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Plagued Poem
Film of filth on false beige windows.
In acrid orange bronzed, wasp circles bulb.
Musical fugue, obliging opus, replenishes rhythm;
Woman on cusp of chaos in midst of month
Amongst anxious fiends that gouge tufts,
Sculpting monstrous pierced wounds.
Husband in foyer glimpsed a silver gulf;
Secret sanction of angels,
Nothing emptier.
In acrid orange bronzed, wasp circles bulb.
Musical fugue, obliging opus, replenishes rhythm;
Woman on cusp of chaos in midst of month
Amongst anxious fiends that gouge tufts,
Sculpting monstrous pierced wounds.
Husband in foyer glimpsed a silver gulf;
Secret sanction of angels,
Nothing emptier.
I really liked your creative use of uncommon/unexpected words to form the imagery, here. The ideas really pop out of the text and engrave themselves in my head in a way that no other entry this contest manages to do. So, really well done with that.
Now, feel free to take this with a grain of salt, but I'm the kind of person who thinks that poetry should always have some kind of structure in it, even free verse. But with this piece, it's difficult to parse out a pattern or repetition. IMO, a poem almost should teach a reader how to read it, by setting up expectations through meter, repetitions, parallelisms, or some other way, even if you're not using rhyme. The fact that I can't really get myself into a flow (either spoken out loud or read silently) kind of hurts my overall enjoyment. I hope that kinda makes sense.
Thanks for entering!
Now, feel free to take this with a grain of salt, but I'm the kind of person who thinks that poetry should always have some kind of structure in it, even free verse. But with this piece, it's difficult to parse out a pattern or repetition. IMO, a poem almost should teach a reader how to read it, by setting up expectations through meter, repetitions, parallelisms, or some other way, even if you're not using rhyme. The fact that I can't really get myself into a flow (either spoken out loud or read silently) kind of hurts my overall enjoyment. I hope that kinda makes sense.
Thanks for entering!
I like the evocative word choices, but the further you push a word out of where it would normally exist, you lose some likelihood that the reader will take it the way you meant. For a couple things here and there, that won't change much, but when the poem is chock full of them, it can create a very different overall image. I feel like I'm a little off with this one, that a couple more of them needed to click into place for me to get the overall effect and know what the poem is actually about. I think it's about a woman in a feverish and delusional state and a husband who's worried about her. I'm not sure about that, though. While i really like the language use, I'm afraid a lot of this just went over my head.
Chaos, assonance absent,
Prompted breadth of excerpts
Whilst glimpsed depth is spoilt.
Prompted breadth of excerpts
Whilst glimpsed depth is spoilt.
>>Bachiavellian, >>Pascoite, >>Light_Striker
Plagued Poem
Congrats to Spectral and Light_Striker, and thanks to everyone else for participating. I appreciate the comments!
This one was based on a gimmick, and if the author fails to make the gimmick guessable... well, my bad. I had thought the presence of the words "orange" and "silver" were good hints.
Apart from prepositions, articles, etc., this is composed of words that lack a single-word rhyme in English. Thus, not only does the poem not rhyme, it is also mostly unrhymeable. I drew largely upon this page in composition.
This was to be my fallback piece in case I somehow wasn't able to complete my stealth-rhyming sonnet. It's probably about where it belongs in the results, but my thanks to the person who top-slated it.
Plagued Poem
Congrats to Spectral and Light_Striker, and thanks to everyone else for participating. I appreciate the comments!
This one was based on a gimmick, and if the author fails to make the gimmick guessable... well, my bad. I had thought the presence of the words "orange" and "silver" were good hints.
Apart from prepositions, articles, etc., this is composed of words that lack a single-word rhyme in English. Thus, not only does the poem not rhyme, it is also mostly unrhymeable. I drew largely upon this page in composition.
This was to be my fallback piece in case I somehow wasn't able to complete my stealth-rhyming sonnet. It's probably about where it belongs in the results, but my thanks to the person who top-slated it.