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The Long Road Home · Original Short Story ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 2000–8000
Show rules for this event
Roll D120 To Get Home
"Dammit!" Stella moved the crystal higher. No change. The runes stared back at her in their deep purple glow, laughing at her. She should have recharged the device before she set off on this stupid trip. She had plenty of time to do it. In stead she had spent half the morning texting her friend, complaining. Now she was stuck in the middle of nowhere with no reception and a voice-crystal that was at two percent charge.

The girl tapped the Crystal one last time, then put it in her pocket. So much for calling home. She looked at the horizon. An endless sea of trees continued as far as the eye could see, not a building to be seen. The way back to town was about a hundred miles—less than ten minutes by wind-carriage... if they still had one.

"Is the owl okay, Sis?" Stella's brother looked out from the passenger window of the carriage. We didn't hurt it, right?"

Didn't hurt it. Stella hissed. The thing that had crashed into them was a two hundred pound monstrosity. By all logic it shouldn't even be called an owl! Stella was still shivering at the thought of the accident—a loud hollow thump followed by the carriage spinning, then spinning out of control and scraping the ground. They were lucky to have survived. The oaf of a bird had rolled on the ground beside them, gotten up, pecked the side of the carriage, then flown away, its pea-sized mind unbothered by the event.

"It's fine." She went to the back of the carriage. Hurt it he says. That thing wrecked my ride, and he thinks he hurt it!

"What if it wasn't an owl?" another voice asked. "What if it was a level seven metamorph with a brain drain spell? It probably lured us here so its young could feast upon us. Roll D24 for spot check!"

"No way!" Stella's brother laughed. "Brain drain will never work on sis. She's brainless."

The children's laughter made Stella clench her fists. It was bad enough she had been volunteered to drive and watch over them. One afternoon at the games convention, Stella. Now hard could it be? Of course, no one had bothered ask if she had plans for the afternoon, or if she was alright with the idea. In her parents' eyes she was old enough to be considered an adult, so they dumped all the responsibilities of their son on her. And now she was stuck in the wilderness with two unbearable nerd elflings.

"Or maybe..." Her brother paused dramatically. "It's a level five human scout? He's probably out there right now, looking at us through the scope of his—"

"Flos, shut up!" Stella hissed. She looked at the carriage. There was no repairing this. The wind-flower was completely smashed, and there was now at she could find a spare here. "Get you stuff, we're going."

"We're walking to the convention?" Her brother popped his head out of the window. "It's like a thousand miles from—"

"We're not going to the convention." Stella opened the trunk. There still were a two six-packs of ale from her party two nights ago. Her mother would kill her just for having those, let alone giving them to minors. Then again, her mother wasn't here right now. "Did you pack anything to eat?"

"I have three bags of rais-n-nuts and a cherry pop." Flos' friend said almost immediately. "And an authentic hunter kit so we can get food in the wild."

Why are children so dumb? "Flos?" She took the ale from the trunk along with her backpack. There were a few things to eat there as well.

"Mom's packed lunch," he said with such disappointment that Stella almost felt pity for him. "Why aren't we going to the convention? Can't you fix the carriage?"

"Stop being an idiot." Wow, these things are heavy. The weight of the load pulled her shoulders back, making her wobble for an instant. "Let's just get home, they you can complain to mom all you want."

No protest came from Flos. Instead, Stella heard the carriage door creak open. Even the doors are busted. The elflings didn't seem to care one bit. Quietly, they got out, holding their jacks is in their hands. Stella's voice had made it clear matters were serious. Even so, they couldn't help but whisper between themselves.

Looking at them, Stella's anger shifted to guilt. They were city kids! Aestas hadn't even been to spring camp, as for her brother—she known sloths with a more active life. Neither were in condition for a three day walk through along the the road. Both were still in their teams, pale and skinny like newly born grasshoppers. Aestas was a head shorter than her without a single muscle to speak of. His father's military lineage had somehow managed to skip him completely, focusing on his two elder brothers, already in the academy, leading Stella co wonder if he wasn't adopted. Brown haired and freckled, he would make even comic geeks seems macho. As for her brother—Flos was a whole platitude of frail. Born an aether deficiency, his frail features and long red hair were a constant source of mockery, making him appear more girl than boy. Nowhere in the entire world were there two elves as unfit to be stranded beyond civilization.

"Take the food and leave everything else in the carriage," she ordered looking away. She was going to leave a note as well. With luck someone was going to fly over and notice the wreck. A single call would be enough to find them. The Rangers had adequate location spells. They were bound to find them in a matter of hours at most.

