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The Spell
Celestia sat on her regal pillow, her wings folded, her posture upright, her head held high like a graceful swan's. To the average observer, she was as serene as ever. But to Twilight, something was amiss -- her eyes, perhaps, had a layer of fog behind them, and her smile was faintly strained.
It was also strange that she had called Twilight to her chamber for an impromptu session.
Twilight phlumped on her smaller pillow, waiting, expectant. "Princess Celestia?" she asked.
"I'm here, my pony." She looked down, and within her eyes there was a flicker of emotion. "Do you know why I called you here?"
"Did I do something wrong?"
"No." She lit her horn, and levitated a scroll from somewhere behind her. It floated gently through the air and set itself at Twilight's feet. "I want you to cast this spell."
It was very strange that Celestia had called Twilight in for something as simple as casting a spell, and an insignificant-looking one at that. Her lips mumbled as she took in the writing, and Celestia waited for her to finish.
She set the scroll down. "I'm ready!" She concentrated, crossed her eyes, scrunched her face, and with an eager smile, built up magic within her horn -
And nothing happened.
"Huh? I guess I cast it wrong." Twilight looked over the writing, double-checking her work, and once again, she started to cast the spell -
Only for it to fizzle out.
"But - I should be able to cast this. This should be easy!" she said. She turned to Celestia, her hooves starting to tremble and a desperate grin crossing her face as they looked each other in the eye. "I'll try again! If I try hard enough, it has to work!"
Celestia only watched, with an indifferent gaze, as Twilight failed yet again to cast the spell.
By this time, Twilight was sweating, her hair frizzing and a cheshire-cat grin spread across her face. "Maybe I made a mistake! Maybe if I fix my mistake, then I'll be able to cast it!" She focused in concentration.
It failed again.
And again.
And again.
Until finally, after countless attempts and failures, Twilight broke.
She collapsed to the floor, sobbing softly, muttering something to the cold, unforgiving marble.
And now, Celestia turned to Twilight. "Twilight, I don't -"
But then Twilight rose with unsteady hooves, sputtering out words even as she choked on her tears. "But - I'm your student. You're Princess Celestia! If I can't pass a simple a test as this, then I'm not worthy of being your student! In fact, I should be sent back to magic kindergarten!" And Twilight started crying tears of frustration and hopelessness.
The alicorn moved to comfort her, but suddenly Twilight's horn started glowing, even as she bawled, and a bubble of magic started forming near her. Celestia stared in fear as the glow got brighter and brighter - not for herself, but for what Twilight may do before she could stop her.
With a pop, Twilight vanished.
With a pomf, Celestia appeared in a room - Twilight's bedroom. She had been to the house, yes, but never her bedroom, which was decorated with pictures of her heroes. Her eyes drifted to a picture of her, and they became dimmer.
She waited.
After a few minutes, Twilight had finally calmed down enough for her blubbering to become little, exhausted sobs. Celestia ventured to speak. "Twilight?"
"I can't even cast a simple growth spell. I'm sorry. I failed."
"And yet you teleported miles away to your bed without being taught. Congratulations, Twilight. You passed."
Within the comforters, Twilight froze. "What?"
"The spell was never meant to work. I was testing you, Twilight, and I was testing how you would react if faced with an impossible challenge."
Twilight poked her head out of the blankets. Her face, though tear-stained, was hopeful too. "So it was a test?"
Celestia nodded. "And you passed. I just hope you aren't too mad at me."
Twilight smiled in giddy relief. "Thank you, Celest - I mean Princess! I'm sorry I teleported away!"
Celestia smiled too. "We can work on that."
Twilight looked at her checklist. Spell 25, it seemed, was the last one to learn for the day. She smiled nervously at the memories it brought up, and of the lesson she had learned so many years ago.
Spike looked up at her. "Come on Twilight. You can do it!"
"Okay. Here goes."
It was also strange that she had called Twilight to her chamber for an impromptu session.
Twilight phlumped on her smaller pillow, waiting, expectant. "Princess Celestia?" she asked.
"I'm here, my pony." She looked down, and within her eyes there was a flicker of emotion. "Do you know why I called you here?"
