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Open End
Cute, smart and not funny
Sharp, witty but with no chill
Man among men yet still a boy
Wide as the open skies
I want him to be mine
Alas it was not to be
Kind words fall on deaf ears
Actions that are moral all for vain
Gestures grand to no avail
I need him to be mine
Failure and failure always constant
Sick love grows into healthy hate
Tired and depressed with the rejection
Tall as the open skies are
It's time to say good bye
Sharp, witty but with no chill
Man among men yet still a boy
Wide as the open skies
I want him to be mine
Alas it was not to be
Kind words fall on deaf ears
Actions that are moral all for vain
Gestures grand to no avail
I need him to be mine
Failure and failure always constant
Sick love grows into healthy hate
Tired and depressed with the rejection
Tall as the open skies are
It's time to say good bye
There are so many ways I could interpret this that I'm left grasping for a meaning. Sometimes that's intended, but I don't think it was here. In a way, it sounds like someone mourning the loss of his youth. It also sounds like someone lamenting a lost love they considered to be too immature. Or in a really disturbing turn, this sounds like it could also be a guy creeping on an underage boy. If pressed, I'd say that middle one seems the most likely. I enjoyed the language and tone of this one, but I'm just not clear on the meaning. It's free verse, but the stanzas are grouped by sentiment, and the individual lines are each complete thoughts, so I'm not left to wonder if I'm supposed to intuit something from where the line breaks are.
Good round overall. Most times, you get the inevitable joke entries or things put in on a lark, which of course is fine, but all three were pretty meaty and well executed enough this time.
Good round overall. Most times, you get the inevitable joke entries or things put in on a lark, which of course is fine, but all three were pretty meaty and well executed enough this time.
I'm getting:
Mixed signals here same as >>Pascoite. With "open" in the title as well as in the first and third stanzas, I was looking toward that as a theme, but I'm not really finding it. How is it an "Open End" anyway? It seems rather closed and final to me by the time we get to the poem's last word. Maybe try to make the connotation behind "open" change as the poem progresses? It's a good thing at the beginning but a bad thing by the end?
Mike
Mixed signals here same as >>Pascoite. With "open" in the title as well as in the first and third stanzas, I was looking toward that as a theme, but I'm not really finding it. How is it an "Open End" anyway? It seems rather closed and final to me by the time we get to the poem's last word. Maybe try to make the connotation behind "open" change as the poem progresses? It's a good thing at the beginning but a bad thing by the end?
Mike
Sharp rich aroma,
Dark brown beans now ground
As steaming water flows
Into the wide open cup,
Soon the java will be mine.
Dark brown beans now ground
As steaming water flows
Into the wide open cup,
Soon the java will be mine.