"But my first edition Firetech Corebook," Aestas complained. "It's even signed by—"

"Leave it inside," Stella said sharply. "When we get home I'll take my bike and get your trash." I really can't handle this right now.

The elflings looked at each other, then started going through their things.

"Just like the Avario campaign," Flos said, as he put three large books on the back seat of the carriage. "Stranded and forced to pick one item for the campaign. Item cannot be a weapon or weigh more than three pounds."

"Yeah, but food didn't count," his friend complained, carefully taking the treasured core book from his own backpack. Sliding his fingers across the edges of the cover, he then rubbed a patch of dirt with his sleeve and placed on the carriage floor, under the seat. "And we got to keep all our legendary items plus everything we had in the pocket dimension."

"Well we're playing legendary now." Flos' eyes lit up. "Just think about it. Stranger a week from home, without help or gear." He waved with his hand dramatically as he spoke. "The food will only last us for a day. Everything else we'll have to find on our own."

Aestas looked at him for a long silent while, then returned to rummaging through his backpack. "I'm getting my knife."

"Will you quit it?!" Stella finished the note and pinned it on the driver's seat with her brooch. This isn't one of your make-believe adventures! "We'll be cutting through Shardwood." A backpack fell on the ground, making her turn around. Both elves were staring at her, their expressions blank as the winter moon. "What?"

No one dared say a word.

"Look, I've been there several times." Stella slammed the door shut. "There's nothing scary an out it. Just watch your feet and everything will be fine."

"So it's true," Aestas whispered. "Your sister really hangs with humans."

"More than that." Flos nodded, somber expression on face. "She doesn't just hang with them... Her boyfriend is actually a human. I saw him. He came to our tree." With every word his voice become more and more quiet. "He wore a hoodie to hide his ears, but I knew. When he reached to open the door I saw his fingers covered in metal."

Deathly silence followed, only broken by the faint rumble of the leaves. Then both elflings burst out laughing.

"Idiots!" Stella said under her breath, then headed into the forest.




"Seriously, Flos? They'd be idiots to bring flamethrowers! They can only use them for like five rounds. And then what? If they set the forest on fire they'll use all their racial advantages and surprise bonuses."

Stella clenched her jaw. She had been listening to useless game trivia for the last two hours. The little monsters just didn't seem to shut up. Every ten steps they'd start discussing a new monster appearing in the forest and attacking them for no clear reason. First if was werebeasts. That had devolved into a twenty minute argument on what minerals would be most suitable against it, followed by a five minute argument where one could find such materials in a modern environment. Apparently, if Stella was suddenly attacked by werebeasts in her home, she could chase them away by using the blade of her family's coffee grinder.

Next came a discussion about elementals and sorcerers. That argument had lasted a full hour, going through all schools of magic of several game systems, and a dozen expansions. From what Stella could tell it had ended in a draw, leading to the present topic of discussion: humans.

"But you forget that human tech buried under the forest," Floc countered. "It's said that—"

"Don't you two ever shut up?" Stella snapped, turning around. "Seriously, is there something wrong with you? Level five this, level to elite that! Seriously, if one of those creatures were here he'd—" she stopped. Both were looking at her, as if she were the school principal. And great. You made me turn into my mother. "Look." She put her hand on her head with a deep sigh. "Just... It's been a crap day and we e been through alot, and I—" she stopped again. "I sound like mom, don't I?"

A smile cracked on Flos' face. Soon it was followed by a stifled chuckle from Aestas.

"Yeah, you do." Flos said. "You even did that lip thing when she's really angry."

"Uh-huh. Like when we set the room on fire playing with that magic set," Aestas nodded in agreement. "Boy, was she mad then. I thought I'd be sent to the Rangers."

"Sis does it better, though. There's a plus 2 on determination. Mom's done it so much that it's lost its edge."

"Come here, you idiot!" Stella went to her brother and ruffled his hair. "So I'm mean as mom, eh? You better not set the forest on fire to test that!"

"No way!" Flos tried to pull away, laughing. "Quartermaster 2020 finals are next month. I don't want to get grounded for those."

"Then you better behave, kiddo." Stella let him go. "You too, Aes!" She pointed at the elf. "Don't get my brother in trouble, you hear."

"Yes ma'am, no ma'am." Aestas said, giving a mock salute.

"Now that's settled I think we can rest a bit, what do you think?" Both elflings nodded, allowing Stella to mentally sigh in relief. As much as she hated to admit it, the accident had left her terrified maybe more than them. Unlike her bother and his friend, Stella had a much grimmer view of the world. The children might as well see this as an adventure of sorts, but she saw it as a nightmare. She was fully responsible for them. If something happened to either of them she would be to blame.

