nodded. “I might have an actionable idea that fits that mould, but I want to hear if you have any ideas first.”
“No, I just have another problem. Even if we went through and closed the portal immediately, there would still be residual \magic by the time the swarm arrived. The Princess throwing the Earth into the sun won't help, assuming she can move the Earth at orbital velocity it’ll take two months to get there. That’s a lot of potential exposure. Honestly it would be better if we could just blow up the Sun.”
“Well, that doesn’t seem likely.”
“I know. She’s have to be able to stop fusion in the core of the Sun over an area, I don’t even know! As big as possible, thats for sure” That is when Twilight noticed the pony staring at her.
“Your Celestia thought my presences was slowing the line down. Something called rubbernecking.”
“You heard?”
“You want me to blow up the Sun.”
“Yes.”
“Everything I’ve ever learned about astro-manipulation revolves around not doing that. Not to mention that we are standing on a planet orbiting the star you want me to blow up!”
“I know, I know. But we’d have eight minutes after you trigger the detonation to get through the mirror. Its the best plan I’ve got!”
“Eight minutes? How far away is your Sun?”
“Uh… roughly eight light-minutes? 150,000,000 km for what it’s worth. A nova shockwave travels at about light speed.”
“Honestly, that sounds outside my ability. Maybe Princess Celestia could, but there is no way l would be able to.”
“So thats your plan?” asked Sunset.
“I guess. Still need to find a way to get more people through the portal.”
“Should probably track down the sirens too. They may still be magically active. And if they’ve been around since the Equestrian Classical Era they may know if there is any local magic we need to be concerned about.” said the Princess.
Sunset just gave her a wry look.
“What? I did some research when I got back.”
Twilight spoke up again. “Alright Sunset. What is your idea that you clearly don't want to tell me?”
Sunset sighed. “You really aren’t going to like it.”
“Just tell me.”
“Midnight Sparkle.”
Twilight reeled back as if slapped. “NO! I put that behind me. You helped me put that behind me!”
“I know, I know. That’s why I think it might be different this time. But you we’re able to rip holes in reality, holes between worlds, and that is what we need right now. As you said, our biggest problem is getting people through fast enough.”
How many could you save?
Well, that went from zero to a hundred in no time.
I am sure there will be several arguments about the validity of certain claims in the story, but I want to focus on just two that stood out to me.
No, it wouldn't.
Once the gray goo has consumed all matter on Earth, it would remain contained to our planet because we're suspended in a vacuum. While it can be argued that the effects of changing the density of Earth to that of machines can mess with it's gravitational field, thus wrecking havoc in the moon and if the scenario where it crashes into Earth were to take place, then yes. It ould spell doom for the Moon as well.
But even then, the rest of the solar system would be unaffected.
Now, onto the most egregious mistake in the story.
Never, ever, ever use differential when you mean difference. “There was a twelve-point differential at halftime.” No. Sorry. There was a twelve-point difference. Differential is a mechanical or mathematical term. Difference and differential are different. In the context of what you wrote, regarding the passage of time in both sides of the mirror and the relation to one another, the correct term to use is difference, not differential.
...
Sorry for being a nitpicky wart, but this really bothered me. Anyway, let's talk about the actual story.
My impression is that you tried to bite more than you could chew with this. Too many things happen too fast to be properly processed and the story suffers as a result. An exploration of the gray goo scenario can lead to a very enthralling tale, but I don't think you reached that point.
The lack of resolution is a big negative too, the story just stops before we even know if Twilight is going to accept Sunset's proposition and try to save more people.
There's a good story buried there, but right now it's not there yet.
I am sure there will be several arguments about the validity of certain claims in the story, but I want to focus on just two that stood out to me.
“Are you kidding? Princess, try and think bigger! We can’t stop these things. Nothing can. They might eventually spread beyond the Earth. The entire galaxy could end up destroyed.
No, it wouldn't.
Once the gray goo has consumed all matter on Earth, it would remain contained to our planet because we're suspended in a vacuum. While it can be argued that the effects of changing the density of Earth to that of machines can mess with it's gravitational field, thus wrecking havoc in the moon and if the scenario where it crashes into Earth were to take place, then yes. It ould spell doom for the Moon as well.
