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Potions 202
First we begin to put it in,
The broth composed of ire and sin
Will fill our hot and coppered pot.
(From iron gravefence it was wrought).
We pull dead bees from old plum trees,
And pluck their stingers with a tweeze,
Then they will stew within our brew
Until it forms a grand green goo!
This caterpillar fits the bill, or
Will right after we distill her.
Birchy bark will take the spark
That sets it burning after dark.
Then with the heat of burning peat
The whole is cooked 'til it's complete!
The smoke is dreadful, foul and fretful,
Don't breathe it or you'll get a headfull!
We fan the air in dark despair,
Don face masks from our underwear
Yet quite in vain was all our pain,
We've got to do it all again!
The broth composed of ire and sin
Will fill our hot and coppered pot.
(From iron gravefence it was wrought).
We pull dead bees from old plum trees,
And pluck their stingers with a tweeze,
Then they will stew within our brew
Until it forms a grand green goo!
This caterpillar fits the bill, or
Will right after we distill her.
Birchy bark will take the spark
That sets it burning after dark.
Then with the heat of burning peat
The whole is cooked 'til it's complete!
The smoke is dreadful, foul and fretful,
Don't breathe it or you'll get a headfull!
We fan the air in dark despair,
Don face masks from our underwear
Yet quite in vain was all our pain,
We've got to do it all again!
The rhythms and stresses are forced in places. I like the use of female rhyme, but the first time you do it, it feel like that extra syllable needs to go on the next line, since you'd always been starting them with unstressed ones.
As to the story, it's cute. Some potion students going to a lot of trouble only to have their efforts in vain, and some of the steps, like the underwear, are downright silly. I do wish I had a picture of how the failure manifests. Does the potion just fizzle and do nothing, does it have the wrong effect, does it explode, etc.?
As to the story, it's cute. Some potion students going to a lot of trouble only to have their efforts in vain, and some of the steps, like the underwear, are downright silly. I do wish I had a picture of how the failure manifests. Does the potion just fizzle and do nothing, does it have the wrong effect, does it explode, etc.?
Oh I absolutely adore this. It's so playful and whimsical <3
My highlights are the caterpillar lines (that 2-syllable rhyme gave me Dr. Seuss vibes) and the "Don't breath it" line (when reading I stumble over the rhythm here - in a way that works beautifully as a shouted interruption/warning)
My highlights are the caterpillar lines (that 2-syllable rhyme gave me Dr. Seuss vibes) and the "Don't breath it" line (when reading I stumble over the rhythm here - in a way that works beautifully as a shouted interruption/warning)
I went ahead and performed this sequence, acquiring for myself all the necessary ingredients (including the gravefence pot) and the potion went off without a hitch, so I'm afraid this poem needs to be marked down for inaccuracy.
>>Pascoite, >>Corinna, >>Heavy_Mole
Thank you for the excellent comments!
This was one of those last minute poems where I suddenly realized it was 3 AM and hadn't written everything. I managed to tumble into a groove, and this is what came of it. (I've used the 'disgusting potion' theme before with decent results.)
I feel it ends abruptly and I should have put in a few more stanzas, but at this point it's likely to be what it's going to be. Thanks again!
Thank you for the excellent comments!
This was one of those last minute poems where I suddenly realized it was 3 AM and hadn't written everything. I managed to tumble into a groove, and this is what came of it. (I've used the 'disgusting potion' theme before with decent results.)
I feel it ends abruptly and I should have put in a few more stanzas, but at this point it's likely to be what it's going to be. Thanks again!