We'll make it. She took off her backpack, beer and all, and let it drop to the ground with a loud thump. Her blouse readjusted, peeling off her back. Two hours and she already felt like a wreck. Went to show how "efficient" her gym program was. Guaranteed to keep even a city elf in shape. In truth it was nothing but marketing and body appeal. Jogging along town lanes did nothing to prepare her for the real experience.

Whiling the sweat off her forehead, Stella took a vial of ale, twisted the cap off. The took a whiff. It tasted surprisingly good. She couldn't even feel the bitterness of alcohol. Halfway through she paused to take a breath. She was about to take another when she stopped. Both her brother and his friend were looking thirsting at her.

You have to be joking. She looked back at them, vial at her lips.

"You didn't get any drinks, did you?" She put the half full vial on the ground beside her.

"I had a cherry pop," Aestas said, emphasis on had.

"I got a lot of money." Flos looked down. "As a regular boardgame member I get thirty-five percent off. So I thought—"

A vial of ale flew in his directly, fitting him in the chest. Flos managed to catch it wish an startled "aww." Stella them tossed another to Aestas. "You did not get these from me, clear?" She asked, then finished her own. The elflings nodded.

The two hesitated for a little longer, then followed Stella's example. Aestas went first, taking a gulp that made him choke. For half a minute he went on coughing, yet refusing to let go of the vial' or get a tap on the back, after which he found a tree root to sit down on. Flos' attempt was much less exciting. He took a sip, coughed once, then took another few sips until a third of the liquid was gone. The elf then gave his friend a smug glance and sat beside him.

Kids. Stella shook her head and took another ale.

"There used to be humans in Shardwood," Aestas said all of a sudden. "My father told me once. He said that there's still tech under the trees. Some of it functional."

"Hardly," Stella muttered. "There were humans, yes, but that about the tech is crap. Tech couldn't last that long. Not in an untamed forest. Probably some metal relics here and there, nothing more."

"Sis, do you really hang out with humans?" Flos looked at her.

"What makes you say that?" She turned his direction.

"I saw one..." He swallowed. "Three months ago. Dad was getting ready for another conference, mom was watching the news as always. He came to your window."

"That was my boyfriend, you idiot."

"He had metal rings, Sis. I saw them." Flos kept staring at his sister for a while longer, then took another sip from his bottle. The effort would have had ah effect, if he hand chokes slightly in the process.

"Silver rings, you doofus! Silver!" Stella laughed. "You think that if he were a human someone else might have noticed? Out tree isn't exactly at the edge of town."

"I just know what I saw." Flos stood up. "It wasn't the first time either." He turned around. "During Equinox, when you snuck away for a moment. I saw you with him as well." He aimlessly wandered off a bit further away, keeping his back to his sister. "He was wearing a hoodie again. The only one who—" He stopped mid sentence. For several seconds he just stood there, not talking, not reacting.

"Flos?" Stella stood up. If this is another of your roleplay stunts, I'll cut off your hair!

"I think I stepped on something," her brother said, then stumbled to the ground.

Shit! Stella charged forward. Aestas continued to sit where he was, looking at events unfold in disbelief. Why did you have to do that, you idiot! She grabbed his foot. Sticking out of his sole was a rusty shard of metal. With one swift action she pulled it out.

Blood! Her face turned pale as she gazed at the shard's tip. Shardwood had thousand of them scattered under the ground. For that very reason, this section of forest was avoided. To find on uncovered, however, and step upon it—that required extreme bad luck.

"What happened to him?" Aestas came to his senses rushing to his friend.

"Idiot stepped on a shard." Stella threw it away, then started taking off her brother's shoe.

"Sorry. Did a double penalty roll there." Flos smiled weakly. "Next level must increase my perception stat."

"But it's just a piece of iron!" Aestas said in panic. "It must hurt like hel, but it can't—"

"He has aether deficiency." Stella pulled the sock off. The wound on her brother's for was small and round, almost like a puncture mark. Barely a scratch by any standard, but I his case enough to poison his blood stream. Already the skin round the wound had lost color. "Any iron could harm him. I just home there was more rust than iron."

"Hey, don't worry, my friendo." Floss tried to wave. His hand barely moved a few inches up before flopping down again.

"What do we do we do?" Aestas looked at Stella, white as a sheet. "I don't have any heal pills on me."