"Did I do something wrong?"
"No." She lit her horn, and levitated a scroll from somewhere behind her. It floated gently through the air and set itself at Twilight's feet. "I want you to cast this spell."
It was very strange that Celestia had called Twilight in for something as simple as casting a spell, and an insignificant-looking one at that. Her lips mumbled as she took in the writing, and Celestia waited for her to finish.
She set the scroll down. "I'm ready!" She concentrated, crossed her eyes, scrunched her face, and with an eager smile, built up magic within her horn -
And nothing happened.
"Huh? I guess I cast it wrong." Twilight looked over the writing, double-checking her work, and once again, she started to cast the spell -
Only for it to fizzle out.
"But - I should be able to cast this. This should be easy!" she said. She turned to Celestia, her hooves starting to tremble and a desperate grin crossing her face as they looked each other in the eye. "I'll try again! If I try hard enough, it has to work!"
Celestia only watched, with an indifferent gaze, as Twilight failed yet again to cast the spell.
By this time, Twilight was sweating, her hair frizzing and a cheshire-cat grin spread across her face. "Maybe I made a mistake! Maybe if I fix my mistake, then I'll be able to cast it!" She focused in concentration.
It failed again.
And again.
And again.
Until finally, after countless attempts and failures, Twilight broke.
She collapsed to the floor, sobbing softly, muttering something to the cold, unforgiving marble.
And now, Celestia turned to Twilight. "Twilight, I don't -"
But then Twilight rose with unsteady hooves, sputtering out words even as she choked on her tears. "But - I'm your student. You're Princess Celestia! If I can't pass a simple a test as this, then I'm not worthy of being your student! In fact, I should be sent back to magic kindergarten!" And Twilight started crying tears of frustration and hopelessness.
The alicorn moved to comfort her, but suddenly Twilight's horn started glowing, even as she bawled, and a bubble of magic started forming near her. Celestia stared in fear as the glow got brighter and brighter - not for herself, but for what Twilight may do before she could stop her.
With a pop, Twilight vanished.
With a pomf, Celestia appeared in a room - Twilight's bedroom. She had been to the house, yes, but never her bedroom, which was decorated with pictures of her heroes. Her eyes drifted to a picture of her, and they became dimmer.
She waited.
After a few minutes, Twilight had finally calmed down enough for her blubbering to become little, exhausted sobs. Celestia ventured to speak. "Twilight?"
"I can't even cast a simple growth spell. I'm sorry. I failed."
"And yet you teleported miles away to your bed without being taught. Congratulations, Twilight. You passed."
Within the comforters, Twilight froze. "What?"
"The spell was never meant to work. I was testing you, Twilight, and I was testing how you would react if faced with an impossible challenge."
Twilight poked her head out of the blankets. Her face, though tear-stained, was hopeful too. "So it was a test?"
Celestia nodded. "And you passed. I just hope you aren't too mad at me."
Twilight smiled in giddy relief. "Thank you, Celest - I mean Princess! I'm sorry I teleported away!"
Celestia smiled too. "We can work on that."
Twilight looked at her checklist. Spell 25, it seemed, was the last one to learn for the day. She smiled nervously at the memories it brought up, and of the lesson she had learned so many years ago.
Spike looked up at her. "Come on Twilight. You can do it!"
"Okay. Here goes."
Hmm. The pacing’s kind of wonky, the story moving in fits and spurts interspersed with dragging portions like Twilight’s attempts to cast the spell. Also, Celestia seems needlessly eerie. Nothing ever came of that moment at the beginning. Finally, it would greatly help if you established just when the majority of the story takes place. Celestia might summon Twilight at virtually any point in time after the latter gets her cutie mark.
In all, there’s definitely a nice story here, but it still needs some work.
In all, there’s definitely a nice story here, but it still needs some work.
With a pomf, Celestia appeared in ... Twilight's bedroom.
ಠ_ಠ
I'm not sure I agree that Twilight has learned her lesson. She still deals terribly with failure both during and after these events.
I'm confused by the ending. If the spell is broken, why is Twilight still trying to learn to cast it? Or is she trying to learn the correct version of the spell, this time?