But even then, the rest of the solar system would be unaffected.
Now, onto the most egregious mistake in the story.
I was still human on the other side, and there was no time differential this time
Never, ever, ever use differential when you mean difference. “There was a twelve-point differential at halftime.” No. Sorry. There was a twelve-point difference. Differential is a mechanical or mathematical term. Difference and differential are different. In the context of what you wrote, regarding the passage of time in both sides of the mirror and the relation to one another, the correct term to use is difference, not differential.
...
Sorry for being a nitpicky wart, but this really bothered me. Anyway, let's talk about the actual story.
My impression is that you tried to bite more than you could chew with this. Too many things happen too fast to be properly processed and the story suffers as a result. An exploration of the gray goo scenario can lead to a very enthralling tale, but I don't think you reached that point.
The lack of resolution is a big negative too, the story just stops before we even know if Twilight is going to accept Sunset's proposition and try to save more people.
There's a good story buried there, but right now it's not there yet.
Too much going on all at once. You start with a pretty low-key scenario that jackknifes hard into an apocalyptic sci-fi scenario which everyone seems largely unfazed by. Twilight goes to tell Celestia, says "NANOMACHINES, SON," and tells her that the world will literally be eaten and all life exterminated in a day. And Celestia's like "Hmm, that's quite a pickle. Well, let's see what we can do about it, hmm?"
Writing something on this scale means stopping to smell the roses from time to time. But you breeze through every single plot point so quickly that there's no time for the reader to really stop and take stock on what's going on. And we never really feel the gravity of the situation because said gravity isn't dealt with to an appropriate extent. And, finally, the story just stops.
I think you bit off more than you could chew with this premise, and I empathize with that. If you could stretch this out across a few more thousand words, you could probably make it work. There's enough good dialogue and character bits in here that I think the idea, and the framework, have potential. But as an entry in the Writeoff, I'm afraid it doesn't work very well. I'm sorry.
Why wouldn't Twilight know what "rubbernecking" is?
Writing something on this scale means stopping to smell the roses from time to time. But you breeze through every single plot point so quickly that there's no time for the reader to really stop and take stock on what's going on. And we never really feel the gravity of the situation because said gravity isn't dealt with to an appropriate extent. And, finally, the story just stops.
I think you bit off more than you could chew with this premise, and I empathize with that. If you could stretch this out across a few more thousand words, you could probably make it work. There's enough good dialogue and character bits in here that I think the idea, and the framework, have potential. But as an entry in the Writeoff, I'm afraid it doesn't work very well. I'm sorry.
“Your Celestia thought my presences was slowing the line down. Something called rubbernecking.”
Why wouldn't Twilight know what "rubbernecking" is?
>>Posh
Well, rubbernecking is a term we invented for automobile accidents. Which, like, Equestria doesnt have. So pony Twilight not knowing makes sense.
Anyhow, I see three major issues with this story that I feel would benefit addressing:
1. Pacing - Once Twilight gets her notification read, things go from low to 11 in no time. Which you can do, but you need to be really prepared to do, and this isn't quite there yet.
2. Plot structure - I got a heap of pacing whiplash through all of this, and at the same time I was thinking 'and what if one gets into Equestria and isn't contained' and a couple other things. For example, what if a Supersonic Jet took off with one aboard and made it that much closer? Then, lastly, it doesn't have a resolution, really - I suspect that's a case of 'Ran out of time', but definitely for the full story you want a finisher.
3. Editing - This one does need an edit pass. I don't want to call out specifics but there are a lot of to/too style mistakes in here, or just word choice that doesn't feel like natural dialogue.
The NANOMACHINE doom scenario in interesting; expanding it, I feel you want some kind of seed earlier on to foreshadow this. Not sure how I'd go about it, but right now it totally whips out of left field.
Well, rubbernecking is a term we invented for automobile accidents. Which, like, Equestria doesnt have. So pony Twilight not knowing makes sense.
Anyhow, I see three major issues with this story that I feel would benefit addressing:
1. Pacing - Once Twilight gets her notification read, things go from low to 11 in no time. Which you can do, but you need to be really prepared to do, and this isn't quite there yet.