"Heal pills won't work." The proper thing solution was to rub some earth onto the puncture wound. That was it could at least filter some of the iron out of the blood. But in this place, there was no telling if it wouldn't do more harm than good. With metal objects being buried for hundreds of years, the soil could well high a high concentration of iron particles—the last thing Flos needed. "Aestas, get any food left from your backpacks and move it into mine. You'll be carrying the supplies."

"O-o-o-kay." The elf took a step back, then went on to do as he was told.

Stella didn't bother checking on him. Instead, she took her broker and put him on her shoulders. His torso flopped forward like a marionette. A semi-intelligible muttering came from his lips, akin to "sorry sis." Followed by another cough.

Thank the Moon for alcohol, Stella thought. This was probably the only time she was grateful she had given her brother alcohol. At worst it had helped knock him out faster, at best it had military the spread of iron in his system.

"Ready, Aestas?" She stood up. Flas was about court times as heavy as her backpack, but she felt confident she'll manage. She had to.

"Almost!" The panicked elf stashed what remained of their food into her backpack.

"Hurry up!" Stella took a deep breath. "We have to cross the forest by nightfall." She took hold of her brother's legs, tilting him forward to ensure he wouldn't fall all. "Don't worry, little brother," she said as she started forward. "We'll be home before dark. Mom and dad will call the healers and you'll be okay."

Okay. You'll be okay...




Till nightfall. Looking at their progress the last five hours, it was obvious how incredibly optimistic Stella had been. Far too optimistic for common sense. Despite her initial determination they hadn't even passed a third of the distance, possibly even a quarter. Her brother had gone in and out of consciousness several times. Whether it was the alcohol, or good fortune, he currently seemed in a good enough condition to talk. As for Aestas and Stella herself—they had resorted to breaks every hour, and even so hardly managed to keep a steady pace.

"Aestas," Stella said leaning against the trench of a tree. "We're taking a break here. Check for shards."

Taking a moment to catch his breath, the elf did as he was asked. This had become their standard practice—whenever they stopped, he'd check for shard, and remove them, then Stella would put her brother on the ground so they could rest. Usually, they'd have some food and ale, but at this point their supplies were mostly over. Her mother's lunch—the same she had prepared for Flos—was the last food they had eaten. The fact that Stella found it palatable only went to say they were getting hungrier. Technically, it was said they could survive a week without food or water. In practice she didn't think they'd manage to drag themselves out of the forest if they spend more than a day hungry. And since this was Shardwood, finding anything edible from the surrounding flora was out of the question.

"Just like Astra Seven," Flos said in a mostly coherent state. "One blind, one possessed and one wounded must make their way through the swamp. Only then will they have their wishes granted."

"That... was... a dumb... campaign." Aestas lay on the ground, breathing heavily. "The possessed was overpowered."

"So is sis," Flos laughed.

"I don't want to be the blind one! Can't I be possessed?"

"Why do you keep going on with these games?" Stella went through the backpack. Three vials of ale left. To think after the owl accident she was considering leaving one pack behind. Fine job I'm doing. Dragging kids through the forest, keeping them on raisins and alcohol. Big sister number one.

"Because it's fun?" Aestas asked, in his best troll face impersonation.

"What else is there to do, Sis?" Flos asked, hand over his eyes. Even this faint light seemed to annoy him. "Besides, just imagine. What if a Master Vampire is biting in the trees right now? He was driven here by the smells of my blood and is now biding his time, waiting for the perfect moment to strike."

"We still get to make a save five roll," Aestas joined it. "The forest affects him as well, so he must be disoriented."

"But what if he was human before he was turned?" Flos asked with a grin.

"You kids are obsessed with humans," Stella grumbled. "They exist, they are our neighbours, we don't deal much with them. That's it. This isn't VC a movie." Thinking about it all the movies she had seen were disastrously bad, even the high budget ones that hired actual human actors, the plots never made sense, the acting was over the top, and with the exception of the special effects, there wasn't anything else memorable. Also, the sex scenes were as bland as could be, possibly because the movies were distributed to a mixed audience.

Stella glanced at her brother. He seemed a bit better, but that was precisely what worried her. The effects were betting worse and worse. The only reason he seemed so coherent how was thanks to all that sugar and alcohol. Once those burned off he would crash and crash seriously.

"Their tech is wicked," Aestas said with a hint of envy. The ale had had confused had made him slightly more talkative than usual. "It's all earthbound, but it's really sweet. I saw some motorbike photos. Dad forgot to put them in the safe one evening. The thing was really wow. Water-cell based engine, carbon based polymers... you could ride it in a forest with a normal permit. What I wouldn't give for one of those."

"I'm sure it's fun." Stella took her voice-crystal out of her pocked. The runes were dim. No reception here either. Power was still two percent, do she'd have a few more chances to check.