While the old idea of the “character gets tasked with an impossible challenge to see how they react” is actually a good story idea – everyone deals with failure in different ways, even Captain Kirk – the problem here is that the story doesn’t really seem to do a whole lot with it. These sorts of things need to be contextualized a lot more powerfully than this was.
The Kobayashi Maru showed off Kirk's character - both his willingness to cheat and his lack of belief in the no-win scenario. Spock's own solution - to sacrifice himself to win - also said a lot about him.
This didn't really say much about Twilight.
You need context for this to feel significant. Twilight simply later on figuring out the growing spell is just kind of bland. It needs to say something about her, and this doesn't.
The Kobayashi Maru showed off Kirk's character - both his willingness to cheat and his lack of belief in the no-win scenario. Spock's own solution - to sacrifice himself to win - also said a lot about him.
This didn't really say much about Twilight.
You need context for this to feel significant. Twilight simply later on figuring out the growing spell is just kind of bland. It needs to say something about her, and this doesn't.
>>Trick_Question
I think the point was that she did eventually learn how to do the "impossible" spell, because #25 is the moustache growing spell.
>>FanOfMostEverything
I agree that Celestia's glassy-eyed behavior was kind of strange here. Not sure what the point of it was.
I think the point was that she did eventually learn how to do the "impossible" spell, because #25 is the moustache growing spell.
>>FanOfMostEverything
I agree that Celestia's glassy-eyed behavior was kind of strange here. Not sure what the point of it was.
I think the actual correct answer was for Twilight to use her knowledge of magical theory to realize that the spell would never work. Like >>TitaniumDragon said, Twilight's "solution" doesn't really work for a story, unless you were trying to say that Twilight solves her problems trying harder and harder until something goes wrong and she runs away and hides.
I think a better way to tell this story might have been to have Celestia give Twilight a task that seemed impossible to her, but that the readers realize could easily be solved if she just grabbed Spike, Cadance, Moondancer, and/or any other friends she might have had at the time and asked them for help. I don't know what that task could be though.
I think a better way to tell this story might have been to have Celestia give Twilight a task that seemed impossible to her, but that the readers realize could easily be solved if she just grabbed Spike, Cadance, Moondancer, and/or any other friends she might have had at the time and asked them for help. I don't know what that task could be though.
Genre: Slice-of-life
Thoughts: Interesting; it's the MLP Kobiyashi Maru, as others have noted. That's a neat callback.
I think the concept has potential, but this doesn't fully realize that potential. I'm struggling to put my finger on the reason. Maybe it's that I don't fully understand what purpose the ending bit serves. It seems to dilute the value of the no-win scenario by suggesting that Alicorn!Twilight can do the impossible. And that would be fine, but then it suggests that Twilight can't let her one past defeat linger, even if it taught her something. That seems a bit petty of her, and the story doesn't include anything to help justify that pettiness.
Tier: Needs work
Thoughts: Interesting; it's the MLP Kobiyashi Maru, as others have noted. That's a neat callback.
I think the concept has potential, but this doesn't fully realize that potential. I'm struggling to put my finger on the reason. Maybe it's that I don't fully understand what purpose the ending bit serves. It seems to dilute the value of the no-win scenario by suggesting that Alicorn!Twilight can do the impossible. And that would be fine, but then it suggests that Twilight can't let her one past defeat linger, even if it taught her something. That seems a bit petty of her, and the story doesn't include anything to help justify that pettiness.
Tier: Needs work
Hmm... Nice idea, this. I'm not entirely sure that what Twilight ended up doing constitutes a pass in my book though; I think the resolution needs to be more anchored to the earlier scene for it to be as satisfying as you're intending it to be.
Also, given Twilight's in-show antics, I'm not sure she's the best choice of character to use this idea on. Replace her with Starlight, and Celestia with Twilight, and you've got a much more intriguing setup on your hooves.
Thanks for sharing your work!
Also, given Twilight's in-show antics, I'm not sure she's the best choice of character to use this idea on. Replace her with Starlight, and Celestia with Twilight, and you've got a much more intriguing setup on your hooves.
Thanks for sharing your work!