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Beaten
Once upon a time, a stalwart knight sought to slay a draconequus who was, if not precisely evil, at least ambivalent on certain issues that all honorable folk found repugnant. After a grueling quest, the knight cornered the slithery creature on the dueling field, reared up and struck home with his enchanted sword, in a thrust that penetrated the heart of the beast… who shrugged, looked down at the sword protruding from his breast, pulled it out and popped it into his mouth. The astonished knight dropped to all four hooves.
As the draconequus chewed, he said, “You surely didn’t think I kept it in there, did you?”
“Kept what?” cried the knight, as his family heirloom sword was devoured.
“My heart, little fool. It’s in quite a different place,” said the beast, magical glitter drooling from his lips. He tossed the hilt at the knight and ambled away.
The knight could not let it go, seeking the truth, crossing seas and climbing mountains until at long last he stood before an ancient sage, full of years and wisdom and covered in beard.
“This ye dragonnekwis is full fell a beaste,” said the aged one, “An his heart beats naught within his breaste, as with all right-thinking folke, but a mightie distaunce away…”
“But where?” implored the knight. “And please, speak more plainly!”
The sage coughed. “A thousand leagues from here lies a mountain… deep within that mountain, there is a sunken lake, and at the center of that lake, there is an island, and at the crest of that island, there is a church, and in the center of that castle, there is a well, and inside the well is a duck, and in the duck’s nest there is an egg, and within that egg… there beats the heart of the beast!”
The knight shivered as he comprehended the vast distance, but undaunted he recrouped his flanks and set forth once more. Up and down rocky hills that cost him his steel horseshoes, across dusty plains with not even a wisp of dried grass in sight, over deep crevasses that tested his resolve over and over, he carried on, until at last his goal was in sight. He descended into the dark damp cave and when he reached the lake, so great was his thirst that he drank deep of the doubtful waters.
Rested and refreshed, he ventured across the lake upon a crude raft, and his pulse quickened as he made out the shape of the island and church through the dark haze. He leapt forth as the raft neared the shore, dashed into the church, ran to the well, disturbing the duck which quacked and fluttered around him, and reached forward, trembling, to seize the egg. It was warm and it pulsed with a regular beat. At last, he had the heart of the draconequus at his mercy!
He raised it over his head, ready to dash it to the stones, when a sudden voice breathed into his ear:
“Are you ready for this level of commitment?”
The knight yelped, jumped in the air and fumbled as the egg threatened to slip from his grasp. He wound up hugging it to his bosom as he whipped around to face the draconequus.
“So this was all a trap?” sneered the knight. “And if I dash this down, it’ll just make a rude noise, won’t it? It was all a waste of time!” The egg pulsed with a steady beat.
“A waste?” drawled the draconequus. “I should be offended. I really spent so much effort making this whole setup for you. You might say I put my heart into it… oh, don’t look so offended. Don’t call it a trap, but a test.”
The knight cocked his head oddly. “A test?”
“Yes. Mind if I get comfy?” The beast dropped into a neat coil like a gardenhose. “Anyway, little knight, you’ve dedicated years to hunting me down, with singleminded intensity. All that privation and self denial. But… you really must be interested in me, in some way, to have stuck it out like that. So I had to wonder if there was some other reason behind your obsession, and now we can find out.”
“Another reason?” scowled the knight. “What do you—” He stopped suddenly, for that long neck had snaked out as the beast placed a delicate peck on the knight’s lips.
“It’s all yours now,” said the beast, as the egg continued to throb. “Don’t drop it.”
As the draconequus chewed, he said, “You surely didn’t think I kept it in there, did you?”
“Kept what?” cried the knight, as his family heirloom sword was devoured.
“My heart, little fool. It’s in quite a different place,” said the beast, magical glitter drooling from his lips. He tossed the hilt at the knight and ambled away.
The knight could not let it go, seeking the truth, crossing seas and climbing mountains until at long last he stood before an ancient sage, full of years and wisdom and covered in beard.
“This ye dragonnekwis is full fell a beaste,” said the aged one, “An his heart beats naught within his breaste, as with all right-thinking folke, but a mightie distaunce away…”
“But where?” implored the knight. “And please, speak more plainly!”
The sage coughed. “A thousand leagues from here lies a mountain… deep within that mountain, there is a sunken lake, and at the center of that lake, there is an island, and at the crest of that island, there is a church, and in the center of that castle, there is a well, and inside the well is a duck, and in the duck’s nest there is an egg, and within that egg… there beats the heart of the beast!”
The knight shivered as he comprehended the vast distance, but undaunted he recrouped his flanks and set forth once more. Up and down rocky hills that cost him his steel horseshoes, across dusty plains with not even a wisp of dried grass in sight, over deep crevasses that tested his resolve over and over, he carried on, until at last his goal was in sight. He descended into the dark damp cave and when he reached the lake, so great was his thirst that he drank deep of the doubtful waters.
Rested and refreshed, he ventured across the lake upon a crude raft, and his pulse quickened as he made out the shape of the island and church through the dark haze. He leapt forth as the raft neared the shore, dashed into the church, ran to the well, disturbing the duck which quacked and fluttered around him, and reached forward, trembling, to seize the egg. It was warm and it pulsed with a regular beat. At last, he had the heart of the draconequus at his mercy!
He raised it over his head, ready to dash it to the stones, when a sudden voice breathed into his ear:
“Are you ready for this level of commitment?”
The knight yelped, jumped in the air and fumbled as the egg threatened to slip from his grasp. He wound up hugging it to his bosom as he whipped around to face the draconequus.
“So this was all a trap?” sneered the knight. “And if I dash this down, it’ll just make a rude noise, won’t it? It was all a waste of time!” The egg pulsed with a steady beat.
“A waste?” drawled the draconequus. “I should be offended. I really spent so much effort making this whole setup for you. You might say I put my heart into it… oh, don’t look so offended. Don’t call it a trap, but a test.”
The knight cocked his head oddly. “A test?”
“Yes. Mind if I get comfy?” The beast dropped into a neat coil like a gardenhose. “Anyway, little knight, you’ve dedicated years to hunting me down, with singleminded intensity. All that privation and self denial. But… you really must be interested in me, in some way, to have stuck it out like that. So I had to wonder if there was some other reason behind your obsession, and now we can find out.”
“Another reason?” scowled the knight. “What do you—” He stopped suddenly, for that long neck had snaked out as the beast placed a delicate peck on the knight’s lips.
“It’s all yours now,” said the beast, as the egg continued to throb. “Don’t drop it.”