"You're wicked cool too," Aestas went on. "Will you hang out?"

"Dude, you have a crush on my sister?" Flos groaned keeping his hand over his eyes. "That's a really jerk move. And a really bad pickup line. You'll need to roll a critical to get lucky."

"Shut up, Flos." Aestas sat up, still breathing unevenly. "You're mortally wounded. You don't understand this stuff."

That's why you never give ale to kids. Stella gave Aestas a hidden glance, then put the voice-crystal back in her pocket. Knowing him, was probably the only female he had had a normal conversation with. She didn't want to break it to him, but even if it wasn't the age difference, nerds were not her thing.

"Look, Aes, it's—" she began, only to be cut short by the sound of thunder right above them. The roar startled Aestas to his feet. Completely forgetting the topic of conversation he his eyes darted from tree to tree, searching for the source of the sound. A few seconds later a new thunder followed.

"Flash storm," Stella said, looking at the sky. For the moment only a few clouds were visible through the free branches, but soon there would be more. "Rest is over." She stood up and went to her brother. "We must find shelter before the rain starts."

"But weather-control said it'd be clear this whole week." The elf stared at the sky. His legs were trembling.

"It's the iron." Hang tight, little brother. Stella put him on her shoulders. "It's attacks freak storms. That's why wind-carriages don't fly over it."

"Right." Aestas didn't sound convinced, but he took the backpack. "Ready."

The trio moved on, picking up the pace. Every few minutes thunder would sound, like a miniature explosion in the sky. The first few times Stella would tense up, startled by the noise. After a while, it had become so common she stopped caring. The only worry on her mind was the rain. With her brother's weakened immune system, getting drenched in ice wood water was the worst things that could happen.

Every once in awhile Stella would stop and look around for a place they could use as a shelter. A cave in a hill, a hollowed tree, even an abandoned human bunker would do. And each time there would be nothing suitable. Half an hour in, the first raindrops started falling. More noise than water, they would be stopped by the trees' leaves, but it was enough to make the elves more desperate.

"Stel," Aestas said, pointing slightly to his left. "Can we go there?" Stella looked.

A fallen tree. Leafless and half rotten, it had probably been dead for decades. Its trunk was barely large enough to provide any shelter at all. At most it would save them from the rain, but not the wind. At this point, however, it was their only chance.

"Good Jon," Stella adjusted the weight of her brother on her back. "Let's hurry."

"You made a spot check." Flos' voice was more whisper than talk. Night was approaching, so the iron was starting to affect his system more. "Maybe you'll manage that Cham check after all..." His voice trailed off.

Just hang in there, you idiot! Stella gritted her teeth.

It took them a few minutes to reach the so-called shelter. The corpse of a tree was riddled with insects, but there was a spot that Stella deemed suitable. Rot had hollowed part of the trunk, making it feel as if they had placed a boat over their heads. It was a sure protection against rain, and possibly wind. The only inconvenience was the ground. Sleeping would be extremely uncomfortable.

"Bring the backpack here," Stella said. She had no intention of letting her brother touch the ground. "And give me your jacket." Sorry, Flos. It's not much of a bed, but you'll be fine.

The thunder intensified. The flashes of lightning were now bright enough to provide the only light in their makeshift shelter. For what seemed like an eternity, no one spoke, making themselves comfortable in the best way they can. The smell of rot made Stella want to puke. She might have tried to find refuge in the belly of a cat-moose.

"After this is over you can spam all your nerd boards that you've lived through the real thing," she said breaking the silence. Stay with me, guys. "living through a level S storm must be a big deal."

"There is no level S storm," Aestas said. His voice was trembling.

"There was in LoreGuide," Stella countered. The sound of movement let her know she had captured their interest. "You think I wasn't an idiot when I was young? Of course, I'd play that games. I even was a Campaign Organizer once."

"That's pretty hardcore," Aestas' voice sounded a little louder. "I didn't think anyone could play LoreGuide. It was so full of bugs..."

"I know," Stella laughed. "The original one was so bad than my ex had to practically rewrite the entire thing. The only thing we kept was the setting. Flos tried to join in once. He must have been five. Of course, he was more interested in the dice back then. Tried to eat them every chance he got. I really hated him for it." She felt strange talking about her nerdy days, especially in front of them. It was an awkward moment of her life. "I bet you feel all vindicated now, eh?"

No answer, not even the sound of shuffling fabric.

"Guys?" Stella asked again. She could hear the rain intensify, but not a sound from them.

"Sorry, Stel," Aestas gave a yawn. "I'm listening... I'll just close my eyes for a sec..."