2. Plot structure - I got a heap of pacing whiplash through all of this, and at the same time I was thinking 'and what if one gets into Equestria and isn't contained' and a couple other things. For example, what if a Supersonic Jet took off with one aboard and made it that much closer? Then, lastly, it doesn't have a resolution, really - I suspect that's a case of 'Ran out of time', but definitely for the full story you want a finisher.
3. Editing - This one does need an edit pass. I don't want to call out specifics but there are a lot of to/too style mistakes in here, or just word choice that doesn't feel like natural dialogue.
The NANOMACHINE doom scenario in interesting; expanding it, I feel you want some kind of seed earlier on to foreshadow this. Not sure how I'd go about it, but right now it totally whips out of left field.
>>Morning Sun
Is it? Huh. I assumed it was just a general term for being a lookie-loo.
Well, rubbernecking is a term we invented for automobile accidents. Which, like, Equestria doesnt have. So pony Twilight not knowing makes sense.
Is it? Huh. I assumed it was just a general term for being a lookie-loo.
>>Posh
It looks like it was invented in 1890 as a way to refer to tourists, and is an American-ism. I do know where I always here it is around car accidents and the like - it's possible ponies have it too, but I'd think it's one of those words that they might not quite add.
Especially when you factor Pinkie Pie in. Her neck is way more stretchy than rubber
It looks like it was invented in 1890 as a way to refer to tourists, and is an American-ism. I do know where I always here it is around car accidents and the like - it's possible ponies have it too, but I'd think it's one of those words that they might not quite add.
Especially when you factor Pinkie Pie in. Her neck is way more stretchy than rubber
This story needs some proofreading to fix the dialogue punctuation, some sentence fragments, a bit of tense mixing in the first paragraph, and general typos scattered throughout the story. (possibly as a result of rushed typing?)
I’m afraid I don’t follow—it’s too unexpected. This plot development sounds contrived considering the low stakes that the introduction leads the reader to expect. Leading in or hinting to the nanites near the beginning of the story will help make this fit better within the story.
I think EQG!Twilight is overreacting in these moments. It looks like you intended to show the turmoil she’s going through, but we don’t get any indication about her emotional state before that moment, so as a result it doesn’t feel natural and relatable.
From the ending of the story right in the middle of the plot, I suspect the author sadly ran out of time.
“Nanites! It’s the Grey Goo scenario!”
I’m afraid I don’t follow—it’s too unexpected. This plot development sounds contrived considering the low stakes that the introduction leads the reader to expect. Leading in or hinting to the nanites near the beginning of the story will help make this fit better within the story.
Twilight grabbed the Princess in her shaky telekinesis and slammed her back first against a nearby locker.
[…]
Twilight fell to the floor, crying in earnest this time.
I think EQG!Twilight is overreacting in these moments. It looks like you intended to show the turmoil she’s going through, but we don’t get any indication about her emotional state before that moment, so as a result it doesn’t feel natural and relatable.
How many could you save?
From the ending of the story right in the middle of the plot, I suspect the author sadly ran out of time.
I’m guessing this won’t have anything to do with ballet.
Nope, no ballet to be found. Just pedal-to-the-metal sci-fi horror, both in terms of the story’s pacing and possibly the author’s rush to get it out. The story becomes progressively more hyperactive and harder to follow with time, and doesn’t end so much as stop. Options are discarded before they’re ever explored, organization efforts happen entirely off-screen, refugees shuffle off with apparently no emotion whatsoever…
Yeah, this is pretty half-baked. It needs several times the word count you gave it to work properly. I hope you give it that; the concept is quite intriguing.
Nope, no ballet to be found. Just pedal-to-the-metal sci-fi horror, both in terms of the story’s pacing and possibly the author’s rush to get it out. The story becomes progressively more hyperactive and harder to follow with time, and doesn’t end so much as stop. Options are discarded before they’re ever explored, organization efforts happen entirely off-screen, refugees shuffle off with apparently no emotion whatsoever…
Yeah, this is pretty half-baked. It needs several times the word count you gave it to work properly. I hope you give it that; the concept is quite intriguing.