Thank the Moon! She sighed in relief. "Aes, can you just check if Flos is doing okay?"

"I can hear him snoring," the elf replied.

I'll take that as a yes. At this point it was the only thing she could do.

"Sleep well, guys," Stella whispered. She closed her eyes as well, but no sleep came. The single thought that plagued her keeping her awake was how many of them would wake up in the morning.




"Morning, idiots," Stella said. She hadn't slept a blink during the entire night. The storm had raged four hours then vanished completely, just as suddenly as it had appeared. And in the quiet of night, Stella had thought back on everything that had led up to the carriage accident. Dark thoughts had consumed her almost completely.

The first rays of light had brought fear. Stella had quickly gone to check on her brother. The unforgivable had crossed her mind. She she heard breathing, she had felt relieved, as if someone had taken the weight of the world off her shoulders.

"My head..." Aestas groaned, slowly readjusting his body. "Who's idea was this?"

"Don't do alcohol, kids." Stella gently lifted the torso of her brother. He was still sleeping soundly. "Now you know why. Aes, grab his legs. I want to move him into the open."

Fresh air, at last! less than a foot away, it felt like an entirely different place—no more stench of mold, no more insects crawling over them, they could even stretch without fear of hitting wood.

The air was slightly chilly after the storm. Stella's mother would call it "fresh." She would define it as freezing. Possibly that had to do with half their clothes being used to make a bed for her brother. Leaning him safely on the side of the fallen trunk, she grabbed her jacket and put it on.

"Your sneak action sucks," Flos grumbled, coming to. A bit of color had returned to his face, though there still were dark circles round his eyes.

"If you don't like my campaign, go home." She checked her voice-crystal again. No reception, as usual.

"He'll probably botch the roll if he tried!" Aestas stretched, his body crackling like popcorn. "Anything left to eat?"

Stella looked at him, then at her brother. Both were dirty with sweat and dirt, closer to animals than elves. And yet, under all that grime, their naive cluelessness shined through. You idiots lived through a carriage crash, were stranded in the middle of nowhere, got caught in a flash storm in Shardwood, one of you nearly died or iron poisoning, and you still treat this as a game?! She put her hands on her hips, the finally shook her head. I wish I could be a child again.

"Ages, throw me the backpack." Gestured to him.

"Nice try," the elf snorted. "I calculated the food as we walked. We only have a vial of beer left."

"Just give it here," she laughed. Confused, the elf obeyed. Stella grabbed it and looked inside. Unbuttoning a side compartment, she took out a small nylon packet and opened it. "Enjoy." She threw a candy bar to each of them, leaving one for herself.

"What the..." Aestas stared at it, as if it were out of this world.

"Power bar." Stella unwrapped it and took a bite. "Processed sugar and chocolate. Sweet and unhealthy as hel. Will give you a bit of energy, though."

"But that's..."

"Human food," she finished the sentence. The time for caring has passed. "My boyfriend is a human. He never came to the house, though." She looked at her brother taking another bite. He didn't say a word. "He's not military. Just an engineer wannabe. Lives in border town." The silence continued. "Nothing to say?"

"Sis, I..." Flos looked at the candy bar, then back at her. He didn't open it. "Do mom and dad know?"

"Nope." Stella put the wrapped in her pocket.

"Are you going to tell them?" Now it was her turn to remain quiet. She walked to him, looked him in the eye, then ruffled his hair. This time he didn't laugh. "I see."

"So, you guys ready to go on?" Stella moved away. "I think we've passed more than half the way. A bit more and we reach the top. From then on it's a breeze. Who knows?" She looked over her shoulder. "I might even get reception and call mom." The faintest of smiles appeared on Flos' face. "Think you can walk?"

The elf tried to stand up. His body was still struggling with the effort, but some help from his friend he managed. Stella nodded. all three of the, had come a long way from the crash. In some ways maybe they were better off because of it? Maybe the spiritual nonsense about nature guides and fate fixers wasn't as much crap as Stella thought it was? Or ,Abe she was just thankful all of them were alive.

"Let's go then," she urged. "Unless you want to rest a bit more?"

"I'm good," her brother replied. "Aes?" His friend nodded silently. "Roll D120 to get home?" He looked at his sister expectantly.

"Idiot." Stella turned around and headed forward. If she was right about their progress, they could probably make it to the edge of town by noon. With luck she'd be able to call her parents earlier. Behind her the elflings had started another argument, this time about hybrid races.

Roll D120 to get home, guys, she thought, amused by the notion. Just roll D120.
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DISCLAIMER! I play Dungeons and Dragons!

So this one was interesting. A futuristic medieval scene that doesn't seem to following the original medieval fantasy game. Which has influenced many games, books, and movies! Such examples are World of Warcraft, Harry Potter, and Magic The Gathering! Now that aside. Let's just say this world we read about does not follow this fantasy trend. It's well done but certain elements hint at the knowledge of the author not really knowing how to bond with his reader's interests. So it becomes stale and almost seems insulting to my point of view knowing the world I love to pretend myself in is turned about in such a way that it's actually confusing with as hardcore of a nerd as I am.

POSITIVES
Imagination-Boy you really took out the stops on your own imagination on this one. Distant lands, air travel, Elves, and power bars. Makes it feel like an episode of a certain steampunk animation show where everyone rode motorcycles. Now I love the steampunk feeling of this while adding in a mix of the fantasy world we've come to know growing up as kids. It really did hit on tender spots in my heart seeing such references to the ever famous boardgame of Dungeons and Dragons while also keeping your own ideas original such as the overgrown owl, which wasn't a druid of some sorts, and the Shardforest, which felt like a Pherrexian land card from an old edition of Magic the Gathering. Now that being said, why were some of them so silly that it just didn't actually connect with me? Great little easter eggs here and there coupled with a journey story that would easily melt my heart if it were not for the wrong amount of sides for a die or made up monsters rules situations. Then again D&D was always a game with no limitations. So truthfully. It just didn't feel like I wanted in on this world or game for myself.

Events-The flow of the disasters coming from one after the other gave the story a nice kick. It made me feel for these Elves in their endeavors. The crash into the poisoning and then to the sudden storm. Must be plain bad luck but it just seems to still turn into a great read. Now the events were nice but I don't think the characters actually fit well with it. Elves usually are more in tune with nature than other races and most of them actually harvest from the very Earth as a natural part of their lives. So it's strange that these Elves had much difficulties living in the wild. This story does hint at the current economy of this world. From motion pictures, manufacturing of boardgames and video games along with production of energy bars. Which can show how this race has lost their touch with their more primal aspects. Either way I'm not buying it and it just feels weird.

NEGATIVES
Setting-The pairing of an unusual race getting lost in the woods while being a race who's natural habitat is that of an open world mixing in with some steampunk elements and a PG-13 movie that involves teen mischief and nerd comedy. There are a lot of tags to this story and it just really throws me off. I for one think there is too many elements mixed into this piece and found it distracting to think that one thing has to go into the other because of reasons. Maybe if I got to know the history of this place more I would be more immersed into it, but for now we don't have that luxury. So the chances of these things not fitting with one another is pretty high. It makes the story more intricate than it needed to be right from the start and affected the entire read for me.

Premise-Convention trip gone wrong with a young adult and two minors? Check. Add natural disasters in the wild and limited supplies? Check! Good elements to a a great story that can easily keep me entertained and makes me stick to the page. Now add steampunk elements along with a medieval world and add some Dungeons and dragons while also imitating the world of Dungeons and dragons in it? Um. Okay what just happened? I think somewhere along the lines you had difficulties choosing what you wanted in this story and mixed up a couples of things because you wanted to do one thing and ended up making something else. I loved the world the characters are in. How the world works. even as confusing as it was to read it was captivating enough to have me sit down and finish the read on this story. If the character weren't lost I would have loved to learn more about this world by itself.

Not a bad read. I slammed my forehead a couple of times from the references so I can't say I enjoyed it to the fullest extent. Maybe I missed something or I can't seem to grasp what the author is providing me in terms of a story. This is the problem for going a fantasy route. You take one world and you need to make it adaptable to another person's perspective. Especially if its highly influential like Dungeons & Dragons is. That is unless it's explained in said piece that certain things are different due to certain circumstances. We didn't get that so the sky the limit. Or in this case so is the line for logic. This piece tended to go one way and then another. Even it's own words argued with how long the three were gone. The whole trek took a day and a half while the initial intro gave the distance to 3 days time. Add in the incidents and you get even more time lost for traveling. I just didn't undertsand a lot in this story and that hurt my experience with it.
#2 ·
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Behind her the elflings had started another argument, this time about hybrid races.

Definitely not a creepy thing to talk about just after your sister revealed she's in a mix-raced relationship. Nope, not at all.

Anyway. I like fantasy settings, and this is an interesting one. The little glimpses of this universe you gave us painted a very colorful scene.

I guess my biggest issue is the lack of resolution. Okay, Stella admits she has a human boyfriend and that she used to be nerdy like her brother and his friend are. But in the end we don't even find out if they'll make it out of the forest alive! Will they make it home? How will Stella's parents react when they find out what happened? And how will they react once they find out about Stella's human boyfriend?

Echoing Remedy's thoughts, it does feel like the episode of a show, but only the first half of a two-parter.
#3 ·
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Gonna start out my slate-plus-one by reading the RPG-titled one, because I am a huge dork.

… And before I say anything else, I'm just going to note that it's a little more obvious than usual that this is a first draft, and possibly written on a phone to boot. There are a lot of incorrect words in ways that suggest the cruel hand of AutoCorrect. Take heart: while that's going to draw a fair bit of notice from your readers, that's also a very simple problem to fix. And more generally, while there are some real problems here to iron out, I think a lot of them are easily amenable to editing. That you wrote so many words against the headwinds of not just time but technology — in a round where a lot of authors seemed to struggle with the prompt, no less — is really worth celebrating.

So I'm going to try glossing over the small stuff and talk about how this fares as a story. It struggled to engage me, I'm sorry to say, and the biggest reason is that this lacks cohesion. This is a story about an elf whose cell phone magicrystal runs out of battery magic power after a car wind-carriage crash when she's driving her younger brother to a tabletop gaming convention tabletop gaming convention, complete with six-packs of beer and literal Powerbars in their supplies, and then suddenly they hike from this Earth-with-the-names-changed urban fantasy world into the Shardwood, where the ruins of an ancient human civilization may or may not be located, and iron is scattered all around which disrupts the weather management and creates wildstorms. It was more than a little disorienting lurching from Smeerp Earth into a world with its own unique physics. I'd have loved to see more things like the Shardwood to give this its own identity — but right now, its inclusion just feels to me like it makes all of the earth-with-crazy-names parts stand out all the more. I mean, look at the contrast between these two paragraphs, both talking about things which openly coexist side by side in the world:

"Their tech is wicked," Aestas said with a hint of envy. The ale had had confused had made him slightly more talkative than usual. "It's all earthbound, but it's really sweet. I saw some motorbike photos. Dad forgot to put them in the safe one evening. The thing was really wow. Water-cell based engine, carbon based polymers... you could ride it in a forest with a normal permit. What I wouldn't give for one of those."

"I'm sure it's fun." Stella took her voice-crystal out of her pocket. The runes were dim.


Meanwhile, the whole thing is peppered with running gaming commentary by the kids, which really doesn't help for me since it contributes to a mixing of the meta-levels. You're invoking the trope of kids geeking out over a RPG — which (see e.g. the recent MLP episode) trope-ically involves losing themselves in a fantasy world full of things that don't exist in their reality — but their game is full of "level five human scouts" and flamethrowers, when humans and militaries and modern technology are literally things that exist and are visible from their house. Don't make your D&D-like fantasy RPGs out of documentaries — make it out of myths! And that would require that some things remain mythical in your world, rather than everything existing side-by-side.

So, yeah. While you're editing this, it could use a good de-cluttering. This is a concept I really wanted to like — an inversion of gaming nerds getting lost in a fantasy world, by having fantasy-world gaming nerds geek out over things we find mundane — and it had a few nice worldbuilding touches like the Shardwood and the (surprisingly well foreshadowed) aether deficiency. But in the hasty assembly, it doesn't feel like it's coming through yet.

Tier: Needs Work
#4 ·
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Apparently, if Stella was suddenly attacked by werebeasts in her home, she could chase them away by using the blade of her family's coffee grinder.


I'm going to be sad if this isn't foreshadowing.

...and I'm sad.

Well, I did like what you were doing with the setting, I think, although I was pretty sold on the 'humans are mythical' before it was 'lol no I'm dating one'. I'm not entirely sure what the climax of this story was; I guess when they got caught in the storm? The whole thing seems a bit diffuse to me. I don't think you got enough mileage out of the jargon for the amount you've put in there.

Intriguing, but not amazing.
#5 ·
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I'm not qualified to comment on the grammar, other than some minor inconsistencies that Hat pointed out.

It was an odd juxtaposition between modern and magi-tech. I did like the story, though it felt like it was oddly fast paced.
#6 ·
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Enjoyed - Roll D120 To Get Home — A- — Elves role-playing. (snerk) Evil auto-correct strikes thither and yon. A pleasant mix of mythical and high-tech, much like a Traveler game at times. It’s nice to know even the elves forget to plug in their spellphones occasionally (sorry). The little brothers are annoying, but that’s ok as they are *supposed* to be annoying little bothers… I mean brothers. Really a fun read, particularly for RPG geeks such as I. And also better than mine, darn.